I struggle to message people, especially when they have nothing going on in their profile.
How the hell do you open?
@whitehawk92 - I'm in the same boat. I struggle finding the words to say and if any does happen to respond, the conversation usually fizzles out by the second message. My suggestion would be to try a pro. Yes, you have to pay money, but you'll have a greater success on getting a cuddle and it might even help you build some karma and most importantly skills to get an enthusiast to be interested in you.
It’s definitely a struggle for guys to find an enthusiast woman. There are so many men and so few women so it’s easier for women to pick and choose who they deem safe and stand out a bit more. It’s just going to take a lot of patience. Maybe even add some more to your profile. Having a pic with you and your pupper definitely was a good choice 😆
Think about why you even want to message people with empty profiles. Shouldn't you instead have some standards and say "if a woman won't put 10 minutes into writing something about herself in her profile, she's probably not a good cuddle partner"?
The reason why you don't have that standard is that you know your odds are so bad that you're basically willing to take anything you can get.
Right now, in your area, I count
119 men who cuddle women who've been online in the past week.
9 non-pro women who cuddle men who've been online in the past week. None of them have karma, which makes me suspect that none of them are actually meeting anyone, despite the fact that some of them have been members for a long time. Also, 2 of them explicitly state they're not looking for cuddle partners, and only 4 have substantial profiles.
How many of those 119 men do you think will ever find a non-pro cuddle partner through this site? How many of those men do you think will ever even have a non-pro reply to one of their messages?
My strong advice: use this site for pros. Nothing else. Messaging non-pros, for 95% of the men on this site, is just a path to frustration and disappointment.
If you want to build a mutual, non-financial relationship with someone, do it elsewhere.
(I know I also don't have a substantial profile. That's because I gave up on messaging non-pros a long time ago.)
Also, although I really like Sheena and appreciate her contributions to this forum... I feel the need to say that "It's just going to take a lot of patience" is not actually a good attitude to have in this case. I appreciate that she's trying to be positive, but you have to have at least a little bit of practicality. You can find posts on this forum by bitter and frustrated men who've been trying for 3+ years to find a cuddle partner. The vast majority of men on this site will never find a nonpaid cuddle partner. If you want to meet women, it's bonkers to try to do so at a place where men outnumber women by a factor of 13.
@SanFranResident - I still message the few non-pro women that pop up. I have nothing to lose. They at least view my profile so it wasn't a total waste.
@Mike403 What you are losing is your time and emotional energy. Being rejected repeatedly for months or years takes an emotional toll, even if the rejection is implicit, even if each individual one doesn't seem like a big deal. Think about how low your standards are that you consider someone viewing your profile "not a total waste." That is nothing. Women are giving you nothing and for some reason you're grateful for it.
@SanFranResident - I was being sarcastic and it's not affecting my mental health in any way because I don't expect them to reply, but it is a very pleasant surprise on the rare instance somebody does.
@Mike403 Ah, I see the sarcasm now.
@WhiteHawk92 I count at least 26 cuddlers that cuddle men in the Las Vegas area between 23-49 that have been on within the last week. Now not sure where you are but that's not a whole lot to choose from. I had one of those 26 message me out of the blue: Well stay safe & have a wonderful rest of quarantine 😇❤️ 24 Aug 08:40 am......not sure if she is trying to bait me into replying but it isn't working especially when she lists her price at $220/hour
@CrossFitNLattes It seems you're talking about pros; I'm fairly sure @WhiteHawk92 is talking about non-pros. Although messaging pros is sometimes more frustrating than it should be, it's not that hard to book a session with a pro.
I appreciate being shy, and how even implicit rejection can be painful, but reject the idea that cuddling here is strictly for pros and clients.
A pro can help with establishing your credibility, helping you understand energy exchange, consent, etc, but I think good cuddle partners are available to good cuddle partners.
You open with an introduction (I'm amazed how many people are reluctant to do this, and expect to be given an open armed welcome) honesty, good nature, something to g i v e and yes, even some vulnerability. I know that makes being ignored sting even more, but it's good practice for the real world, and without it, you're not going to get anything, and potential partners will continue to be absent from this community.
