Q & A with Hogboblin

hogboblin

The following questions were asked by @MarthaSpeaks

Q: What is your favorite word for the devil?


A: My favorite word for the devil? Well, the devil encompasses so many things. It’s hard to settle on just one word. He is, to put it simply. He’s the shining and the light without whom I cannot see. And he is insurrection, he’s spite, he’s the force that made me be.





Q: What was it like the last time you were abducted by aliens?


A: It was a lot like sleep paralysis, which I’ve dealt with for most of my adult life.

 I think that there's something here. Something critically important that could easily explain cases of alien abduction. Meh. It eludes me.

Q: How many sponges are in your house right now?


A: Three. Two in the kitchen, one in the bathroom. Unless you count Mr. Clean Magic Erasers, which are very much like sponges, but with cleaning properties. Counting those, six.




Q: Are there any sentient beings within 5 feet of you right now, and if so, how many?


A: My favorite chair, which I am currently sitting in, is against a wall. On the opposite side of that wall is a bed, where my neighbor spends most of her days. I often hear her rolling around, muttering things, and occasionally sobbing or screaming. So, if one ignores the thin layer between us, there is one sentient being within five feet of me.




Q: Boxers or briefs?


A: Boxer briefs. They’re the best of both worlds.




Q: If you were to choose one thing to jump on a trampoline with, what would it be and why? 


A: A pillow. I do enjoy trampolines, not only for their intended purpose, but to sleep upon. Especially if they have protective netting around them, which deters larger creatures from interrupting one’s sleep.




Q: What was the last sentence you spoke before reading this list?


A: I’m pretty sure that I thanked a store clerk at a nearby gas station. I’ve been on a mini-vacation for the last four days, and haven’t needed or felt compelled to speak with anyone.




Q: Do you now or have you ever worn a toe ring?



A: No, I haven’t. I’ve been told that I have very feminine feet, and I suppose that I could get away with wearing a toe ring, if I felt so inclined. But I dislike wearing jewelry.

Such good answers! I agree: He is.

Personally, I love jewelry... on other people. Sometimes I'll put on a ton of it just so I can see it on someone—but then I invariably take it all off, because ornaments are annoying to wear. Love the way it looks, though!

hogboblin

@DarrenWalker

Thank you. I did consider answering the first question in a manner that was flattering to you, but ultimately decided against it. Not only because I thought to reference Ghost first, but because, as we've discussed, I see you as an eldritch abomination.

If anyone feels like asking me anything else, they can go ahead and do so here, or through a private message. Either or. I'll answer if I'm feeling bored or especially narcissistic.

@hogboblin: Yeah, this is better.

MarthaSpeaks

I was off the site all day yesterday and I just saw this and I am flattered. Thank you so much for answering these! I bow to you. ☺️

MarthaSpeaks

I don’t consider mr. Clean magic erasers to be sponges. So just three then.

I forgot to include the question about having breakfast for dinner. Have you ever done that? In fact tonight, I had waffles for dinner (again).

hogboblin

@MarthaSpeaks

Oh, yeah. I’ve had breakfast for dinner. This used to be a fairly common thing when I was younger.

Now it’s more common for me to have dinner foods for breakfast. Not because of a deliberate choice on my part, mind you. It’s not something I ever really consider.

MarthaSpeaks

Dinner foods for breakfast, the only time I wanted that was when (I found out later) I was pregnant.

And I would want to jump on a trampoline with a Tuba. One of those ones that wraps around you and has a big bell. Not a Sousaphone.

Would you rather go without your phone for a month or never eat dessert again?

And why do people insist on putting biodegradable dog poop in non biodegradable plastic bags before throwing it out?

hogboblin

@MarthaSpeaks

I don’t often crave unusual meals. My gastronomic preferences are pretty simple. Would this change if I were pregnant? Possibly, but I don’t care to find out.

I’d rather never eat dessert again. This isn’t because I’m especially attached to my phone, but because I never do dessert.

People likely do this without thought. Or because it’s convenient. Personally, I’m not too worried about it. When humanity dies out, and canines the world over become feral, they can poop wherever they prefer.

hogboblin

I was asked the following questions while the forum was down. The person asking didn’t specify whether they wished to be named or if they preferred anonymity; I’ve opted for the latter.

Q: What is your favorite color?

A: Dark green. The sort of shade that brings to mind forests, or murky depths—both of which instill dread in me.

Q: What’s your perfect Sunday like?

A: It’s very quiet. I do my grocery shopping on Saturday morning, before going to sleep, so I have no reason to leave my apartment. I spend my Sunday reading or struggling to write. After a week of dealing with the general public, I want nothing more than to disappear.

Q: In one of your first posts on CC, you said that you think having children is morally reprehensible. Can you elaborate?

A: I don’t attribute a positive value to existence. I tend to bounce between “indifference” and “vehement dislike”. Given the history of our species, and what we know of other sufficiently sentient creatures, I’m inclined to think that intelligent life is doomed to suffer immeasurably—that an excess of consciousness is a horrible curse. As such, creating life (with or without deliberate planning) is to condemn a thinking animal to innumerable horrors.

In short: nobody had a bad day before they were ejected from a flesh chasm.

Q: What’s your favorite Pokémon?

A: Mareep.

Q: Which Marvel movie is your favorite?

A: I’m out of the loop. I saw a bit of the first Avengers movie, and that was the last time I was exposed to a Marvel film. I really, really dislike superhero movies. Except for Super.

Q: Without spoiling anything, what did you think of Game of Thrones’ final season?

A: I felt that it was rather rushed, but I wasn’t displeased or taken aback by what happened. Except for Cleganebowl. Not because I was irked by the outcome—it was pure fan service. I loathe fan service.

Q: What’s something that immediately turns you off from cuddling another person?

A: Any mention of the mystical or spiritual. It’s not cool enough that a mass of meat in your skull is producing pleasant chemicals when you’re in contact with another human—no, your auras are blending together, you’re on the same wavelength as Gaia, both spirit animals are nuzzling, etc. Nonsense. Absolute garbage.

Q: Care to reveal a deep, dark secret?

A: I like to sing Madonna’s “Ray of Light” with some frequency.

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That’s all for this installment of Q&A with Hogboblin. Thank you for tuning in. If you’d like to interview me—one of this bleak site’s most fascinating users—then go right ahead and send me a message. Or just ask in this thread.

God bless you all.