What things discourages you from responding to someone?

edited July 2020 in General

I find it discouraging when I ask someone a question or two and they don't respond to all of them*, even if to say that they don't want to talk about a specific question. To be specific, I asked two questions recently and only one got a response.

In this case I decided to give a little nudge, I hope that it will not be an ongoing issue. Though sometimes I don't feel like responding anymore, unless the person asks why, because it sends me the message that what I ask is ignored.

  1. Have you experienced this?58 votes
    1. I have.
    2. I have not.
    3. I am not sure.


  • [Deleted User]SanFranResident (deleted user)

    It may be confusing to readers that the question asked in your headline is different from the one asked in your poll.

    In any case, no non-pro has ever responded to any message I've sent, so yeah, you could say I've experienced this.

  • @SanFranResident the first question is general and the poll is relevant to the personal experience that I shared. Though overall I realized that I could have written the whole thing perhaps in a better way by putting my personal experience in the comment section.

  • [Deleted User]SilverFoxFL (deleted user)

    I’ve gotten a mixed response rate - but I can’t be sure if it’s because the person is disinterested, too busy or simply not online. Distance can be a factor, as can age. My hunch also tells me that ‘gender’ may have something to do with it , as I assume more outbound opening messages are sent by people who identify as male than by people who identify as female.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)
    edited July 2020

    There are internal and external things that make many not respond to a message


    There are more male members. There are more male non pro members
    There are more pro female members

    There is a lot of life related issues that puts constraints on time, energy and interest: work , child care, elder care , volunteer schedules, long term relationships with partners who may or may not be aware of a partner's cuddling activity.

    Quarantine and social distancing restrictions that are still ongoing.


    Lack or loss of interest
    Fear and uncertainty driven by a changed social environment due to COVID-19 restrictions: masking and social distance and hygiene
    Deep reflections and reevaluations of what cuddling means in a changed social environment

    Indecision about how cuddling fits into a person's life and whether or not and how to tell a partner one wishes to cuddle

    Negative emotional or mental triggers by use of certain words and phrases in messaging and profile.

    Seeking a particular kind of person to cuddle with: personality, physical built and vibes presented and perceived

    General disappointment with life that hinders investment in communication or interest; broken relationship, separation and divorce, illness, relocation, death, job loss among many other things

    Seeking a distraction from life disappointments and pain that avoids commitment to or investment of thought or emotion on any level with anyone

    Seeking a new adventure or activity to explore that's relatively risk and commitment and investment free and fun. Messaging or profile to that does not fit in with that desire becomes burdensome and uninteresting.

    Feeling too needy to someone whose messaging and profile suggests unavailability

    Feeling triggered by another's judgement and or harsh opinions without knowing anything about character and personality

    Being hypersensitive naturally or due to healing or scarred wounds from previous relationships or life experiences

    Lack of self confidence and low self-esteem

    Having no friends nor the ability to make or maintaining them

    Aging and feeling a sense of self loath and self diminishing

    A general lack of interest or motivation to continue to get to know someone after a string of disappointing cuddle experiences

    And many many more.

  • [Deleted User]Softsupport (deleted user)

    @Lovelight: I have but...
    I just let them know they did not answer this question or rephrase. My questions are focused on platonic touching , how to cuddle, what to wear, how we mutually like to be touched, and etc.
    If those questions is not answered I tell them we don’t seem to be on same page and exactly why. With a happy cuddles elsewhere.
    Afterwards some have came back with I’m sorry I was not completely engaged and then have a real conversation.

  • [Deleted User]Softsupport (deleted user)

    What discourages me🤔. Not sure I should really say exactly because could be used as gauge as to what they need to say to close the cuddle deal when we are really not a good match.
    I say we need to be on the same page👍🏽

  • [Deleted User]Softsupport (deleted user)

    Oh, a whatever attitude is 👎🏽

  • [Deleted User]Conse (deleted user)
    edited September 2020

    I’ve been ignored here... I’ve had men give their unsolicited negative opinions. It’s just life online.

  • True @Conse ! Sometimes we gotta just truck though and keep going if we're ignored. I've sent messages to non-pros but in my experience never cuddled with a non-pro and I've been here since 2017. But just gotta keep going, no big deal.

  • I’ve experienced this with both pros and non pros. I’ve also been ghosted by both. I’ve learned to not assign meaning to silence. As @bles said above, there are lots of reasons why someone may not respond to a question or message. I would add to the most the fact that this messaging platform is a little clunky. I’ve even failed to respond to messages because if someone sends more than one, I may not see it on the message dashboard. I also sometimes miss the because I don’t get notified by the website when a message comes in. I wish CC had an App for iPhones. That would greatly enhance communication here.

  • typo most=list

  • @warm_embrace
    The site gives you a 24 hour window for edits, just click on the "blue gear" symbol at the top of your post. It can be used unfairly ; if you post something pleasant, get agreement, then edit your post to something unpleasant.

  • @Conse - True. I try to make friends here, but try not to take it personal no matter what happens. I have other things to focus on such as school.

  • Even though I'm a pro, I still try to build a genuine connection with everyone. However, I guess some think it's fake so yes, I experienced being ghosted and blocked just for being friendly. 🤷🏽‍♀️
    Again, it's just the online world- not everyone going to like/accept you.

  • @Mennahugs - Very true. I learned that it's not worth wasting any seconds wondering why somebody won't talk to you. You'll be much happier to just move on to somebody who will.

  • @Mike403 exactly!! Nicely put.

  • edited September 2020

    @Lovelight is deactivated for some reason, but my experience is that unresponsiveness is more common than responsiveness. People do have busy lives,even moreso now, and even with some of the best messaging I've had, they just randomly didn't reply or deactivated etc. Expect nothing, accept the unexpected; it's better to be pleasantly surprised than guaranteed disappointment.

