So i had a really bad experience my first booking. I'm ok, but im left feeling disturbed.
Waited 2-3 months to respond to this man, and then asked him the important questions, asked him to review my guidelines, and checked out his 5 star review.
Turns out thats not the only thing he wanted me to check out.
That just leaves me wondering...
I'd hate to assume all clients act in such a way, so can a few of you please tell me some great experiences youve had while cuddling.
If youd like to give some tips on how to prevent such a thing, that would be helpful as well.
(Not a pro, but you don't have replies yet so I'm going to chime in.)
Definitely not all clients behave this way, but FWIW I know of multiple former pros who had a bad experience with one of their early clients and quit the site. One of those bad clients was someone with multiple 5-star, glowing karmas, which is one reason I think karma is generally bullshit.
And I also know of pros who say they've never really had a particularly bad experience, but I think they just have a very different attitude about it. For instance one pro said something like, "For the type of woman who's going to get all upset if someone grabs her boob, this probably isn't the line of work for her."
Karma is neither bad nor good in and of itself. The people giving the karma are what matters. I would say you have to look at the ladies who have said gentlemen the karma. If one of the ladies has a lot of karma from banned clients and guy x with 5 star karma that you are interested in sees a lot of ladies like that, then a red flag should go up. There are respected members of this community that have great karma and they are great cuddlers. You have to learn to read between the lines with this stuff unfortunately. And as @mb0 pointed out, there will always be the occasional turd behind the gold veneer.
I'm sorry your first experience didn't go very well! Unfortunately there is not always a way to prevent something less than desirable from happening. While you should of course take every precaution during your screening process, it's not always a guarantee that it will be the perfect client. As professionals, we are not getting paid to touch, we are getting paid to maintain boundaries and create a safe and open space for ourselves and our clients. It would be naive to think something like this couldn't happen again, and that's why it's SO important to be firm in your boundaries and know what you will do if/when a situation like this happens again. Will you speak up? Will you leave? What does that conversation sound like? Do you have someone who knows where you are? Trust your gut, have a plan, stay safe, and happy cuddling!
When I first started, I met with cuddlers in public to get comfortable first. After that, I got more brave and have met with a few first directly at my place or my hotel room after a brief online conversation. I had no problem with most, (except one, but I realized that I was in control so I still felt safe). Interestingly, though, I do not remember having the "boundaries" conversation with a any of the ones I cuddled with. We both assumed and it worked out fine for us.
I wonder if it would be good to directly ask in a nice way potential clients if they intend to behave inappropriately at any time during the cuddle session? Alternatively, you could simply state that any inappropriate behavior would not be accepted. What I do caution though is not to be too heavy on the way you express it, because speaking from my own experience, since I am an experienced cuddler, it is kind of a turn off when I have to be reminded of the cuddling rules in a strictly business-like or rude manner because the person I choose to see might be new and someone I haven't seen before.
It might also be of value to reach out directly to some of the other long-time or popular pros, as not many bother to read or comment in the forums.