Respect. Professional Cuddlers: your thoughts are welcomed

Lovelight

I think it is important to take time to understand one another.

Having come across a post saying: "... By the way... Pros are excluded from this, because they do it for money anyway."

I thought I give you Pros, and anyone this chance to say your thoughts on that quote.

Alternatively, you may answer: Why you became a professional Cuddler?

Maybe this discussion was had before, in which case, feel free to link the thread for it [if you have]. Share your thoughts if you like, and are comfortable.

Anybody that cuddled with Pro(s), you can share your experience, as well. If you were happy with, not so happy, etc.

I appreciate your thoughts, and let's keep this respectful, welcoming.

Ooh, interesting. Hmm.

I tend to see things in terms of equivalent exchange: people give because they expect to get. In the case of a non-pro cuddle, both sides give warmth and companionship in exchange for warmth and companionship. But what if you don't have a whole lot of comfort to give—what if your emotional cup is empty?

Pros are good for that. A pro doesn't necessarily expect to go away from a cuddle feeling recharged and happy. There is a certain amount of joy in giving to others, but not always enough to make the exchange equivalent. Money, humanity's standard medium of exchange, can be used to make up the difference so both sides end up balanced even though the client's getting more warmth and care than the pro is.

That's how I'm inclined to see the basic idea of pro cuddling, anyway.

Lovelight

@DarrenWalker that is understandable. As a non-pro, these are my thoughts: it also provides people more comfort in knowing professionals need to adhere to being more accepting of others, regardless of their: age, physique, race, etc.

To be able to see more people, and travel far they also need to have that financial support and as well as some for their personal needs. [I can understand as you said, there being more focus on the client. Where the lack of focus on them [when they don't need the focus themselves] being made up for with money.] Or if they host, things they might provide to their clients, and the time they take out.

Like with any profession, there would be some who just do for the money and don't care to help clients feel at ease. Though, they don't represent everyone, and I think there are ways to help combat that, as well. I think professionals bring value to the lives of people who can pay, and are in their vacinity.

This site also gives us much more than so MANY other sites. So, that is something we need to be quite thankful for.

I think part of the actual frustration is the concept of platonic cuddling/campanionship not, yet being as popular/understood/accepted, and followed. Some of that it is what it is. Some of it we can help raise awareness in whichever ways each of us can. Though, we also need to welcome one another, more.

In conclussion, it's not all that different from paying for massage, either. Or any other services we need in life. When you find someone that you connect well/mutually with without paying, then cool! Otherwise, professionals are there for people who like/are okay with. I think one of the things that matters most is if they are a kind person, and help you feel comfortable. Giving money to someone who is friendly/supportive/etc. does not desolve their kindness/etc.

cuddlygirlhugs

Anyone allowing you to be in their space genuinely and being vulnerable sharing intimate Cuddle moments should be respected. Period!

Lovelight

@cuddlygirlhugs for sure! ?

PlushandPerfect

Exactly @DarrenWalker as a pro i make it my goal to focus on the person I am cuddling and not my own needs or wants. I never judge and as long as everything is appropriate and follows the guidelines I never reject a clients request. I'm a shoulder to vent about traumas/secrets/drama without ever asking to be heard myself, I'm someone to talk to them about my day if they just want to hear someones voice. The getting a massage analogy is perfect because when you pay a masseuse to give you a massage you aren't expected to give one back to them. You are just wanting to be treated and cared for without any expectation of reciprocating that same care back. Some people also have high social anxiety or PTSD and need an extremely judgement free zone. And (of coarse excluding guidlines/safety and rules) i will NEVER reject someones request, underweight/overweight, light/dark skin, lgbtq+, female,male,nonbinary, old/young, mentaly/physically disabled i see all as people needing physical touch and i am willing to provide to any and all of them.

UKGuy

@PlushandPerfect - Many men get as much satisfaction from giving as receiving; we don't just yearn to be cuddled, we also yearn to cuddle and we would prefer someone who also needs that. Of course if someone is happy to just lie back and be the recipient that's fine for them, but we aren't all like that.

garrablanca

@UKGuy well said.

I love to cuddle. I enjoy bringing peace, relaxation & comfort to those I cuddle with. I wasn't initially a pro when I first found Cuddle Comfort..but due to personal. & stressful strains... I need to have supplemental financial help. I understand how times are & do offer discounts - but want those I cuddle with to not think that although I have a fee for cuddling, that it makes my feelings towards cuddling any less important. Cuddling is what this is all about. Providing that connection that we all need as human beings. Cuddling is the best stress reducer around.

garrablanca

@Lovelight
Just a few things to say...
1.- yeah is good to discuss any idea but.
2.- It will be fair if you also attach the post that is related to the comment.
3.- Anyway either way, I don't see why you have to feel offended to the point to feel compelled to ask for respect, I do respect all the Pros here you all are just trying to do an extra money, and that's perfectly fine.
4.- but no matter the reason that you can drag under the spotlight here to argue that you also have feelings, the relationship between a client and a Pro... Is not the same as those who are finding themselves struggling to meet that perfect non-pro cuddle buddy.
So you pros are excluded because at the end, no matter if it was a good or a bad cuddle session you will end up wining something that the other side don't.
5.- nevertheless I'm not saying you pro buddys don't have your own difficulties, but please let's no mix apples with pears.
6.- Yes you have the right to complain, but as a Pro and under that terms, that's fair and you should not feel offended because of this.