    For me there's gems in the rough. The site is mostly rough. There's some trolls too, some pros, but message as you feel, then let yourself be surprised. My number #1 thing is communication and ability to speak, so be glad you can without too much repurcussion, and know that people will miss things as they read and scroll.

    Just don't harass, and something shouldn't be brought up more than twice, the second only as a reminder if the first is missed.

  • If they do respond then stop replying to follow-up messages, sometimes I wonder if it was something I said, but i try not to let it get to me too much. I joined a meetup group (via www.meetup.com) specifically for somebody like me. I have high-functioning autism(formally known as Asperger's Syndrome) so social interaction can be more of a challenge for me.

  • [Deleted User]SanFranResident (deleted user)

    @davebutton "People do have busy lives"

    People say they're busy. I think it's rarely true. And even more rarely is it the reason why people don't reply. I think generally the reason people don't reply is that they don't give a shit.

  • @SanFranResident - Sometimes when a woman responds with she's not interested, the guy will continue to write her and sometimes even use questionable language. The typical "nice guy" who acts sweet until he is rejected. They want to avoid that kind of behavior, so they would rather not respond. It's nothing personal. Some bad apples gave the rest of us a bad name.

  • [Deleted User]SanFranResident (deleted user)

    @Mike403 I've certainly heard this many times as a reason why women ghost or slow-ghost men rather than just say "no thanks." I'm not sure I really buy it. Especially if the communication is happening over text or online. They could just state their position and if the man acts shitty about it they can easily block him.

    Either way, it's kind of beside the point. People don't reply because they don't give a shit. There's that saying "if they wanted to, they would." If they wanted to talk to you, they would talk to you.

  • @SanFranResident I don't think it's rarely true, in my experience here at least, that people have busy lives.

    The ones that have gotten back to me after a while have stated that they meant to and things got too busy. I believe them, because I just appreciate that they cared enough to get back to me.

    Also, I think women here get way more messages than men do, and have to sift through a lot, and skip a lot, but I think that they remember the better ones, and go back to those. So make yourself as desirable or appealing or welcoming as possible, and say interesting things based on their profile likes, because in my experience here, the ladies resonate more with connection and interest in what they like, over physical/mechanical things like what to do or when or how, or what you want.

    Now, if I consider the amount of responsiveness I've gotten overall, I could consider your point that generally they don't give a shit is true... which it may be. But looking over my messaging, I think the majority do care and are just dealing with time priorities and message numbers. Maybe they just think I'm cute, I don't know, but I get better responses when I mention things they like, and show interest in them and their interests, so maybe it's about you caring more about them than them caring more about you.

  • @SanFranResident - Nobody is obligated to talk to you. It only becomes a problem if a meeting has been set up and she decides to not show up and drop all communication.

    No response = not interested. Why do you need an extra message in your inbox telling you that? I don't want to be excited that somebody finally wrote back only for her to tell me that she doesn't like me.

  • [Deleted User]SanFranResident (deleted user)

    @Mike403 I disagree. Everyone is legally required to talk to me. I will sue the pants off anyone who tries to avoid talking to me.

  • edited September 2020

    If you agonize over a non-response, being ignored, being told they are not interested or any riff on any of these then you are viewing things through the wrong lens. If these things bother you then you are thinking of them in terms that it is an unspoken commentary on you or criticism of you. It isn’t. The internet is just an easy place for people to absolve themselves from following the social mores that hang in the air that would be present in a real life face-to-face experience on the street. If someone asks you a question when they are right in front of you, common decency and respect for the blood and sweat humanity in front of us usually compels a response of some sort. But it takes more guts. The keyboard culture allows for social cowards and sociopaths not to respond and not acknowledge the human on the other end. So it is never about you. It is about them.

    I will not be responding to responses. Yes the irony is strong in me.

  • @Mike403 "If they do respond then stop replying to follow-up messages, sometimes I wonder if it was something I said, but i try not to let it get to me too much."

    No worries my friend, it happens to everyone, It's happened to me before and I'm sure we're not the only ones who have experienced this.

    @Mike403 "Sometimes when a woman responds with she's not interested, the guy will continue to write her and sometimes even use questionable language. The typical "nice guy" who acts sweet until he is rejected. They want to avoid that kind of behavior, so they would rather not respond. It's nothing personal. Some bad apples gave the rest of us a bad name. "

    This is true, and I've seen this a lot in person too. It's pain right? On why just some guys keep going and don't stop? Whether they get a response of 'not interested' or sometimes even with no message. That's why unfortunately, it spoils it for everyone, but I get it why some women don't say anything and rather just avoid any drama. I get it!

    @SanFranResident "I disagree. Everyone is legally required to talk to me. I will sue the pants off anyone who tries to avoid talking to me." :

  • If someone establishes contact with someone else, the effort of doing so is a form of "sunk cost" ; like a non-refundable deposit. This makes people more likely to try to continue a contact, than to start another one.

    There is also the issue that people like to feel others are making a commitment, and aren't going to simply jump ship at the first sign of difficulty. We want our friends and partners to show they can put up with a little discouragement ; and so we want to show we can put up with that.

    The only solution therefore is often simply to stop contact, rather than trying to stay friends or explain.

  • It is a very entitled attitude to feel that people are expected to respond to you just because you sent them something . It is the internet , and you dont know them.

  • @pmvines - I would rather them didn't if they're not interested in getting to know me. I don't need my in-box cluttered with "You're ugly. Go away." messages.

  • @Mike403
    I agree such messages can be hurtful, especially if you get them off your mother. 😕

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