Male/Female Dynamics on this site

edited January 14 in General

Has anybody noticed how we respond differently to men and women on this site? How the dynamics are favored for the women? Or is it just me and my lack of responses that has me jaded?

Or is there really a difference, a different set of dynamics for the women on here than men?

I have read that women, even in the same age range as me, with no pic, get bombarded with messages, or at least some, while i get zero emails, Zero, none, never, and i have participated on the forum and share and i think i am a nice decent evolved guy.

My assumption is i can write something really good and deep on the forum, which i think i have and most wont take notice or thank me or what not, but if a female writes the same exact thing, the guys would be thanking her and telling her how good it is and how appreciative they are, and wanting to talk, etc.

I was born in a male body but sometimes, at least on sites like this, it pays to be a woman, they just have it easier. Would love to hear from both men and women their thoughts on this topic and i am open to all comments, thanks.

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Comments

  • Don't know where greg is but you are, indeedy, not crazy.

  • @dharma1257 I’m sorry it’s feeling frustrating for you. It definitely boils down to the men versus women ratio I think. Certainly has nothing to do with you as a person because every conversation I have with you is a delight. Unfortunately, with there being so few women, especially enthusiasts, they definitely get bombarded with messages. Or sucks knowing most messages they get are probably so invading and horrible that they give up trying all together even when an awesome person like you messages them. I wish I could help make you feel better and show you how great of a human you are but sometimes that’s a battle within.

  • So, to be honest...regardless of what site you're on (with a few exceptions), women will be messaged more than men. It has nothing to do with the quality of conversation any individual male may or may not have...it's the pure point of reasoning that girls get more attention because they are girls...and men are attracted to women and are more comfortable with being comforted by a female than a male simply because with the society we live in it's "frowned upon" for guys to have feelings which sucks...so a guy isn't going to trust another guy with his personal baggage for fear of being told to "man up" instead he'll appeal to a more "sensitive" side by talking to a female about it. I've been on a variety of sites with different demagraphics and notice that even if you dont have a pic, as long as you're marked as a girl, you'll get more messages...I even tested it out by making two new accounts the same day, one guy and one girl and the amount of messages the girl account got within the first hour of being made trumped what the guy account got the whole day...so it's attraction and comfortability and sometimes it's guys or girls trying to hit on women

    Hope that helps 😅

  • Yes, helps a lot Kalabear, great comments.

    It triggered this response from me: This site is supposed to be about loving and accepting each other, in theory, that is what cuddling is about, i think. When you really get down to it, to the core, it is about love and acceptance, which we all want and need. To be held and loved.

    With that said, there seems to be this split, this dynamic, as you wrote about above, where we tend to think it can only come from a girl, even if guys have just as much love or wisdom or acceptance, other guys are not interested in that.

    There is another thread right now about holding space, and i think all of this ties in together, and i know this is not popular, but if we could leave behind our conceptions some of bodies, forms, ages, etc and just focus on the Being, there would be a lot more connecting and healing and appreciation going on here.

    And i hope i made it clear earlier, it is not just the dynamics of not getting messages back from people, but also the dynamics on this very forum, board. Women just get much more attention and appreciation it seems that guys, with the exceptions, thank God there are always exceptions :-)

    Sorry if i am out there and speaking too crazy on a site where most come to just get their physical needs met, by cuddling and not interested in exploring gender dynamics. But for those interested, i welcome every comment, it is all read and appreciated.

  • I'd venture that it's all about perspective. Men may not get as many messages as women get, but women have to sift through so much garbage--inappropriate messages, guys who don't know the difference between platonic and sexual, ghosting, no-shows, creepy behaviour--that the number of people that they get to cuddle with probably pans out and is close to ours.

    We as men think it's an issue more so among men because...well...we're men. It's going to stand out to us more; the same goes for women. But women are going through the exact same thing but under different circumstances.

    TL;DR -- Men and women both are going to have a little bit of difficulty on this site--it's all about perspective.