Have a great day you all.

Lorelei

"because they do it for money anyway."

I was never fond of this kind of dismissive cynicism toward any job.

You could say this phrase "because they do it for money anyway" about literally any profession where you make money. Doctors, Nurses, Firefighters, Cops, Soldiers; and, sorry, but that money, however much or little, does not negate the fact that, A, there are thousands of jobs you could do instead, B, there are multiple personal risks to all of these jobs that make it something not everyone would dream of doing, and C, it is exhausting to do it.

I say this more often as a nurse than as a professional cuddler, but I can say it as both: I could've been anything, but I chose to do this, not because I wanted a paycheck, but because if I HAVE to make a living--and I do--then I want to spend that time helping other people and feeling good about what I do.

Also, kindly don't assume I'm exaggerating. Being a cuddler absolutely is dangerous, and so is being a nurse. (The latter has a higher rate of on the job accidents than construction workers; your fun fact of the day.) I've been slapped, stabbed, sexually assaulted, generally harassed, and worse, not all of which I want to mention here if I'm honest; people have attempted to punch me, choke me, and outright kill me.

Turns out meeting and sometimes intimately caring for strangers is dangerous, whether they're your cuddle client or at times in my case, patient, and for the record, we pros do not share everything that happens to us in public, but we DO talk to and make friends with each other. I've been told enough to know that I'm not the only one who's had some deeply awful experiences trying to care for other people.

If I only cared about my own welfare, there is no way I would be doing what I do. Period.

jamesbradford

I'm with Lorelei 100%. Anyone who is putting a judgment call on how others earn their money, unless they're doing something intrinsically amoral (like murdering people), is projecting.

garrablanca

@Lorelei Well yeah could be a little bit of cynic, but I don't think dismissive.
We have to be very honest here.

"because they do it for money anyway."

That's right, this phrase applies to basically any profession, I'm also a professional, I love my job, but I'm sure I would not work for free, because the rent, the electricity, the water, the telephone, the groceries, etc. those are not for free, so I don't feel ashamed of that phrase in any way. But the original post wasn't dedicated to professionals like you or myself.... even more especially to cuddle pros that are the subject in this chain of replies.

Been a Professional doesn't stop me from recognizing the struggling and the risks from those many people who go through here to find a cuddle buddy who doesn't ask them for money, they are seeking to exchange hugs, affection for affection.

And then this occur I can witness this weird reaction of some cuddle Pro that is offended, and they do not notice that by doing so they are kidnaping the attention from the original subject, why do you jump reacting to a post that it's not directed to professionals? and then feel offended for? minimizing those people who are seeking comfort and affection and have no money to buy the time of someone who sells it.

 Those who are willing to take the same risk as you and in the same way, with the only hope of finding comfort in the arms of someone that they are hoping that also are seeking comfort with good intentions.

You do not realize that by reacting offended, you put aside the fact that I refer to those who have much more to lose because they do not seek to collect, they are seeking comfort, a loving hug, and peace.
They expose themselves to having their hearts broken much more easily than to someone who has at the end the consolation of receiving at least a payment.

Do you think that you are taking a greater risk than those people or that your effort is greater than theirs?

Maybe the risk of encounter a serial killer is the same...
but think deeply on this
100% of the bad sessions...
a Pro walks away with money in the pocket (because Pros most of the time charge in advance to avoid these loses)...
but non-Pros walks away with a broken heart and feeling even worst.

Something that must have for someone who is saying provide comfort to the neighbor is empathy in the first place.

So Please once again do not mix Pears with Apples!!

And please... have a great day!

@garrablanca: I understood your self-pity post to be saying that cuddlers will often be disappointed—that we'll get turned down or treated badly sometimes—and that, while it's okay for us to feel sorry for ourselves for a little while, we also have to get over it and move on.

Which is great. But then you added that this doesn't apply to pro cuddlers, because "they do it for money." Do you really think the money is all that matters to pros?

Pros may get money every time they meet someone, but that doesn't mean they're never disappointed, turned down, treated badly, etc. Pros are not excluded from your accurate advice on how to deal with self-pity. It does apply to them too. Even if they have a few dollars to self-soothe with.

