Asking a cuddler what she wears for cuddling

I have gotten heat from cuddlers for asking what would they wear for cuddling? Everyone is different so what's the problem in asking?

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Comments

  • No problem in just asking what they wear as long as you're not telling them what to wear.

  • I think pro cuddlers get questions or requests about their clothing that are sexual in nature. Hence maybe that leads to the assumption that all such requests are sexual.

    Thing is, I’ve run into surprisingly many cuddlers who wear clothing that seems clearly wrong for cuddling: jeans, thick bulky sweaters, whatever they happened to wear to work that day, basically a lot of stuff that’s bulky and creates a big barrier between us. So I definitely understand the desire to ask about clothing. I sometimes offer to let the cuddler change into a t shirt and/or shorts of mine. I phrase it as “if you’d be more comfortable”, to try to avoid her seeing it as any kind of sexual request. Sometimes they say yes, but usually they say no... and so we just cuddle in jeans.

  • There shouldn't be a problem in asking, but I think it comes down to the way you ask. You don't want it to come across as suggestive in any way. I always just say feel free to arrive in whatever you're comfortable cuddling in, as long as you're wearing at least shorts and a t-shirt/tank top as a minimum.

  • @hugonehugall preach! Lol

    I think this topic was covered recently but I can’t find it. Some women automatically get annoyed at being asked because of the kinds of questions they’re asked regarding clothing.

    -can you wear pantyhose
    -can you wear a bikini
    -can you be nude
    -can I just wear my boxers
    -can you wear a dress/skirt

    None of these are acceptable but we are asked them constantly so I can certainly understand why some women immediately get angry and hulk out at being asked clothing.

    But there is definitely nothing wrong with asking “what do you wear?” I have it in my profile so if someone asks me that, it just means they didn’t read my profile. But I won’t bite their heads off. I’ll answer no matter what ☺️

  • Thank you, Jean material is to rough for cuddling. Soft material is better. All I asked was would she wear shorts and tshirt, for a little skin on skin contact because I like to rub our legs together. That's normal

  • Sheena, it is deja vu, lol. Smoothest started a similar thread just recently, it is a repeat :-)

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/7478/getting-banned-for-asking-a-question/p1

  • I had a pro cuddler suggest that I wear boxerbriefs for our session. I didn't run and report her. I have a cuddler that feels I was disrespectful for asking if she would wear shorts. She felt disrespected but yet she keeps messaging me saying that if I apologize then maybe we can move past this ?

  • I'm going to exit now , before I comment on something that someone just said.

  • @smoothest honestly, you should have reported her... that’s unprofessional for a pro to ask a cuddler to wear boxers only. She obviously has other intentions. She should not be on this platonic site...

    And if your question was innocent enough, don’t let her force you to apologize. Move on and find someone that doesn’t disrespect you.

    @dharma1257 thank you!!! I was trying to find that!!

  • Hey Smoothest, you can keep commenting, and talking about this if it interests you and others. I just was responding to Sheena, who vaguely remembered this topic was covered recently, and it was, that is all. But carry on, its all good.

  • @Sheena123 thank you I have my moments. I agree jeans are not ideal and thankfully I've never had a cuddler show up wearing any. I've also never really made clothing requests of any cuddlers I met. A couple have asked me what I prefer they wore and that went fine. But are skirts or dresses actually against site policy ? I would think as long as it's regular clothing which skirts and dresses are they would be ok ... Or are they ok and it's just a comfort thing that's up to each individual cuddler.

  • @hugonehugall I think if the pro cuddler feels comfortable enough to wear a dress or skirt, that’s up to her. Unfortunately, some guys are so touchy and grabby during a session and with the many times I’ve had to tell clients not to touch certain places, wearing a dress or skirt allows easier access to things they shouldn’t be touching. So when the cuddler is asking specifically for us to wear a dress or skirt, it’s a red flag.

  • @Sheena123 I would never ask a cuddler to wear one .. If she did or wanted to I would leave that up to her. As to make her comfortable I too would not wear a dress or a skirt ...... Solidarity and all. I usually do shorts and a tshirt. I can't remember being disappointed or bothered by anything my cuddler wore.