  • I just look at nature and how humans differ in their behavior. Peacocks do their thing to attract a mate, as with all other animals that i can think of. In all cases it’s the male that show their colors or whatever it is to attract the females attention but as people it’s the exact opposite.

    I believe men are looking (for the most part) for something that attracts them and women ( some) are looking to attract. Since our interactions are that way the people that peacock get the attention. If you don’t get the attention not showing a picture you should be understanding of why. Also men aren’t necessarily going to ignore those with out pictures because underneath the blank avatar they assume there is something they may find appealing.

  • I’m not sure i put my thoughts together correct but there is something there

  • Human males should think themselves lucky, they could have been born a male Praying Mantis.

  • @dharma1257 You and I have sort of talked about this before, so I'll just reiterate what I said: women by default are worthwhile, but men by default are worthless. That's just the way it is, in dating or in cuddling.

    This is why online/app dating is hard for men, and this cuddle site is even worse (when looking for non-pros). You've got to do or say something to show her that you're worth spending time with, and it's so difficult to do that via a few typed sentences and photographs, especially when you get zero feedback. If you talk to a woman in person, you can actually generate some kind of chemistry, show her that you're safe, and moreover, if it doesn't go your way, you can learn from what went wrong. When you message women here and no one ever replies, what could you have done better? I have no idea.

    I very strongly recommend men not come to this site expecting to meet non-pro women.

  • I like men, I cuddle with men, I have messaged some men and I think men as a general rule are awesome. With the ratio being what it is is here, it's a very tough place for a nonpro guy to come anywhere close to a nonpro woman in number of messages no matter how deep and awesome your forum entries are.

    I think also there's some conditioning that keeps women not reaching. We've been taught to hold our cards close because expessing interest in the wrong fellow can actually get one hurt (and I mean physically)) or just attract more than what one bargained for. I think there are many dynamics on each side that are confounding to the other gender because we just don't know what it's like to be in each other's shoes.

    I wish the men on here more interest than you could possibly keep up with so that the heaps of humans wanting to snuggle you made you feel as precious as you are. Not sure given the dynamics and ratios that it will ever happen, but you are that precious.

  • edited January 14

    I agree with @mb0

    I ask myself this: would I intentionally move to a city/state/country where the men outnumbered the women so disproportionately?

    That leaves us with the only option of paying for it. That being said, however, I might add that there is argument in some circles that suggests that paying money for "love" (inclusive) is not necessarily in one's best interests for various reasons.

  • Like others have said, many more men so obviously many more people messaging the women and less people messaging the men. Also men through both lack of being picky as well as maybe a little bit of simply throwing it all at the wall and then seeing what sticks approach, are a lot more likely to be messaging women with no pic, profile, etc, simply because they are a woman and will hopefully respond.

  • Yes I've noticed that....some of the women may have no idea what its like. You message someone, they reply, you go back and forth for a while...as a guy you she may be the only person you're talking to today so she has your focus and attention....but for her..you're only one of 10 guys she could be talking to at the same time...so at any moment she might stop talking to you all together...the conversation is usually disjointed or delayed by days......and you try to imagine what you said that turned her away...never knowing what it might be...or that it wasn't anything you said, it was just one of those other 10 guys was more interesting. What I find interesting is when some women will say they found a cuddler and apparently that means they can't cuddle with someone else now....that sounds too much like dating than platonic cuddling. why is it limited to just one person?
    I recently had a non pro cuddler express interest in talking over the phone...and then she disappeared a few days, reappeared and said she'd found a cuddle group...yah they are very fickle...non commital...

  • I have a possible answer from my own personal experience. I am a busy person. I want to cuddle. Getting to know someone on here is work. Back and forth, back and forth, then tea, then learning them, what will they be like, etc. When I find one that is compatible, reliable, safe, snuggly, drama-free and regularly available, I feel like, hey, I'm done. I found someone to cuddle and it's easy. Why do all that work to find another one? There's a lot of relational ground between dating and anonymously cuddling strangers -- cuddling someone on a regular basis can be platonic as hell, and super convenient.

