Why cuddle a stranger when you have a spouse at home?

This topic has been posted before in different variations on this forum. And I've recently seen it in a discussion on another site. I brought it up as I observed a poster using the marital status of another to chide him as he expressed his frustration on the feedback he was getting on this site. And I wondered if to some degree there may be some intrinsic bias in this community against married folks who choose to cuddle. It maybe useful to engage some discussion on the following:

1. What are the pros and cons; costs and benefits of cuddling a stranger when married to someone?

2. Or a stranger cuddling a married person?

3. Is it cheating or recreation when one or both spouses cuddle with or without the others knowledge?

4. When is it (un) acceptable for married folks to cuddle strangers?

5. Does this question pose a philosophical question or a moral dilemma or both?

MonkeyNeedsAHug

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201907/one-person-cannot-meet-all-your-emotional-needs?amp

lum

I'm not married but in a ltr. I don't feel like people on the site are biased to me because of it, if anything I think they're supportive of it. My partner is aware and I let him and potential cuddle partners know, i haven't meet anyone to cuddle yet but once and if I do my bf is even willing to give me a lift there.

Personally I look for it because cuddling my partner is uncomfortable to me. We're pretty much staying together for other reasons that aren't "love" so I'm still left uncuddled, and so is he actually. But cuddling my bf is just so awkward feeling and disturbs our daily peace lol

I personally believe that being able to trust the other person is essential to a good mature relationship. And even though it's not sleeping with someone else, anything that is a violation of that trust and the understanding you guys had is cheating or is more or less just as hurtful as cheating.

I.E. If I don't find it ok to go to strip joints and my partner does it behind my back I would consider it cheating even though there was no contact. If while discussing it, my partner says they can't really go without it, and we can work out a way that its comfortable for both of us. Then great! But if he knew that it wasn't ok with me and did it anyways then it's totally cheating.

On that same token, if the other partner finds it unacceptable to cuddle other people, but are also not willing to work out a way that you can have that contact when it's important to you, then that person is at fault. They should also hear you out on your needs if your wellbeing is important to them, which in a relationship it should be.
In this situation I'm not sure what to think. I mean you dont want to be a liar and break the trust but at the same time they're not giving you much to work with.

Anyways sorry for the lengthy response x)

lum

Thanks for that article HoldenCaufield.
I love the username

@Bles
I’m not convinced that committed men get the same benefit-of-the-doubt nor supportive leeway in these forums as committed women do with regards to this issue.

UKGuy

Regarding number 3 (Is it cheating or recreation when one or both spouses cuddle with or without the others knowledge?). My ex-spouse considered it cheating if I spoke to another woman on the phone, so I'm pretty sure cuddling another woman would have been regarded as grounds for divorce. Rightly or wrongly, it is what the other person feels it is, not what you feel it is.

CuddleJay02

I have been cuddling on here a while. I am married (12 years now). Anyone who doesn’t understand why a married person might need to cuddle someone is likely not married (or has not been married long). Yes, I have been declined multiple times, even by “pros”, because of my marital status. My wife told me several years ago, “I am just not the affectionate/cuddly person you want me to be! If you need that, get it somewhere else...I would just rather not know about it.”. So I took her up on that and, as you can see from my Karma, this site has been a great success for me. I love my wife dearly. I have never so much as even kissed another woman. I don't even want to have sex with anyone else. Getting my affection elsewhere has made me a happier person, better husband, and better father.

Kesh85

For me, it’s similar to SlimJay1984. I’ve been married for 10 years and my husband just doesn’t like to cuddle. So with his permission and a full understanding, I have had two friends who were my cuddling partners. They provided a safe place for me to be held, hugged, and cuddled. Due to life changes, they are no longer available to provide that. So I started doing my research on professional cuddling and sites like this one. I have discussed it with him and he understands.

It’s all about communication. Each marriage and relationship is different. It’s not cheating because there isn’t anything sexual, romantic, secretive, or shameful during cuddling. My husband compares it to me going to a masseuse.

I personally don’t judge whether someone is married or not. Everyone needs cuddles; just different amounts needed for contentment. If someone is married and seeking cuddles vs being on Tinder than I give them extra points!!!! I understand that married people need cuddles just as much as single people.

BoomerSpooner

It is not mine or anyone else’s place to make moral judgements of someone else’s situation. And if you are against married people cuddling, then do not cuddle them; but you still do not need to judge them. To me the only time it would be an issue is if someone married wanted to start a relationship. Then again, that is a whole separate issue of sticky entanglements.

PinkFancy

I am very new here and to cuddling in general, but my partner & I have a non-physical relationship. So I do not get any cuddling or physical touch from him. I love him and have no desire to leave him or to be physical with someone else (other than cuddling, hugging, etc). However, I miss being held, my hair being played with, light touches and overall feeling physically close to someone. So I’ve found this site in hopes of filling that void (although as of right now my area seems to be lacking).

dontremember

In my case, my wife left me about 7 years ago. We haven't bothered to do the paperwork yet, so I'm technically married. She lives over 1000 miles away, so she's not really a "spouse at home" and even platonic cuddling with her is not an option.

MrPaul

I’ve learned that people are different and don’t all find cuddling enjoyable. It’s unreasonable to expect your partner to fulfill all of your needs, especially if they are not fond of cuddling. It can be healthy to get your cuddling needs met with others, as long as you’re honest about it. It takes the pressure off your partner.

Hello all! Newbie, here! I think it's important that there remains a clear distinction between emotional intimacy and physical comforting. I wouldn't mind if my spouse hugged his sad friend, because I would know that it didn't mean that OUR relationship wouldn't be infringed upon. I can see where someone might wonder about that, though..

Edit: "..that it didn't mean that OUR relationship WOULD be infringed upon." Oops!