Propositioning friends and acquaintances for cuddles

Xeno

There aren't too many people in my area on this website whom I am interested in cuddling. I do, however, have friends and female acquaintances that I would be open to cuddling with.

What would be your guys' opinion about propositioning a woman for a cuddle? Like, through facebook or other social media.

MarkBPhx

@Xeno, be very clear with your intentions for platonic cuddling when reaching out to anyone outside of this website and the cuddling community. As has been discussed in other forums, cuddling may have a different meaning than our intention to people who are not familiar with platonic cuddling as touch therapy. Outside of that, I have cuddled with a friend who I met through Simbi, after making my intentions very clear and we had a very sweet time together.

Xeno

@MarkBPhx Was this a Simbi trade situation where you put out an ad for cuddles, or are you saying that you approached a woman you had already met through the site?

cuddleaddict

Am in US. I've tried approaching the subject with several female friends over the years that I've known for some time, Each time same result- end of friendship.

MarkBPhx

@Xeno, I approached a woman whom I had already met on Simbi and we had hit it off pretty well. I do offer cuddling as a service on Simbi and we had talked about what is involved.
@cuddleaddict, I'm sorry that you've had that experience. That's unfortunate that they have ended the friendship rather than having open dialogue. Most people, especially outside of the cuddling community, are not aware enough of the internal feelings and reactions to situations that are new or different, to have a healthy conversation. This is why I don't talk with my parents and siblings about cuddling.

geoff1000

I think the best approach would be to suggest they join the site, so that they might find someone compatible ; rather than suggesting at the outset, that they might want to cuddle with you.

If it turns out that you are compatible, all well and good ; but if not, you have added to the "pool".

It is rather like those who would like to donate a kidney to a friend / spouse etc. can make a "loop" of donors and recipients, such that compatible pairs are created like a string of dominoes.

PeopleLikeUs

I never proposition anyone about cuddling. I have had the most success with friends and acquaintances just by entering into a conversation about cuddle culture or even about this site. So for example, if someone is talking to me about some discourse on Facebook or Reddit, I will share something related by just referring to CC as if it's just another social media place. The name usually sparks interest and most people will maintain a superficial inquiry, especially if they've never heard of it. If they go blank, there's my answer and I have not put them in a position of having to say yes or no to a proposition. Most people I mention the site too cannot contain themselves from talking about it as long as I keep it objective, especially in person. If someone is interested, I can tell even if that involves 2 or 3 meetings down the road. Along with talking about cuddle culture in general, I am also laying down the boundaries and expectations involved at the same time. Finding a cuddle buddy involves the same gradual building of expectations that companionship and friendship involves. I need to feel safe and that takes time. However, I have had experiences with cuddle veterans here on CC that happened on the first encounter. But CC is different than the rest of the world.

MarkBPhx

@geoff1000 and @PeopleLikeUs, both excellent perspectives!

Dante_S

*points to @PeopleLikeUs *

Bring it up in conversation... You don't even need to mention you're a member. "Hey, I heard about this... and I was reading up about it... What do you think?"

It plants the seed, and as was mentioned, over a few conversations you can see how they feel about it. (Or if they'd be a match.)
aka "Uh, who would want to do JUST cuddling?!", etc. (ok... not a match!)

"Hey, I just met you and this is crazy... But here's my number, so cuddle me, maybe?"
(Not the best cuddle pickup line... start out slower

BooksnTeas

@Xeno I responded to someone who did posted generally on facebook that he wanted someone to cuddle with him. I'd known him through some past mutual projects. I knew that he would be good with boundaries and all. It turned into a really nice thing. He's moved to Oakland, but we stayed connected with that for a while, and started to go out and do other things as well.
I need lots of cuddles, and it's rare for me to feel like a dude is going to be safe and respectful and not try to guilt me into having sex because I want to cuddle. I was all on it as soon as I saw his post.. again because I really knew he was trustworthy, there was no question.
(I guess it can happen here as well, but I haven't found anything that works for me here in person yet with anyone. I think generally I like the idea of cuddling with someone I know better.).
Maybe think about the pros and cons of doing that, what might go right or wrong, etc.

MonkeyNeedsAHug

Dante_S

@BooksnTeas I totally agree with you about "cuddling someone I know better". When you have more of a connection, you just feel safer... more relaxed, etc.
I always try to get people to chat a bit, get to know them before a cuddling session. I've found most people want to connect a bit before hand, most aren't "transactional" if that makes sense.
(we're all human... and we all want to be wanted / appreciated!) And I think the 'cuddling' can start before the actual physical cuddling does.

Sadly most people won't get it when you bring up platonic cuddling, unless they are already involved in the platonic cuddling subculture and going to cuddle parties etc. Most people will assume that you just want to date and/or have sex with them, so it could make things very awkward and uncomfortable. You have to risk losing the friendship to do this.

Even I would probably assume a man just wants to date me if he said that, unless he made it super clear and explicit he doesn't want sex or a relationship. If a woman said that I would probably assume it's platonic if she's straight, but if she is bisexual or lesbian I would be unsure unless she made it very clear.

geoff1000

I'm reminded of the proverb :
"Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most".

I think we all agree that platonic cuddling can be a very powerful emotional experience, some say it is better than sex ; so one should tread as carefully as if one were asking for that.

Asking to borrow someone's body, isn't the same as asking to borrow their lawnmower. I find that a good guide for heterosexual males interacting with females, is to imagine how they would feel if a male friend / colleague made a similar suggestion to them.

pmvines

Honestly unless you start out within that context it's going to likely come off as a little strange to the person if you are friends or have a relationship based on something else and all of a sudden you are asking them to cuddle with you . They will likely not understand your perspective and will wonder why all of a sudden you are wanting to do this with them. To a lot of people it is not a normal thing to do unless you are dating or otherwise sexually involved , and you need to weigh out the risk vs reward as you may be putting your friendship or whatever kind of relationship you have with that person at risk . Nor can we fault someone for thinking thats not a normal thing to do . We all have different beliefs about things , different comfort levels , perspectives, frame of references . I would say unless the person is someone who you already know would not be put off by you approaching them about that , you are not likely to change their minds on it. Not what we always want , but it is the truth .