Men who only want women cuddlers...why?

iomallach

I'm deliberately not asking, "why are you straight/heterosexual?" because that's as impossible of a why as asking me why I identify as bi.

I don't think sexual orientation should be a consideration in chosing a platonic partner, but looking around, it clearly seems to be, particularly among men, and I'm curious if there's a particular reason why.

Men, why are you only interested in platonic cuddling with women?

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My experience with therapy is that I've always had better treatment from male therapists, and my sexuality notwithstanding, I think I'd be more comfortable with a male cuddle partner in a one on one setting. Unfortunately, I seem to be largely alone in that on this site, among what profiles I've browsed.

BoomerSpooner

@iomallach Why does it bother you so what people’s preferences are? Live and let live. I bet some won’t be able to articulate it and won’t respond as a result because their preference is innate to them which eludes their capacity for self understanding regarding that. Everyone is wired differently and there is nothing wrong with that...usually.

hugonehugall

@iomallach why are you not asking this of women who only want to cuddle with men ?

SuperManCuddles

Nice post! I share your views about cuddling but many do not. From my perspective, many people pick cuddle buddies that are physically attractive, young and for other superficial reasons. So this site is for platonic cuddling but many people choose based on non platonic criteria. So there is a comfort for many people to follow gender orientation, rather than “just friend” criteria.

DaForceofNature

@hugonehugall probably because he's a guy, looking to know why guys aren't as open to cuddling other guys.

BoomerSpooner

@FishCuddles In a way your view as stated is equally superficial because your logic is if someone only cuddles women then they are superficial because they must only pick the attractive ones, or young, or cute etc.

Navyman1010

@iomallach Yeah why does it bother you so much!! Let us cuddle with who we want to cuddle with

You know what let me shut up before @DarrenWalker starts shaming me LOL

DonLonG

I am Asexual so sex doesn't factor into it for me. Sex was something I thought I wanted because society told me it was normal, but it wasn't until I finally tried it that I realized I didn't like it.

I am however heteroromantic which means I am emotionally attracted to women whereas men emotionally do nothing for me. Think of it as a child when you got hurt, did you want mom or dad comforting you and kissing your boo-boo? For me, I wanted my mommy. I'd even fake sobbing after I was feeling better just so she would hold me as long as possible. I would only go to dad if mom wasn't around, but want him to put me down as quick as I could stop crying.

I wasn't sexually attracted to either of my parents, prepuberty I don't think anyone's orientation matters. Although I never developed sexually, there is something that stuck with me into adulthood that has always been attracted to the nurturing and maternal energy that most women give off.

It could be nature in our culture where men were raised to be rough and tough and not show emotion in front of other men. Or it could be nurture from the deep bond I developed with my mom as a baby. Hard to say. In regards to only being emotionally attracted to women, I don't feel as If I'm broken, and I have no desire to have it fixed if it was.

BoomerSpooner

@DonLonG 👍

iomallach

@FunCartel @Navyman1010

You're misconstruing my purpose. In actuality, I'm looking for cuddle partners, but I'm surrounded by people who are unavailable. Women in my area are unavailable because they have such a rapt customer base that they can afford to be picky. Men in my area are unavailable because they have no interest in cuddling with other men.

It's not an attack as you seem to perceive it, it's genuine curiosity. I'm not trying to change anyone's mind, I just want to know if there's a reason behind their choice.

BoomerSpooner

@iomallach It was not an attack, but you kind of present it in an “explain yourself” way. You should clarify, as you did above, why you want to know and it would cut down on the defensiveness you see in the posts from several people. You would feel the same way if someone came along and started a thread and said you bisexuals, why can’t you make up your minds? But you clarified your reason and I have no quibble with that.

To answer your question—I find women more fascinating than men and from there I choose based on compatibility.

hugonehugall

I don't know about the others or the men in your area I can only speak for myself. Cuddling is about touch and feel , I'm always going to prefer the touch and feel of a woman over a man. Im not homophobic in any way or against men seeking the embrace of another man if they're open to it or prefer it. I hug my male friends on occasion when I greet them especially if we haven't seen each other for a long time but that's a different universe than cuddling up in confined space with one and just letting myself go into a headspace of vulnerability. All of that is a lot easier for me to do with a woman always has been always will be .. Hope that helps answer your question some.

mb0

Even in a completely non-sexual context, I think for most people what they want out of a cuddle is not totally unrelated to what they want out of a romantic relationship. For instance, read some non-pro women's profiles here and see how common it is they say they want someone to make them feel safe or protected.

One aspect is size. I like the feel of a smaller woman in my arms. But there's also just a different dynamic between men and women than there is between two men.

Groucho

Asked and answered

adorable48

Because I only cuddle the gender that I feel comfortable being that close too, and I’m
not attracted to, nor feel comfortable being that close to men. I won’t apologize for that because there’s no reason to.