    I've had that back and forth thing happen too by the way -- not saying the worlds are the same, but I've felt really bonded after some back and forth and a phone call only to have the person disappear into thin air.

  • I'm not sure why some men are so against pros.
    A quote from "Jack Reacher" : "It's the ones you don't pay for, that cost the most".

  • @mb0 says:

    [W]omen by default are worthwhile, but men by default are worthless. That's just the way it is, in dating or in cuddling.

    Maybe this is because men don't get bought and sold a lot. I mean, bride price is a thing, but when was the last time you heard about groom price? Nobody pays to marry a man! Ladies, have you ever been interested in a boy and asked his mother's permission to see him with an eye to maybe, possibly taking him from her at some point? "May I date your son?" Sounds weird.

    Men aren't merchandise. That's why they're, uh... without price.


    On the subject of the thread: As an agender individual, I mostly get treated like a man. This could be because of the username I picked, but I get treated like a man on every site I use (so long as I haven't picked a super girly name). It's as though, for most folks, "person" means "man."

    Not that I really mind. Having experienced both sides of the internet treatment divide, gotta say... I like the boy side better.

  • Thanks for chiming in guys first and foremost, and secondly gals :-) I have read and appreciate every last comment, it is so helpful and interesting to get your views, perspectives on this. Please keep them coming, if you have anything more to say on this or similar topic, you all have been very caring and understanding so far, it is so appreciated.

  • I agree with some of the posters, that there are cons to being a woman on this site too. It is not all roses, there are negative things they have to deal with too.

    Of course, 100 % agreed. However, they at least get activity, whether negative or positive, they have a chance to meet people. That is the dynamic for them, they dont have to do a thing, not even fill out a profile, and not even write detailed messages back, etc, and they are in demand.

    Most of us guys, again, there are exceptions, but most of us, just have no activity and our only option is to pay to see a Pro Cuddler to have any cuddling experience. This just seems to be the facts and usually leads to frustration, as in my case, and several others i have read recently on the forum.

    I understand about the huge ratio of men to women, but still, you would think, a nice, decent guy, and i am not just speaking about myself, but others who i know are nice too, have read them on the forum, and they are in the same boat, just cannot generate any responses or interest from any of the ladies they have contacted.

    On the forum, there are a few nice loving ladies who do in fact, give some love and acceptance and are actually interested in us, but unfortunately they live in different areas.

    This is all fun and helpful to talk about, but in my OP, i was highlighting the differences between men and women on here, the dynamics. I still firmly believe, that despite whatever is said, even if it is the same content, for the most part, the responses will be different if coming from a man or a woman, if we know who says it. I have seen threads where the poster is quite arrogant, rude, selfish, conceited, etc but is a attractive woman and she still gets great replies and support, all based on just looks, and not the content of what she is saying. And ironically have seen these same people get banned shortly thereafter, from the site.

    Thanks again for reading and any more sharing and i apologize for being all over the place in these posts, but just trying to share my thoughts and ideas.

  • edited January 15

    I've participated on this forum for around two years and my experience is in agreement with @dharma1257. When a man complains about something (usually no messages received or no response to messages sent), the forum response is usually negative, he's acting entitled and women have no duty to respond. When a woman complains about something (usually too many messages, or the wrong kind of messages) the response is support, sympathy and commiseration. I now await the negative reaction to this post.

  • @UKGuy I’m probably one of the few pros that tries to understand both sides. There was a post on the pro page that had someone talk about something that was upsetting him (leaving messages and getting zero responses) and he definitely got attacked for sounding entitled. Heaven forbid a male has a grievance on a topic and is justified for the gripe without getting treated like garbage.

  • I just read all the posts on this thread. I think everyone is right.

    That is reality.

    I’m a realist, so I accept the way things are and do my best to work within the confines of reality to improve my own experience and the experiences of others. There is no benefit to wishing it were otherwise, but it’s ok to wish.

