@BrianL - Believe me when I say this... you are not gong to be a bother. The only way you're gonna meet people is make the move and contact them. It's not gonna happen any other way. You might want to try turning off your electronic devices and striking up a conservation with people in the real world. Even if you get rejected, you will still be better off than you were before because each time your confidence level improves. We are just a speck of dust in a vast universe and at the end, whatever happens shouldn't matter at all.
You can also try a meetup group at http://www.meetup.com. You can search for groups and meet people who have the same interests as you.
@sunnysideup ~ your guess is as good as mine...
I've come to the conclusion that I must be a bit too "extra" for the majority of people who are within a reasonable distance from me. Not that I'm the poster child for "Keep Portland Weird" but I still may be too much for those rockin the chilled out PNW vibe... who knows...
I think it's hard to tease out that a good cuddle buddy and a good life partner don't need to be similarly defined. It'd be pretty wonderful if we found it all in one being, but it seems like a lot more successful connections could be had through here if we extricate ourselves from the typical mindset of, "Are we compatible?" and shift to a less intense and more specific, "Are we cuddle compatible?"
🤷♀️ It's just something that occurred to me to define for myself recently...
@BrianL ~ FWIW, I don't feel like anyone who's ever messaged me here was a "bother" ~ If you're up to it, and would like to dip your toe in the messaging pool, hit me up!
@Mike403 Well, there's also the fact that I never know what to say. Also, with the current world situation (not to mention the current US situation), getting out into the real world is easier said than done. As for confidence, that's not how it works for me, the more rejection, the more my confidence would get worse. I'm not expecting a solution.
@quixotic_life Thank you.
@BrianL - Do you have any hobbies? If not, you need to get yourself some. You'll be much happier with yourself if you stay busy and not care what other people think. Try searching for a meetup group on that website that I suggested to form connections with people who are into the same activities you are.
Thanks @Sashamcgee for starting this discussion. I like reading the lighthearted threads, but truth be told, the cuddling’s why I’m here. I believe people don’t put much thought when they encounter new situations. They act on instinct, and what they’ve done before. In the outside world I might initiate a conversation by saying “Hello”. Here this will typically be ignored, and then we’re done. This site is rather unique, nothing like a dating site or a bar. So the key is education and discussion. Ideally, people would read the FAQ’s. But in my experience, people never read the #%*€¥ manual. That’s why I’m thankful for the brave women who initiate the discussions. It’s a delicate subject, and easily derailed. Another factor that may be at work is the numbers. All locations are different, but for me the ratio of men to women is not in my favor. Mostly, my messages just seem to go unnoticed. We invest a little of ourselves whenever we reach out to someone. So it’s easier to put little thought into the matter and treat it like a transaction. As for me, I’ve actually benefited from the rejection. It’s an unavoidable part of life. The sooner I become comfortable with it, the sooner I can focus on what I want to accomplish. Having said that, I’m thankful for the pros, who help me to find what I could not find otherwise.
@cualtzin thank you for your response 💜💜 I'm sorry you haven't found any enthusiasts yet. I hope that turns around in the future!
@Sashamcgee Thanks. It would be nice to find a compatible enthusiast, but I’ll be OK either way. I think the more I build anticipation, the less I will appreciate the moment when it comes. Meantime, I linger in the forums, so far no one’s kicked me out 😊.
@quixotic_life ~ Haha, not sure what the PNW vibe is. If only I were a mind reader than I'd know why lol. Best of luck either way, seems to be a pretty important trait on here to have.
@BrianL ~ Hmm, if everyone thought that way, that they don't want to be a bother, than no one would reach out to anyone and humanity would perish. Additionally, this maybe does not apply to online messaging, but in person, most people are too sheepish to make the first move as that takes initiative and the confidence to face rejection, so by reaching out to others respectfully you'd be doing a favor to someone that wants to hang out with you but doesn't know how or is unwilling to ask you otherwise
As a former femme enthusiast I can attest to the frustration one feels in trying to build a connection. Just a connection by communicating with another.
I'm no longer cuddling. I find it more enjoyable to keep interacting with people as circumstances allow . Conversations or just coffee chats are more my thing these days.
Hence I no longer initiate or receive messages on this site. And I've deliberately removed myself from searches within my location. I'm very content for it.
I occasionally log in on this site when I feel like passing time. Otherwise I keep myself busy with work and volunteer activity. Whenever I do log in on here I enjoy surfing and at times contributing to the discussion on these forum threads. I tag no one except in rare circumstances where I feel inspired by someone's insightful posts. Otherwise I comment to the general platform. That suits me best.
Hence, cuddling does not appeal to me the way it did when I discovered this site over a year ago. And I let myself grow into it and discover what my comfort zone is. Insights and discussion are it for me. It's useful distraction. That's enough for me.
Hence on here I have no expectations nor desires for cuddles. Or messages that engage such an interest. I've transitioned past that. The few people I met on here over the past year that I've invested time and energy in getting to know are the ones I choose to cuddle with whenever and wherever the occasion allows.. And vice versa. In between those rare or random occasions we keep in touch with each other. We communicate. And just the act of checking in on another is a gift from one to another. Another basic pillar of communication that builds meaningful connection with another.
Sometimes the conversation has long pauses and uncomfortable silences. Yet they're human moments nonetheless. Human moments that open the door or keeps it open or ajar for more communication and hopefully deeper connection. The key for me is to remain adaptable.
And this perspective is coming from the mind of a self professed loner. A person who most human beings choose to avoid. A person who makes most people feel uncomfortable and therefore repel.
But a person who chooses to be patient with the process of interpersonal interaction. A person who accepts and meets people where they are. A person who is grateful enough to thank those who reject and vilify her. Who thanks others for their insults and critical comments no matter how much they hurt. Yet a person who understands that each experience is a complete and valid one with both the negative and the positive aspects. And who embraces each as part of her ongoing steep learning curve.
And this is who I truly am. Self awareness and self discovery have been my lifelong projects. My ultimate goal is to reach a kind of self fulfilling content that goes and sustains way beyond the desire or expectation for human attention or validation. While those things are important. For me self ascension and actualization are way more important as attainable ideals.
So by the grace of my continued 32 year journey and the universe I will have attained these ideals in another 10 years or so. I'm working on it everyday. So I know I will get there.