It's really not that deep or that serious, your reaction to rejection would scare most women. You may have done something you didn't think was a big deal but to whoever you cuddled with thought it was off-putting. Move on.
So OP what are your expectations for this thread ?
Honestly, some of the responses in this thread were disturbing enough that I blocked them, simply to be safe...
Kense and others, honestly you’re not helping anyone. You’re just making assumptions. This is not my reaction to rejection. This is my reaction to EXTREMELY RUDE rejection. Of course I might have done something that this person thought was off putting which I was unaware of. So that should have been her responsibility to voice her discomfort at the time, rather than continue cuddling even though she was uncomfortable, and then lash out afterward.
I don’t mind breaking things off right away. I don’t mind a text or message the following day saying we’re not meeting anymore. I don’t mind ending a session early.
What I don’t like is when the person thanks me for coming over, leads me to believe everything is ok, then I drive home falsely thinking I had a good experience, only to come home to find that a middle finger had been pointed at me. Because that is some serious game playing.
As usual, a thread going sour because one or more people can’t discuss in a peaceful way. Therefore, we get comments such as:
If you spend all your time worrying about what you may have done wrong then you need to get more hobbies
So what? I have never been blocked by someone after a Cuddle but it would not be a big deal
You do not know and you are not entitled to an explanation.
If getting blocked is the worse that happens to you on the internet, then you live a charmed life.
Of course, with comments like this, others will rebuttal in frustration. It will keep going back and forth and soon be CLOSED by a MOD. Happens way too often and could be avoided all together if the nasty comments stop. It’s not necessary.
Small edit to your comment to avoid a potential personal attack. Nicely done otherwise. [SoulcuddlerZ]
I don’t like to get involved, but I do want to highlight that if you had a good experience that is not eradicated by her bad experience. Being blocked on a site like this happens even if we don’t want it to. But boundaries need to be respected, and that’s what this is, a boundary, not a middle finger. I am sorry that your experience wasn’t mutual and that this feels extremely rude and stings, and I don’t mean to invalidate your feelings. But no one here understands how you feel just like you can’t understand how she feels or what her motives were and declaring them to be one thing when you don’t really know is clearly just causing you more pain.
But I think you are ignoring something vital that several people have voiced, women don’t always feel comfortable or safe expressing things like dissatisfaction or uneasiness when they are so close and alone with a stranger, the reality is if she felt unsafe then being polite is a self-defense mechanism.
If anything think to yourself ways you can promote a comfortable environment in the future where check-ins and expressing how you both feel is welcomed and encouraged. Establishing and respecting boundaries and voicing what they are. Building healthy and secure cuddling practices takes... well, practice. I hate the idea of you giving up on cuddling in the future because of someone else’s experience that you and no one else here truly knows. It also takes two and demonstrating that you can do that makes it easier for your cuddle partners to do so too.
I think sometimes they’re embarrassed to say what they feel. It’s kinda like maybe they had second thoughts and are afraid to admit it due to the awkwardness of the situation. Reminds me of a lot of folks who ghost people.
@MountainCuddles You said Kense and others are making assumptions. If you read your posts you are making assumptions as well. I think the lady sensed something and shut you down by blocking. I am finding this a common theme throughout a lot of these threads—men not understanding the feminine dynamic. Women, if they sense something is not right with someone , will often disengage immediately. I asked a female friend of mine about it today and she said if it was after one meeting I would block him to just pull that band aid off quickly.
Women have more to fear than men. That is a fact of life, and you can’t expect them to explain it to each person everytime when they deal with crap all the time.
@Leonora I just read your post. My sentiments exactly. I did have an appointment block me once before we even met but we had already texted back and forth. I texted her back and asked if she had changed her mind. She said no, that she got her appointments jumbled (her bad she said) but she remembered that one of the appointments scared her but since she had been out of town and not checking messages she forgot which one. Once I chatted with her, she unblocked me, we cuddled and I have seen her two more times. I have heard of some hairy situations on here with women that have told me stories—they go beyond the guy grinding into the area of threats and borderline assault. I fully understand the inherent dangers for women. This is why the physical safety of a woman comes before a few hurt feelings.
I am not saying the OP did anything but we do not have the full story, and I am not down to run someone up the flag pole off of one side of the story.
@MountainCuddles you seemed to me at first open minded to the possibility that any reason could have caused the individual to block you. However, reading through, I spot that you become or were rigid in there not being a reason, and you having done "nothing wrong".
