Cause that's the impression I'm getting so far in life. I just don't know what is so wrong with me that people just can't seem to like me.
No definitely not you’re wrong
I don't think asking complete strangers on the internet is going to provide much, if any, insight. Unless you simply desire to hear positive things...from strangers.
@CatCuddler I am in the same boat at my age of 46. Feel free to contact me in private and I'll show you some thing as I think you are in a certain phase in your life. - One that I was in for a long time. It is too long to get into here. In short, I think it is the "nice guy"" syndrome.
@UltimateChungus I think he feels he has no where else to turn and it turning over every stone he can find since no one wants to listen to him. I used to be the same way when I was his age.
I’m facing the same thing. It seems that people know at a glance (online dating apps) that I’m not worth matching with. Same here when I share photos privately. I’m losing the little bit of hope I have left.
Well, if it's any consolation to those who may feel this way, try to keep in mind that many horrible people have found love. Adolf Hitler had Eva Braun; Charles Manson had two spouses, and from what I've just now discovered on Wikipedia, even Larry the Cable Guy has experienced affection from another human!
It is not easy to find love. It takes work to examine yourself from within and tackle the thoughts and behaviors that may be blocking you from achieving the love that you seek. I believe this to be the first step.
Everyone’s path to fulfillment is different, so there is no one method that will solve problems for you. There are many resources such as books and YouTube videos that can help guide you. Sample many and you may find the tools that are suited for your personal growth.
Be the love that you are.
One thing I might add, this website will be exceptionally discouraging to you if you are seeking love here in the form of enthusiast cuddling. Do not take the lack of responses to your messages as any indication of your capacity to love or be loved. Many men here have gone years or longer without finding someone. Seek out professional cuddlers if you need fulfillment in the short term.
@ScrantonCuddler feel free to contact me privately and I'll share some thing with you that I have learned
I’m gonna go with no. I read your profile, you have some great interests and qualities.
you are loveable
be loving
keep on giving
and be patient, immerse yourself in things that make you happy, and give yourself a hug ~ because you are loveable and you deserve to be treated with kindness.
@Mike403 probably thinks you should get a dog, as he advised me in another thread.
@quixotic_life
This all seems a bit grand and detached from reality.
@UltimateChungus ~ Could be...
But also might not be...
I think thrre's something to it all though.
21 day challenge to see?
It all sort of assumes that there's a system of checks and balances in place for human emotions, that said system is fueled by human emotions, and that by being human one is essentially guaranteed certain positive responses from other humans.
This is problematic in a few ways.
If this system exists, it effectively robs people of autonomy.
If this system exists, it apparently doesn't apply to those who experience emotion differently from what is considered normal.
I could go on with this systems' flaws, but I'll only touch upon one more point: the matter of who deserves what. "Deserve" implies a taskmaster, meting out who gets what and when. If one doesn't attribute what is deserved to the will of a taskmaster, then what remains? A cyclical, self-affirming concept that ultimately stems from a human bias.
"Feeling loved is great. Everyone should feel this way. We humans are pretty neat, and the things we feel are also neat."
Personally, I'm not super convinced. It hasn't worked out in recorded history. But hey, it's a nice idea, and a noble one (if a person is into such descriptors). I'd recommend not singing songs about it, though, because someone might shoot you in a park. But maybe John Lennon deserved it.
John Lennon did not deserve it.
@quixotic_life: I agree with the "you are lovable" bit. Lovability, after all, is much like beauty—it's a quality assigned by the person doing the looking, not an intrinsic part of the person being looked at. For example, I'm unlovable to my mother. She can't love me: I'm unlovable so far as she's concerned. But there's at least one other person who finds me perfectly lovable.
So I'm both lovable and unlovable, depending on who's trying. I'd say everyone is lovable... just like everyone's beautiful (to someone).
