Opinions on pros with pseudonyms?

Catloaf

When I signed up as a pro for CC in 2018 the application form encouraged people to use their real names to give more credence to professional cuddling, although it wasn't mandatory. I have a rather embarrassing (at least to me) confession to make - I have been using a pseudonym going back my entire time offering cuddling sessions. So the name that I go by, the name listed on my site, and the name I had on my profile was not my real name. I think I'm ready to shed it. I've been using it to protect my real identity, because I was somewhat scared of people finding out who I was when I first began. In fact I was being found on Facebook and other social media platforms via other means by clients and abusers I did not invite into that space of my life. At one point I even used a masked photo of myself so that I wouldn't be totally recognised after a severe stalking incident which took place last year. It really was frightening. Today I no longer have social media for a myriad of reasons mostly unrelated, and this is no longer such a big fear. My real name was eventually given to some clients I trusted wholly, and it actually helped us bond better.

I talked some time ago in therapy with my counsellor about living authentically without any masks, and I feel like this could be one of them. At this point, why am I still in hiding? Where I used to feel safe operating under the name "Christine", I now feel removed from my actual self. A pseudonym, a nom de plume, pen name, whatever you wanna call it seems so inconsequential, but at the end of the day it's not feeling like me. Moreover, I understand why it could be looked down upon, or how people could assume that under-the-table activity is going on if the providers feel the need to hide who they really are.

Are there any enthusiasts or clients here who would not see a pro who they discovered was using a pseudonym? What would you think of someone who was stepping out of one to be more transparent about who they are? After years of trying to figure out what I want to do, I'm finally taking steps to pursue an education in social work later this year or early next, with a dream of an eventual higher education in psychology which will take me some further years to go for. My experiences providing platonic touch as well as my survival of narcissistic abuse, childhood sexual abuse and others have led me to that decision. I want to be able to fully introduce the person going on that journey, not "Christine".

Any thoughts, guys?

MissAdventurous

I have had clients use fake names and it always surprises me as someone who is genuinely honest to a fault. I know a big portion of Pros who have used them, for safety reasons, especially depending on the saturation of the area you live in, stalkers have come up in instances too. Maybe I should, considering, however I believe in living by example, and that the best choice for me as an individual is transparency with myself and those I want to trust in me as a friend, family member, or as your Professional cuddler.

I, do not. I am, and always will be, Cassandra.

also I do not take it personally if someone uses a false name, as I know security and privacy is a boundary we are all allowed to choose where the line in the sand goes, however, I hesitate to open up myself on a personal level or want to relate to clients who choose to hide from me during a session where vulnerability and healing can be huge if you're honest with yourself and others.

Maybe it's the therapist in me, but I would rather help someone find solutions and peace through their own conclusions then force someone to realize how emotionally freeing this experience could be if you let yourself. Which, you really can't force anyone to see anything they aren't ready for.

I think that can apply for Pro's too, the scrutiny can be overbearing, overwhelming, and a little scary for someone who is on the journey to cuddle and be cuddled. Anxiety is huge, and as someone who is high-functioning anxiety case, I think it gives me a better sense of courage to be myself in my sessions too when I allow myself to see the negative emotion and breath through it, vs. ignoring it or hiding.

Something so personal, as your given name, can bring so much emotion and worry to the table.

Is it a reflection of the world around us? The dangers it brings?
Or is it a reflection of ourselves, and the personal dangers we see if we were to speak our truths.
Maybe a combo of both.

Say your names.
Be yourselves.
Be you.

This is only my two cents, and I respect everyone's choices in how they wish to live and protect their lives. There is no wrong way to do it, as long as you are not hurting yourself or others in the process. (:

Catloaf

Yes, I've decided to reveal my real name for certain, and I agree with you. Although we have a choice, I may have made the wrong one in the long run, for me. You can't run from you. I've been thinking about it for the past little while, but was afraid of the sour taste it might leave in some people's mouths, specifically my clients. Not too concerned about what people here might have thought as I assumed most just know me as "Catloaf". ?? ? Well, hey, guys. Marie here. It's even still biblical, just like "Christine".

I was totally black-and-whiting the outcome. Well, she lied. There goes any last bit of credibility she had, straight out the window. Having a thought about it, it no longer matters to me what others may think, since it's my own perception which should matter the most in a situation like this. Of course, it's neither wrong nor right. How does it make me feel to hide behind a name that isn't my own?

I seriously felt like I was having an exchange with my counsellor over email having read that. I love reading your words and posts. Thank you @MissAdventurous aka Cassandra!

respectful

@Catloaf Hi Marie! I don't think you lied, you were just keeping safe. But thank you for your trust in telling us. You're awesome in very many ways.

I have 4 different names for 4 different groups of people n LA.

All the names are uniquely me.

The only time I see or hear my birth name is when I'm in trouble. (or receiving junk mail)

pmvines

@chococuddles But are they all variations of the choco variety?

@pmvines They are not!

pmvines

@chococuddles then yes, i have a problem with pseudonyms

You have a problem with Dr. Seuss?

There's a Transwoman in the Hangover 2 move. I knew her before her transition and knew her by two other names. Same with many others in the Trans community. I'm not going to ask them their birth name. I go by what they feel comfortable calling themselves. Pseudonyms, nicknames, all the same to me. I don't need a birth name unless I'm getting married to them.

Choco Seuss?

Catloaf

Speaking of trans people, I used to think George Sand was one. I guess she just hated the name Amandine that much. I mean, I might too if my parents named me after almonds.

pmvines

@Catloaf i would kick my parents asses if they named me after a nut

BellaJewel

I don't use my real name because I was married to a man that was physically violent with me and I'm still dealing with its aftermath. 10 years ago he hit me for the last time, sending me to the hospital and him to jail. I had a 5 yr. restraining order. At nearly 5 years out, when the RO was about to be lifted, he showed up at my daughter's school. There was no event, thank God, but I got a call from the police saying his wallet was found there with his driver's license, credit card and money. I was able to renew the RO for another 5 yrs.
Due to his own actions, his conviction and current RO, he is very angry. He told the judge (in my presence), that his RO is preventing him from getting a decent job. He is definitely looking for a way to hurt me. If he knew I was here, he'd find a way to exploit that info and use it against me.

And... thread.

Morpheus

Are you saying use their real name as their profile name or just use their real name in general? I have seen many pros over the years and most of them have told me their real name but I don’t think any have used their real name as their profile name.

BashfulLoner

I have no issue with people using pseudonyms i use them occasionally as well. Everyone is duplicitous and using false names sometimes makes you able to be honest in a different way.

JasonCuddles

I grew up using a different name online so it’s just normal to me. I did use my real one here, but honestly it feels a little like hiding since it’s so disconnected from the rest of my online presence.

Edit——-
Oh, to answer you better, I don’t think it would matter to me what you call yourself. I think some people could identify better with names that were not given to them at birth too so yeah.