Appreciation for Cuddlers

Crataegus

I’ve recently had the experience of trying to use other apps to find cuddlers of all genders and evolving. I get all kinds of unhelpful reactions from people who may not have experienced cuddling like I have in the arms of touch desiring/craving people like some of you. In contrast, I have only received from some of you, kindness, camaraderie, joyfulness, interest, wisdom, support, silence, and encouragement. Very few games. Real people with good intentions. So, I tip my hat to you all, and thank you for doing you so well. Please comment if you also appreciate the uniqueness of this community. Thanks.

MrPaul

@Crataegus
I truly appreciate this cuddling community as well. I feel at home here, and I feel supported and comfortable sharing ideas and thoughts with others on this website. I’m grateful it exists and grateful for those of us who put in the extra time and effort to communicate in the forums.

ILikeWarmHugs

I am forever thankful for this community. It saved me from a very dark place of depression and not wanting to exist anymore. It helped me remember that life really is beautiful.

geoff1000

Seconded, or rather thirded.
The respondents on the forum are mostly supportive ; and it is comforting to know that if I made the effort, a cuddle is less than 24 hours away.

SunnyD

Agree all around. When I first joined cuddle comfort I was in a very dark place and in desperate need of the simple affection cuddling brings. I appreciate a lot more, I socialize more, and deeply grateful for this community.

littermate

Here's one of my many appreciations.

Besides the wonderful connections I've made, I find the service that this platform/community is offering the world as groundbreaking, rare and necessary for our times. I find the relations between women and men, especially around intimacy/sexuality/closeness, to be pretty fraught out there. The paradigm of closeness IS sexuality and as a woman, I find it over-sexualized, over-focused on "getting some" and claustrophobic to my process of developing intimacy and getting close to people. I also find it overly focused on ownership and exclusivity. I also find it over-romanticized, in that the model of relating is full of projection, fantasy and child-like hopes of salvation by soul-mate. Ack.

What this site provides is a platform, paradigm, structure and rules of engagement that support a more human way of connecting, and a place where humans can find each other without either seeing each other as something to use for sexual gratification or something to use for my personal happily-ever-after story. Sure we can still "use" each other for cuddling and I certainly have run into that mentality here, but there's also a culture of the long-time cuddlers that is about honoring other human beings and connecting in a human way. More I-Thou than use.

@sillysassy and I were talking about how there's a culture here that supports women's ways of connecting and gives us room to breathe and an avenue to connect deeply without the pressure of either the sex-track or the romance-monogamy-happily-ever-after track. The paradigm frees us to express the love that's in our hearts on our terms, with a great deal of the education and boundary-setting already done by the nature of the site. Granted we still have to emphasize our boundaries, take care in screening, and fend off the inevitable folks looking for something else, but the paradigm itself supports this.

Thus, I experience this community as a laboratory for growing new ways of thinking about intimacy, especially for me between women and men. It's giving us a place to have lots of safe practice in being close to one another without putting any designs on each other. I think it's evolutionary and wonderful and I'm deeply grateful for this fabulous playground and lab within which I can express my heart.

Finally, as a woman, to have the support of the male-moderators (around banning) and the support of many of the men on this site for the boundaries we set and the respect for women's ways is amazingly healing and sweet. So it's not just the structure, but the humans who support it, that is groundbreaking.

There are other things I love about this site, but this is already long so I'll end here.

PS Sex is great and having a long-term partner is great. I'm not opposed to either. What am I tired of though, is seeing each other through a lens of use in both the sexual and romantic arena, thereby missing the rich ground of undefined, going nowhere, closeness-for-closeness'-sake, agenda-less, present-moment, loving human connection.

It's a great community. But only for those in a place where they can receive, embrace and give as much. Only for those who are already grounded in at least one deep meaningful connection with another. Where in that already existing grounding bond provides a cushion for the hurtful moments the cuddling experience inevitably brings.

