How do you stay emotionally detached?

I joined the site a couple months ago and I'm having MAJOR difficulties trying to keep feelings out of these cuddling relationships. I know I've annoyed guys who literally want a total physical experience without ANY emotional crap but what if you aren't cut out that way? I have no delusions of permanent relationships (I'm already in one) or happily ever after (now certain this is an irrational ideation). But I can't figure out how do this without shared spiritual warmth, mutual nuturing, and a deep bond of friendship. I'm obviously on a different page in a different book. What was supposed to bring a little joy into my life has brought some demoralizing pain. Maybe i just don't understand how this should work. =(

gaarakenpachi

I have the opposite problem, I have a tough time becoming attached to anything, so I guess that makes me an expert in staying detached. My philosophy is to not view interactions as positive or negative, I think that's part of the core which keeps me from attaching to people. Since I don't view interactions with them as either good or bad, I'm not really affected either way if she yells at me for no reason, or gets me a really awesome birthday present.

Horrible life advice incoming:
As some actionable advice I would say be more critical of his/her interactions, ask why he/she isn't more perfect, not good advice in general, but hopefully a good way to prevent/mitigate emotional attachment. It might also help to imagine that he/she is unfaithful or does gross things when you're not around, keeping these imaginations in perspective enough so that you don't actually believe they're real but they still affect your subconscious emotional opinion of him/her. Do note that I don't actually practice any of these things, I just figure they might help to keep you on the ground rather than flying off to cloud 9.

Hope there is a tidbit or 2 in there worth reading. Cheers.

Thanks for posting, gaarakenpachi. I am just happy to see an answer: good, bad, or indifferent! So are you saying that the cuddle recipient is the equivalent of something inanimate? Like pretend you're spooning a rolled up blanket or something? Or just pretend they really aren't worthy of your feelings? I am too sensitive to do either. If I misunderstood you, I apologize. I am so conflicted about this. And based on the lack of posts, I'm guessing I'm not alone. Thanks for trying to help me sort it out.

Dream Girl,

I don't think that you can solve this problem by trying to suppress the very things that mean the most to you. A much more satisfying solution would be to find a compatible cuddle buddy.

I am working hard at it, SnugglersCove. Believe me! ; )

AutumnCzun

I'm with SnugglersCove here. I don't think you can change the way your feelings develop after cuddling. It's part of your personality after all. And even if you could train yourself to see the negative in your cuddle buddy, what good would this do for you?

SnugglersCove does offer good advice. I am overly trusting and because of that I've had some ugly encounters throughout my life starting with being sexually abused as a child by a trusted family friend's teenage son. But despite that,  I don't stop looking for the good in people and I realize some people hurt you because it is all they know how to do because they were hurt at some point too. But you know,  all the hurt I've suffered for trusting the wrong people is well worth all of the beautiful human beings I've been blessed to have in my life and they too were the result of opening my heart.