Here's something I"m musing about. What does it mean .... to be asexual or sapiosexual?

to be asexual or sapiosexual, to you?

For me, I'm really beginning to acknowledge that for me to truly open up and be vulnerable I have to love the mind first.


  • Have you looked at demisexuality as well? Yet another term, ha. Don't feel pressured to pick one label. At different points of my life I have considered myself many different labels. Just live your truth. But for me and what asexuality means to me, I don't walk around thinking about sex, nor do I see people I'm attracted to and think about sex. Everyone is different though, and asexuality doesn't mean one thing to everyone. I have been involved in an asexuality meetup group and the variability between everyone was immense.

  • Question for those who do. What is it about a mental connection with someone, that triggers the desire for sex with them ( assuming other factors are suitable ) ?

  • For me it's a lack of sexual attraction to anybody. As @ubergigglefritz said though, the community is quite diverse.

  • [Deleted User]elmos_world (deleted user)
    edited March 3

    For Me, Asexuality is My lack of desire to have sex , put plainly.
    I draw the line at doing things to people that directly cause orgasm. I.e. intercourse, hand sex, oral sex etc.
    I feel physical attraction "i think?" I like pretty women and desire them etc. I just find whenever it comes to actually having sex, I dont like it. the best way I can describe it is that its like vomiting or sneezing or going to the bathroom, just something thats a bit icky. Not bad or disgusting, no feelings of guilt or shame, just something I would rather pass on.
    Im still perfectly happy to Lay with someone in bed, be naked around someone, have a shower together, cuddle,kiss, tease,wrestle, massage, etc etc. I still function sexually and am a fertile healthy man, just not something I want to do.

  • @elmos_world
    "I draw the line at doing things to people that directly cause orgasm"
    Do you mean your own orgasm, or the orgasm of the person you are with, or both ?

    I think that two people could be very compatible, if only one of them was having regular orgasms "at the hands of" the other, providing both were happy with that arrangement.
    A philanthropic person is someone who does something beneficial to someone else, for no other reward than the enjoyment of doing it.

    A different sort of asexual person, who finds the orgasm of their partner "icky", wouldn't be able to have such an arrangement.

    I'm finding the word asexual, about as useful as the word "different", needing further information before it helps me to understand someone.

  • Another thing worth mentioning is the asexuals can fall into certain categories of 'sex-tolerance'. There are sex-positive, sex-indifferent, and sex-repulsed asexuals. These are self explanatory. Contrary to popular belief, some asexuals can and do have sex for various reasons. Just thought this was a net-positive addition to the conversation.

  • [Deleted User]elmos_world (deleted user)

    I'm finding the word asexual, about as useful as the word "different", needing further information before it helps me to understand someone. -Geoff1000

    Yep, its just another label/banner/buzzword, in my opinion. thats why I haven't bothered to put it on my profile. It's irrelevant here anyway, because everything is platonic.

    I do give my self orgasms, simply because I am male and I am quite healthy and virile, I need to for health purposes. I do not feel the urge to seek out a person for this.

    I dont like giving other people orgasms if I was intimate with them. I have had sex a few times and sexual activities a few more times, but after a few times i still didn't like it or feel comfortable with it. So I dont do it anymore .

    I think the question here just seems to become more about asking people why they dont have sex. As opposed to defining what an asexual is from an objective standpoint and trying to find people that fit the specific criteria associated with it.

  • Society loves labeling and separating people.

  • @BigGuyGa
    Identifying people is also useful for getting them together. This site is intended to help those seeking platonic cuddling to get together, and those who aren't looking for that, probably shouldn't be here.

    Similarly, if people have specific sexual wants, pairing them with unmatched partners is probably a bad idea. I understand the terms hetro- homo- and bi- ; but after that, it all seems to get a bit vague.

  • I like labels. Especially when you spent tour whole life looking for one. Asexual means lack of sexual desire. There are more specific words to differentiate Asexuals in the spectrum. But basically Someone can be the hottest smartest person and an purely asexual person will not want to have sex with them. Sapiosexuals is still attracted to looks but had realized that expressions of intelligence arouses them. I’m asexual not a-romantic. I don’t want to sleep with anyone so I don't really like that people disregard the definition of asexual because then I still have to elaborate with a full paragraph about what kind I am. Its not too bad but I wish people would use labels. Words exist to communicate ideas more clearly and precisely.

  • i follow with what @bleepcord stated. which overall some may find confusing but ultimately labels are a personal thing - it can be useful to explain to others what they are so they are aware of who we are, but i always find myself having to explain things to folks anyway so labels can be functional for different purposes and then again, we are the ones who put our meanings to them. such a beautiful thing, if i'm being completely honest.

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