Helping my dudes out!

hi everyoen, so i been browsing threw TONS of discussions and i see lots of things going on but a big thing that comes up a lot is men being unsucceful on this site

But i wouldnt blame the site ! i see a few things a lot of guys doing that are holding them back.
1.) Openness. This i think is the biggest problem but ima address it first. a lot and i mean A LOT of guys on here are very straight forward in replys in discussions about cuddling woman! only women! i can understand, i am a straight male YET! i would cuddle ANYONE its platonic! That is how this whole operation works! Stop that! its 2020! everyone needs love! if your just uncomfortable with that its fine too. BUT i think that we can ALL be more open. Almost ALL the females on this website have it as they would cuddle ANYONE! that literally puts them a huge step ahead.

2.) take your time:) theres no rush! talk with people enjoy we are here to help
i hope i didnt offend anyone. not the goal at all. just want to help from one dude to another

Comments

  • @ThePillow straight talk from a straight guy. 😉😊

  • I totally agree. Not sure why a atr8 guy can’t cuddle a str8 guy. In most sports their is physical contact between two guys and no one deems it sexual in nature. I would say atleast fry a guy and guy session

  • @kyle2018 Two men making making physical contact in the context of sport and competition is a far cry from cuddling please don't try to compare the two. @ThePillow it has been discussed more than a few times over on here why even on platonic site 2 straight men would not be interested or comfortable cuddling each other.

  • Here here hugonehugall

  • edited January 17

    i am a straight male YET! i would cuddle ANYONE its platonic! That is how this whole operation works! Stop that! its 2020!

    Let me make sure I understand what was posted because what it sounded like to me was:
    The original statement suggests that the problem comes from improper education, and unwarranted phobia's that being intimate with another man is wrong. It was the culture of the time, but it is 2020 now, so its time to get over it. If you would simply choose to go against your natural feelings, you would have more success. (Didn't gay people get told something similar to this last century?)

    I can see both sides of the argument, and there may be some truth to it, but I disagree with the assumptions that lead to that conclusion. It may be my specific situation, but I can't relate to the information from the original poster.

    I am asexual, for me everything is platonic. I don't want to cuddle with women because of sexual attraction, I have never experienced it. I am heteroromantic because of two reasons:

    1. I find the warmth and softness of a woman appealing. It's probably my parents' fault. When I was hurt I always wanted mommy to kiss my boo-boo and then hold me for 10 minutes until I felt better. Dad wasn't around much because he was working all the time, so I never had an emotional bond with him like I did my mother. When I got hurt and mom wasn't there, I wanted dad to check I was ok, but I didn't want him to hold me. I didn't find comfort in it.
    2. I was bullied a lot as a child. I was extremely small. My parents held me back a year to grow, but it didn't help. I was always the oldest kid in the class, and the smallest. I was bullied so much that I had to take karate lessons to learn how to defend myself. But that didn't deter them, so my parents switched me to a K-12 private school in the 7th grade, and the next shortest student was a girl in the 4th grade.

    So between nature (having negative associations with males from bullying) and nurture (having positive feelings towards females because girls were the only ones nice to me), I only find comfort in the arms of a woman. I find it the equivalent of being a cat person, because I got bit by a dog too many times in my life. It's not something I can just choose to get over, I will always be on guard and never fully relax around dogs, even if they seem friendly at first. Sure cats can do damage as well (I have had my heart broken), but there are clear warning signs with them, and they never have done the damage to me that the dogs have done.

    take your time:) theres no rush

    I used to think that as well. I didn't have my first intimate cuddle until I was 28. Then I spent most of my 30's, 8 straight years without intimacy because I couldn't find a woman that would let me cuddle without her expecting sex as payment. Now I am entering my 40's and find I am getting too old for most people's preferences.

  • There is also physical contact between guys packed together in public transport. At urinals they stand next to each other exposing their genitals.
    These situations are also not the same as cuddling.

