Virtual Cuddling 101

How do you cuddle virtually? What makes a virtual cuddling session successful?

I'm interested in trying virtual cuddling and have a buddy in mind, so I would love to hear some ideas from people who have done it before (or people who just have great ideas). I know there are different approaches and I'm interested to hear what works for you, what doesn't, step-by-step instructions even ;). If there was a Virtual Cuddling for Dummies book I would totally be reading it right now.


  • It's important you already have a connection of sorts with the target human.

    The deeper the connection the better. You can then both relax more intensively.

    While the touch sensation will be amiss, your spiritual connection will ensure that you will experience the warm embrace.

    What works for me is to start with video chat while lying in bed and gradually transition my brain frequency closer to alpha or even semi sleepy state all the while talking on the phone.

    There's a point where you will not register that the other person is not physically next to you.

  • @fegonia
    Have you ever been scared while watching a movie, or even while reading a book ?

    Virtual Cuddling uses the same mechanism, to allow the brain to "fill in the missing pieces" of the experience. It is like when using a tool such as a pair of pliers, if done often enough, the brain "believes" that the jaws of the the pliers are fingers.
    See YouTube "Fake Hand Freak Out"

    The technical aspect is to replicate as much as possible of the real experience, like the step up to movies in 3D or 4D ( moving seats, wind, water spray ). Smells might be useful, reserve something specifically for cuddle sessions with that person ; because smells bypass some of the brain's filtering processes and hence can be very evocative.

    As "The Matrix" tells us, every human experience exists through the signals which reach our brain ; and when the brain can "manufacture" those signals, we can be anywhere and do anything we want.

    Most of us are accustomed to fooling ourselves with text or moving images, and no-one is considered "weird" for doing that. Virtual Cuddling needs the same "suspension of disbelief", but we aren't practiced at it, and it isn't mainstream.

  • It depends on what your concept of virtual cuddling is. Are you thinking of it as purely audiovisual as in a video chat? Or are you thinking of it in simulated visual ways as in sms texting or email? Or both?

    To be honest I don't think one media alone works for virtual cuddling. As @Siberian76 noted connection is very important. As such a combination of each of the different types of electronic media can be used to build that deeper connection. Again as always it depends on each individual and his or her communication and attachment styles and skills. And it also depends on what each person wants from the connection and how he or she chooses to communicate that.

    Having said that and considering the above, virtual cuddling takes time and practice and sometimes even patience.

    For me I find that some degree of connection on what ever level prior to entering a virtual cuddle in whatever medium or media often works in concert with constant open communication and honest feedback. Needs and desires change. So one has to be flexible and understanding. And at times being patient in giving another his space to figure what feels comfortable.

  • I appreciate your thoughts everyone :)

    Thanks for your thoughts @Siberian76 I can see how being more relaxed could help with the process.

    That's interesting @geoff1000 I had not thought about virtual cuddling like reading a book but it makes sense. I do have a good imagination that way so hopefully it translates to cuddling too.

    @Bles yes I think it's important to talk with a partner about what we each want to gain from the session and how we would like to see things unfolding since there's not really a standard way to go about virtual cuddling. If we both know what we're looking for, it will be easier to create that experience.

  • I guess it takes on many different aspects, depending on each person. Of course it's hard to say it's a Cuddle.
    I find it very enjoyable to just sit and chat, we use Skype, it works very well.
    I was cuddling once a week with one person and really looked forward to it, we would talk about anything, sometimes school days long ago, long trips, current news-etc. So for me it's nice to see and talk and know all is going well.
    and I do feel some connection that makes my day a little brighter, remember to live for the day, as NO one knows what tomorrow will bring !!!, Stay Safe Everyone

  • I guess you could grab a weighted blanket and a teddy while doing video chat with someone? Personally I'd probably need to feel like I already have a close friendship or romantic connection with someone to enjoy doing that, whereas with offline cuddling it doesn't matter so much whether I know them well or not - as I still get the physiological benefits of physical contact.

  • I think the key to Virtual Cuddling, is to believe that the other person believes it.

    Think of a father, away from home, who phones their young child in the evening, and asks them to close their eyes while they read a bedtime story. The benefit to the child, is gained by imagining that their father is sitting in the room ; but the benefit to the father, is gained by them believing, that the child is imagining that the father is there.

    Some cuddle sessions are one-sided ; where one party A is enjoying the cuddle, and the other party B, is enjoying the fact that A is enjoying the cuddle. In that case, A must believe it is happening, and B must believe that A is enjoying it ; which needs different "cues".

  • hmu for some virtual cuddling

  • Virtual cuddling can also be other fun activities besides imitating actual cuddling. A big part of cuddling is the company and human connection. Through virtual cuddling I really enjoy playing ice breaker games, sharing meals with my cuddle partner, ASMR, dancing & working out together, making art together, etc. I’ve been really enjoying virtual cuddling! It’s refreshing and helps curb loneliness and boredom for sure ☺️

  • Is pay for virtual cuddling done virtually as well?

  • edited May 14

    Hi @Fran333,
    Any pro set up to do virtual cuddles will be set up to charge you electronically. Some are charging a reduced rate, apparently.
    But your question made me think of the story of the baker who wanted to charge passersby for merely smelling the baked goods. (The judge ordered the baker would be paid by hearing the sound of jingling coins.) Virtual pay, indeed.
    Good luck.

  • Virtual cuddling wouldn’t feel the same as in person cuddling. Same thing with Zoom and FaceTime sessions. It’s not the same as being there.

  • Virtual cuddling isn't the same as actual cuddling, so it is reasonable that the rate is lower. However, the adult entertainment industry has made use of phone and webcam meetings for many years, and they have a very satisfied customer base.

    Think of a hotel room with a nice view. Looking at a nice place, isn't the same as being there, but it is better than not looking at it.

    Think of the enjoyment of looking forward to going on holiday, or enjoying a nice meal. The anticipation evokes some of the feelings of the event ; particularly if in this case, the real event is possible at some future date.

    I think the key is in the mind of the participant, either you can benefit from it, or not.

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