Hard and Deep 2: Moral Fixation

exsanguinate

Since the last Hard and Deep thread went moderately well, I thought to start another, this time covering a different topic: morality and cuddling. Here are my questions:

1. Are there any acts you believe to be so morally reprehensible that, if a prospective cuddle partner exhibited them, you’d lose any interest in meeting them or cuddling them?

Example: I mentioned this in a different post, but I find having bred, or desiring to breed, to be extremely distasteful. I would not cuddle a person if they had kids or wanted them. This applies to both women and men.

2. If you’re a pro (or an opportunistic enthusiast), could someone convince you to cuddle them if they’d done something you considered terrible? Does your moral code have a price?

Example: a person who went to prison for murder wants to cuddle you. You’d be entirely safe in the scenario, but you would be cuddling with someone who ended another human’s life. What would convince you to do this? Money? A rare Pokémon card? Candy?

A bonus question: does cuddling with someone help you to deal with something awful you’ve done in the past? Does it assuage any guilt, or make you feel worthy of warmth despite a belief to the contrary?

BashfulLoner

Well you got my attention

BashfulLoner

I guess if i thought someone to be a thief, that wouldn’t allow me to cuddle with them. I’d have an issue being comfortable around someone i believe would steal from me.

But yes my moral code has a price but it’s pretty darn high. So i could be talked into a lot of things but we are starting at something i couldn’t easily attain.

asperger

Having kids is a huge turn off for me as well. But to directly answer your question,no, there's nothing on this earth that would make me not wanting to cuddle with someone. I don't care what someone has done in the past ----- everyone is welcome in my arms. One could even say that I'm like Jesus in that respect ----- all-loving, all-forgiving.

Sideon

Come on, @exsanguinate . There's the avante garde, and then there's just self-nullifying nihilism. You seem pretty sure we're all just robotic meat sticks humping mindlessly to self-perpetuate as a species. Twining back to your free-will thread, I'm not clear (or I wasn't paying attention, frankly) that you expressed any belief that we're more than that (cf meat sticks comment) and have the free will to make choices. Tag, you're it, but what ARE your morals and beliefs?

We're social beings, and we also make individual choices and have "standards" and "morals" that become the fabric of a collective community. If one chooses to disallow or forsake those threads (metaphor, not forum thread) and "moral" fabrics... then one gets to change themselves or their membership in said group. Think of it as life's TOS (terms of service).

exsanguinate

@Sideon

I’m not sure what you’re getting at. I just wanted to ask my fellow forum users some fun questions.

Sideon

Why not start by answering your own fun questions, @exsanguinate? Humor us with your morals and beliefs.

Sheena123

My answer to question 1:

I wouldn’t be able to cuddle with someone that wants to smoke directly before or during a cuddle. I hate the smell. Can’t do it. I don’t care that they are smokers but if they tell me they have to smoke during, I just can’t.

Answer to question 2:

My main goal being a pro cuddler is safety. So if I were to use your example and I came across a prospective cuddler that murdered someone or even went to jail for brutally beating someone, no, I will not cuddle them. Anyone is capable of violence but if you’ve already been convicted, you’ve already shown me you can cross that line so no thanks. I can only imagine it just means it could be slightly easier to be violent again. If you feel remorse for what you did, that still wouldn’t change my mind. Maybe it was an accident but all I’ll be able to think of is that you could accidentally do the same thing to me.

Answer to question 3:

Even though I get paid to do this, I think I’m ok to say that making people feel accepted and comforted definitely makes me feel worthy of happiness. I’m happy doing this and every time someone sends me a message after a cuddle saying they feel happy and have a new sense of confidence, I can’t help but pat myself on the back.

hiricky

Some things money can not buy. That includes humanity, love and honesty.
Every one have a choice to feel safe and accepted, pros or non pros.

exsanguinate

@Sideon

I’ve already covered my thoughts on those who reproduce. I also wouldn’t cuddle a rapist.

As far as being convinced to cuddle someone from the before-mentioned groups, here are my prices:

A person who wants children: I’d still abstain from cuddling them.

A person with one child: $250

A person with two children: $500

And so on, in increments of $250 per child.

A convicted rapist, with security present to ensure my safety: $5,000

A convicted rapist, without security present to ensure my safety: I would refuse to cuddle this person.

The bonus question: no.

@exsanguinate asks:

Are there any acts you believe to be so morally reprehensible that, if a prospective cuddle partner exhibited them, you’d lose any interest in meeting them or cuddling them?

My intrinsic sense of morality is pretty simple: if a thing hurts me it's wrong, if it harms me it's evil, if it pleases me it's good, and if it helps me it's virtuous. In order for anything anyone's ever done to be morally reprehensible so far as I'm concerned, it'd have to hurt or harm me—and why would I cuddle someone who'd hurt or harmed me unless I had good reason to believe they weren't going to do it again?

Of course, I often talk as though my taught system of morality is my natural one, because that makes it easier to communicate.

If a prospective cuddle partner exhibited behaviors morally condemned by the church I was raised in, I wouldn't care unless those behaviors caused problems for me. Say they steal pencils from Walmart: I don't care so long as they don't steal pencils from me. Say they engage in homosexual activities: I don't care so long as they're not engaging in them with me. And so on... which I think brings us naturally to question two.

---

If you’re a pro (or an opportunistic enthusiast), could someone convince you to cuddle them if they’d done something you considered terrible? Does your moral code have a price?

The only thing that could convince me to cuddle someone who'd hurt or harmed me would be certainty that they weren't going to do it again. That said, if I believed they wouldn't do it again and they didn't realize that was good enough and offered me, say, a set of wrist knives with adjustable sheaths if I'd only cuddle with them, I wouldn't hesitate to take the deal.

