@melancholy , that's why I won't respond to a cuddler without a photo........no photo, no cuddle!!!
This is indeed a sad reality of every open platform on the Internet. We ban by IP and email which is typically an adequate deterrent but if someone is determined, whether it be Facebook, Twitter or Cuddle Comfort, they can get past it.
If anyone feels their safety is at risk from activity like this, please report it to the authorities.
If you're a Pro wishing to have client interactions managed for you with vetting, please consider whether a cuddle agency is better suited for your circumstances. That might involve high fees but some feel it's worth it.
I would just like to add, that unfortunately this stuff happens all over the internet, even on spiritual sites. Unfortunately there are mentally imbalanced people everywhere. Yes, take as much precautions as possible and yes there are some that will find ways to get back in, etc. I agree with Marks post.
@UKGuy seriously I have no idea what the point of your comment was. Were you just genuinely commenting on it in the middle of a relatively serious thread?? Are you saying she somehow asking for it? I'm being 100% sincere I have no idea why you would even mention that.
And as far as the person mentioning spiritual groups: course it happens there. Those people are no more moral than anybody. The argument could be made that they are less moral.
MOD Edit: Removed swear word [SoulcuddlerZ]
Here's a problem with contacting the authorities (I'm not saying not to do it I'm just saying I totally get why a girl would not do it) : girl goes to the police said she's a cuddler and was assaulted: is there any reason for that girl to not feelbthe cop is going to think she's a whore. Or we can go a step further what if despite the rules the girl was kissing the guy? And what if he decided he wanted to take it further. Do you think that girl is going to feel comfortable going to the police. And before any apologist say well she should not have been breaking the rules: the assault was happening one way or the other.
Add to that the girl is already scared.
I think the site would be better served if it treated people fooling around like teenage sex. I have a 13 year old daughter I don't want her ever having sex and I'm pretty certain she's never ever going to. But if she's going to I want her to use a condom. There's no amount of banning of people that is going to stop people from fooling around on this site. I'm not saying everybody does it I'm not saying most people do it. But there's a lot of shame attached to those that do.
I somehow visit profiles several times for different reasons,
or click on it when there's a new picture .
If that's stalking? I'll have to delete my account ... Her case is 100% valid and I applaud her for having the courage of coming forward with it , hopefully this will be the beginning of something better for the ladies on this site .
@btrmc what an elaborate hypothetical non existent situation completely unfavorable to a victim of sexual assault.
If there’s any reason why I haven’t involved the authorities it’s because I don’t have his last name. Not because I broke any rules. I cuddle platonically no funny business. And when he was leaving and leaned in to give a hug goodbye he grabbed my ass with both his hands which is completely unacceptable Still in the midst of that I acted with poise and simply told him firmly “you should never touch a woman where she doesn’t invite you”.
Although I forgave it and let it go at that it was definitely a red flag. A conversation during the session where I mentioned how I like to go to the movies and would likely take myself later that day or the following day led him to text looking to invite himself and when he didn’t get an immediate response his texts became defeatist and insulting. From there I made it clear that that was that. Months later when he reached out to me on Instagram my social media platform I didn’t recognize him right away but when he provided a genuine apology for his actions back in May, I told him it was water under the bridge. He asked to see me again and I told him to go through the platform (this site) but he started to proposition me for sex stating he was hoping it could be more. AND THIS IS AFTER ACTUALLY BEING ON MY SOCIAL MEDIA and seeing what I do for a living 🤯
The fact that he’s come back multiple times creating new accounts the fact that he used multiple numbers to text me via what’s app and text me is ludicrous
If anything does happen again I’ll take what I do have to file a report. I have no reason to feel prejudged by any member of law enforcement once anyone comes around me they recognize the caliber of woman I am
@DrJames you’re free to visit whomever’s page how many ever times you feel is necessary. What applies to me is not law for all. I don’t want to be redundant. I already stated my reasoning behind why moving forward I’m taking notice to those who view my page multiple times without speaking or responding to a friendly message. I’d much rather have people who are comfortable enough to flow and converse with me holding me or vice versa.