By itself like with everything else in life being a part of this community can be as harmful as anything else. It can be more isolating. It can seriously challenge your sense and meaning of existence. It can make you feel like a worthless piece of protoplasm. It can cause you to question your own self worth.

That's why having at least one grounding offline connection or bond with another is so important. Especially on a unique site such as this one. You need that bond during times when your risk taking efforts with your vulnerable self throw you in a negative neurological feed back loop.

When the above factors are present, it's great. Like the above-mentioned posters before have said. It's a great way to make connections without necessarily needing or wanting more. And because most persons are also taking those risks with their own vulnerabilities by putting themselves out there too it creates the opportunity for some amazing experiences one would otherwise not have.

Generally people are very sincere and genuine in their intentions. They are pretty open hearted and minded. It's been a lot of fun just being able to interact with people who speak from their souls. One may not always like what is said. But the candor is real and heartfelt. And the opportunity to bend and stretch definitions and notions and mindsets is ever present. This is one site that offers up the opportunity for one to process one's experience in such an intimate and often intense way as one does with cuddling and view it from many different perspectives.

Far beyond the physical act of cuddling is the chance to truly meet people wherever they are, wherever you are and share on a deep meaningful mental emotional and spiritual level. That's what's so unique about CC. You don't even have to physically cuddle with someone to get that benefit. You just have to be open minded and mentally and emotionally balanced to handle and negotiate the ebb and flow that invariably occurs in any situation or interaction.

I signed up initially in July 2019 and naively tried to spark some interest among female cuddlists of the amateur variety. One lone response included the suggestion that I try a Pro. At the time I felt that was not an option, so I ran off and deleted, but recently came back with the intention of trying Pros. So far, the two I met have been great. I have had damaging sexual experiences in the past . I’m feeling that cuddling is therapeutic. So far this site has been surprisingly simple in arranging sessions. One thing I would like to see more of is karma in my karma box! That is to say, if I meet with you and give you utmost respect for your boundaries, and be friendly and comforting, and then drop some karma in your box, it would be nice to receive the same. I’m thinking that Pros have demanding lives and schedules. Still, it’s important to me, and I presume others too, and maybe should be emphasized more in the app.

pmvines

I appreciate this community because it is not easy as a grown ass adult with a healthy sex drive to say to another grown ass adult with a healthy sex drive that I just wanna cuddle . A place like this saves the need to explain or justify that.

littermate

@IvanTokodol I think karma should be required from pros. You might want to add that to the website suggestions thread. It seems only fair because there are a fair number of guys who go to pros just to get some karma reports so the nonpros are reassured.

@pmvines I appreciate the term "grown ass."

@bles well said.

pmvines

@littermate I see where you are coming from , however my issue with required karma is there are a lot of men who get good karma who shouldn't , as there is a fear of retaliation for negative karma . The alternative to that is giving no karma at all . I would not want to see that option being removed from a pro . I feel it should be left as an "at will" thing to do at the person's discretion

MrCuddlenity

From a man's point of view. I appreciate the women professionals. In general, most of the women and the karmas I read of clients who had sessions with them are genuine women in caring for people and getting the vibes themselves. There are so many to choose from. I wish I can meet all that I favorited for many reasons and new ones coming our way. If I never the ones who really spark my interests, know you are celebrated, accepted, and cared for from afar

littermate

@pmvines excellent point.

geoff1000

In the WW2 movie "The Eagle Has Landed" a very risky military action is justified by the comparison, "A wink from a pretty girl at a party rarely leads to a climax, but a man would be a fool not to push it just as far as it will go".

I think over the last few decades, men have realised that if they can "assure pretty girls that they will not be pushed as far as they will go", they will be more willing to give winks. If they know men will not always take a mile, they will be more willing to give them an inch.

Sadly there are always those who exploit those who trust, and "once bitten, twice shy" applies.

littermate

Thanks @geoff1000, ever our champion.

