Hoping That This Helps Someone

NewGuy711

We are all here for different reasons and part of why I'm here is this. Just 7 years ago at the age of 33 I discovered that I'd been adopted. Shortly after reaching out to the adoption agency for info. They sent me 3 pages of facts about my biological family. Attached are the first 2 paragraphs. Since learning everything and finding all of my biological family, including 7 siblings that my birth mom relinquished. It's had effects on my well being including leading to divorce, ect. Cuddling has helped to get through some rough times. Also hearing stories of others with unfavorable beginnings. I'm here to simply say that you're not alone. This could go on and on but I'll stop here for now. Thanks for listening. I'll look out for responses later.

BoomerSpooner

@NewGuy711 I understand cuddling helping you, but I sincerely hope you reached out for some counseling because I can see where there would be some deep seated issues and anger there. I wish you the best.

littermate

to you @NewGuy711

Hi new guy - support from a mom here who was artificially inseminated. I had such a bad childhood with my bio parents it was I guess you could say - a pre emptive strike. I wouldn’t wish them on anyone. I hope you found your way - biology is nothing without care and every child is a gem ❤️

sillysassy

So many hugs to you mister. I'm with @FunCartel on this one.... Cuddling is amazing as a tool but not the only thing needed in your healing process. Here's to you becoming your best self with a better understanding of your past.

snuggleme123

Im not discounting your past, but always remember you are not defined by your past or other people. No one holds any power over you that you do not give them. You have an unmeasurable amount of love and support flowing toward you from this community and from those around you. We are all here for you. You are not alone! You are loved!

You are Amazing!

littermate

@snuggleme123 you're killing me, letting that love light shine!

biancalovecraft

Thanks for sharing this. I feel deep pity for your biological mother. It sounds like life really had its way with her.
Obviously, finding out you were adopted is going to kick off an identity crisis, and learning that you descend from a history like this is devastating to the psyche and subconscious.
But your adoption got you out of a cycle of generational trauma that could have otherwise perpetuated forever.
For contrast and perspective:
I have a client who was raised in foster, and kicked out on his 18th birthday.
He was bonded to these people from infancy.

I'm glad cuddling is helping you, but cuddlers are really just supportive friends. That can make all the difference, but we're just as lost as anyone.

I hope you will commit to some form of professional counseling, if only temporarily to help you give order to your reaction.

geoff1000

I am so reminded of Silas Marner, or rather the movie adaptation with Steve Martin called "A Simple Twist Of Fate".

angela10

@NewGuy711 my heart goes out to you about your birth mother and other siblings. But you should move forward and not look back. I had multiple serious physical injuries that resulted in several surgeries and medical leave from work in the last 7 years. Also a horrible marriage that ended in divorce. And recently another serious medical issue that requires surgery and a couple of months of recovery afterwards. My first injury was so intolerable, I even asked my exhusband to kill me to end my misery. The point is.....you need to stay positive and let go of your past. Unfortunately we can't undo nor change something that is not even your fault in the past.

From what I read about your profile.... You have a very positive, loving and caring feedback from your cuddlers. Continue to be the "light of the world" Matthew 5:14.

snuggleme123

@angela10 AMEN!

Sideon

@NewGuy711 - best wishes on your journey. Instead of pleading that you get counseling, I'm going to go another route and suggest that adoptees have just as many if not more coping mechanisms and fortitude than others. Adoptees grow up in two worlds: their given and their biological. What is a universal is that adoptees and non-adoptees also get this lesson that family is chosen, and fathers and mothers get to earn their respect as much as anyone else does. That said, there are some family members I love more than Jake Gyllenhaal, others I couldn't sell on Ebay if I wanted to, and others who wouldn't even make it as an organ donor. Family miles will vary, so they say.

If cuddling can help along the way, so much the better.

snuggleme123

I would also add to be stated what I hope is already known by you and those who are in these shoes. Just because you learn the identity of biological family. That does not negate the love and dedication that was and is given by the adoptive family. Your identity and position doesnt change with them because you learned of a new identity.

geoff1000

I can't imagine being adopted ; but I remember the first time a girl said to me, effectively, "I choose you".