In the same way, we're all worthy of love... in a way. My mom looks at me and sees nothing she values highly enough to say I'm worth loving—so far as she's concerned. Other people assign worth differently. It's not objective.
Telling people to be loving... I'm not sure they can. It's like telling people to see others as beautiful. In some cases you can pull it off! In other cases you'd need to be someone other than yourself to think that person's beautiful. And probably there is someone out there—not you—who does. Love who you can love, I figure (assuming love is a thing you can do). No need to push it.
The idea that everyone around you becomes kind and loving when you're kind and loving—well, that's just false! It would be nice, mind you. But it's not true.
Some people will take all your love, and honesty, and respect, and never give you a speck of it back.
You don't always get what you give.
Definitely be patient. It can take a while to find someone whose ideas about what's beautiful or lovable line up with what you are! But don't expect people to love you just because you love them, and don't think you deserve their love for any reason. It's theirs, not yours... and you can't force them to give it to you no matter how much of your own love you give them, or how lovable someone else on the planet may think you are.
@UKGuy - It was replying to a comment about you not making your 12 hugs a day quota. I'm not sure why you're bringing me into a topic that's very different.
I think people are just assholes now. If you couple the superficial connection created by technology with the fear of the virus, it’s going to leave a lot of people out in the cold. Nobody is the best, or most loving person they can be when they are afraid and don’t have genuine connections.
@CatCuddler no I dont think you aren't capable of finding love . I would ask yourself what kind of love are you wanting, what is important for you to feel loved , what does love look like and mean to you , and what do you feel could be roadblocks to that. Also ask yourself what platforms and mediums you are relying on for that. A cuddle site where many plethora of men Express discouragement about non responses , ghosting , and in general a resentment in not finding people to.cuddle and sometimes a resentment of having to hire a cuddler, might not necessarily be the best place for you if you are feeling low about yourself . Are there other things you can do to establish a sense of well being and contentment , like volunteering for a cat rescue, joining a meetup group, finding a hobby where you will be around like minded individuals, etc ? That would in a sense create practical opportunities to interact with folks who can see you for who you are and what you may have to offer . Do you have family or loved ones you can spend more time with ? I am sure you have loveable traits and qualities, just make sure you are being practical and realistic about how and where you are seeking it out . Good luck
@UltimateChungus doesnt surprise me about Larry the Cable Guy . That guy is loaded
@UltimateChungus ~ Your brain is so fun!
Have you ever considered podcasting? Perhaps with @DarrenWalker? I just think you (two) would be a joy to listen to while drifting off to sleep.
Anywho... Did I really say "deserve"? I had to go double check and sure enough I did indeed write, "...because you are loveable and you deserve to be treated with kindness."
I'm not really sure how else to put it...
maybe, "...and you deserve to treat yourself with kindness..."?
My feeling is that if one has found themselves questioning their loveability, they understand love is missing in their lives, so why not create it? Being loving, makes one loveable. Although there are those who seem capable of loving others, but aren't able to receive it. But that doesn't mean they aren't loveable.
@DarrenWalker ~ "The idea that everyone around you becomes kind and loving when you're kind and loving—well, that's just false! It would be nice, mind you. But it's not true."
The text says do one, get one. Not that the same one will be the one reciprocating.
"Some people will take all your love, and honesty, and respect, and never give you a speck of it back."
True ~ Those are the ones that require us to make a choice. Keep trying with them, or let them go. Part of growing our ability to receive love, means removing the negative forces that zap our reserves. If you aren't able to see the love within, due to the darkness of another, up your wattage and say goodbye to them.
Sometimes though, it's that we aren't feeling the love coming others because we aren't cultivating it within ourselves. This doesn't negate the fact that sometimes, perhaps even often, we find ourselves with people who don't love us in the ways we need them to, or that their love may come with a lot of damaging aspects as well. But it certainly helps us to better recognize the discrepancies, and shine light on the choices we have, if working to create the love we wish to receive.
"You don't always get what you give."
