About being a pro or non pro . why?

edited January 18 in General

This may sound snarky or sarcastic., but here goes... if you are a non pro, knowing you could get paid for it, why wouldn’t you? I know I probably just opened up a can of worms. The cynical side of me says it seems like a good gig if can get it, but the serious side of me says obviously there’s non pros out there, so there must be a serious legitimate answer out there that I’m missing.... so the floor is open. Come at me. Be kind though. It was an honest question .

Comments

  • edited January 18

    I imagine going pro would completely erase my opportunity in this cuddle wasteland I call my hometown!

  • edited January 18

    If, in order to be a pro, I would be abliged to cuddle "everyone", I would not do it. I like to be able to select whom I would cuddle without needing to answer to anyone.

    I imagine that there are ones who could sell cuddling but may choose not to do so because, although they enjoy cuddling, they simply do not need the money, nor do they need to raise a barrier to reduce and qualify their requesters.

  • I love being a pro cuddler. It allows me to have a job doing what I love, which is a main goal in life. To wake up happy with such a fulfilling job. ☺️☺️

  • edited January 18

    I have known pro cuddlers who quit because they couldnt deal with the emotional stress they encountered and felt drained and as @calineur points out, not being able to be more selective with who you choose to cuddle can really take the fun out of it. I have a friend who became so put off and triggered by men being inappropriate with her and treating her like a piece of rented space that she got to where she dreaded it and quit. So i think to be a pro and to be able to last, you have to have a really high tolerance and threshold for unpleasantness while still being able to project an image of sunshine and rainbows lest you be complained about

  • As a non-pro, I don't go pro because I know it wouldn't go well for me.

    Sure, I want the people I cuddle with to go away happy, but that comes second to making sure I have a nice cuddle. I'm not gonna wear myself out for someone else's benefit—and the "tiny" adjustments most folks can make for someone else's sake aren't so tiny for me. Just making sure I've got a pleasant, good-feelings-inducing facial expression on takes energy. (Yay disability.)

    ...Oof. This isn't exactly the best self-promotion in the world, is it? Oh well. Honest question, honest answer: and it's better to cuddle with nobody than with somebody who expects stuff I can't give without ending up in a week-long energy slump.

    So I could get paid for it, sure, but it wouldn't be worth it. That's why I don't go pro, even though technically I could.

  • I've been told by several people that I should be a pro. I don't have the time to be a pro, I'm sure I wouldn't do well financially as a pro--let's face it, a woman or a person with a woman's body would get much more attention than I would--and I wouldn't be able to cuddle the people that I want to. I like being able to build a friendship outside of cuddling, as it makes snuggle sessions much better, and it's difficult to do that with a bunch of different clients.

    Another reason why I wouldn't be come a pro and perhaps the most important reason, I cuddle for my benefit. Touch is my primary Love Language and it's something that I enjoy giving but also enjoy recieving. I'd rather have the benefits of a good, hug-focused snuggle with someone who is familiar with my cuddling style and needs as opposed to snuggling various strangers who don't know what I want or need.

    I think that is probably the best way for me to put it. In the world of cuddling I need a partner(s) who understand my needs as a cuddler, as much as I understand their needs. It's difficult to find that in a group of clients as opposed to a handful of people you get along with and cuddle with regularly.

  • I think about this question sometimes, but I feel like pros are beholden to those that pay them and thus lose part of their ability to say no in some respects. That may or may not be true, but that's how it appears to me. And for me, the ability to say no is sacrosant because I have had it taken away.

    I also don't like the threshold of having available funds to pay someone be a deterrent. We all deserve cuddles as long as we can be accepting of others' boundaries and give as much as we receive from the interaction. I'm much more interested in finding a cuddly friend than a client. I think remaining non-pro allows me to focus on the differences between those relationship types and focus more on what I'm looking for.

  • I already have work I love. I don't want to spend a lot of time cuddling a bunch of strangers. I want a cuddle buddy or two who I know and trust and maybe an occasional snuggle with someone new. I also don't want to take money and perform a service... I want a mutually nourishing time. I already hold space for others in my work life. For how little I cuddle, it seems it would be a bother to get all pro about it.

  • People are motivated by any number of different factors of which money is only one. Peace, love , intimacy, closeness, fun, power, friendship, companionship… Every time anyone does anything it’s something they could get paid to do. I do things just to get those things done and sometimes I even do my profession for free because I like people or they may not be able to get it done otherwise. Some of my closest associations are people that I stopped to help or that extended a helping hand to me. They become free psychological support, free computer repairs, free financial advice, free meetup space and the list goes on forever. Those of us who give often end up getting more than we ever expected especially if we never expected anything.

  • When I first started part-time taxi-driving, I was very bad ; so when I eventually reached the destination and took the fare for only how long the journey should have been, that was sometimes less than the petrol cost for the route I actually drove. I also sometimes had to give a discount, as an apology for arriving late.

    I reckon that I could become a pro-cuddler, but I would be bankrupt before the end of the month.

  • edited January 19

    I considered going pro but decided against it for a few reasons... partly safety, because I do think pro cuddling can attract people who are more entitled, who might mistake it for sex work, and are more likely to push boundaries. When I cuddle someone for free, they seem less inclined to push boundaries, as they know it's not easy to find a free cuddle buddy and they don't want to lose the opportunity to do it again in future.

    Another reason is that I like cuddling with people for free and I feel like it would create an awkward dilemma deciding who to charge and who not to charge... do I just charge people I don't really want to cuddle? It didn't sit that well with me, I suppose. I also thought that asking for money might put off people I would enjoy cuddling with as an enthuasiast but don't have the money or aren't interested in paying.

