Can't Take The Plunge

MikeinDavis

So, I joined a year and a half ago and I haven't cuddled yet. My goal was always to seek out a pro cuddler. I get regular massages, so this should be like booking a massage, right? But it's not. It's WAY more intimate, albeit platonic.

Cuddling a non-pro is a DEFINITE no-go for me. It's WAY too much pressure to meet someone's expectations. With a pro, I may be a disappointing cuddle, but she's being compensated for her time.

I've been approached by a few Pros, after I clicked on their profiles. All have been extremely sweet and very polite. They all seem like genuinely safe, compassionate, healer-types who I'd enjoy cuddling. But I can't seem to do it.

Yes, I am painfully shy and I don't get close to people (childhood stuff) but this is ridiculous. I'm essentially hiring a contractor to do some work, right? Yes, it's a big job, the house is older, the electric is not up to code, and the supports have dry rot, but professionals are used to dealing with that stuff, right? 

Any tips to overcome my resistance? Other than "just cowboy up and do it, bro".  I can't be the only guy in this situation. And I think cuddling might be really good for me.

Mike

UKGuy

It doesn't have to be 'way more intimate' that getting a massage. After all you will be fully dressed, and if you want, the cuddling could just be holding hands while watching a movie. Maybe you could meet the person first for coffee to get comfortable with them before you commit to cuddling.

MissAdventurous

Not everyone is going to be someone's cup of tea. ? Just like a therapist, or someone you confide in, and be vulnerable with, can be hard to find or attempt to as it can be overwhelming all on its own.

You seem like a conscious person who's cognition may be telling you something if you're seeking advice.

My advice? Take the plunge! Least you'll know. And it is always better to know. ? Good luck, and please don't hesitate to message me.

Hello. If I may... I don't know what you believe would happen in a cuddle session but I wonder if perhaps some of your assumptions or expectations are getting in the way? I don't know. I don't know you. In case it is and to piggyback on what UKGuy is saying- Cuddling can be as simple as a slump into each other's shoulders on the couch or on a bench in the park. It can be foot tangles as you both read books on opposite ends of the couch. Cuddling can be linking pinkies while window shopping. It can even be sitting back to back on a blanket in the park or your living room and you don't even have to talk to each other. Cuddling doesn't have to be full body, highly intense, hugely intimate endeavor. It's up to you.

But, yes, I'd say just do it. Be careful and care-filled with yourself as you choose a cuddle buddy but trust your gut and go for it.

pmvines

You are ultimately going to do what you feel comfy with regardless of what anyone suggests. All i can say is you dont know til you try. Whats the worst that can really happen? If it isnt your thing you will know to not do it again. But a year and a half is a very long time to spend making up your mind about whether or not to do something.

respectful

@MikeinDavis

" this should be like booking a massage, right? But it's not. It's WAY more intimate, albeit platonic"

Before my first cuddle I had a lot of concerns about how to deal with potential romantic feelings and so on. But it turned out not to be an issue. The existence of "platonic affection" was an awesome discovery.

"I may be a disappointing cuddle"

I really doubt that! And even if all you did with a professional was to receive, that would be OK too. It sounds like you are feeling a lot of pressure to perform, but that's entirely unnecessary.

"I've been approached by a few Pros, after I clicked on their profiles. All have been extremely sweet and very polite. They all seem like genuinely safe, compassionate, healer-types"

You actually sound like an ideal client I think; you are here for the right reasons and would obviously benefit a lot from touch.

"I'm essentially hiring a contractor to do some work, right? Yes, it's a big job"

Cuddling doesn't fix everything, but it certainly can be therapeutic. I don't think they would see you as someone to "fix", just someone to give to.

Chocolatetreat

Start with a non pro

cease2exist

Put down a deposit. That's a fine way to force your own hand off you hate losing/wasting money.

calineur

@MikeinDavis
Some thoughts:
1. Talking on the phone with her first might be helpful.
2. As @UKGuy said, Meet her first in a public place and chat over coffee, a meal, et cetera, and do something public first, such as watch a movie together, and start out with holding hands.
3. I actually was introduced to cuddling by my favorite massage therapist. Of course that required an extra high level of familiarity, trust, and perhaps not being aware of the rules - if indeed they exist - but I came to enjoy it much more than the massage.

casueno

Mike, I always say the easiest way to make change is baby steps. It is why we don't give swim lessons by dumping people in the water. Although 1970's parenting says differently...ha!
So, see your pro for like 15 minutes of hand holding. Or just sit shoulder to shoulder.....side by side. Explain to your pro you need to go slow. If you start to panic, sweat etc step away stare out the window & decide if you want to continue....ideally they are supportive of your needs...if not...they are not the right person!!!

