Members deleting accounts?

deefine

I just had a great cuddle session with someone, she was into the same things I was, great chat, we said we wanted to do it again... when I get home to leave a review and karma, it says member deleted their account. When I click on their profile, it says it was either deleted voluntarily or for breaking the rules...

So I can't tell which it is now; has anyone had this happen?

I had another great cuddle with someone, couldn't get back with her for several months, we left good karma for each other, and then... gone. Most of the ones I've seen pop up in my area... gone. What's going on? Is this just something with my state? It's hard enough trying to get together with someone.

Lovelight

The first person it seems a bit odd. Did you two still have other forms of communication?

I had a bit of a similar experience lately. Though, he explained that he has to go back to his country til he comes back for school. So, after meeting he deleted because if I remember well in his country there are barely any members, if any. I've my bit of personal suspecions, he showed up talking about his gf. Though, his profile said, he's single. There's something else as well. So, if he contacts me as he has my contact. Then we'll talk about that.

She has a right to leave anytime she wishes. Though, if you two spoke about meeting again, and she just disappeared like that, I'd say it is quite trashy. Not having at least expressed not wanting to see you again. Or something. I wish the "deleted" note would specify if it was voluntary. Or the person broke a rule. So, we know to not connect with them again if they broke a rule. The latter person, well it's been months of no contact? So, I'd say it probably doesn't matter.

pmvines

@davebutton it means you were so awesome that it totally spoiled her for any other possible future cuddles so she voluntarily tapped out in order to avoid future disappointment

pmvines

Didn't exchange numbers ?

Melancholy

Its sad when this site is the only way you can communicate with someone....makes ghosting easier though....I mean sure you can block numbers but deleting your account here is much faster for ghosting people than blocking each number.

HugsAndAttitude

What does it matter? I mean, if someone is gone the reason after the fact hardly matters.

deefine

I always text through phone before meeting, so, I did text her after and asked if I caused her to leave, but no reply (she was very responsive previously).

She did mention in person that she was having a hard time dating, and wanted to try this site because like me she just liked cuddling without expectations...

I was platonic but we're both sensual and playful, so maybe she was just looking for an alternate way to date and it didn't go like a date the way she thought it should... maybe the platonic cuddling thing is too much and wants to try to date "normally" again? I don't know, it's bizarre.

I do agree with her that dating is hard but I think often it's because people are too picky or have unrealistic expectations or they don't communicate properly. It makes me feel bad what happened, but she said she was interested in other things, and is a masseuse, so maybe I'll hit her up another time and see if she's interested or if the problem really was me somehow.

@davebutton - I had an experience with a guy who, after we met and chatted and cuddled once, deleted his account the next day. In my case we had exchanged numbers and chatted a bit before we met, so I did have a way to contact him. I chose not to, and I did not take it personally or feel sad that I had lost a potential cuddle buddy.

Here is a bit of background:

When we first started exchanging messages on the site and during a phone call before meeting up, he admitted to me that he was very apprehensive about cuddling and had never tried anything like this before, and had in fact been wrestling with his sexuality and physical intimacy for a number of years. He knew he was gay, but came from a very conservative religious family that frowned on homosexuality. So he had shut down and had not allowed himself to date or have any sort of physical contact (platonic or otherwise) with anyone - male or female. He knew this was not healthy for him.

He thought that platonic cuddling might be a way to ease himself into getting acquainted with any kind of physical touch, and thought he might feel more at ease with a woman. He felt he owed it to himself to at least give it a go - as a form of therapy, as it were. And just to be clear, I am an enthusiast and had only been on this site a few days at that point. Not like I knew what I was getting into myself!

So we met and chatted and grabbed a coffee, and when he felt comfortable we took a walk and sat on a park bench and put our arms around each other and chatted some more, and that was all he could handle. I really enjoyed our conversation and thought he was really brave to be able to be so open with me about what he was wrestling with (in terms of his sexuality, his trepidation about any sort of physical touch, etc). So when I came home and found that he had deleted his account, I just assumed that he felt like he (maybe) had moved too fast for his own comfort and boundaries and left it at that. A few days later he did text me to say that he had enjoyed meeting me, but had decided to delete his account. I told him I had noticed and wished him all the best.

I am not saying that your situation with the first woman you mention is anything like the one I had with the trepidatious young man I met, but who knows what she was wrestling with or trying to work out?

Maybe she thought platonic cuddling was something that would be good for her, but after doing it realized she felt uneasy or guilty or it brought up past trauma about being touched - or any number of things. You will never know.

Not that it was you per se and anything that you had intentionally done to make her feel that way. It isn't always about you and what you did wrong or didn't do right.

This concept of platonic cuddling is a whole new territory for many of us (myself included). Many people have never touched or been touched in this way that is not bound up with sex or their sexuality. All the messages society gives us (I speak of US society here, just to be clear) in this regard.