  • @hugonehugall well bless you lol

    I do understand the need for skin on skin. Unfortunately, some seem to think that means being naked. I have to explain to so many what skin on skin means. So clothing will usually always get thrown around in the conversation anyways.

  • @Sheena123 I do my best to not sound creepy when negotiating and setting the appointment and setting boundaries. It's one of the reasons I'm not in the habit of making clothing requests. I also trusts my cuddler's judgement with that kind of stuff.

  • @hugonehugall that’s awesome of you to understand and care to ask only comforting questions. You’re a good guy ☺️

  • I know that we as being men are often judged and said to have sexual intentions while cuddling. Well there are female cuddlers out there with the same intentions. I'm just not the one to report people and get them banned. You can always say no, move on and have no more dealings with that cuddler. What you feel is not ok may be ok with someone else.

  • @smoothest but it’s not ok with the site. It’s a literal rule for the site. This isn’t about preferences and what you can say no to. What she asked of you is against the rules and is bannable. And she should be.

  • edited January 15

    @Sheena123 I agree with you. As I have stated on another thread about things I hear some pro’s doing if these things were all reported and we get those individuals off the site maybe we wouldn’t need so many threads about unprofessional professionals. There is nothing professional about asking someone to cuddle in their boxers and this “pro” should have been reported. So many people are afraid to report pro’s because they don’t want to see them get in trouble, or banned. Why not? Don’t we have a contract with CC for a reason? @smoothest Of course you can say no but should you have been put in a position to have to say no? Had you said yes and she pushed the issue and you had gotten aroused and she wasn’t happy with your reaction who do you think would get reported? There are so many scenarios that could play out from this. Think about other pro’s this person is representing. I know for one I don’t want someone like that in the same category as myself.

  • @CreativeCuddles @Sheena123 I think one reason one could be hesitant to report a pro or a female cuddler in general is with the uneven ratio of male cuddlers to females as it is already they don't want to the number females decrease even more by getting them banned. Just playing devil's advocate as to why @smoothest may not have reported the pro asked him about boxer briefs. They would rather just continue with the cuddler as professional as they can or find another one that suits their needs.

  • @hugonehugall but the problem with this is that she lived on to go to the next cuddler and the next cuddler and spread this notion to everyone making them think it’s normal. Which means pros that are actually professional get asked constantly for sexual favours. And when we turn them down, all they say is “well, another professional did it for me”. It’s just a horrible and awkward position for everyone. She needs to be reported whether she’s the last standing professional in an area or not.

  • @Sheena123 Im not saying you're wrong just looking at a potential reason he may not have. Also there are people in the world who live by a " I'm not a snitch " code , which I think is silly but if it's engraved in personality that kind of thinking carries over here too. Or people who believe " Not my circus not my monkees " so to speak. Not saying that's right either.

  • edited January 15

    I agree with @Sheena123 that weeding out the boundary pushers makes this site safer and more adhere to why we're here. To me it's a community responsibility to our fellow cuddlers to nip that stuff in the bud. I reported someone my first month, they were immediately banned and I never heard from them again. I didn't want to pass that guy on to the next woman who was looking for platonic cuddling only to get offers for "more." Selling or offering or suggesting sexual stuff doesn't belong here. Out!

  • @littermate I understand. I was only laying out reasons why one possibly wouldn't report not that they shouldn't .

  • @hugonehugall I was just pontificating in general, not necessarily at you. <3

  • @littermate that's good I don't want hostilities with anyone lol

  • @hugonehugall we’re definitely not lopping you into these thoughts!! You’re smart to know this is a no no. Just making sure anyone else that reads this thread, keeps it in the back of their minds that they have to help report the ones that don’t respect the site

  • edited January 15

    @hugonehugall though my words may sometimes be direct or adamant, I can assure you they are not hostile, toward you or anyone. Squishy heart here. <3

  • @Sheena123 can I wear leopard print ? I know you're not :) and I completely understand your point.

  • You all are right , maybe I should have reported her. We all make mistakes and no one and I mean no one is perfect

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