I saw this video a couple of days ago.
It describes five types of attraction. There may be more. Food for thought: It classifies cuddling as a sensual attraction.
I also experience what I would describe as intellectual attraction, where I am attracted to a person who I find interesting and with whom I can have intelligent conversations. Perhaps it is a subset of platonic attraction.
I wouldn't say sexual attraction is nonexistent in a platonic relationship - I've had plenty of friends where there was attraction on one or both sides. We just didn't act on it for a variety of reasons -- usually that one of us was partnered. But we were still close friends.
I also experience intellectual attraction, and attraction to someone because of their humor. I also feel a soul/heart attraction, where I just admire their soul/heart/depth and feel drawn because of it.
Thanks @MrPaul. An interesting discussion item!
Attraction is a quality or an essence that draws one to something or someone. That quality can be a sense. It can be a thought. It can be an action or a simple gesture. It can be an image. It can be whatever engages the mind, body and spirit in such a way that it draws one to it.
So attraction can happen in different ways and evolve differently over time. I can be attracted aesthetically to someone's voice while having no visual picture of what s/he looks like. Over time as I get to know the person better I may become more attracted to his or her mind and perspective on life. Or may lose that attraction as I become more affected by his/her personality .
Or I may feel drawn to a person's emotional energy that evolves into something more physical or sexual.
And yes I do believe there is intellectual attraction where one is drawn to the ideas sparked by another's mind. That was the core of my attraction to my ex. We were both in an academic environment where intellectual debates were routine. And we built a romantic relationship based on a deep and abiding attraction to each other's thoughts and ideas. He was very good at starting conversations that turned into epic debates. He would use his logic to work his way around every argument.
And I think there may even be kinesthetic attraction. Where one is drawn to the physical energy of another. Or to idea of always being on the move
Some people like to travel and explore new places. And they're drawn to the energy of doing different activities around that.
Sensual, tactile attraction. One is drawn to the sensations felt around being touched by and touching others. That's an attraction for some. You get lost in your own feelings around the sounds another make to show his or her appreciation. The visual of eye gazes and smiles is another medium of attraction.
I find these definitions troublesome, i feel like they over lap in most cases. With the exception of intellectual and aesthetic. I have experienced intellectual attraction independently of any of the others. I’ve also experienced aesthetic attraction that for what ever reason i don’t have the others. I guess everything is on a spectrum and they often over lap.
Romantic attraction is the one that has the most restrictions i think. I could have all the other attractions but yet not have that.
I do believe that aesthetic can be independent, yet rare. And sexual the same.
But for me i think the lines most often get crossed.
I agree that they are not independent of each other. I contemplated the aesthetic attraction until I figured out how that could exist in a case where you find yourself drawn to the visual looks of a person, but then meet them and find that you are repelled by negative aspects of their personality - yet the admiration of physical beauty is still present in your mind. I have experienced it.
I think these definitions are useful in getting us thinking about what we find attractive in a way that helps us understand ourselves.
Thanks for your insights into other forms of attraction. I agree, and perhaps each of us being unique in our tastes find yet more forms of attraction yet unmentioned. I too have had auditory attraction to voices of people I have not met, but lost the attraction after meeting them and learning more.
I now think of platonic attraction as an aspect of my attraction to male friends, whereby I have no desire outside of the friendship and intellectual exchange of ideas and thoughts.
I also find I can be sensually attracted to most women, desiring to cuddle, but not always sexually attracted to them.
Thank you all for an interesting discussion!
@MrPaul thanks for posting this video. The complexity of each type of attraction discussed along with the acknowledgment that one's background and culture informs their view on each is spot-on. Also, the fact that types of attraction often overlap really resonated with me.
Attraction is highly emotional, rarely cut-and-dry, and in fact, has alway been quite complicated for me as I'm an "over thinker" by nature. For me, platonic as defined, can and often overlaps with aesthetic and sensual, but not romantic or sexual. Being able to parse-out or identify this has truly been beneficial in my discussions regarding boundaries and consent with my cuddle partners. At one point my aesthetic preference made me feel shallow or vain on some level, but not anymore. It was actually during a conversation with a cuddle partner that helped me realize that aesthetic attraction is just an element of my prism and doesn't make me shallow or vain. Mostly, because she felt I came across as respectful, empathetic and complex, and not shallow or vain in the least. It was a relief to share something I had been holding on to for so long as a negative, only to find out it was only that way in my mind -- and not necessarily to others. Her perspective allowed me to released this self-imposed burden.
I appreciate the video and discussion.
Thanks for posting the positive message about your experience. I’m delighted that this information has helped you overcome negative feelings about yourself that were unfounded.
I will continue to post helpful information when I encounter it for the benefit of the cuddling community. I’m so happy to be making a positive impact. 😃
Attraction with people works two ways. I may have feelings for them but they may not for me. Or they may have different feelings for me than I have for them. And your or their feelings can change over time. This is a much more complex subject than portrayed in that simplistic video.
Being approached, If I am approached this person becomes a standout and is guaranteed some time spent at any relationship level. For me that is a strong #6.
Thank you so much for posting this - I've had difficulties trying to explain different types of attraction to people who feel like attraction is just sexual and I've actually lost friends because of it. Maybe they weren't really friends - I don't know, but it's frustrating to try and navigate through this stuff with people who only see things as black or white. I have a lot of love to give, and I'm attracted to lots of people especially when they make me feel safe - but that all goes out the window when they misinterpret things, expect more than I'm willing to give, or try to push for more - even when I've discussed clear boundaries. Thanks again and happy cuddling!
Thanks for your words of appreciation! I’m always happy to hear that someone benefits from something I do.
I've shared the video on my Facebook and had a few friends leave positive comments as well It's one thing to try and talk to someone about this kind of stuff - it's a whole other thing to show them information like this to get them to understand
@MrPaul Love this thread! After reading the thread and going back to the video I thought there are two types missing (I feel) and you mentioned one. Intellectual. I do believe it I could be a subset of platonic but I also believe if you have an intellectual attraction to someone it in certain situations enhances several of the other types of attraction. Another type of attraction which is rare is when two souls are attracted to each other. For whatever reason you feel compelled to know someone. Their presence just attracts you and for whatever reason your souls were just meant to meet. It doesn’t mean they were meant to connect permanently but for whatever reason God wanted them to connect and if anyone has ever felt it you know what I mean.
When you meet someone that just their presence in your life fulfills several of these attractions I would say you are blessed. I am blessed, I am definitely blessed.
@littermate I apologize, I see you mentioned a soul connection! When someone has a good heart, sense of humor and a good soul, those are people I want to be surrounded by, loved by and to love!
No worries @CreativeCuddles ! There can't be too much of a good thing.
The soul connection, rare indeed.
It reminds me of when I hug a person tightly and they hug back tightly and hold for more than three seconds, and they say “you’re a hugger” - I find myself in the presence of another great hugger! Yeah, like that. I like those people a lot.
No-one has mentioned financial attraction. You rarely see a rich person marry a poor person. There have been many books and even TV programs on "How to marry a millionaire", usually aimed at women seeking rich men. It is especially evident in Hollywood. When did you last see a famous actress marry a poor guy. Cher did once, she married a construction worker, Larry Fortensky and she has been quoted as saying it was the most successful of all her marriages. But on the whole, money attracts money.
I’ll agree. Successful people typically want to pair up with other successful people. Though that is more of preference rather than a form attraction. I think there are lots of other characteristics that fall into preference, and it is not a precise science. Thanks for your comment.