---

Edit: Added link to self-pity post.

...Thinking about it, I may be expecting short inferential distances again. Let me lay it out plainly:

If all pros care about is money, then @garrablanca is right—they'll never be disappointed. But if they care about anything else, then they can't be excluded from his "dealing with self-pity" advice.

pmvines

@DarrenWalker It is unfortunately something that happens with folks working in the service industry. Often times they are reduced to a commodity and seen as a good and service, not as a person with humanity. So it becomes easy for the person to say that it is only about the money for them and the only people who are affected negatively at any point are the recipients of the service they provide. I think sometimes a paid cuddler is seen only as someone who is there for the benefit of the other person and can easily be subjected to disregard.

garrablanca

@DarrenWalker that little self-soothe, that little difference... it becomes a huge difference.

And as a Pro, you should be prepared to deal with self-pity in a very different way, as a Pro you are mature enough to not engage your feelings in something that is handling as a business.
So they as humans may need some support, but they should be better prepare for these situations.
If not... then What a Pity !!!

mgb3026

"because they do it for money anyway."

Well yes nurses, doctors, lawyers etc. also work in the profession for money. However, people spend years learning, studying, obtaining certifications, continuing educations and practicing the profession. These professionals are highly trained. They offer critical services to people who really need their services. They also follow strict professional standards and guidelines and are liable for poor execute or negligent delivery of service.

There is no training or standards for pro cuddler. The only requirement is to raise your hand and say I'll do it for a fee. Many seem to do it mainly for the money. None of the pro-cuddlers lived up to their own hype on their page. Let's not dismiss the time and effort that goes into becoming a trained professional.

I had 3 pro cuddle experiences with varying results. All were a bit weird in its own way. First person, who is on this site, offered to cuddle topless for extra $20, and what she called "finish" for another $20. I turned down the offer. Second person was available as host on a Monday afternoon for a 2 hr cuddle. When I arrived her apartment reek of marijuana. First thing she asked when I set foot in her place was the money Also turned out she was working from home still on the clock at her job. Although she did not answer, her phone constantly rang. She unilaterally decided to watch the movie Flight 93 while cuddling, which wasn't exactly relaxing. She talked about how she could survive a plane crash over water by jumping out at the last minute. Third pro was nice, very friendly but always had one arm placed between us during the cuddle. She didn't want to talk much but just lay there. I think she fell asleep a few times. She wasn't bad but I didn't get nothing out of it.

@garrablanca: I want to be very sure I've properly understood what you're saying, so I'm attempting a translation—tell me if I've misunderstood you.

Getting a little bit of money every time you cuddle makes such a huge difference to your emotional state that you no longer feel any kind of negative emotion when people refuse to cuddle you or treat you badly during a cuddle.

As a pro, you don't feel bad when you're rejected or mistreated because it's not personal, it's business. If you do feel bad, it's because you're immature. Pros should be prepared for rejection and mistreatment. They may need some emotional support when they're not working, but when they are working the money ought to make up for everything—they shouldn't feel bad because they've been rejected or mistreated.

And if they're not mature enough to understand that it's not personal, it's business—what a pity!

cuddlerforu24

“I get my energy from my clients ! “

That is exactly what the last
Pro said to me last time , I saw one , so , there is that additional compensation .

@mgb3026 Some of the Pros on here ARE highly trained. I've been doing this full time professionally for 3 years. I have certifications from 4 different institutions and am working on my 5th. I'm the director of the first ever professional cuddlers convention(CuddleXpo) where we have established a "Standards and Practices" document that we will be asking all reputable service providers to adopt and sign in the next year to help standardize the industry. Some people on this site don't take this therapeutic service as seriously as they should. I'm really sorry you had those experiences with pros on this site. I highly recommend reporting them. I want to encourage you to ask your pros whether they have been certified, whether they consider this "side cash" or a business they are passionate about. That line of questioning might get you the better quality results you deserve. And if you are ever in Chicago, feel free to reach out for a session from me.

garrablanca

@DarrenWalker mmmh yeah that's another good way to said it, thank you.
However regardless of sharing evenly the travel expenses to any encounter which I think has to be fairly shared in any case.
I will carefully refer to that 'little bit of money' since I don't think any cuddle pro charge the minimal wage for the service, as @mgb3026 is mentioning some of them has certifications and diplomas but some others don't, here is no warranty on the quality of the service that you are paying for, and in that matter some clients simply stop requiring for that service of that particular Pro.
This is a platform that helps all the people in the hard quest of finding a nice cuddle buddy with the goal of getting comfort, that also provide this other option of find someone who sales their cuddles for money, any one here are free to set their own price for whatever they think is worth it.

