Is it problematic that the majority of active threads are dominated by the same voices? Is it necessary or beneficial to encourage more reticent speakers to weigh in on the forums? If so, how might we do that?
Since time immemorial, this is how online forums have worked. I wouldn't say that it's problematic; maybe it would be if there wasn't a means of privately messaging others.
In any case, regulars come and go, and some lurkers simply wish to lurk.
Also, as it is in any given forum, the quality of the posts varies wildly. More voices doesn't necessarily mean better voices.
I thought this meant you wanted me to lower my voice because I’m too loud! 😂😂😂
Lol “Inside voice, Sheena!”
I am messaged a lot by people through posts I've made on the forum but dont post themselves . I encourage new members to participate in the forums or at least look around as a means to get to know how the site works etc. But many people just prefer not to post for no other reason than it just not being their thing, not wanting to go public, have attention on them what have you. A site member and I were talking the other day and she said she really wished there were a thread about things men can do to make non pro women feel like safe and like their concerns and needs are taken seriously. I suggested she start a thread about it but she doesn't really want to do that. So not posting in the forum just isn't really for everybody
I try to read the forum's, but I feel that other people have already said what is in my head and theres no point to say it again. @Sheena123 I thought the same thing haha
I agree, @pmvines.
I am not suggesting it’s a problem that some people prefer to be silent. I am writing for people who might like to weigh in more, and/or who would like to hear from a wider number of participants.
I think you’d agree. The fact that the forums are working fine for some doesn’t necessarily mean they are working fine for others. If there are things we can do to promote participation of the more reserved among us, I’d like to discuss that.
I agree @HoldenCaulfield . One thing I think is good is creating a diversity of threads , and keeping ones going that are interesting and relevant. And even though I am guilty myself of butting heads or being somewhat negative towards certain people ,if that sort of thing is minimized perhaps more people may be inclined to post
I brought this topic up when I was here before but I suppose that some folks are just going to be more "vocal" and some are not so... What do you do?
@HoldenCaulfield The same voices youve seen are the same voices taking threads into clousure by the mods . If the moderators would restrict discussion participants , from , constant bickering back and forth , perhaps the more diplomatic posters who log in once a week or even longer stretches , could have a chance to post their opinion.
Instead of closing a discussion how about a moderator ... moderate .?
@HoldenCaulfield I have commented/participated a few times in the forums over the last couple years. Usually I bring a different, contrary thought/position than that represented by the majority. In almost every case, I was verbally attached by the regular "same voices." Not in a constructive way that sought to further the conversation, but more of a school yard "Oh yeah? So's your mother" kind of way. I'll read posts from time to time, but decided this wasn't the place for me to engage in meaningful exchange. I'm okay with that. The big fish in this small pond have claimed their ground. I can swim elsewhere, so to speak.
Carry on.
Well, @SuperSnuggler2,
One thing we can do is observe. I’m noticing for example, that the post that was geared toward people who post less frequently has already disappeared from the “current” discussions list. That makes some sense since it is being engaged with less. But it is a shame. Because I have received a number of messages indicating support for that thread. I wonder if the algorithm that determines which posts are being engaged with might consider the number of different individuals who engage - and not just the total number of interactions.
@Mark
Do you have any thoughts on that?
The way the site is designed encourages casual participation. Even when I was at my most active I would log in for a few minutes every couple of hours. Now I struggle to log in every day to "catch up" on the days events in the community. If there was an instant messenger room to log into, or better yet a discord server someone would like to start up, that would give me the motivation to be more active and participate more. I'd love to put some voices and inflections to the thoughts that get deposited into this site. It would also make me feel safer and willing to invest more of myself emotionally into a voice instead of their writings.
On the other hand that would put more work and maybe liability on the part of CuddleComfort to control something like that. This is a free(ish) resource, so no complaints. Just possibilities and dreams.
I love your new thread @HoldenCaulfield.
I hope your new post takes off. I know quite a few people who lurk for various reasons. I quite enjoy different opinions being voiced and if this encourages them to do so than that's awesome.
I do think that some people just really need their own intrinsic work to understand a forum is for all who want to participate no matter how many other "loud" voices there are. I know first hand it can feel intimidating to post on these forums and not know if people will understand and treat you with kindness.
I will say if you focus on the kindness of those giving it, it will greatly outweigh the negativity.
💜💜💜
AWwwwwww Mr. Holden. What a fabulous thread. Like @Sheena123 said.... I think sometimes I am too loud as well. I will absolutely work on quieting my voice. I agree wholeheartedly with kindness and mindfulness no matter the discussion. (I've been using my inside voice.... Can you tell the difference?) 😊
I generally don't mind hearing from the louder voices, although I think that hearing from more diverse voices is always great. I'm around quite often just reading posts, and I agree with @wrench that a lot of the time people have already said what I would have said and I don't feel the need to repeat it. I also come on here in the evening when I'm relaxing and don't necessarily want to put the effort into writing something coherent.
When I do post though, I'm much more likely to post about something less controversial (eg. I just posted on the positive vibes thread) so there's little or no chance of me being jumped on for my opinion or a misunderstanding. I definitely agree with several of the people above who said that if people knew that their post would be respected and responded to with sensitivity, more people would consider posting. But it's difficult to have that on the internet.
Thanks for creating this thread, OP. It's reminded me of some things I was thinking of posting. Maybe I will post them.
Yes. It is frustrating when people whose posts I never read get congratulated by other people whose posts I never read all while congratulating themselves for posting the same posts over and over. I don't know the answer because these same people are the ones who need to self regulate. Maybe something could be installed to shut off the mics.
Umm... thanks @sillysassy and everybody else who has been challenging themselves to do more listening. The collective responses of the more active posters has been wholly positive. And though I think the reticent thread unlikely to remain viable... I don’t feel it was an utter failure.
