mental health

Roninokami

I'm a manic depressive along with some other issues and i spend 90% of my day alone. I haven't been with anyone in 2 years and i really miss being close to someone, for some reason having someone in my life is therapeutic and I'm able to forget the stuff that drives me over the edge. does anyone else deal with the same issues?

pmvines

If you have manic depressive bipolar disorder my heart goes out to you first and foremost. Secondly, I do hope you are seeing a doctor / therapist and taking your meds , and that you are not relying on cuddling internet strangers as a fix for your mental Illness.

BooksnTeas

@Roninokami, I miss being close to people the longer it's been. And I also find connection helpful to me. You're not alone. As @pmvines mentioned, it's important to be doing the work on the things you struggle with. That will only benefit you when you really need someone to rely on. It' sounds like you want to work on being alone less and there are lots of ways to work on that. Maybe find a group activity that suits your interest or where you're at. There a tons of special interest groups all over the world right now who have moved to zoom. Maybe journal or talk with others about problems you have connecting, since it's something you mentioned here? I personally find 12 step groups are good for that, but I'm lucky to be in a liberal spot it might be different here.. but they are free and part of the point is hearing and maybe getting support from others. ACOA is one that talks a lot about the ways people struggle with others. Not pushing 12 step but just one idea that I've made use of personally.

I also find that connection helps sooth stress, I mean it's proven that it does. And... it's hard for people who tend to rely on that because relying on a person is problematic in a lot of ways. It can skew how you show up for others. But also it's not reliable.. you can't make people be there for you in the way you want. But yeah, there are plenty of folks who identify with that, and I'm one.

As far as manic depressive bipolar, there are lots of ways you can address that, and I know it can make things harder. Some people use traditional models and others don't. I can't tell if it's something you've been addressing and just mentioned as a complicating factor or something you're actively struggling with. If you're struggling maybe you need to try traditional support again, but you likely have tried it, I'm guessing? Try looking up radical mental health and see if those approaches appeal to you.

Good luck, and I hope you get to feel lots of love, and grow to fill in those spaces when you're lonely. I think people who tend to feel less lonely even when they are alone tend to look at being alone as solitude, so maybe wouldn't hurt every now and then to try that on for size either.

This is a lot, but just wanted to reach back since you made yourself pretty vulnerable in here. I think it was brave to reach out and try to find like minds.

Roninokami

I've tried doing everything mentioned, but i dont find the freedom from my issues like i do when i can comfort someone. Because i can make someones life a little better is what makes me happy, being with someone helps the loneliness recede. i know more about the issues at hand than any doctor/therapist ever could. I've dealt with my depression/disorders alone for almost 40 years. i'm not someone anyone can easily love but i offer my heart to anyone who needs someone to be there for them. my pain is eased by easing their pain and regardless of how anyone feels about it, it helps me a lot more than anyone will ever realize.

geoff1000

In the UK, we are allowed out for daily exercise, and I've been picking up litter while I walk. It started out as being a way to keep my mind busy, and feel that I 'have a job" ; but I've also been getting lots of positive comments.

@Roninokami
"my pain is eased by easing their pain"
The "mental pain" of seeing litter, is very mild ; but if you can, it might help.

BooksnTeas

@geoff1000 I hope you're using gloves and sanitizer! I have a two ounce sanitizer that fits in my pocket.. so I can spray after I touch things and before I go for my phone or whatnot. Hmmm... I wish there was a belt chain that held sanitizer holder. That feels better than a hug to think about right now!! Ahh, I never ever though sanitizer would make me feel better than a hug. Thanks for the tension of imagining handling large quantities of litter in the pandemic streets.

UKGuy

I used to have a job that required me to drive up a long country lane. I'd often see this elderly couple carrying large plastic bags and cleaning the entire lane of litter. It made me feel uplifted and sad at the same time. Uplifted that this couple had found this worthwhile task to do together, but sad that so much litter is deposited in beautiful places.

geoff1000

@BooksnTeas
You needn't worry ; I made myself a set of litter-picking tongs, and a hoop for the trash bag, so I'm practicing Social Distancing even from the litter.

BooksnTeas

@geoff1000 phew! That does sound like it feels good then And it's a real service right now. Whoa, there's mad garbage being thrown places right now. And it's scaring people because it includes masks and gloves. I do some mutual aid work, and I've spoken to residents that are asking that we make efforts to clean streets.