Assessing/Creating Cuddler Compatibly

Crataegus

I am interested in hearing from pros and non-pros.

For pros, how are you able to create and hold a safe, intimate, platonic vibe and space almost instantaneously and independent of the client’s personality, energy, and vibe?

For non pros, how are you able to assess relative compatibility with a potential cuddler in a meet and greet? Are there ways of assessing compatibility online?

I know I like having control, but I also don’t want to waste people’s time. And, I am in awe of what pros do to create that compatibility seemingly out of thin air, which makes me wonder if I’m just full of s#^t: anyone can be compatible if I just make it about serving the other person. That sounds true to me. Not sure what do with that though. I am looking for that cuddle session in which I can be still and breathe and just feel the warmth of the other person and take them in through several senses, which relaxes me like nothing else. I wonder if pros take in good feelings for themselves too in a session. I am trying to navigate and understand this new world. Thanks in advance for any wisdom you care to share.

Sheena123

For me, it differs between every client I have. Each one craves or needs something specific. Whether it be silence and me holding them while playing with their hair, or just giving them someone to talk to about any and everything! Some just want a friend to play pool with or watch YouTube videos. It’s totally different across the board. You have to communicate with each person and find out what makes them tick. Being a genuine and communicative person helps with a dash of sympathy or empathy depending on the situation. Of course, some are pretty straightforward in what they want. “Hold me like this, scratch my back like that, talk to me about this”.

Also, if you love what you do, it shows in your session with your cuddler. They feed off of your warmth and compassion. Don’t be fake! Honestly connect with them and their needs. If you don’t understand what they want, just simply ask what they look forward to the most in a session with you. ☺️

Crataegus

Thanks, @Sheena123 those are great and practical solutions and practices.

littermate

As a non pro who is rather new at this, and as a woman, I go through a screening process that starts with communication. I am looking for a few things 1) how likely are you to have good boundaries and be respecting the platonic nature of this endeavor 2) how authentic are you so that I can feel you through your words and get the kind of person that you are vs. having to guess, not being able to tell, feeling things that are hidden or unexpressed, etc. 3) how likely are you to see me as a fellow human and versus solely an object for the satiation of your need? I do this implicitly -- in other words, there's a screening process going on based on this, but I had to look into it to see what values were implicit in it. I think it can help to assess what qualities you are looking for and then how you might be able to tell via word on screen if the person possesses those? I know there are likely fine humans who don't have great communication skills who I may be passing up, but for me, communication is really everything if I'm going to be pressing my body up against yours.

Then, no matter how articulate and real you are, I have to meet you, for my body to assess in real time and actuality, if I naturally feel like there's food or interest for me in cuddling with a particular person. If I feel like it's all one way and there's not much there for me, I might or might not want to cuddle, especially if the person is unconscious of their level of need and foisting it upon me, versus taking responsibility for it. I want it to be mutually nourishing.

Hope that helps.

Crataegus

@littermate I love that: “for my body to assess in real time and actuality...” You trust your body to inform your gut. I am getting that successful nonpro cuddling requires lots of trust—trust in oneself and in the other. Thank you. Your words are very helpful.

littermate

Glad @Crataegus. Yes, my body is really intelligent. It does require trust, but I feel that that trust can be built as we interact with one another. Or blown.