  • yeah I find the idea of cuddling with other guys to be repulsive.
    and I think its rude to say there's something wrong with that or its abnormal. Its just how it is.
    Lot of gay guys seem to want straight guys to cuddle with them and then try to solicit women to join them in shaming and attacking straight guys for having this feeling..and that's just not right.
    men and women are not always the same...not in my experience....its why most of my friends are women, regardless if I cuddle with them or not...if I don't like to have male friends then how the heck am I going to cuddle with a guy ? that's how much I dislike other guys. understand ??

  • What the hell 🤨

  • This is me speaking only for me...

    Another OP with a problem with straight men only cuddling women.

    It's 2020? Meaning? Grown people don't have to explain their preferences, so can we just stop.

    I will pass on "helping my dudes out!" You are of no help to me.

  • Nah I’m not cuddling no dude 💀💀💀

  • edited January 17

    @ThePillow - You've been on the site for just one month and you've already figured out why guys that have been on here for years are not having any success. Amazing, you must be so brilliant!

  • @ThePillow I'm afraid your sweet self just walked into a hornet's nest.

    A couple observations:

    Two boys in my daughter's playgroup used to snuggle with each other, hold hands... then they hit the inevitable ridiculing that generally happens in the family but was delayed until school for them because their families were cool with it. Two young men I know were raised together like brothers, were homeschooled until 11, by parents who didn't have an issue with it and supported the boys affection for each other. They still cuddle in their 20s.

    I agree with everything @DonLonG said. Just because ideally it would be cool if guys could find each other safe and snuggly, doesn't mean life experience has made that be so. We all get to snuggle who feels safe and snuggly to us,

  • Relax, over-reacting straight dudes. I read @ThePillow 's premise this way: guys COULD cuddle guys, not that you SHOULD.

    Admin/mods on here have been very clear on this, ad nauseum:

    If you don't want to cuddle guys, then don't.

    Read that last sentence and let it soak in.

  • Everybody is correct because everybody knows what they are and are not comfy with

  • I am reassured to learn that the French word for duvet, is feminine.

    La couette

  • @ThePillow thanks for giving your opinion. Unfortunately, with this sort of thing, females will be seen as the "hot commodity" for most people who aren't around our age and have our love is love mindset. "In a perfect world" this site would be used to give everyone the opportunity to expose their sensitive sides and let themselves be the one that is protected rather than being on guard all the time. Everyone has their own chains that bind them so unfortunately, they can only open to a certain degree. And things like sexual attraction, physical appeal, and gender do fall into play even if you are not consciously realizing it. We are mammals and it's in our nature to act accordingly to what we derive comfort in. Whether it is older women or men that remind us of a parent or relative, or someone younger that has a spark you are drawn to, or someone that reminds you of yourself so you can't help but feel compelled to hold them and make everything better. Not everything is derived of sexual intent of course. It can be truly platonic and leave you feeling whole and happy and healthy. But, if you are struggling to find people in your area to cuddle with, perhaps try reaching out for something you're not accustomed to, you might be surprised by the outcome. In the end, communication is the key to healthy relationships...platonic or non.

    I hope that "helps my dudes out"😊

    Sidenote: @ThePillow I'll see you in Stockton on Sunday, you owe me a hug lol.

  • SMACKS HEAD! NO WHERE DID I SAY YALL SHOULD CUDDLE A DUDE! YALL READ ONE PART AND GOT OFFENDED LOLOL im saying that there are people in OTHER COMMENT SECTIONS who RAMPANTLY GO ON ABOUT HOW" BAD THEY NEED A FEMALE CUDDLE " or "WHY WOMEN ARE MORE SUCCESFUL ON THIS SITE" if youre not one of those dudes who has this problem , then its not at you ?? is that hard to understand??? I literally even say ,"everyone needs love! if your just uncomfortable with that its fine too. BUT i think that we can ALL be more open. Almost ALL the females on this website have it as they would cuddle ANYONE! that literally puts them a huge step ahead." thats copy and pasted LOLOLOLOL
    also! I DONT EVEN MENTION A DUDE! I GO AND SAY EVERYONE! THAT DOESNT HAVE TO BE A DUDE! XD lol
    yall are easily offended. i apologize for that