JohnfromVienna

I've cuddled with a few people from this site. I think the only expectation they had was to hold someone. Humans are designed to love each other. Just be sweet and gentle with them. Run your fingers through their hair. Grab ahold of of their hair near their scalp and pull firmly. Run your fingers down their back. Massage their necks. Ask them if it's too hard. Some people like it really hard. Entwine your fingers and legs with theirs - there's something incredibly intimate about that. You'll learn from each experience and get better and better at it. You can share things with each other that you can not with others. Enjoy every sensation and feel love in your heart when you're with them. You have this amazing power to make them feel safe and good, and there are lonely girls out there who need you. You're like a superman who sits at home while there's crime on the streets. Get out there and love 'em, tiger!

ubergigglefritz

@MissAdventurous is right in that finding the right fit for you is imperative, just like a therapist. I am very sensitive to authenticity, so I know I would be incredibly picky in looking for a professional, but when I found one, they would be worth every penny.

I think @daylightsdream is misinterpreting your use of the word "intimate". Cuddling is HIGHLY intimate usually because of the conversation (my clients are often in a safe non-judgmental space for the first time in a very long time, so they typically will let a lot out that they've been holding in for way too long). But in addition, because this industry is so very new, someone can feel vulnerability (and some intimacy) just by merely asking for the service. It's tough to ask for this kind of help. I have seen people who have taken MONTHS to finally inquire (so over a year is really not outside my realm of understanding). Bravo to you for realizing the need and the value in a professional. I wish you were closer, or somewhere I could plan a trip

@respectful is right also. You sound like an absolute ideal client. I hope you can drop some pressure from yourself. An amazing cuddle client for me is someone who really understands (and needs, whether they realize it or not) the therapeutic benefits, respects my boundaries, and is authentically and genuinely there for the services I provide. For me, this is my drive for purpose in life, so being there for someone who needs me, and who later feels residual benefits from our session, THAT is what keeps my heart warm from day to day

I disagree with @Chocolatetreat and would NOT recommend starting with a non-pro. Though I do sincerely hope you can find a solid awesome amazing professional near you (not all are; sorry). I think seeing a non-professional is great for people who are really just looking for fun (AND who are lucky enough to find a non-pro both available and interested). It sounds like, if nothing else, you could really benefit from that safe accepting space that a GOOD professional provides. You aren't guaranteed to get that with a non-pro and they could even end up causing more damage to you (and be cautious in selecting a professional also).

I'm so jealous of the professionals near you. You are exactly who I want to have as clients over here on the east coast I'm all about that safe space of acceptance and nurturing touch. My heart is aching in hopes that you can find your safe place. Sending good vibes... Remember that you are worthy.

TouchIsTLC

@ubergigglefritz

Some of us on the west coast wish you were her too! Your kindness and sincerity pours out with your words. Luckily there are a few pros here that also convey the kindness and purity of intent you do as well (in private convos) - I just haven't seen it so openly professed on the boards yet. Thank you for setting an impeccable standard for "GOOD" pros to follow - something I think your friends/Karma backup 100%

MissAdventurous

I wish @ubergigglefritz was over here too, haven't talked with her personally one on one, but I always appreciate her comments in the forum. ????

ubergigglefritz

Wow. Feeling the love big time ? Busy today with dentist and networking meetings, but I'll reply more fully once I'm at the computer. Thanks so much!!!

Knud

When the time feels right for you, you'll go. Respect your own boundaries. Tell yourself that you can withdraw, leave, speak up, at any moment. It'll only be as intimate as you allow it to be.
You can practice that. During one cuddle party session we did a fantastic exercise. One person would ask a question (I. E. Do you like chocolate?) and during the first round we'd always answer "no", during the second round always "yes" - we'd practice whether what we say is actually in line with how we feel. In the last round we answered how we actually felt.
We know in our guts what we want or not. Trust your gut when right now, no matter how much you want it in general, it doesn't feel right.

PantherCuddles

If you're seeing a pro, it's their job to offer platonic affection to you; it's not your job to give them anything other than paying the fee. In other words, if you want to be small spoon the entire time, that's your prerogative as customer. So you need not worry about what you contribute if you see a pro. On the flip side, you're perfectly at liberty to give all and not receive. You're perfectly at liberty to be big spoon the entire time if you so desire.

PantherCuddles

That being said, never book a session at the last minute, or you will likely receive subpar service. There are some things that should be communicated in advance. For example, if you are perfume sensitive, you should discuss that before finalizing the session.