  • edited January 15

    My experience is completely different. I have a vague picture of myself for my profile, and don't have many details for my "about me", but I've been messaged by four different people within a day or two of registering. Most were local.

    I think that there is some grasping for some deeper dynamic going on in this thread, and some rampant bias (to be clear: pre-conceived fixed ideas) toward male and female dynamics which doesn't exist in a non-dating environment, or it's some sort of bias which gets proven by anecdotes.

    As I've heard it said, "two anecdotes is not data".

    The problem with online forums as a general rule is that there is a sort of "confirmation bias" that occurs, and a bit of "me too". Having just started in this community, it's pretty evident. There are some stable fixed data that continuously recurs, which is self-affirming (instead of evaluating that per situation).

    It's been termed "circlejerk" or "hive mind" , but it's a problem when someone else's experiences replace your own thoughts and ideas as "truth".

    Don't mean to get on a soapbox here. I probably won't post again here, but when I read things like this, I'd like people to take a step back, have your own experiences, and evaluate what actually happens (rather than getting into some group agreement).

    You cannot conflate your experience with different users as "the same thing". One user didn't contact back because they were seeing a friend at the hospital that day, then just didn't reply because she felt she took too long and is shy. Another looked at your profile and something just didn't interest them. Another was looking for more than cuddling.

    Rules I follow:

    1. Do stuff face to face. Some words on the internet or in a message is a terrible way to convey anything other than schedule or contact details.
    2. Be honest, but don't overshare.
    3. Treat everyone as an equal, or better than you.
    4. Be selective, prejudiced, or whatever you want. Be true to yourself.

    To wit: There are two pros who are now on my "don't see" list because of viewpoints I've viewed on these forums. I don't denigrate their viewpoints, they aren't wrong for having them. It's just something I feel would bother me if I scheduled a session.

  • thats true! female to male ratio does have an effect! i cuddle anyone sense its platonic but i understand thats harder for others.
    but i do feel you about the difference in how much dynamics is effected just off of gender

  • Hey Torin, thanks for sharing your experience and perspective. Glad you have had different experiences than me and several others.

  • Sheena, yes, you are one of the pros that tries to understand both sides, and thats why we love you so much. There are several other lovely ladies like yourself, on this forum, who are able to have empathy for us guys and our situation on here.

  • "I now await the negative reaction to this post."

    lol, no negative reaction from me.

    But i have seen a lot of reactions to members in the forums, and some are not so pretty.

  • I remember there was a guy reported for not wearing a shirt in his profile pic and he got attacked for being sleazy etc. Then there was a woman on here who was complaining how men just keep messaging her for sex etc. yet her profile pic had her in a miniskirt right up to the bottom of her butt cheeks and her boobs were nearly out. Somebody said well maybe it's your profile photo and all the self-righteous people on here attacked that guy for multiple pages. Yet the guy with no shirt photo profile was banned and called all sorts of names.

  • Exactly, Kense, the incident you remember about the woman is the same one i think i am referring to. And if it is, she got banned, shortly thereafter, ironically. But either way, the point is valid.

    I remember being in a human services class in college and i was the only guy and we were talking about rape, and i mentioned, innocently, that women should not drink and get drunk and let the guard down, and boy oh boy did i get attacked by the women in the class, except for one or two who defended my views and agreed. I was not condoning rape in any way, shape or form, but people have to take responsibility too and not put all the blame on others. So as with some of the people on this site, it is not always the guys fault for instance, and hence why i appreciate those who are willing to see both sides of the picture, both perspectives, from the guys and from the gals, both are valid and needed.

  • My father used to say that the barmaid of the local pub should be able to walk home naked at midnight, with the evening's cash takings in a carrier bag, and not be bothered by anybody.

    If we say otherwise, we say a man in a smart suit or driving a nice car or living in a nice house, is just crying out to be robbed.

  • @geoff1000 did you tell your father that's not nearly the same thing at all. It's against the law to walk around naked in public for one.

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