Yeah it's nice to have people with certifications in any of the specialties focusing in the care of others, some of them base on science and some others in mysticism, personally I don't think I need that kind of service, there is some other places in where I can go when I need that kind of professionalism.

I think most of the people here are looking to interchange cuddles rather than buying them.

And that's a loooooooong journey!

snuggleup101

OK, I'm going to come in here as a female non-pro. I've taken to the forums in the last two days because of the increase in disrespectful approaches I'm getting from men on this site. I sympathize with the Pros as people trying to make a living out of something that they hopefully enjoy, but I can say that the men who approach me thinking I'm a Pro treat me very differently from the men who approach as a fellow affection seeker. Basically, they expect to be in control and feel free to criticize me for not wanting to meet. When one person gives money for a service they come with the expectations of power that money confers. I'm glad to see the Pros admitting that they've had bad experiences with customers, because I can concur that it's not all love and empathy on here.

cuddleversed

@snuggleup101 “but I can say that the men who approach me thinking I'm a Pro treat me very differently from the men who approach as a fellow affection seeker. Basically, they expect to be in control and feel free to criticize me for not wanting to meet”

I wanted to quote this part and I would copy it and paste it every time those threads come up where men on the site keep saying that not receiving a response is rude and that a “no thank you” would suffice for them to move on. There are too many instances where men have basically been told no thank you and they just get nasty with the non pro that took the time to respond. Even pros are not immune to this so yeah, if you don’t get a response suck it up and move on, nobody owes anybody an answer to their messages.

garrablanca

@snuggleup101 I'm intrigued, how comes that those men got the impression that you were a Pro? If you didn't claim you are one.

And yes... People that liked to have the control are everywhere, that is why one have to chat and interact with anyone before to pass to the cuddles part... Some of them aren't going to take it right, but that's their problem, they need to overcome that and grow up.
But you never ever jump directly to the couch to cuddle without having an idea of who that person may be.
Your safety should be the most higher priority.
Use the common sense, be safe!!

garrablanca

@cuddleversed I don't think that is going to change those men or women, one needs to learn how to anticipate them, detect them and avoid them...
That's why most of the people here needs to stay anonymous and if some crazy person is putting in Danger to anyone in any way... SPEAK OUT IMMEDIATELY!
and report them.

@garrablanca: Stars and stones, you're really endorsing that?

I had thought that seeing your own lack of empathy for pros laid out so plainly would create a flurry of backpedaling. But no, apparently you really do believe deeply that people who make a living caring for others and making them feel better aren't hurt when their clients (potential or actual) reject or mistreat them—and that if they are hurt, it's their own fault.

Astounding.

garrablanca

@DarrenWalker I don't understand your reference "stars and stones" but related to your new thought, I think now your are getting it wrong.

Even worse now you are implying that I'm accepting that they can be mistreated just because they are receiving a payment.

NO SR. NO ONE SHOULD BE MISTREATED!!

And anyone ( pros and non-pros) has the right to walk away from that situation at any moment, that's why all of us must should take precautions when we starting to meet new people.

And now I feel like I'm going to start repeating my self all over again, so no, if you lost the idea by adding some other things and twisting it, I can't help you, it's better that you should go back to the comments and read it again.

Regards.

@garrablanca: Ah, there's the backpedaling.

garrablanca

@DarrenWalker ha ha ha ha thanks, I hate to repeat things.

@garrablanca: [grin]

For the sake of everyone else, a quick summary:

DarrenWalker
You can't say pros are excluded from your perfectly accurate advice regarding self-pity "because they do it for the money." Sure, having money helps to soothe wounds, but it doesn't wipe them away like they never happened (unless absolutely all you care about is money).

garrablanca
The little bit of difference money makes to one's emotions eventually adds up to a huge difference.

Besides, pros should be prepared to deal with self-pity in a very different way—pros are mature enough not to feel anything in a business situation. They may need some support as humans, but as pros they ought to be prepared to keep emotion separate from business.

And if they're not... what a pity!

DarrenWalker
Are you seriously saying that getting a little bit of money every time you cuddle makes such a huge difference to your emotional state that you no longer feel any kind of negative emotion when people refuse to cuddle you or treat you badly during a cuddle? That, as a pro, you don't feel bad when you're rejected or mistreated because it's not personal, it's business, and if you do feel bad, it's because you're immature?

That pros should be prepared for rejection and mistreatment? That they may need some emotional support when they're not working, but when they are working the money ought to make up for everything—they shouldn't feel bad because they've been rejected or mistreated?

And that if they're not mature enough to understand that it's not personal, it's business—"what a pity!"?

garrablanca
Yes, that's another good way to say it. Thank you.

DarrenWalker
...You've got to be kidding me. That's a horrible thing to say.

garrablanca
That isn't what I was saying! You're misunderstanding me!