I had someone with one profile pic with no face contact me. Then after we conversed a while, he sent another with a face. It was clear to me that the first picture was a different person, designed to attract attention (or a much younger photo). That felt deceptive to me. It turned a nice message connection into one of mistrust. Don't lie to me and expect me to want to be close to you, no matter what you look like.
Exactly. Not to one up you but when I met one partner, she bluntly said, "You should take new pics. You look much better in person!"
@WiseTraveler bonus! I doubt anyone would perceive that as deception!
@littermate Good point about the deception issue. This activity is so demanding of trust, that the slightest deception, about anything, will often be a deal-breaker.
@geoff1000 Exactly.
I'm noticing that even if someone is warm and friendly, if they show patterns of stuff that might play out later, I'm on alert - the deception thing is one. Another is, how much care do they take in our communication? If they don't take care there, will they take care when they're close to me? How self-focused are they? Will they be focused only on what they want? How able to understand and respond to my boundaries are they? How easy is it to communicate? I'm just figuring that how it goes in the initial stages is likely to reflect how it could go in the later ones.
Sometimes I want to throw all this screening into the sea and just snuggle. But right now being new at it I'm erring on the conservative side until I feel more like a veteran of it.
@littermate In a risky situation, we often ask, "What's the worst that could happen ?" Perhaps we ( self-included ) should also more often ask "What's the worst that could happen, to the other person". What are they worried about, whether reasonably or not ? We are harmed also by being in fear, of that which can harm us. I was giving someone a lift to the railway station, and we were running late by my mistake. The next train was in an hour, and they would miss their appointment. I therefore promised that if we missed this train, I would drive them the whole way, arriving on time, and saving them the taxi fare at the other end. They took a bit of convincing that I was genuine, but we arrived on time anyway ; I wasn't panicking, because I knew I could correct my mistake. Part of the worry for non-pros in particular, must be that when they meet, they don't then want to cuddle for some reason, but feel obliged to, so have to be very sure at the outset. That's why I keep trying to emphasise that a commitment to meet, is only that ; and if things aren't just right, an hour of polite conversation will you just fine. If someone invited me out to a posh restaurant, but then said they were short of cash, I'd be happy to eat in McDonald's. I want them to know that I'm not there for the food, but the human connection.
@geoff1000 I don't want to waste my time or anyone else's and am focused on having the experience I want and not an experience I don't want and want that for my prospective cuddle partners too. I think the kind of clarity you're talking about is important up front. Not everyone has ease in that area! I'm fine not cuddling and stopping cuddling at any point and I'm fine for another to do the same. Nice exchanging with you!