Platonic cuddling is still a very special form of intimacy that I think it’s okay to be particular with whom one shares that energy with.
@btrmc and to your earlier comment I was very confused by his bringing up what was in my bio as well lol so thanks for that. I thought it was odd like what was the relevance to this post. 🤷🏼♀️
It’s just been made known to me: Apparently this guy has assaulted 7 other women. 🤦🏼♀️
@bay111 regardless of the caliber woman that you are nobody deserves to be sexually assaulted. I'm sure we both agree with that.
I'm sure you also know that people handle things much differently.
We can probably also agree that as a society people still suspect women are lying whenever they say something about rape or sexual assault.
I think that's awesome that you would be able to go to the police but a lot of people don't feel that same way.
@bay111 and it is an existent non-hyoothetuxal situation.
I am so sorry that this has happened to you, such a horrible experience and then to have that person stalk you? What is he hoping to achieve? He won't be able to hurt you again, please know that. I can say that yes, I have been sexually assaulted by a supposed "cuddlebuddy" and in other ways I can report that it is awful what women have to go through due to being objectified constantly.
I think you need to contact the police if he is going so far as to create different profiles, contacting you through Instagram and so forth. I know it could seem difficult, if you worry about victim-blaming (given that this is a site where we meet strangers for intimacy), but please take that step of making your concern more formal. Thank you for making this thread and thank you for the screenshots, you are keeping other people safe.
And if someone is repeatedly visiting your page and saying nothing, I think your profile message is fair enough. You have rules, you have boundaries.
@cuddlebug6 thank you for that. I really appreciate it
I'll reply to the orginal post since things seem to have gotten off topic a bit or at least degraded to a point that I'm not willing to jump into. I have been stalked, I have even been personally attacked in these forums by a man who lives over a 1000 miles away from me. It got to a point that other forum responders started defending me as well by calling his motives into question. He made at least three profiles, and is on this site again currently under yet another name. I did let admin know about everything and even told them I feared for my life since he was extremely menacing. I appealed for the Mods to take action but nothing was done other than giving him the choice to close one of the multiple accounts he was using. I let one of the Moderators know of my fear and let them know I felt I needed to deactivate for my safety and that I was going to open a burner profile to monitor his actions. I ended up being banned and yet he still is active. @Esquire much like OP's stalker uses almost identical information in each profile. I felt completely unheard by the Admin and to me as an enthusiast it felt like nothing was done to permanently ban him since he frequents pro's on the site. The pro's pay their monthly dues, the site is directly benefitting from him. They are getting nothing from me in the way of financial support. If you were to forum search Esquire you'll see it all in print. In fact @DarrenWalker even flagged and reported his forum posts. I'm sure my personal opinion isn't the reason he's still here but it's the way I view it.
@PaulaDahla
I bring up Esquire, and his unsavory behavior, whenever the fellow makes an appearance. Currently, he posts as @SpartanGuy, but (as you said) he’s had a multitude of profiles on this site. CardiacKid is another one that I was aware of.
I guess that if a person frequently puts money into this site, then they’re given a fair amount of leeway to be creepy and terrible. Certainly seems that way.
@bay111 I am so sorry this happened to you. I also was "stalked" by someone from this site, though not near to the degree you have been. I am equally sorry for some of the comments you've had to endure on this post. I would be scared and worried, as well, as I was when it happened to me.
Now, I want to tell every other woman out there that while I had a horrible experience with one man and felt completely unprotected in that instance it was isolated. I have had many, many positive experiences on here. I've had cuddles and conversations that have been uplifting and enjoyable.