Turtles lay their eggs on a beach, and never see them again ; some female spiders lay their eggs, then bite themselves with poison so their babies get a first meal. I guess female humans run across most of that range.

littermate

I say we can give you all kinds of advice but the seed of your healing and dealing comes from inside you and what you're drawn to. You are obviously beautiful and sweet-hearted from what I've seen of you on here and I trust your heart to guide you to where you need to go to feel good about the man that you are in the world, integrating and healing your past and opening to the unwritten potential of your future.

snuggleme123

@littermate 👍👍👍

BoomerSpooner

@NewGuy711 Looking forward is of course the optimal thing to do but parsing out that common sense wisdom and homilies are mere words and sometimes it is not that simple. Sometimes even those that are the strongest and armed with all means of tools and coping still get pulled under into a dark place. If this is even beginning to happen you should talk to people you love and let them know what is going on because waiting just makes the journey back to the light all that more arduous. You are not weak for doing that. It takes more guts to admit you need some support and help than to put on a mask and pretend you are tough and everything is hunky-dory. I am in your corner no matter what.

I am just concerned that after 7 years you bring this up in the Christmas season—this is a tough time for things like this. I could be wrong, but bringing this up now makes me think at the very least you have a touch of the blues. Please take care of yourself. I understand what you are going through. My mom was killed instantly in a plane crash around this time of the year and every flight I take (and I take well over 100 flights every year) reminds me of her because of her passing and she was a pilot on top of that. It does take me back even though it has been over 20 years. But I flew with her and even took the wheel on occasion so between it being my mom and the shared experiences this time of the year kind of sucks. I admit it and it is one of the reasons why I have three cuddle sessions scheduled this week. It helps. But I still have to put in work.

littermate

@FunCartel
@snuggleme123 thanks man

You have an amazing story. Parents, when finding out they are expecting, have 3 choices- adoption, abortion, or raising the child themselves. Some choose to raise their children though they don't want them, and that child knows it. You have the privilege of coming into a family that had a choice of hundreds of thousands of children worldwide waiting to be adopted. And they chose YOU. And they loved YOU. I often think those who are adopted have a special insight to God because when we accept Him, He adopts us as His own son or daughter. So look at where you were raised, and the implications that has, not where you were "made".

angela10

@creedhands Very true. Thank you!

pmvines

I commend anybody for reaching out for commonality and telling their story. I do recommend that anybody who wishes to share personal info to think through what it is they are sharing , and to whom, as sometimes when we are not feeling well mentally our impulse is to purge and get it out of our system. However sometimes over sharing, or sharing something deeply personal, can lead to regret once the moment of purging has passed.

BoomerSpooner

@pmvines So I had this fungus on my....

angela10

@FunCartel 🤣🤣🤣

NewGuy711

Just getting a chance to read the replies. You all are awesome. For me it helps to let this stuff out. I've been doing great though. Got involved with lots of things adoption related such as becoming a CASA. Started an adoptee support group. Even helped a few people find their blood roots as well. For me mainly since divorce the physical connections have become more important. Thank you all. From time to time you'll see me post but I'm not great with direct replies.

NewGuy711

Wish they had the emoji like buttons like on Facebook to reply with, haha

snuggleme123

Glad to hear you are doing well. Helping others is always the best way to heal yourself!

God Bless

littermate

Yay you @NewGuy711. You look eminently snuggle-able.

geoff1000

I find that some situations are bad, because of a feeling of not having any control over them. I hope this is a place where people are reassured that they can take things at their own pace.
Unlike Fight Club, we don't have to participate until we want to.

DonLonG

@geoff1000 Dude! What's the first rule of Fight Club? Also, you haven't been to the meetings, we don't call it Fight Club anymore, now it's...

geoff1000

@DonLonG
I'm blown away. . . 😀

MissAdventurous

@DonLonG you officially just broke the internet. That is brilliant 😂