Just like in cuddling. Men have to pay women. Do women also benefit from cuddling? What if the tables have turned and men don't want to pay anymore and women have to pay men to cuddle? Just an afterthought. I assume women have needs too right?
I think women are more comfortable interacting and touching each other than men are and probably find more comfort in it than a lot of men do. They seem to find small comforts in areas men are repulsed by and that allows them to endure longer than we can.
I find it helpful to change the perspective, looking at it as paying for the luxury of not cuddling another dude.
Yes, women benefit from cuddling. A lot of women love cuddling. I know several pro cuddlers who absolutely love cuddling with their clients. And yet, there's obviously some kind of difference, in that men are the ones paying for the cuddle.
Imagine you meet a woman. She's fairly attractive and seems like a really nice person. 5 minutes after you first meet her, she says "Hey... I know we just met and this is kind of weird, but would you like to come over to my place and cuddle up with me and listen to some music?" Would you agree? I probably would.
But now imagine the tables are turned. Imagine it's an attractive and nice man asking a woman to cuddle 5 minutes after they meet. I think it's much less likely the woman would say yes. It could happen, but it's just not nearly as likely.
(And although some people will point out the very real difference in safety between the woman and man, I don't think that's the core issue. Even if the woman magically knew that she would be perfectly safe, I think she still would be much less likely to say yes.)
My point is: yes, women like to cuddle, but men are much more ready and willing to cuddle with more people quicker. Consequently there is a massive oversupply of men and a massive undersupply of women.
We benefit from cuddling when we can be safe and rely on our cuddle partners to be sensitive and not grabby. Mostly on this site from what I've seen, weeding through the grabby ones ends up being too much work for most women for the benefit we might glean. I'll bet most women just want to find a nice partner who feels safe and then we can get all the cuddling we want. Cuddling strangers is a mixed bag for women, mostly in the safety and boundary-crossing department.
I'm finding that it's a rare fellow who can really imagine what it's like to be a woman. Questions like the one above don't really come up when a guy can really put himself into our shoes. And in my attempts to put myself in your shoes, I can see how it might feel to have to pay to cuddle someone.
@chocolatey775 A young boy and a young girl are arguing about who is better. Eventually the boy pulls down his pants, points at his gtoin, and says, "I've got one of these, and you haven't". The girl pulls down her pants, points at her groin, and says, "No I haven't, but I've got one of these ; and with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want".
If men stopped cuddling women, many women would be reasonably happy cuddling other women. Many men on this site pay a day's wages to cuddle a woman, and most wouldn't cuddle a man if they were paid a month's wages.
The relative "value" of men to women in sex, cuddling, and romantic relationships ; is probably a fair reflection of the relative effort each party puts into the manufacture of a baby. The man supplies half of the design information ; the woman supplies half of the design information, plus all of the manufacturing plant.
Women are like a sniper with a dozen bullets, men are like a kid with a slingshot on a pebble beach ; which do you think is more careful with their ammunition ?
@geoff1000 "most wouldn't cuddle a man if they were paid a month's wages"
LOL do you really think that? I would be willing to bet that almost every man on this site would happily cuddle another man for much less than a month's pay.
From the link posted by @DonLonG: "On average, four males fight over each female, but the ratio can be as high as eleven to one." This crap is universal.
@CuddleMeLater I'm happy to take part in a poll. I would not cuddle with a man if he offered me a month's wages.
So that's one example disputing your "almost every", and I think you need an least 19 to win the argument.
Most men who can't afford or find a woman to cuddle with, go without.
Men who are happy to cuddle with other men, probably don't bother with this site.
Sadly many men were taught not to show compassion or emotional weakness. Thus resulting in some men unable to rely on their friends or sometimes even there family members for much needed physical touch. Women have always been nurturing showing love and compassion to men, women and children. Yes we do enjoy cuddling but have much more opportunities in our lives to be embraced by others. Also in the united states physical touch has become so overly sexualized that it's almost impossible to find platonic touch in everyday life. I am a professional cuddler and do not discriminate against age or gender, it is not only men but I have also had elderly women look for my services. We live in a capitalist world money helps those of us who can not find the compassion and comfort we desire naturally.
I think part of the issue is that women are less inclined to want to cuddle men outside the context of a romantic/dating relationship. Cuddling without any existing friendship, romantic commitment or deep emotional connection (as a non-professional) is unfulfilling for a lot of women. It's a type of casual relationship I suppose, and I find men are often much more interested in casual, uncommitted/no strings attached intimacy (whether sexual or not).
And of course as others have mentioned, women are more open to cuddling with their female friends. Many women also have kids who give them hugs and cuddles, so some women are actually overly touch saturated rather than touch deprived as a result.
@geoff1000 You're telling me you would rather perform 160 hours of work than hug a man for an hour? Exactly how homophobic must you be?