    This is NOT at every dude. ITS ALOT YES! but not all -_- i laugh at this and enjoyed yalls responses though. but if ALL you took from this is "cuddle a dude" you need to reevaluate.
    @hugonehugall @DonLonG @soloforever @UKGuy

  • also making this clear, youre comments were heard and i do appreciate the fed back. Just incase yall didnt know. thank you tons
    @hugonehugall @DonLonG @soloforever @geoff1000 @UKGuy

  • yes ill see you there :) lots of hugs @Kalabear

  • LOL @Sideon thank you lol

  • @ThePillow nice Spidey suit! I cosplayed him last year. I'm going as Lando this year and maybe a genderbent SpiderGwen

    DONT EVEN MENTION A DUDE! I GO AND SAY EVERYONE! THAT DOESNT HAVE TO BE A DUDE! XD

    I'm really glad you brought this up! "Everyone" doesn't mean "men and women". Everyone means EVERYONE--genderqueer folk, enbyfolk, folk who don't identify as either male or female. It's EVERYONE.

  • WANTED: Professional Male Cuddlers Who Cuddle Men

    I thought this to be an opportune time to mention (see note above) that I would welcome learning of any professional male cuddlers who cuddle men in the following locations: Santa Cruz and San Francisco, CA; Fairfield County, CT; Boston, MA, Barcelona.

    🙏

  • I'll cast a quick vote.

    I don't have any anecdotes to pass off as data or proof.

    A one on one cuddle in a bed will require a woman. An attractive mind or body is required. Anyone with both moves to the head of the line. YMMV.

    Since I pay to cuddle, I have no illusions about her motivation, yet I've made three or four good friends. We talk in between cuddle sessions.

    To me "The heart wants what the heart wants". Each of us should do as we please. No more virtue signaling, please.

  • @Sideon ┗(•ˇ_ˇ•)―→ this again is why I still love you!
    Let the last sentence sink in...If you don't want to cuddle guys, then don't.

    @DonLonG (◠‿・)—☆ right, right. So well said thank you for that.

    @AceofCuddles & @Crataegus thanks each of you for your honest, non confrontational responses to this thread.

    (・–・) (・◡・)/
    @ThePillow yes. This has been discussed to death, exhumed, autopsied, bits of it have been put under the microscope even. Best to let this one go, read more forums, and continue keeping on. There is indeed a call for professional male cuddlers. Pace yourself, keep learning and training.

    pauladahla ~

  • @AceofCuddles and @ThePillow: Yeah, I get skipped over by folks who're looking for women and by folks who're looking for men. If you only select "Men" or "Women" when searching for cuddlers, you're not gonna see me in your results. And I could be right near you, too!

  • AYYYYE @AceofCuddles THATS LEGIT BRO~! and hope you have fun at the con!!

  • @Crataegus While I’m not in any of those areas... a bunch of people have messaged and asked me to let them know if I ever make it their way ;) or hey, if you ever make it up to Canuck-land...
    —————
    When I was younger I’d often cuddle up to a guy friend of mine... we’d watch a movie, or just fall asleep, wasn’t anything sexual or anything about it. Just felt good to be held (or do the holding).
    Just nice to have that close “Bro” time.

    Pro part aside (meaning, even if I wasn’t paid) I’d cuddle pretty much anyone. (Putting aside hygiene issues). As long as I felt comfortable with them. (And of course they were open to cuddling)
    I enjoy cuddling those that are different from myself, as those are the people you can learn the most from I find. Different cultures, religions, childhoods, stories.
    I’ve always tried to see the “human” underneath, rather than the shell that’s on the outside.

    But hey, as @Sideon said_ (edited slightly)_
    If you don’t want to cuddle someone/anyone, then don’t ;)
    And if someone really doesn’t want to cuddle YOU, that probably says more about them, than you ;)
    (Again, unless you need to have a shower ;)

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