Well, there could very well have been a reason the individual blocked you for whether that reason has to do with you. Or not. Maybe it's not something you did wrong. Maybe it was just your vibe, and preferences that they didn't mesh well with. Now why they couldn't voice that to you is also in question. Perhaps she felt that would make matters worse in whichever way she deemed it would. At the end of the day, she took the action she deemed to be the best for her, and maybe even for you.
Now that you've had your point across. It is up to you, and people who do things like the lady you met to take what you/they will of the feedback.
You don't know what you don't know, and it is possible that something you did, or said and deemed okay: was deemed not okay by her. Or ANYTHING could be the case.
If the OPs premise is rude people suck, agreed. But somebody blocks you for their reasons. Reasons that may or may not have anything to do with you. Closure is rare from someone you actually know well. Don’t expect it from somebody you barely know.
@Lovelight Right. I don’t accept that I did anything which by any reasonable standards would be a good reason for a blocking. Unless you believe anything is a good reason for a blocking. I am open that I may have done something that made her uncomfortable, which I was unaware of. If that’s the case, it was still wrong of her to handle it by immeidate blocking, because it’s very hurtful. I agree that any reason could have caused her to feel uncomfortable. It could have been a certain position, a certain smell, or my general vibe. A blocking is an overreaction and a nasty way to respond to any of the above.
Don’t even get me started about issues that are specific to women. Honestly when that’s being used as a justification for being treated cruelly, I don’t particularly care. It’s not an excuse for how you treat others. And I’m not going to accept that I’m entitled to any less respect simply because of what’s between my legs.
@Leonora Well I didn’t actually have a good experience. I falsely thought it was at the time. But if I had known that it was actually awkward, it certainly wouldn’t have been a good experience. It’s either a good experience for both or for neither. I’m disgusted that I cuddled this person if it was actually awkward or uncomfortable and I didn’t realize it; and I’m insulted that I was led to believe that it was fine at the time.
@MountainCuddles not being open to hearing about or even caring about women's issues when it comes to communication and interactions about sums up a lot in terms of why you might not have positive experiences . Ignorance might be bliss, but you can't blame it on others when you refuse to try
@MountainCuddles you might have done something that made her uncomfortable and or she deemed rude. She could have been quite hurt and found blocking you was the best way to deal with her hurt.
She might have grew up. Or lived in with people in which opening up about her discomfort pretty much resulted in her getting shout down. Or worse. Not to mention the fact that women/ rejecting men/ sometimes results in them getting attacked. Or something. So, her feelings and comfort matter too. It's for her to determine what constitutes a block for her. Not you determine for her, or anyone.
I think the red flags are beginning to show. The sense of entitlement is thick and the reason for the block is becoming clear.
What incentive do I have to care about women’s issues if those issues are being used as a bludgeon against all men? That’s not fair. It’s not considered acceptable to stereotype and dehumanize all women on grounds of the behavior of some women. I’ll start caring about women’s issues when they are no longer used as an excuse to dehumanize all men.
Yes. I am entitled to just as much respect as women are, and not any less.
So it's her fault then that you were blocked ?
If not her fault then whose? Mine? All men’s? Spare me.
Yes, it absolutely was her fault. In order for it to be my fault, I would have needed to knowingly and intentionally violate a boundary. That did not happen. It is possible I unintentionally did something that she interpreated as a boundary violation. But if so, it was very much within the boundaries of cuddling, and it should have been her responsibility to say something if it actually did disturb her. And by definition it cannot be all men’s fault. At the end of the day, it was an act of malice.
Considering that she likely doesn't block everyone , could quite possibly be yours ...
Whoa, there are some real anger issues coming to the fore. I think this woman was scared by him.
Looking at the OP’s profile, there are several red flags—a preference for certain physical traits (long hair) and then this comment—“nothing will be done that isn’t 100% mutually consensual”—which is a backhanded way of saying “but I am going to try and convince you to do something.” Then he wants video chats before meeting.
My takeaway:
If you have physical traits you demand then you have a type you are looking for—not very platonic.
The verbal gymnastics in the profile suggest manipulation.
And a demand for video chats seems the MO of someone very controlling.
IMO.
Combine this with his lack of empathy for the female and his growing anger in his posts gives me pause. I think she had a very good reason to block.
It’s a good thing/bad thing to have toxic masculinity and cultural entitlement so openly displayed.
Good, in that many of these responses are excellent examples of warning behavior.