A woman gets paid for her time and the risk involved for them. I mean 99% of guys are probably ok (I don’t know) But, they don’t have to do it period. Guys tend to be more open to cuddling with a stranger. I am. I trust myself. However, that doesn’t mean a stranger would trust me. With that said I have not had a cuddle session paid or unpaid. I have also never been asked to perform one. So, there’s that.
@Radioboy68 You've been on the site for 4 years without a cuddle session? What keeps you around?
"Why is it that men always have to pay women..."
Men don't always have to pay women for things. Cuddles, in this instance, can be attained in a variety of ways that do not necessitate the exchange of currency.
"...even for what nature intended it to be?"
Mammals do need touch, as it's critical to development and fitting into packs, pods, etc. However, humans must contend with an excess of consciousness; this complicates many things. Furthermore: nature doesn't intend anything. Nature doesn't think, plan, or feel. Anthropomorphizing nature is generally a bad idea.
"Do women also benefit from cuddling?"
They are social mammals. So, yes.
"What if the tables have turned and men don't want to pay anymore and women have to pay men to cuddle?"
If men don't want to pay then they'll lose a potential means of cuddling. If women have to pay for cuddles from men, then they run the risk of losing money in addition to getting stalked or raped. Men really shouldn't hold all of the cards in this area.
"I assume women have needs too right?"
Yes. Everyone has needs. One person's needs might align with yours. They might not. That's how it goes.
@UltimateChungus ~ 👏👏👏 & thank you! 💓
I am loving this discussion!
As a pro cuddler, why should I be paid?
Because I want to make your day.
@CuddleMeLater If I wanted to have sex with a man, then I would be gay ; not wanting to have sex with a man, makes me straight, not homophobic. I hope we agree on that.
What about French-kissing, or sharing a shower, or naked cuddling ? At what point does it become homophobic to not want to do that ? I will shake hands with a man that I know to be gay, but wouldn't platonically cuddle with a man even if I knew them to be straight ; so I'll accept the "insult" of sexist, but not the one of homophobic.
I am "happy" to be incidentally squashed in a crowd including men, even gay men ; but I don't choose to be squashed with men, for the purpose of being squashed with them.
@chocolatey775: I didn't realize men had to pay women in order to cuddle. A man can pay a female pro for a cuddle if he wants, yeah... but can't he also not do that?
He could, say, pay a male pro for a cuddle. Or a nonbinary one. Or he could take the time to get to know a female enthusiast, or a male enthusiast, or nonbinary enthusiast. He could even go off-site and build a cuddle friendship with somebody he knows in real life. There are a lot more options than just the one, don't you think? To say "men have to pay women" is ignoring a whole universe of other choices.
"Why is it," you might ask instead, "that the easiest way to get a cuddle is to pay for it?"
And the answer to this is simple: Because when you pay for a service, you skip all the build-up that would otherwise have to go into making sure you and the service provider trust and are comfortable with one another. You're sort of buying a FastPass, basically.
Why is it easier to buy a house than it is to build one yourself? Why is it easier to buy a cuddle buddy than it is to build a cuddling relationship?
Now, women often have cuddly relationships already built with the people in their lives. They're like the architects and carpenters of platonic, cuddly relationship building. They're not only good at it, not only have practice, but already have all kinds of people to cuddle with! Parents, children, siblings, friends....
If men didn't want to pay for cuddles anymore, what difference would that make to the women? A lot of female pros would probably have to shut down, sure: but you can bet they'd still be getting plenty of cuddles anyhow. The only women who would be paying for cuddles would be the same women who're paying for cuddles now (and they don't always pay to cuddle with male pros).
Like @UltimateChungus said: "Everyone has needs." It's just that most women don't have to pay to get their physical touch needs met. They've already built those relationships.
Edit: And yeah, attributing intentions to something as brainless as nature is... not precisely rational.
For me the question is how to attract the ones that want just cuddles. Clothing, body language, interpersonal communication skills, hygiene… And yet in some cases none of it seems to matter. I have done workshops where the biggest lugnuts get all the cuddles. There seems to be a sense of familiarity that comes into play that has nothing to do with what I would think matters. I’m able to navigate the freebies pretty well both online and in real life. If I were to pay for a cuddle it would ultimately hurt more that help. I would rather pay for a massage.
But to answer your question, it’s because there are enough guys who would rather pay than navigate the free cuddle circuit. I do spend a fair amount of time which I also like doing because I like getting to know people, cuddles or not. But for some, that’s just a hassle. So they pay because they’d rather.
@DarrenWalker I was struggling a little to understand why you were so missed, by so many on this forum, and your return was so welcomed.