Once I had a chance to think about the situation, I was able to see that I was perfectly safe since no identifying information is on the site, that Bismarck is a large area with many women named Paula, and that he has no idea where I live. Even if he was a computer genius he couldn't pinpoint the exact address of my residence just a geographic area. I used multiple devices to log in with so my IP addresses were often different plus I knew that I didn't give any information such as last name, height/weight, address or phone number so I was indeed safe from him. I had sent a picture of myself to him on his original profile which wasn't a public profile picture and he sent me the picture of myself from his new profile which was very sketchy. It still makes me feel uncomfortable knowing he probably still has that picture saved off site, but I was fully clothed and it wasn't at all inappropriate so I no longer give him that power over me, the picture he has is no different than what a person passing me in public would see. The best defense was to out him publicly much like OP mentioned. I now immediately report each new profile he creates, I keep my log in information in a book that people close to me are aware of so if anything was to happen there is a paper trail as well as an electronic one.
So don't let one crazy/lonely/socially awkward individual ruin it for the entire site. The cuddles you could potentially find here are so worth the cocklebur's you might pass through to get them!
This is the internet. Report, and move on, taking care to protect yourself first.
@hogboblin, you were one of my defenders back then as well; thank you.
Just part of the seedy underbelly! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
It’s weird! I brought up @SpartanGuy’s history on this site in the “Asexual Awareness Week” thread, but our discussion seems to have been removed. Same thing with some other posts in the thread; there are references to “mud-slinging”, and one dude was being a prejudiced knob (his username had something to do with firemen), but alas—the posts are completely gone!
While I’m not one for conspiracy theories, something seems fishy here. Maybe @Mark or @SoulcuddlerZ want this site to seem more inclusive without it being so, or they want to protect the fellow who has an inclination for stalking and predatory behavior because he spends money here?
IT’S A MYSTERY.
or they want to protect the fellow who has an inclination for stalking and predatory behavior because he spends money here?
Really now...
@Mark
I dunno, man. Just offering up some spicy conjecture. I was hoping for an actual explanation as to why Esquire/CardiacKid/SpartanGuy has free reign to be stalker-y/make tons of profiles.
Edit: I mean, he’s not especially subtle or clever about it.
Edit 2: OH. I’m also moderately curious as to why my discussion with @SpartanGuy was deleted? Are stalker-types to be afforded some measure of respect/anonymity?
I can't personally answer to that as I wasn't involved and have zero knowledge of those cases. Perhaps a mod will reply to you.
But in regards to your conjecture, I can't think of any incentive for a mod to factor in the financial aspect of a client. It's also mentioned in the first paragraph of the private 'Principles' document a moderator reads. I quote:
"...and the potential financial implications of a mod decision should never be a consideration. The core purpose of this website is to help everyone regardless of whether someone pays for it or not."
That’s all well and good. I’m simply saying that this situation is an odd one.
We have a fellow (Esquire/CardiacKid/SpartanGuy) who has stalked an enthusiast, who has had his multiple profiles reported, and who has comments about his character conveniently deleted from the forum. He also does a fair amount of business with professionals.
Are these things connected? Maybe not. But he does, in some way, appear to be special—beyond consideration when it comes to stalking/making multiple profiles to avoid bans, at the very least. Someone was considerate enough to help him save face on the forum, however.
@hogboblin I can’t find the thread where someone said he is stalking them. Do you know where it is?
@hogboblin I do consider forum reports received for personal attacks. But, I'm not sure as to the deleted discussion that you mention.
That being said, you have connected the dots and the banhammer has come down on the offender. Well done!
You forgot DutchBoy. That's the only one of Ray's that I see isn't labeled banned. He was also @DutchBoy and @Redford. But again, at this point for me even though he literally followed me from topic to topic I no longer care and I don't fear him any longer, and he always had good reviews from the Pro's he hired.
Your pics are probably inviting the wrong type of attention. Your profile does not look very welcoming either. I get a vibe such as, "No messages that break site rules,wink wink." Seriously, your pics look like you’re offering more than platonic cuddling.
@CuddlesInParis seriously? So she was wearing that skirt and that hair in that place at that time and was , you know, just askin for it so what's a red blooded guy to do but give it to her , right 🙄
I would hate to see you on a rape trial jury ...
@pmvines , just my exact thinking on what @CuddlesInParis is saying......