Personally I write something short. If they want they can look at my profile and reply. I think people who put a lot of effort into a likely futile endeavour will experience negative emotions.
Lower effort probably lowers my chance of finding someone somewhat and I am kinda choosy on top of that so that limits who I will meet even further. However I mostly just browse the forum and don't worry about it. If I end up meeting someone for cuddles eventually that's cool, but if not that's cool too.
@biancalovecraft "but I think good cuddle partners are available to good cuddle partners."
So tell me how this works out numerically. With 119 men and 9 women in @WhiteHawk92's area, are you just certain that 110 of those men aren't good cuddle partners? Or do you think each of the women will be cuddling 10+ men? Or what, seriously, how does this work?
Or, maybe using a personal anecdote will make my point more convincingly than numerical data. On my previous account that I had before I got frustrated and deleted it, I cuddled over 20 pros in the course of a year, and accumulated around 15 of the most glowing, effusive karmas I've ever seen on the site. It didn't matter to non-pros because very few non-pros even visited my profile when I messaged them. How the heck are women supposed to know whether I'm a good cuddle partner if they won't even speak to me?
It's easy to just say a platitude like "good cuddle partners are available", but anyone can just use the search function and see that no, they aren't available.
@SanFranResident The way to improve the collective odds of men finding non-pro women on the site, is to get more of them to join up, and to get those who have joined up to more-actively participate.
This will most likely come from the site having a reputation and personal experience, of it being a place where women can have a cuddle without any of the many potential negative side-effects. Those risks include boundary pushing, but also "negative energy" ( for want of a better term ).
This plan won't be helped, by the site forum being full of posts by men saying how unhappy they are with their experience so far. Such behaviour will make the women fear they will feel pressured into doing more, and / or feel that they are fighting against a lot of prejudice.
@geoff1000 I agree with you in principle. I know I'm sometimes pessimistic on this forum, and I know that's not going to exactly thrill casual readers.
Still, while I think in principle the way out is to get more women to join and participate, in practice that's never ever going to happen, so why bother pursuing that line of thought?
Think about Tinder. Tinder is a largish company with $1 billion yearly revenue. I guarantee you they would love, love to get more women on the app, to make women participate more actively, to get prostitutes and other sex workers off the app, and to make it easier for men to get matches. They are really trying to do these things. But they've failed. Tinder still has a reputation as a platform that's really difficult for men.
Now this site is worse than Tinder in this regard for various social reasons, but my point is: if Tinder can't do it, neither can CuddleComfort.
On this site, I have made many friends and or cuddle buddies. I have also encountered many no reply or quickly falling off people too. In the past it used to bother me but over the years I have gotten better, with disappointment. I now see it like this. If someone really wants to be my friend or cuddle buddy, they will reply. If not I need to try to forget the negative and move to the positive vibe people. True for life and cuddle comfort. I eventually find true friends and cuddle buddies but it takes patience. When contacting future friends or cuddle buddies in my messages, I make sure to set the stage with positive vibes, I try to find some type of common ground to mention and leave the choice up to them. Like many other guys I have Horton several no replies but I also have several cuddle buddies too. Hang in there my fellow guys and try to be as positive/creative as possible!
@SanFranResident Primum non nocere
Even if you are right to believe that you can't make things significantly better quickly, you must agree that you can at least help to not make things worse.
Think of people who make charitable donations, help out in soup kitchens, and donate blood. We would like to have more of them, and there will never be enough ; but we can at least try to keep the few we have. Those who might consider helping out, don't want to feel they will be pressured into giving more than they can afford, or have to suffer hearing the criticism of others who don't do enough.
Tinder is probably a good place for women who are looking for convenient and uncomplicated sex ; but that opportunity has existed in the real world, since the evolution of sexual reproduction. Digital just made it easier.
Cuddle Comfort by contrast tries to offer women a place where they can be reasonably sure of getting only a platonic cuddle. In the "outside" world, that is normally only reasonably available : to children, from their parents. CC therefore is not a digital version of an existing process, but something different.
The high male : female ratio on the site, simply shows there is a high "unmet demand" ; and I suspect that the few thousand (?) active non-pro females, are just the tip of an iceberg of those who would join, if they felt more comfortable about it.