@PeopleLikeUs I hear your frustration. My goal isn’t to judge or silence people who post more frequently than I might. I think, for the most part, even the “talkingest”, most opinionated people here have shown themselves to be open to listening and capable of self-regulating.
I was a regular posting member here a few years back (different name) but was discouraged by the same voices (and views) being heard but that is the blessing and the curse of sites such as these. It can be intimidating to a new member to see the veteran posters always posting, especially when they get into discussions with other veteran posters. I'm not saying don't post as that kills sites of this format, just be mindful of keeping on topic.
In the end all that can be done is to keep the conversations going and hopefully it'll spark a lurking member to jump in.
@FWCuddles It’s a cliche, I definitely agree. If mods would be more involved when they start drama amongst themselves things could change. I love the very old threads because such a variety of voices contributed. I think this idea for quieter people to talk is fine, but one thread shouldn’t be the one we have to keep going to. At the same time we shouldn’t need duplicate threads either...
@Allerdale agreed
... in a subdued voice ...
I'm sure I'm one who has come across as loud... as I've felt myself raging on the inside while typing a few times, and although I would never want someone to feel uncomfortable about sharing their voice, I feel I may have unintentionally contributed to that for some.
I felt the jabs when this thread (and the one like it) were posted and the comments started rolling in ~ but I've taken a couple days to tend my wounds and feel ready to address those I may have impacted in a negative way.
Moving forward, my sincerest hope is that if I over-step, offend or hurt someone, that no matter the typical degree of forum engagement they may have, that they, or someone who caught it, would either call me out publicly, or send a private message about it.
It's the only way I can think of that I'd have an awareness around a need for more empathy, consideration or perhaps even a full perspective shift. For sure it's something I do (maybe too much ~ hence feeling I deserve the label of "loud", but in those cases I'm proud to wear it) so, please, if you tend to be quieter, take this as an invitation to step outside your comfort zone and do the same ~ Speak your mind and stand up for what you believe in. This community is just as much yours as it is anybody else's.*
Thank you @HoldenCaulfield for bringing this up and for your other thread, "For the reticent" creating a space for those who may have been feeling they didn't have one. Hopefully between the two, they'll learn there's actually plenty of space for all and that the kindness here is ever-expanding.
And thank you for your thoughtful reply to my message too.
@quixotic_life in all honesty there really is nothing wrong with the way you post and there is nothing wrong with the regular people who post on here to continue doing so . You cant please everyone. All you can do is be you. If it weren't for the people who regularly post then the forums would have no movement. I encourage anyone and everyone to post on the forums as it is entertaining, informative, and adds to the sense of community. However many are happy to not post and simply browse, and others will continue to be too shy or what have you to post regardless of how open other members are to them. Not necessarily a reason for it . I talk to people on here all the time who dont post and have no aspirations to devoid of the way that anybody else posts on here , but read the forums all the time. It is the interweb and is what it is . No right or wrong way to it.
@pmvines See, there are multiple members in this particular thread including myself who are mentioning things that are done wrong by frequent posters and why new members avoid the forums because they see that too. Saying “you can’t please everyone” makes us feel you are invalidating our emotions when we read some of y’alls bickering posts and shading new threads. The internet needs to include everyone, and CC in particular needs to be a safe place to include them. Most of the people in this thread want to contribute to forums but this exact attitude is what makes us not want to. Also, I talk to plenty of new cuddlers who want to join the forums...not everyone thinks it’s not a place they don’t want to contribute to.
@quixotic_life Thank you for understanding, you’re the true queen love 🥰 You didn’t have to apologize at all yet you still felt the need to. I can trust that and I personally love seeing your posts.
@Allerdale I'm sorry if what I said made you feel that way. I know a lot of people don't post due to personal choices that have nothing at all to do with whether or not they feel inclusive or that it is a safe space . Again, its the internet and different strokes. I don't set out to make anybody feel bad or invalidated. I do appreciate your presence on here as well as others . I will always try take into consideration the feelings of others . I dont always meet that goal and it is something I continue to strive to do . I stand by my point that you cant please everyone , and I am not going to try to go to.heroic efforts to do so
I'm fairly new here. For me, there are other online forums I usually participate in, and I'm still used to frequenting my usual forums.
I also tend to be introverted, so I think that also applies on an online forum like this where people can discuss pretty much anything. I do like talking to people, but I wouldn't consider myself a social butterfly.
One thing I’ve noticed is that if your voice gets too loud for too long , the moderators eventually catch up with you and give you every chance to chill . There has Ben at least one pro cuddler that chose to quit the site rather then calm down.
This a really interesting thread - thanks for bringing it up @HoldenCaulfield .
I'm most definitely in the 'lurker' category. I'm fairly introverted, and much prefer one-to-one chats to big groups. Some people can behave differently online compared with their regular, non-digital self. I'm not one of those people.
That said, I do enjoy reading a lot of the threads and posts that come up here. And personally I get a nice sense of comfort from seeing the familiar faces here.
I also think enough new people get involved to stop it feeling like too much of a clique.
Now that this has come up, I'll try to step out of my comfort zone and join in with discussions a bit more. But I may also just continue to lurk.
@sjb1973 I still lurk more than contribute, just because not all general conversations interest me lol. If you think of any great discussions feel free to start a thread! And yes familiar faces are very nice to see, I agree.
@pmvines thank you, you’re a very nice person so just the way you worded everything made it seem out of left field. Also thank you for understanding my point of view 🥰
@pmvines ~ 🥰🦄 ~ You're like a magical unicorn that prances up at just the right moment, and with a slight nod of your head, your horn showers another with loving bits of understanding and acceptance. I'm so glad you're you!