Are we too busy in today's society to develope very strong deep friendships

WKplatonic

Platonic characterizes a close but non-sexual relationship between two people. These two people, based on their sexual preferences, could have a sexual relationship but, currently, only have firm and robust deep friendships. Why are we finding so much trouble in developing sincere, long-lasting friendships in today's society? Let's try our best to stay on topic, stirring away from sarcasm, bullying, and the attacks.

geoff1000

It's probably like decaffeinated coffee and alcohol-free beer, we are so used to things being combined that we have difficulty imagining them separate.

littermate

I'm curious what makes you think that's a generic issue?

geoff1000

What about people who are medically incapable of sex ? Would people say, "It can't be a platonic arrangement, because they might be wanting sex but can't physically have it".

There is enough criticism of what people do, let's not also have criticism of what they might be thinking.

WKplatonic

In my opening for this thread, I may have use the words sexual and nonsexual too much. This surely was not my intent. I sincerely apologize for this error. Since I discover consensual platonic cuddling I don't even think about sex, it all about receiving heathy touch without the pressure of having to please and perform for my partner. With my cuddling partner, she and I are free to be, enjoying our intimate time together My focus of the thread was about why are we as a society, in general, having such a tough time developing long-lasting platonic deep meaningful relationships

PeopleLikeUs

I spend a fair amount of time developing "long-lasting platonic deep meaningful relationships." I don't date so CC seems like a natural extension to the way I live. The only friends I cuddle with are the ones who appear to be tactile. If they seem to have an added need to be held for prolonged periods I usually pick up on it. I guess I sort of learned the ropes here on CC and then branched out into the community and my own cadre of friends. But to answer your question, I believe it is in part the internet. I have a friend that just entered into recovery from internet and device addiction. They also mentioned in the process a need to get into the real world more and build face to face relationships.

It hasn't always been this way. I'd say even as recently as 5-10 years ago, we spent more time on the pleasurable process of getting to know a person, deliberately observe the passion in their words when they discuss the things they care about, and discern what traits, ideologies, beliefs, & habits deem them as worth getting to know. It was my absolute favorite pastime actually. Nowadays we have so much "microwaved access" to people and it seems like everyone's flying through a revolving door - trying to meet and connect with as many people as possible in a shorter amount of time. Social Media has us thinking that quantity over quality increases the odds of landing meaningful relationships- so much to the point that most are numb to quality interactions even when they DO occur. Sorry, I'm so long winded. I don't think I actually have a decent answer , but I feel the question in my SOUL. Would love for there to be a spontaneous worldwide renaissance of falling in love with peeling the layers & getting to know strangers - JUST for the sake of making a new friend.

I believe the reasons many people don't pursue deeper platonic friendships are many and varied. I have thought of two based on my observations: convenience and apathy.

Technology makes it easier to connect and communicate. Hence it's more convenient to text than call at times. Especially since many people work from home, constantly travel for work or are just always actively engaged on the go. Video chats have become a convenient way to connect as opposed to meeting in person.

Yet convenience also makes us lazier. So it becomes habit to connect with as little interpersonal interaction as possible. Partly because it's also more comfortable and cost effective. Who would not trade a cozy video chat for a 40 minute drive in bumper to bumper traffic?

The convenience associated with technology has also made us more cynical. We use words so much to communicate via email and sms texting we see their many plays by so many different people in different situations we become distrustful of others. We have become more skeptical of intentions and hypersensitive to meanings and implications behind what others say so we become desensitized to the whole practice of actual live interpersonal interaction. As opposed to mere virtual electronic communication .

And we lose the actual will and or ability at times to truly make the effort to interact with as against just talking at someone. That's too much work for some people. Apathy and cynicism set in. As the need to be gratified with an instant response takes over. The qualities of patience and flexibility get pushed aside.

We see it in this community all the time. Particularly when it comes to messaging.

Quality connections, even more so friendships take time and effort. Like a garden, you have to plant the seeds of open communication and patience. And keep pruning and watering like you would germinating seeds and blooming plants so it can grow. In the age of selfies and vlogs that's a huge challenge. The only control one has is over his or her own emotions.

So to answer the OPs question: it's much harder in the age of the convenience and often lazy habits that result from having more options to communicate via social media and electronically to exercise the patience needed to nurture deep platonic friendships.
With all the distractions that come from the above-mentioned, it's easier and sometimes safer to just assume the worst in people's intentions and not bother.

WKplatonic

People seem to want to fight and argue about everything today and harping on the negative. rather than the positive, especially in the cyber world We just can't seem to value each other opinions and taking them with a grain of salt. I came up with, "ignore what you don't understand" and posted it on my Facebook page a few summers ago when I was going through a physical trying time. Technology has helped so many people and has made the lives better for so many as myself. I personally would not be where I am today without my ten years old desktop computer. When I go out with my friends or just go for a ride in my power chair around my apartment complex, my computer has to stay behind and this is probably for the best because I get to unplug and I get to engage fully and enjoy whoever I am with to the fullest while living in the present. Our lives are our own, we get to choose how to live our lives no matter what our circumstance may be.

geoff1000

People refer to "social" media ; but socialising with people thousands of miles away, means we aren't socialising with those around us. Creating physical proximity, is no longer a useful method to engage with other people.

No one is busy lol. We are JUST looking at screens.

DaytonCuddler

Yes. Too busy and not really interested, sadly.

UKGuy

Social Media is a misnomer. Socializing requires person to person contact so you can see a persons facial expression and mannerisms. As for friends, it's very difficult to find a friend under any circumstances. I think you are lucky if you can find one good friend in your entire lifetime. Someone you can trust and depend on, who will be there for you in good times or bad, someone you can call any time of the day or night and they will listen. Someone who will make time for you no matter how busy they are. Mostly you will only find that in movies.

It's just the specialization of labor brah. Why make an average friend when you can hire a deluxe pro friend?