@sillysassy and I were talking about how attractive it is in men to have our boundaries respected and to have men see things from our point of view. It's sort of counterintuitive I imagine for guys, but the more our boundaries are respected, the less rigid they become. We have to build walls if we feel like we are the only ones setting the boundaries. When we feel sensitivity and respect, then we can feel safe to soften. When we're pushed, the door comes down.

cuddlerforu24

@pmvines .., as littermate said ... perhaps the pro should . You say , an alternative is to leave no karma at all . Well , then there is no public display of such encounter . A client with karma displayed , gives another professional , viewing the prospective clients profile , a chance to quietly consult the Professionally who left the karma ( in this case inaccurate) , to get disposition of the client .

If no karma is left , then there is no way another professional , can get a real time report .

pmvines

@cuddlerforu24 I said there should always be a choice whether or not to leave karma and not make it where it must be left as a rule. It should always be optional in my opinion. I appreciate @littermate opinion on this as well as yours, however I still feel the same

cuddlerforu24

There exists the possibility of injury that could have been prevented .

If a client , bad client , rightly should be left a negative report , such a report should be made . I see that the consequence to the professional leaving the bad report , gets a retaliatory report . By leaving a false report , or no report at all , exclusively for the purpose of displaying an “ image”, there is no warning to successive professionals , booking sessions with the creep .

I would hate to see an injury to a professional cuddler , from a creep,which could have been prevented , for the sake of window dressing ...

pmvines

Nobody wants that , but mandatory karma will not prevent the absence of negative karma to those who deserve it

cuddleNsqueeze

There is much to be said about a community that welcomes online strangers to meet eachother for physical touch. It is non sexual, platonic, but still physical touch. As human beings we need this and so we meet and trust eachother and embrace eachother for it. As a professional I have met very lonely people and I have held them, some in tears, and offerred encouraging loving words. I have felt some of their pain and only hope that I was able to relieve some of it. I have felt the fullfillment of helping that person by offering something that they feel is not readily available to them but that should be.
My father was not affectionate when I was a child and when I was a teenagerI asked him why and he explained that his father was not affectionate with him either. We worked on asking eachother for hugs and reminded eachother not to take the availability of affection for granted because one day we may be too far apart to embrace eachother.
I had taken a break from this community last year because I had received to many requests for "more than cuddling" and I wondered if the community had changed, had never been what I thought it was, or if I was the problem. I recently returned because I found myself missing the meaningful loving and caring embraces I had once shared with the respectful cuddles I met here. I am happy to be back because offering others affection is also offering myself affection at the same time. As someone who does not always have affection available from another adult I appreciate that we have this medium to express ourselves and get our needs met.

cuddlerforu24

@pmvines. Yes , I agree mandatory karma does not guarantee honesty . But a mandatory public report would display who wrote it, and , another cuddler could contact that author , for additional info .

Anyhow ,
Forget about the mandatory reporting . There could be just plain honesty of a bad encounter . The negative feedback should be left on the offenders profile.Even if it means a sacrifice of a cuddlers image , which could be explained .

respectful

@Crataegus "Please comment if you also appreciate the uniqueness of this community."

This place was an amazing discovery -- the whole idea of platonic affection and intimacy really resonates with me. The forum has been a bit up and down over the two years I've been here but it's been a nice safe and supportive place recently.

It's also quite amazing meeting different kinds of people. Everyone has their own unique point of view, and I've had some awesome conversations during cuddles. And some great talks via messages with people I may never meet in person.

So I highly value CC and the people here. It's worth protecting!

geoff1000

@littermate
I had several cars with very unreliable brakes. Whenever I approached an intersection, I would dab them very early to feel they were working, then brake gently in case I needed to use the handbrake instead.
Now I brake later, confident the brakes will stop me if I need them to, which means I can often continue around the intersection without stopping.

I like to think of a physical encounter that way, if you know you can stop it when you want, you are happier to go faster.

