What do you do when your intention for being here is completely platonic but you see potentials that you are super attracted too. Either physically based on picture or emotionally/ spiritually based on profile or forums.
i believe that the answer is obvious. if your interests and intentions are truly platonic, then you must avoid engaging anyone that steers you away from your purpose on this site.
Have you even met yet? If not, I'd say cross that bridge when you come to it. The experience of meeting in person may be far different than what you anticipate from photographs and profile description. Let us know what you decide after you two have met...
I think you have to tough it out. Arrange to meet, and remain platonic for the session. No sex, no foreplay, no attempt to do anything that might arouse the other person, or let them know how you feel. No discussion of sex or boners.
When the session is over, say that you want to meet again, and will contact them again to arrange something.
Contact them again as early as you want, but wait 24 hours before any communication that is non-platonic. If that goes well, I'm very happy for you. If not, you have lost a potential cuddle buddy ; so you have to decide if the gamble looks good enough.
Also, be very careful if they are a pro in a relationship. They might just have been trying to make you really happy for the short time you are together ; which is what you hope to get.
Doing anything before that, is acting like a Trojan Horse. "Sorry for my behaviour, I was just very attracted to you and thought you felt the same way", doesn't work after we leave school.
I print out pictures of the attractive person and cut out their eyes, so that they might not stare into my prurient soul.
No, not really. I’ll just send them a message stating that I find their meat agreeable.
Okay, in all seriousness, I’ll either: refrain from contacting them, or exhibit self-control while interacting with them.
Exceedingly basic stuff, I know.
Have a conversation with your would-be cuddle partner to convey your sense of platonic boundaries while also gaining a clear understanding of theirs. Platonic cuddling is an organically intimate activity and can often manifest aspects of sensuality.
By definition both romance and sexuality are not platonic. So communicating your sense of, and understanding your cuddle partners sense of boundaries when it comes to "intimacy vs romance" and "sensuality vs sexuality" is key in not crossing that "platonic" line.
Try not to be too hard on yourself regarding "aesthetic" attraction as it's a natural aspect of reaching out to a potential cuddle partner or to anyone for that matter. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is an ole saying for a reason.
Since you didn't say you were specifically using the word "attracted" to mean sexually attracted—and because I can't imagine ever having that problem—I'm gonna say that if I seriously thought I might end up being so drawn to a person on here that I'd want to spend hours with them whenever they had a minute free... I wouldn't so much as say "hi" to them. Ever.
I'm here looking for somebody I can cuddle with every once in a while, for not longer than maybe an hour or two each time; not a life partner. If I thought I that kind of attraction might happen, I'd run.
"Super attracted" can lead way too easily to "obsessed," and don't nobody need that.
My two cents. I'm assuming you mean sexually attracted and I'd say it violates the guidelines of the site to be using it to date or locate potential dates and that you'd be best off leaving them alone, since there's no way you are approaching them with platonic intent. That's if you respect the nature of the site. I like to respect the context and the people who have gathered in the spirit of the context and find much else to be, well, lacking integrity. Personally, I like my own integrity more than I like dates.
@BashfulLoner Be honest with yourself and others, upfront.
If you want something more than cuddling, there are lots of websites where you can find something else, so that’s where to go.
I like living by the standard of being who you are and saying what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter won't mind...I believe it's Dr. Seuss.