ILikeWarmHugs

Because that’s their preference and there’s nothing wrong with that.

iomallach

@ILikeWarmHugs as I've already said above, never said there was anything wrong with that, and even though I've tried to go out of my way to be delicate with my question, many people seem to be overeager to suggest that I am implying that.

DonLonG

@iomallach 74% of communication is non-verbal. Certain tones and inflections don't translate well into typing. That's why sarcasm is harder to detect in chat. If you want to know exactly where it happened, I'll point it out.

I don't think sexual orientation should be a consideration

This statement was fine because you were expressing your personal beliefs and what's true to you. but...

but looking around, it clearly seems to be

This just changed your previous content into a statement that your personal beliefs are the only correct option that everyone should conform to, and also wrongly implying that the sexual nature applies to everyone.

That one line changed the context of your whole post. Even your experiences with therapy changed it from your own personal experience to a "Here's evidence why my belief is the only correct one" vibe about it.

I'm sure you were just generally curious and asking a legitimate question, but the wording had a trigger effect. There seems to be a lot of past trauma caused by people attacking the community that the natural defense mechanism is to band together and expel the offender like white cells fighting an infection before it spreads.

BoomerSpooner

@DonLonG Totally agree

SuperManCuddles

@FunCartel Thank you for your views about my views. To be honest I am not attracted to everyone that I cuddle with physically but have found those types of cuddles satisfying by opening my mind up without gender or appearance being barriers. However I have observed on many occasions, that many do not have preferences as open as mine. It’s their right to choose desired preferences. I am just expressing what I have witnessed not saying right, wrong, good or bad.

Groucho

"Thank you for your views about my views."

That's a classic or soon to be. I'm stealing it.

SuperManCuddles

@VN6056 Thank you very much and let me make this clear men that choose to only cuddle women as a preference are perfectly ok. I am just writing about what I witnessed. Factors like age, gender and beauty do not matter to me but to each their own. We all need to be loved ❤️and accepted!😃😎

DonLonG

When you come to crossroads in a forum debate.

BoomerSpooner

@FishCuddles wrote

many people pick cuddle buddies that are physically attractive, young and for other superficial reasons. So this site is for platonic cuddling but many people choose based on non platonic criteria.

I was pointing out your logic falls apart because you are setting it up as an either-or based on supposition that if you only cuddle women then you must be “superficial.” You have since clarified that you have “witnessed” this which changes the context altogether as it eliminates most people. I have no issue with that or your views just the logic you originally presented. Thank you for your view on misinterpreting my views of your original post.

SuperManCuddles

I stand by my statement based upon what I witnessed many people men or women choosing “cuddle buddies” based on physical attraction and other superficial factors. Many people that I know communicated to me about beauty, age and gender as being factors for cuddling (which is not platonic or based on friendship), so I recognized it in my posts. Also loving that many people are wanting to use or use my statement about more than one view. Thank you for the recognition. I respectfully disagree not misinterpretation on my part but assumptions on yours lol

Parad0x

@iomallach, my own reason for only cuddling with women is simply that I am uncomfortable around other men. I don't know why, but I dislike socializing with men, am disinterested in casual conversation with them, and am deeply uncomfortable in close proximity. Being touched by a man, even accidently or as a friendly pat on the shoulder, makes me recoil involuntarily. I can only speculate as to the reason, but I only feel comfortable in the company, and arms, of a woman.

@iomallach Your post is nothing new. There have been similar posts like yours that show a dislike for heterosexual men that want to cuddle women and not men. Each to their own. Unless a man is gay or bisexual they most likely don’t want to cuddle with another man. They want to cuddle who they are attracted to. Another user posted something about a straight men cuddling group. Or there have been posts about "Men, would you cuddle other men if there were no women around?" and so on...

I think it comes down to why anyone is on this site in the first place- they want to cuddle. Why do they want to cuddle? Because they like it. Why do they like it? Because there are endorphins and other chemicals/hormones released in our brains/bodies that are pleasurable when we cuddle. So why cuddle the gender we are otherwise attracted to? Because we experience more of those positive chemical and hormone reactions simply by being near them. It takes what we enjoy in cuddling and amplifies it.

BrianL

Women have a different, for lack of a better word, energy than men. One that I find more appealing. There's nothing sexual to it. Quite honestly, I've always gotten along with girls/women better than boys/men, with rare exception.

Melancholy

Hasnt this question been asked enough ?
Most straight guys do not want to cuddle with another guy. That's just how it is.

snugbuddy

I'm repulsed by the thought of cuddling with men. Call it nature. Call it conditioning. I don't care. The only thing that matters to me is how I feel. Who really cares who anyone wants to cuddle with? I only care who I'm interested in cuddling. Who other people choose to cuddle with is no concern or interested to me.