Or imagine a guard rail fence around the roof of a building, which allows you to get much closer to the edge and enjoy the view better, without worrying you will fall off.

I liked the idea in cuddle parties of practicing saying stop, like the occasional dab of brakes, which counterintuitively ( as you said ) actually gives you the confidence, which allows you to drive faster.

littermate

@geoff1000 you are more ready with the metaphor than anyone I know.

I have not experienced the welcome of which you speak, but that said, I am hopeful that I will find a connection.

sillysassy

Awwwwwwww @littermate It was such a wonderful conversation!!! We had so much fun discussing the ins and outs of this community as well as the premise behind it. What an amazing human!!! 😊😊😊

One fun thing that I appreciate about this cuddle community is the ability to meet people with like-mindedness which for a LOT of people on this site, permeates into MOST areas of our lives. The desire and willingness to explore ideas that are out of the ordinary is something that I see over and over and over with the members here. This idea is still so new and the people that support it (for the most part) are open to non-traditional. I LOVE THAT!! I love that @Mark, through his own life experience, decided to take a notion to the people and let it morph into something fabulous. It has had its ups and downs to be sure. It isn't always easy to be on the forefront of something, to be groundbreaking and lots of people want it to be pain free, but he was so committed to this community and the people it might reach he was willing to keep slaying the dragons and walking through the muck.

I was talking with @quietman775 about the ick that is out there on ALL of the cuddle sites. It's no wonder people come to this community and expect it to be another site of the same mindset and premise of "hit-it-and-quit-it" or "get all you can" mentality. The beautiful thing about the people who are committed to the idea of Cuddle Comfort take pride in helping it to stay focused in the original direction. As @littermate said it is the community of men and women on here who take ownership in helping to redirect those humans that are looking for a different fix. What this site conveys and what a lot of us have hope for is the deeper connection that comes with thoughtful interaction... touch AND discussion. I love that we get to figure out a new way to relate to other humans so we don't "miss the rich ground of undefined, going nowhere, closeness-for-closeness'-sake, agenda-less, present-moment, loving human connection."

@Crataegus THANK YOU SO MUCH for your honesty... Your willingness to share your experiences.... your authenticity of struggle even in the midst of your pain sometimes. I appreciate you. It is a lovely thing to feel like we can relate to people who are IN THE PROCESS of figuring things out.

I'll stop.... I could go on and on and on.... I'll stop. (Did I use fabulous too much??????😂😁😊)

littermate

One more fabulous -- fabulous @sillysassy! So sweet to meet you in person you bundle of positivity and generosity!

sillysassy

Awwwwwwww @littermate I just left karma. I love that the uniqueness of this community allows a woman to comment on the awesomeness of another woman enthusiast!!! No we didn't cuddle.... but she gives GREAT HUGS!!!!! So fun to share thoughts and ideas.

littermate

Oh, yeah, I'll do that too. And likewise. You are the dearest.

geoff1000

@littermate
Glad you like the metaphors 😀

Many years ago while in lodgings, I needed to charge up my car battery, and asked my landlady if it was OK to run a mains cable out of the window. She said no, but wouldn't say why. After a long discussion, I offered to pay the few pence for the cost of the electricity, at which point she said, "I won't take your money, I just wanted you to offer". It wasn't an Electric Vehicle, just a normal car with a petrol engine, so needed less energy than boiling a kettle or running a load of laundry, so I had no idea that was important to her, else I would have offered sooner.

I had a very enjoyable relationship for a while, by assuring my dating partner that she could "have a dessert", even if she didn't want to "first eat up all her vegetables".
I don't think anyone had ever suggested that to her before, and she had been brain-washed to not consider suggesting it.

Cuddling is a stand-alone activity, like drinking tea ; which can be done with other activities, but doesn't have to be. I think that is the key message of this site.

littermate

I think cuddling and dessert is a fine combination.