Your last post cleared up that confusion. Sorry for arriving late to your home-coming party, hope there's still some cake left. 👍
@geoff1000: I'm slightly startled, but pleased. Dunno what you liked about that post particularly, but I'm glad you liked it! Here, have some cake (you can take your pick). 🥮 🍰 🎂
One good thing about cake on the internet: there's always plenty to go around!
Nobody has to pay anybody for anything. It's an option, not mandatory. Women love to cuddle . But that doesnt mean they are going to want to specifically cuddle with you . Being on a site like this doesnt mean you can forego a person's right to choose who they would want to spend time with and women have certain things they have to factor in that are unique to them. I would also say that trans people have unique factors to consider . It is about safety and comfort level and connection . I realize it's not as easy for men to find women interested in cuddling with them, but the absence of pros wouldn't make that any less challenging , it would only mean less available options .
@DarrenWalker Thanks. I'll have the one on the left, with a nice cup of tea. ☕👍 Very English.
@geoff1000: The Chinese mooncake! Good choice (especially around this time of year). That'd be my choice too—I'm in the mood for bean paste.
Hmm, some interesting thoughts in here, people! I don't really have much to add; other than it's basically supply vs. demand.
I'm not an expert, so I'm not sure what nature intends, but based on my observations, the way nature, or society, seems to have men set up is that we are both more expendable and more valued at either end of the social hierarchy. I think this dynamic contributes to building a cuddling relationship outside of pros more difficult for the average man.
Men in our society, typically, seem less likely to seek out physical touch from friends/family. Therefore, if they are not in a relationship, they are more likely to be suffering from lack of touch compared to a woman that is not in a relationship.
Additionally, there are some negative stereotypes about heterosexual men floating in our society that don't help. That we're only really interested in sex, and we're dangerous. These increase the risk factor for women who might consider starting a casual cuddling relationship with a guy. They might rather cuddle with a friend or wait for a more suitable guy to start a relationship with, for either less risk or more reward.
It's not only the negative stereotypes of heterosexual men -- it's also the behavior of some of those men on this site -- that lend to the idea that heterosexual men are only interested in sex, and while perhaps not always dangerous, surely advertising the level of insensitivity that can get someone hurt in small or large ways.
I think the deeper issues is, Why do us men have to resort to having to use a service like this in order to get a sense of being accepted in a world where men like us constantly get pushed away my "real" girls, for lack of a better term all because society thinks that being in a dating relationship is marriage, when in fact, it is not.
Remember when us men used to have to deal with the line of, "You're too nice. I see you like a BROTHER. I just want to be FRIENDS?" Why is it jealousy has now taken over to where one thinks that they are supposed to allow "their man" to be jealous of other "friends" and an having many "BROTHERS?"
Shouldn't us "brothers" be "over protective," if you know what I mean? I think that if the ladies that are on this site truly looked into the eyes of the TYPE of men that are here, they would see someone that is holding on by a thread and trying not to loose it.
Awwwwww. Hugs @saxman.
@saxman: There's this type of problem-solving called bright-spotting where, in order to fix things that aren't going well in one area, you look for places where the things are going well, and see if you can figure out what's being done right in those places.
So, for instance, to solve the problem of why some people (mostly men) turn to sites like this one in desperation to get their touch needs met, we look at people who aren't turning to sites like this one in desperation, because they're already getting their touch needs met (these people are mostly women). What are women, on average, doing in the area of physical touch that men aren't? Where are women getting their touch needs met that men aren't? What are they doing that men, for whatever reason, aren't?
I was lucky enough to grow up in a family where casual physical affection between, well, everybody, was considered normal. Parents, children, siblings... bring a friend over, they'll be squished up on the couch with everybody else in five minutes or less. I've definitely noticed this isn't the case most places.
Except for women.
On average, women seem way more comfortable with physical closeness than men do. It's not unusual to see a pair of women, or even whole groups of them, casually snuggling up close to one another, slinging their arms and legs over others', chins on friendly shoulders, hands in every platonic place. I can see how that would be getting some touch needs met! It looks, to me, like a very bright spot.
Has anyone else spotted any others? Anything men can emulate to help them, like women, be more fulfilled touch-wise and less desperate for platonic affection?
@DarrenWalker the willingness of men to be physically close to each other is largely culturally dependent. I've known Indian men and men of other various backgrounds to hold hands, to sit together for extended periods with their arms around each other, etc.
And that's great, and I could be open to doing that under the right circumstances.
But it's not really going to scratch the itch that brings me to this site. I want to be close to women. That's not some weird culturally-induced hangup. That's who I am.
If men weren't willing to pay for cuddles, women wouldn't be able to charge for the service. So ultimately men only have themselves to blame. And it's getting worse; when I first joined this site there were many pros charging $80/hr, now its rarer to find that low rate, and $150/hr or $200/hr is becoming more common.