Yes @FishCuddles!! I’m happy and blessed to call myself one of those friends!
He’s right. It just takes patience. Sometimes simply saying hello and wishing them a good day is a good opener. Maybe asking an open-ended question. Some still won’t respond, and that’s okay. They are not your tribe then. In time, you will find your people.
@FishCuddles That's awesome, I'm glad you have had great experiences on this site. However, as far as I can tell from a glance at your karma, all of the non-pro cuddlers you've met have been men. That's fine, but it doesn't reflect on people looking for female cuddlers. I am confident I could find men to cuddle on this site if I wanted to. Finding women is very different.
@geoff1000 "The high male : female ratio on the site, simply shows there is a high "unmet demand" ; and I suspect that the few thousand (?) active non-pro females, are just the tip of an iceberg of those who would join, if they felt more comfortable about it."
If you really think there is a large unmet demand among women who feel they don't have enough platonic touch from men in their lives, let me ask you two questions:
Why aren't male pro cuddlers in demand? If you believe what's holding women back is safety and comfort concerns, surely it would be possible to meet this need with pros. Men are clearly willing to cuddle with pros, why are so few women willing to do so?
Why do you think it hasn't happened yet? I've looked at the Web Archive of this site from years ago. In the early years, there were no pros here. It was all enthusiasts, and, from what I can tell (it's kind of hard navigating the site through the archive, as not every page is archived), there were few people here, especially women, until pros were introduced. Actually, it seems that pros on this site originated surreptitiously among users without any special indication. That is, women just started charging to cuddle, without any endorsement from the site.
The fact is, women are in demand. Men are not.
@SanFranResident - I feel it's best not to think about it and put negative energy on the forums. I'm just really enjoying making some connections here and hope that someday somebody would want to cuddle me.
@SanFranResident There are 2 reasons for there being so few male pro cuddlers : 1) CC rules say pros must cuddle either / any gender ; and many men are unwilling to cuddle other men, even if they get paid, a lot. 2) Some women will cuddle men, a smaller number will make an effort to seek out men for cuddling, and a very much smaller number will pay for the privilege. Men feel enough stigma for paying, women must feel it even more.
My feeling is that most females who might want male platonic cuddling, don't even know sites like this exist ; and most of those that do, aren't confident enough that the rules will be followed, to justify the benefit. The "boner" threads, and the "what adults end up doing together" threads, really don't help.
Think of a woman getting on a train, which has a few single male passengers and many empty seats. She might be happy to enjoy some pleasant conversation to pass the journey ; but would probably instead choose one of the seats away from any men, because there are 101 ways for it to go wrong.
Imagine now that those 101 potential risks could progressively be robustly eliminated ; at some point, many women would prefer the company. They would still pick the "best" man by some criteria or other, but as the numbers go up, so do the opportunities.
Maybe CC should have a "No contract" sub-section, for those who only want / are happy to only have, a conversation ; rather than a long duration of wide-area skin contact.
@geoff1000 - If men would learn to respect women and think with their brain instead of another part of their body, this wouldn't be as big of an issue.
@CrossFitNLattes $220 an hour?! Who the heck pays that for cuddling? That’s insane!
@ILikeWarmHugs - Probably nobody...or she reaches out to potential clients and negotiates the fee down to make them think they're getting a deal. People have their own way of doing business. Whatever sinks their Titanic.
@ILikeWarmHugs here is her profile. Not knocking her way of doing business because it seems to be working for her. https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/VictoriaSecret Not a bad looking young lady and quite the entrepreneur.
Hey if it works for her, I am not knocking it either. But I’ll never pay that much. Lol
Obviously someone will, so more power to her!
@ILikeWarmHugs she actually got one fellow cuddler to pay her that price so it's working for her. Not sure what I said or did to piss off @spuds but he blocked me. I don't think that I sent him a message inquiring about anything but found myself being blocked for some strange reason.
@CrossFitNLattes - I just tried to view his profile and it says that I've been blocked. I've never interacted with him.
Being blocked just means you can't send private messages or view their profile. You can still make public comments on their posts, and tag them in ; so some people are blocking pointlessly.