    I wouldn't rule out the possibility of doing it in a paid capacity in future but would prefer to rent an office with another pro cuddler to ensure greater levels of safety and professionalism.

  • A lot of valid reasons I agree with have already been presented. I’ve read every post so far and you all have well though out points that make sense and I don’t need to repeat.

    That being said, I’d try it just to see what the experiences would be for me, because I love cuddling and if that led to more cuddling, I’m for that.

    I have a job and don’t need money, but if I could spend my workdays cuddling instead of in front of a computer I would.

    If I’m going to exchange some of my valuable time I’d need to be selective, as even though I could cuddle with men, I don’t want to. So that leaves women, who as far as I can tell have a large pool of men waiting to cuddle for free. I’m one of them.

    So, it doesn’t even seem remotely realistic that any woman would want to hire a man when so many are freely available.

    In order to maintain my own psychological well being (and also for my client’s) I would only charge for my time and travel expenses, and not for the act of cuddling itself.

  • A point that was brought to me (by a woman!) is that some women might rather cuddle a man who is a pro than the same one as an enthusiast simply because the pro label implies a much lower risk of shenanigans. This is probably a tremendous deal for first-timers.

  • edited January 19

    I think those that want to do “ pro” work , as an independent contractor,wheather it’s cuddling , or , car washing , or maid service , could examine their own personality type ,( A...B..etc) and , if .. customer service , or customer interfaces, is something that they prefer not to do , than I think that they will quit at it in no time at all . Like to cuddle? Yeah ! Like it as a business ..ask yourself if you like to cuddle , and be cuddler.. wardrobe manager... scheduler... maid...accountant.. simultaneously. Being good at something , and liking it,doesn’t mean you can make it, or enjoy it as a business.
    Perhaps if paid cuddling proliferated more into industry, there will be employee cuddling opportunities in brick and mortar establishments, for , cuddlers to cuddle, and managers to manage

  • I love being a pro! I already love taking care of people, and this allows me to be emotionally and physically there for others, while doing what I love. And it also helps me pay my college tuition. Win win!

  • @Snowbound interesting comment. Should we then sign up as pros just to encourage those who would otherwise think twice?? Did she say that she would also pay for it? I believe that the issue is that a pro is obligated to charge a minimum fee for the privilege to be labeled as a pro.

  • Your question explains the imbalance of pros on the site. Most women here it seems do become pro cuddlers.

  • Everyone summed it up pretty well. To be a (good) professional, you have to be comfortable and enjoy cuddling all different kinds of people, genders, sizes, shapes, etc (and be ready to cuddle pretty much immediately if they are). The sessions are not about your needs, but the clients, including conversation. You need to be grounded in compassionate mode, able to really see the person and anything they might share with you, and authentically accept them as who they are. You need to have, or quickly develop, very solid boundaries, a strong and ready "no", and exude confidence and control in a session. Anyone can be a pro, but most people don't stick with it, because there's a lot more to it than initially meets the eye.

  • As for male Cuddlers, I do think there will eventually be a market for good male Cuddlers, but not much of one yet (and you do need to be comfortable cuddling men). If you are a qualified, trained, full of awesome karma male professional, that can definitely be more attractive to a woman who can afford a professional than an enthusiast, for much of the same reasons as for hiring a female. Known boundaries, safety, focus on your own needs, etc. And honestly, I have cuddled with great male professionals, and they were the best cuddles I have had. Ever. Some professionals are worth their rate in gold. 😊 Without qualifications and shown effort (or enough karma and presence in the forums), you would just get mixed in with all the males trying to turn professional with ulterior motives. Just like with women, being a professional alone doesn't indicate you're serious.

  • Personally, I think many go pro. thinking it will be easier than it is. There is a lot more work to being a pro. than many think. Vetting, cuddling with strangers , being safe, etc. They seem to think that all you have to do is set up a profile and the men will come.

    For those of you who say that being a pro. means that you have to cuddle everyone - Not true!! If you don't feel right about a person after vetting them, you don't have to say yes.

  • @Lev136 You need to be comfortable cuddling all genders, races, ethnicities, weights, etc. Some men go pro only willing to cuddle women. Some women are prejudiced against certain races or ethnicities. Some pros only want to cuddle people they're physically attracted to. All of those things are wrong attitudes for a pro to have, in my opinion. You definitely don't have to be comfortable cuddling someone you deem unsafe or seeking something more. The problem is that people can use that excuse to hide their prejudices... 😕

  • When I was taxi-driving, the only acceptable reasons for refusal were drunkeness or fear of violence. The obligation to pick up everyone for money, was the condition to be allowed to pick up anyone for money.

  • @geoff1000 Exactly. And you probably wouldn't have been as good of a taxi driver if you treated some of your customers better than others...

    I forgot about political biases also, lol. There was a professional who didn't want to do a session once she saw on his Facebook a bunch of Republican posts. Part of what makes me good for this work is I can be compassionate and connect with pretty much everyone. If you can only cuddle with people who agree with you on everything, that's not a good sign either. 😉

  • edited January 20

    @geoff1000 , if they had no money you still had to accept ?

  • @cuddlerforu24 he specifically mentions "for money" twice in his short comment. 😇

  • Oh . Didn’t see probably because I’m working today instead of holiday .

  • I did do some voluntary "pro bono" work ; and one of the things I miss about no longer having an illuminated sign on my car roof, is that I can't just pull up alongside a random waif or stray plodding along a country lane in the middle of the night, and offer them a free lift.

  • @ubergigglefritz
    P.S. Thanks.
    It was sometimes tough trying to deal with the extreme opinions, without being too argumentative.

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