I hope you can find your way to a better perspective here on CC. I went through a period in my life where I struggled with my understanding on various levels of relationship expectations. It took about one full year of abstinence, counseling, a spiritual intensive and support from friends to arrive at a better place for myself. CC now acts as a reminder of how important it is for me to be able to come and go from close, physical contact with another person and truly let go. Until that day came in my life, I was never truly free.
"You are a sexual being. Embrace and express it in healthy ways and if you cannot, deliberately seek out people who can help you to do that" - Teal Swan
Perspective comes from seeking answers to questions your spirit feels hard-pressed to ask. From having the blessing of a community of folks who are invested in sharing themselves and their time in helping one to build the kind of mindset that encourage and enhance growth. Because they too have created that space in which they are also seeking and learning about themselves. It takes two or more to grow the kind of community where one can find and enrich one's perspective.
It takes tolerance of and open communication about different life journeys and experiences to truly build that kind of community. It also requires accountability to oneself and others to encourage and grow an atmosphere in which folks feel free to express themselves as they are as well as reach out to others for support as s/he needs it.
It also takes collective honesty to thoughtfully and respectfully share concerns with a member about his or her words and actions that seem off hand or raises questions about his or her mental and emotional well being. To encourage and guide that member to utilizing the dearth of resources available on the world wide web and through the numerous organizations devoted to addressing that concern. Without saying and doing things to make that member feel pilloried or ostracized.