Pro Cuddlers - the crème de la crème

Tommi89

I have found over the years that the best cuddlers have the following characteristics/capabilities. Disclaimer: this list is just from my personal perspective and in no way suggests that is the best way or only way to cuddle, that all cuddlers should have these characteristics or that other clients have the same viewpoint.

Is “present” and fully engaged.
Relentlessly client-centric.
Naturally affectionate. It’s in their DNA.
Able to provide unconditional acceptance (subject to the fee and rules).
Self-confident and assertive.
Understands “emotional labor.” Uses it verbally and physically throughout the cuddle.*
Initiates platonic touch. Spooning is passive contact. Touch requires the hands.
Receptive to and encourages platonic touch from the client.
Physically flexible to accommodate various positions.

Emotional labor has recently taken on negative connotations, with which even the academic who developed the concept disagrees. I would suggest pro cuddling is 80% - 90% emotional labor, by contrast, pro therapeutic massage is 80% - 90% labor labor.

Interested in what characteristics are important to others, but again I am not attempting to mandate or regulate anyone’s behavior or cuddling experience. Happy cuddling!

inparadise

Great list @Tommi89! I agree, and thank you for highlighting how important emotional labor is. I think many people get into Professional Cuddling for "easy money" because they think you will just get paid to lie down with someone. Holding space, maintaining boundaries, and overall being present in the moment are incredibly laborious emotionally. I would also add trustworthiness to the mix, and I think that comes in with being fully engaged, being able to accept someone unconditionally, and being true to your word (punctuality, maintaining your boundaries when you say you will, holding the client accountable for their actions, etc.). It's all about creating a space for the person to feel safe, seen, heard, and understood!

SimilarGamma

One more item I'd add:

• easy to communicate and schedule with.

Over time I've come to value this more than almost anything else. It can be such a pain to schedule things with some people. It's really nice when cuddlers are responsive and upfront about their schedule.

hugonehugall

@SimilarGamma that would be high on my list as well possibly #1

ubergigglefritz

Love this list! 😁

For many clients, I would add: comfortable with uncomfortable communication and saying something almost immediately upon any discomfort in the cuddle.

"Tolerating" behavior while in the gray area until it's a hard "no" doesn't help anyone. This is true in life as well as this work. You slowly harbor resentment and distrust. Meanwhile the other person has no idea, so when you inevitably blow up with anger, the person feels completely confused and can have reduced trust and increased paranoia in future interactions with anyone else. This is an example of how a poor professional can cause someone further harm. We are here to help people learn and understand boundaries and consent, for some to become more comfortable interacting with another person, to trust the other person more, to speak up more themselves, etc. This completely goes against all of that...

respectful

@ubergigglefritz I love that point about communication.

@Tommi89 Cool list of attributes.

A couple of years ago, I went through the karma comments for female professionals and grouped them into the following categories:

Appointments - ease of making appointments, being reliable.
Environment - cleanliness, ambience.
Being professional - being on time, client focus, making sure the experience is the best it can be.
Engagement - being present and engaged, eye contact.
Putting at ease - breaking the ice, feeling like someone you have known forever.
Being unrushed - not watching the clock.
Sensitivity - being intuitive about what is needed when.
Personality - humor, affection, positivity, being caring and nonjudgemental etc.
Authenticity - being open and genuine.
Cuddling ability - responsiveness, feeling "hand in glove".
Nurturing and therapeutic - healing touch and presence, feeling accepted and safe.
Conversation - being articulate, understanding and a good listener.
Humor - having fun together.
Voice - pleasant to listen to.
Appearance - inner/outer beauty.
Overall experience - how they leave you feeling; being uplifting.

I would also add that the most memorable cuddles I've had included a wholehearted sense of wanting to give to me, as well as receiving what I wanted to give them in return -- along with a feeling of letting their guard down and trusting me. I value those things more than I can say!