How to find enthusiasts who want something platonic

RainbowZebraSam

I've had several cuddle buddies over the last few years (male, female and agender) but I've honestly had trouble finding people who want something genuinely platonic. As an aromantic and asexual person, I'm really not looking for a romantic partner or sexual relationship. I feel like when I meet enthusiasts, they are often so flattered that someone would want to cuddle them that they get excited and want more.

I've had this issue with women as well as men - a large percentage of people seem to really struggle with separating cuddling from romance. I don't blame people but it's super frustrating for me. I try to be up-front about my boundaries but I think part of the issue is, a lot of people only want to cuddle people they find attractive (or who are of the gender they are attracted to). Any thoughts on this? Why don't people want to cuddle people they are not attracted to?

Has anyone had success finding cuddle buddies as an enthusiast, where it has remained totally platonic and the other person hasn't wanted something more? It's not so much that people disrespect my physical boundaries or do anything non-consensual, but you can often tell that people want something like a dating relationship based on the things they say. And often they move on if it doesn't turn romantic as they originally hoped.

I almost wonder whether I would have to get certified as a professional cuddler to have long-term cuddle buddies that stay genuinely platonic, and this saddens me. It just seems like when there's no money being exchanged, people have a hard time keeping romantic feelings out of it.

JCat

When two people meet, no one ever knows what might happen. Connections can be made that are especially electric or something far less than that. One never knows. There are articles about is it natural for a dance student to become attracted to his or her dance instructor? Regardless of the energy or tensions or attraction or connection, respect is a must, understanding is a must, and expecting nothing but the rules is a must. What happens when two people actually meet, one cannot predict but enjoy the connections, respect, rules and the fellowships.

RainbowZebraSam

I guess it just seems to me that, if people really want something platonic, they should choose someone they are not attracted to or someone of the gender they are not usually interested in. It seems like most people actually want a dating relationship out of it.

@RainbowZebraSam: That. All of that. I do not understand why most people seem to be deliberately seeking out cuddle buddies they're sexually attracted to, when there are so many other kinds of perfectly lovely attraction out there. Personally, I favor intellectual attraction, but finding somebody you'd be happy to just look at forever is very nice, too.

RainbowZebraSam

I totally agree with you @DarrenWalker. It makes me think that 98% of the people who use websites like this are dishonest and disingenuous about their real intentions. If they truly wanted platonic cuddles, they would choose people they are not attracted to. It makes the whole platonic cuddling movement look like a sham.

Even those who use the services of professional cuddlers often seem to want something that is like a pretend or fantasy romantic relationship - for instance, men who want to just cuddle with young, attractive women. How much of this is people just seeking validation from the opposite sex, rather than genuine platonic friendship and connection?

I would rather people be honest with themselves and just use regular dating sites, than pretend to want something they don't just to "get a foot in the door" or gain some validation. But I suspect a lot of people who end up here are those who haven't had success with dating, so they figure this is the best they can do.

However, I'm not here because this is my "Plan B" or some kind of last resort since I can't get a date. I see platonic friendships and cuddle buddy connections as inherently valuable, in and of themselves. It irritates me when people seem to view it this way.

ColouredCrayons

I think that the cuddle community is like any other community. There are people who are more true to the ideal than others. Additionally we say platonic cuddling as a label for what type of interaction we are trying to have. I believe everyone has a slightly different idea of what that means to them and how they express it. Best bet would be to speak with people and ask what platonic cuddling means to them and what they are looking to get out of it. If you're just looking for touch it shouldn't matter who is doing it but I think a lot of people are looking for emotional and intellectual connection. For me, cuddling is so much more than just skin on skin contact so it does matter who they are. Also it's possible that there are people don't know if they are actually capable of platonic cuddling. It's a great idea but not everyone is cut out for it and maybe it might take some time for people to realize what they are actually looking for.

calineur

@RainbowZebraSam, @DarrenWalker

When I purchase food to eat, while healthy is a consideration, the decision is made based primarily on good flavor.

As a paying client of cuddling services, I am selective of the cuddler based on appearance as well as other factors that yes, would qualify her as attractive. Still platonic, but the ones that I choose I might actually date in a different world. If I don’t do that, then there is no enjoyment for me. And if I will not enjoy it, then no cuddling happens.

As far as an enthusiast cuddler, I did meet with one from CuddleComfort. She was married as well, so we both wanted to keep it platonic.

Lorelei

I remember trying to defend one friend's aromantic status to another person trying to date them because they thought they were in love with her... but then they ended up together even though she's still aromantic... and they've agreed they're not in love, but that they're staying together anyway and that she's still their girlfriend, so.... ... xD I'm just given up trying to understand people, frankly.

TheFunCartel

The minute you understand people is the moment life becomes dull.