Hopefully some here will recognize it and avoid, block, and evade it in another circumstance or encounter in the future.
Bad, in that this sort of thing still exists.
With honesty, and a willingness to do the work, maybe one or two men here will take a deeper look at their attitudes and assumptions, and journey towards actually improving.
I wish us all way more than luck.
A video chat would help to avoid an awkward meeting in person, which is way worse than over video chat. I’m only insisting on it for professional cuddlers, in order not to lose money.
“Which is a backhanded way of saying ‘but I am going to try and convince you.’” That is quite shitty of you to assume that.
Demand for physical traits is a red flag? Most people have some demands for physical traits. And women are generally a lot more selective than men are in that department, if nothing else because they have much more options available. But I guess it’s ok for women to have preferences regarding physical traits, and not men.
Well considering experiences such as this, and even one professional cuddler trying to avoid cuddling me (but at least refunding me), maybe I just want to spare myself the trouble of the time commitment and gas expense of meeting someone only to have more such experiences.
@MountainCuddles: So you are bothered by the idea that you may have done something to cause her to block you, yet you'll never know what it was—but you're blaming her for not having the balls to tell you about it instead of pretending everything was okay, then blocking you.
After @Lovelight's comment about the way someone might be raised to make them too afraid to give honest feedback in some situations, I can see that side of things much better.
Yeah, it's still super rude to block somebody who made you uncomfortable, instead of speaking up when they accidentally do the thing (or at least telling them about it later, when the possibility of physical violence is less immediate. But it's way more understandable for me now. Of course it's possible that she could have been scared—I should have seen that.
Thanks, Lovelight!
@FunCartel: [shrug] Some of the stuff you said looked like bragging to me.
"I have never been blocked by someone after a Cuddle but it would not be a big deal." "If you spend all your time worrying about what you may have done wrong then you need to get more hobbies." "I block the reasons for a block from my list of things to worry about." "Being blocked by a stranger is a yawn compared to that....you yawn and then remember you have more important and productive things to do; and if you do not then the bar is pretty low." "[I]f you worry that much about the noise you probably need to change." "Everything you say[,] [I] have been there and done that." "[P]eople are not worth changing for[.]" "Not worrying about what others think is a great weight off your shoulders and is mentally healthier than anxiety over someone who you will soon forget."
It all seemed to boil down to "I'm more experienced, wiser, and mentally healthier than someone who gives two licks what other people think about their actions," which came off as bragging to me—especially since it's sometimes good to give a lick or two.
I think I have an idea of what you were getting at now, though. You were saying the OP cares too much, right?
...It's starting to look like you had a better idea of what was going on with him than me.
@RaindropSweetie: [rueful laugh] "Look at how much their personality rubbed you the wrong way," indeed. You got my point pretty well. Yeah... it's not always a good idea to throw everyone else's ideas about how you should act out the window. Especially when you (that is, I) have such an abrasive personality!
@CharlesTwisted If you’re going to talk about toxic masculinity, I’m going to talk about toxic femininity. I’m going to start calling cruel behavior such as what this woman did, toxic femininity. Why should only men improve themselves? Maybe so should women.
I’m blaming her for sending me on the drive home thinking that I had left on good terms, and coming home to find that I hadn’t, thereby causing me unnecessary emotional distress, which could easily have been avoided by handling the situation better. It’s quite a disturbing thing to see before going to sleep, especially if you’re going through something else much worse than that.
If you blame somebody for having an issue with you then....know what , never mind . You don't really want advice or to vent . You want folks to take your side. Nothing anybody says apart from yeppers you are totally right and a victim and she is wrong for hurting your feelings will do. You feel scorned and seems like you want retribution instead of feedback. So I will keep my opinions to myself moving forward on this .
@DarrenWalker No it was not bragging...I was trying to put it in perspective. A block by a stranger on the internet happens all the time. And yes, you do get my point—he does care too much. That is exactly it.
And no, I know everyone can’t shake off what other people think easily and there was a time I couldn’t. But as I was saying, it is liberating when you can realize that you have to live the best way you see fit, not by what others think. What I believe is being misconstrued by some is that I am advocating to live life without regard for others. Could not be further from the case. I am saying you should not adjust your personality and who you are based on strangers and the general population who do not impact you personally. Case in point are people who chase fashion trends because they are so desperate to be liked by strangers. No one is going to like you for what you wear. Same thing with the block in question—he cares too much about something he will never know the truth about and he is letting it affect him too much.
I hope that sheds some light on our discussion.