Sometimes we don't know what kinds of buried and/or conflicted emotions it is going to bring up in us. It can freak us out and we don't always know why and we sure as heck may not be able to explain it to a person from a cuddle site that we met up with just once.

It can be disappointing to invest time and energy into someone on here and then have it go 'poof', but that is just the way it is sometimes. Humans are complicated and messy. I say wish her well and hope she is being gentle with herself and move on.

deefine

Yah it hurts thinking that she just suddenly found a problem and ditched the whole thing with no communicatuon regardless of the conversation or session as if I did something bad, which I think would be hurtful to someone if I did the same thing, and I'll get over it but it's just like someone slapping you in the face after saying they liked you.

Honestly this was one of the best just relax-chill times I've had with a woman in a while, the last several were tied up in expectations with sex and love and relationship and favors or misunderstandings etc that just caused all this drama... I just feel like people sometimes expect drama or subcomciously want it because they see it so much in society that they're not aware that a lot of it is culturally taught and unnecessary... and on top of that think "this is too good, I have to change or end this".

She was raised very religious, but had gotten comfortable with cuddling and touch and massage and energy work (we had a long conversation), and was tired of guys using movie-chill to just molest her (which I wasn't interested in), so maybe her religious conscious swung back, but the way she reacted I couldn't really tell where her comfort level was...

Oh well, when somebody ghosts they leave their reasons up to the imaginations of the people they ghosted, I just don't like the thought of thinking that I did something wrong or bad or offensive or objectively heinous when everything seemed alright. Maybe she was suppressing something that came out later... I don't know how to talk or act I guess, it's different for everyone, it just seems I need to read minds sometimes. I don't know, I'm being cynical; thanks for the words though.

Lovelight

@SJSpooner that's amazing thank you for sharing.

@davebutton I've been there. It's understandable what you are going through. Though, remember that it takes two to make things work. If the other person either can't. Or doesn't want to work things out, it's not your problem. You deserve someone that willing to put in the effort. So, as difficult as it might be right now, work towards shaking that off, and continue interacting with others with the hope that you'll meet others who you two are more suitable.

I also had some say, they'd like to see me again. Only to play games on me. Or outright reject me after. One of them, didn't tell me why, he just rejected me. Though, I've much respect for him being honest, and letting me know. I also been ghosted many times. Eventually, you'll likely learn to dust it off, and find ways to help you not feel as terrible about it. Perhaps even ways to help you avoid or foresee some of these issues. Anyway. Don't put it all on yourself. It could just as well be all about them. Or at least some.

If someone has an issue with you it's their duty to let you know. Not your duty to piece all the puzzles together. It is almost like trying to play a multiplayer game all by yourself, don't do that to yourself. There are others, give them, and yourself a fresh chance. ?

deefine

Thank you

4cuddles

Awww @SJSpooner, @lovelight & @davebutton your interactions here read like a virtual hug, lots of warmth and encouragement.

Ghosting is a horrible way of communicating. Like most people have said try not to take it personally @davebutton, hopefully you'll find another buddy soon.

kharis26

I can't tell you HOW many times I've reached out to someone to become introduced and try and set something up and they simply never respond. If they're not interested I don't know why the hell they're here wasting everyone's time.

BlackRaptor

When that happens to me I just assume they finally magnified my photo and changed their mind. LOL. For a while, I had a statement at the end of my profile and in some messages that "A negative response is better appreciated than no response."

@lovelight and @4cuddles - Thanks for the kind words. Glad you enjoyed the read.

@davebutton - You are welcome. IMO - you've got the right kind of energy and attitude that can't help but attract positive people and fulfilling cuddles in the future. May take a while. Keep at it!

This can be an interesting journey. For me it has been. I've learned a lot about myself and my own boundaries and hang ups, and those of my fellow human beings along the way.

Speaking of...

Is there a place in the FAQ that describes various account statuses, and what they mean?

HugsAndAttitude

@CharlesTwisted What are you referring to? Are you talking about stuff like Deleted vs deactivated? Because I would be interested in that as well.

@HugsAndAttitude

Exactly.

What does “temporarily paused” mean, etc?

Catloaf

@CharlesTwisted Usually it means their account has been paused (for any myriad of reasons) and renewal of its online status will be based upon the person's ability to submit a successful appeal to mods to have it brought back up. Or if it's in the case of a pro, it might mean they haven't linked their bank account which was a new required feature as of February. I've seen some suspect pro accounts recently as well that ended up being paused, and it was probably because something was going on and they'd like the pro to explain themselves.

And then of course you can mute (?) your account so it doesn't appear in search results for a week as @respectful explained above.

@HugsAndAttitude Similarly to Facebook, "deleted" means the account has been closed permanently by the person's own volition. "Deactivated" is temporary and can be reversed by the person at any time.

respectful

@CharlesTwisted "Is there a place in the FAQ that describes various account statuses?"

It's in this section under What are deactivated, deleted, banned and paused accounts?

@Catloaf @respectful

Thank you!