As far as cuddling a murderer or rapist goes, well—since you say I'd be entirely safe for whatever reason, I'd be more interested in... I dunno... what kind of anime they like or how they feel about Star Trek or what books they read.

---

A bonus question: does cuddling with someone help you to deal with something awful you’ve done in the past? Does it assuage any guilt, or make you feel worthy of warmth despite a belief to the contrary?

Not as far as I'm aware.

---

Side note: Obviously if I ran across somebody on here who was breaking site rules or hurting cuddlers, I'd report them. That's not a matter of morality, that's just good common sense....

hugonehugall

Can I cuddle someone that's done something horrible in the past ? ... I could because HOW IN THE WORLD would I know ??? !!! Maybe it's just me but the thought of asking someone " So hey you ever been convicted of murder ? " or " Hey you ever robbed a bank or kidnapped someone ? " has never once crossed my mind when talking to a perspective cuddler !! What the hell kinda questions are you people asking lol ? And I'm not one of those people that Google searches everyone I meet online. I mean still use common sense when meeting someone but not to the point where I'm running criminal background checks on people. As far as kids go I don't care as long as they're not around for the session obviously. And I don't care if someone smokes as long as they don't smoke right before we meet and they wreak of it like @Sheena123 noted.

I think the question presupposes full disclosure from a prospective cuddle partner. I'm not sure how many people are willing to do that? After all, we all have skeletons in our closets. Maybe the key here is to not "rush" to cuddle with someone until you've had a chance to chat for a while and get a feel for them (no pun intended). While it's no guarantee that you'll still be safe, it should at least give you a fair idea if they're worthy of your time. A first meeting should always take place in public. Watch their body language, how they talk and interact with you. If you're not comfortable with them, walk away. Or am I being too simplistic here!

Sheena123

@cuddlelovermale
Some people do have more security they go through in order to feel safe but yours isn’t simplistic. That’s a good start and a safe bet every time. Your instincts are super important.

@hugonehugall
I thought that too. How would I know anyways but if it was knowledge already known, I guess that’s the situation we’re thinking up.

pmvines

I am far from perfect and have a past that a lot of people simply don't survive . So I would hope that my potential cuddle pal pool is not narrowed due to this . Doesn't seem to be , and I am very open about my misdeeds

hugonehugall

@Sheena123 when we say knowledge already known are we talking someone that was on the news for something horrendous ? Because I don't think they'd be on CC looking for cuddles lol or just through organic conversation it comes out they did XYZ ... The latter I still don't see how you make that pivot in the get to know you process because like I said it's not something I'm asking and I bet most of us keep as many of our skeletons in the closet as possible out of fear of judgment and general desire for privacy. But ultimately if I did find something out about something I would ask for some sort of context before making my decision.

littermate

If I were guaranteed to not be perpetrated against, and the cuddle was enjoyable, someone's past deeds wouldn't prevent me from cuddling them.

geoff1000

@littermate
"perpetrated against" 👍

That's the same grammatical construction as "targeted" or "medaled". I look forward to seeing that in a dictionary some day soon.

Sheena123

@hugonehugall I think it’s definitely something that could come out in conversation while getting to know someone. You might be a little more reserved but I’ve had a whole heap of cuddlers tell me some pretty shady or very deeply private stuff. I definitely believe it could spill in simple talking.

hugonehugall

@Sheena123 but is that after you've already met & decided to cuddle them ? I can see that somewhat after some level of comfort has been established. I'm thinking more along the lines of something like that coming out just from chatting through here and deciding whether or not you're going to cuddle.

geoff1000

I hope we can discount cuddling with a bad person in order to : stop them being bad, or delay them until the authorities arrive.

Oscar Schindler ( of the List fame ) gave money to the Nazi regime that was murdering Jews. . . . in order to stop some of them being murdered.

When the SAS was forcing entry to the Iranian embassy, the hostage-negotiator was having a pleasant chat with the leader of the perpetrators. . . . to distract him.

Kense

What does a person having kids or want them have to do with anything? The only people who seem to complain about that are people looking for a husband or wife.

littermate

@geoff1000

Here you go...

https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/us/definition/english/perpetrate

waynewv

For me, it would be a thief and a liar, which I hate that in a person, therefore I would not want any contact with them. And I don't mean it at an extreme level, I know sometimes we all have to do a small white lie to maybe not hurt ones feelings. Like going to see your grandmother and she shows you her new wall paper that looks like it came from Dracula's dungeon, of course you would say, OH, it's lovely, LOL . And the smoker for me is a big NO, the chances are even if they take a shower they will still smell of smoke, as a none smoker I can smell it. Also a drug user, 420-etc. and that vaping thing also I could not deal with, wow, I sound like I'm a bit picky, LOL, I better stop here !!!!

geoff1000

@littermate
👍

geoff1000

@waynewv
I have often lied to a person I am big-spooning, "No, my arm is fine".😀

geoff1000

The OP specifically said that you would be somehow safe from being "perpetrated against" so it is only the question of if we would forgive them enough to cuddle them.

I think I would take into account whether they were likely to perpetrate against anyone else in the future, even if they had the means and opportunity to do so.

Ariesaresweet

Lovely question....lovely answers
Greetings 2 all. 🧚🏽‍♀️
This is me chiming into the conversation.... such a pleasure 🧚🏽‍♀️

geoff1000

In ancient times, there was the punishment of being banished from a society ; refusing to touch someone in a way that can make them happy, is banishment without the geography.