At any rate, expressing how you feel is nice and all but I'm torn between the intent of this site versus human nature. You know what's best for you to go about a platonic site without any "distractions" if you will. You know your limits and should abide by them. And if you're finding it difficult to do so, maybe reevaluate why you are finding yourself choosing a non platonic partner through a strictly platonic site. Not everything is face value though for there are multiple levels and types of attraction...but hand in hand with that exists that physical attraction does not mean the absence of other types of it. Littermate and DarrenWalker are great examples for me personally, if they don't mind, I find them to be oddly fascinating people just by viewing snippets of their opinions on various forums. I know next to nothing about either physically (for all I know that could be someone else sitting among, what is it books?, And for all I know it could be litters x-ray haha) but nevertheless I find them to be uniquely odd and would love to get to know them more. Regardless if I never meet them, hear their voice, or know when their mother's birthday is...i guess what I am trying to get at is that humans are curious by nature, there's no stopping that, I'm afraid. But, the lengths we go to find out more about our curiosities are what define us and make us all the more interesting. So reach out to any and every person you can, not with the intent of making them yours for that isn't what this site is for...but to feed into your curiosities and realize what makes eachother tick to better understand ourselves and the world around us. Whether it's tidiness and patterns or Calvin and Hobbes... 😊
I hope that helps😅
Attraction and action are not the same thing and can easily be separated.
I've been attracted to clients before and noticed that attraction, named it, and decided that I felt comfortable and capable of having them as a client and within those boundaries despite that attraction. I didn't feel the need to change that.
And if I do want to change that? I stop seeing them as a client and let the cuddle oxytocin wear off until I'm ready to make a rational decision about how I want to interact with that person, if at all.
But either way, paying attention to intentions, naming them for transparency, and being accepting of nothing changing other than possible cuddles (if they want cuddles with me still too) has brought me a long way.
I was just curious to hear more thoughts on this. I’m not in the situation at all, it dawned on me that it could happen. But i guess we have discussed it in the forum before.
@kalabear I am delighted to be thrown in with @Darrenwalker as "oddly fascinating" and "uniquely odd." This is high praise in my world.
And as far as what I look like....
It would be naive to think if one does this long enough with a number of people that wouldn't come across someone they're attracted to eventually. Its human nature. @SnugglewithSam said it best. Attraction and action are not the same thing. There's a difference between wanting to hook up with someone and actively trying to do so. Just based on sheer ratio yeah you meet enough people you're eventually going to meet at least one you're attracted to. That doesn't mean you're using the site as a dating app.
@littermate it is definitely supposed to be taken as such. 😊 I appreciate the energy you two give off and that you are typically helping one another out is nice to see. It balances nicely and it is not toxic to be around. In fact, the opposite.
And well played with the photo, i almost didn't open it but I myself like to follow my curiosities to where they may lead me.
I also agree with @SnugglewithSam it is within your power to control what actions you take when going about your daily life. How you choose to interact with others is not a predetermined "press option 1 to flirt"...we are not Sims we are our own people and the makers of our fate and to a degree our outcomes...
A wild example is actors who are chosen to play love interests do not always have actual chemistry. I would have loved Edward and Bella to be married in real life but real life doesn't always work out like that.
You can think you've seen the hottest person in the world but that doesn't mean your body is going to act on it. Self control and preexisting notions on whether or not that person is into you or available to you specifically come into play. I have liked people whom the sexual orientation/attraction preference did not match up...I did not continue to pursue instead I got over the sexual attraction and let a more aesthetic one take its place. Nothing I could've done to change it unless I got a couple things removed and something else added. But unfortunately, it was a little more than that and the adjustment would have been fundamentally painful.
Hope that helps 😅
Heehee @kalabear.
Sometimes I feel a lot of other people mean something different when they say "attraction" than what I mean. Even if we agree to limit the discussion to just physical/sexual attraction. Some people seem to see attraction as some rare thing that requires substantial thought and action... For me, for what I mean when I say "attraction", it's not really rare for me to be attracted to someone. It happens, it's a regular part of life, it's not some big crisis that requires a lot of analysis.
As far as what to do when you're attracted to someone on the site, I guarantee you it's not rare for people on this site to act on their mutual attraction, but this is a thorny path given that everyone involved has agreed up front that their interactions will be strictly platonic. Actually I think any answer to the question "What do you do when you're attracted to someone from the site?" other than "Ignore your attraction and treat them platonically" risks breaking the rules of this site.
Referring back to the original question, I see it's referring to people you haven't even met... really, there's only one answer: ignore it. You looked at someone's picture and found them hot, and this isn't a dating site. This is completely insubstantial.