Yes we do. It just takes time to reveal itself. Hardly ever are these things instantaneous and often come when least expecting it, from places we hadn't imagined.
@CatCuddler and @ScrantonCuddler ~ In reviewing, I think re-reading the contribution @pmvines made on this is your best bet, for consideration and application if you want, and are ready, to find what you've been seeking. 💓
@CatCuddler i agree with @pmvines ,,... yes there are many men who Send charming introductions to prospective cuddlers and wait patiently for a response that never comes,are ghosted, hire pro cuddlers , and have discovered that they outnumber their target cuddler @ 600 to 71 , perhaps you are trying too hard or are consumed with finding a love ❤️ life, just be yourself and I’ve found that you don’t find love it finds you when you least expect . For additional discussions I recommend the hipforums.com there is a love category
@quixotic_life: The idea that life is fair—that you will, inevitably, be reimbursed for what you've given—is a tempting one. But what law of the universe says that's so? What makes it so impossible for a person to give, and give, and never get back as much as they gave? What prevents you from dying before you meet someone who thinks you're worth loving? What cosmic power forces the world to give you what you think you deserve?
I understand that it's comforting to believe you'll always get what you give: that it's impossible to pay into the social vending machine without getting something of equal value out eventually. In some ways it would be nice if that were true. But it's not.
There is, in this world, a pair of people. One person loves the other. The other does not love the one. The one who loves will never be loved by the other. They love all the same. But no one loves them. In real life; online; wherever the one goes, they are not loved. The one could carry on loving their whole life and never receive love in return—from anyone. There is no law, no power, no force that keeps the one who loves from dying unloved.
Yet they love anyway; knowing that they're earning nothing from anyone by so doing. Knowing that their love will never be returned by the other, and that nothing prevents them from dying uncompensated.
This is the world we live in.
@CatCuddler The pandemic is aggravating and magnifying these feelings in many people, so keep that in mind. Perspective is everything. As you get older this will be one of those “I wish I had problems like that again” which doesn’t mean your problem is less, it just means that when we are in the midst of the problem it seems bigger than it is, while time makes it look smaller because we think the new problems we have are bigger than they are so the past problem waxes nostalgic. Thus it is cyclical and chock full of perspective. Dance with rapture in the positives you have so you dance with forgetfulness in the negatives.
Awwwwww @FunCartel that was such a fabulous way of putting it! I think you are so insightful. Dance with rapture in the positives and dance with forgetfulness in the negatives. THANK YOU for that!!! That's going down in my book of fantastic quotes to live by.
So many good things in this thread. @DarrenWalker spot on as always. I might go one step farther and say we all have intrinsic VALUE. No one gets to decide that part. Whether they LIKE our stuff.... our parts.... our style..... our personality.... is fairly irrelevant. You just have to say "Thank you, Next" when you come upon people who don't find you loveable or beautiful. Some will and some won't. (Sorry it was someone so embedded in your life like your Momma. That makes me a bit sad. I tell my kids I will always LOVE you, even if I don't like you right now because you're being a stinker! I'm sorry for the hurt that must cause)
@pmvines Goodness and sprinkles of thoughtfulness as always. 💌
@CatCuddler I think there are a lot of people on this site who would like to give some good feedback..... Even as much as UltimateChungus is blunt about kudos from strangers I think he's right. You have to choose to love yourself and see the value in your own being whether others see what's great about you or not. This is a beautiful community to find friendships as well as snuggles but empty compliments still leave you feeling empty. Thank you for being brave enough to post something that must be a little bit challenging and hard on your heart.
@DarrenWalker ~ What law says it doesn't...?
The world we live in is ultimately the one we grow and nurture from within. Those lines should be self directed/self reflected, as opposed to depending on an external being to give us what we want and think we need.
Which was really the point. One can "be" loved but not "feel" loved, because they don't feel worthy, because they don't love themselves. It's not that if you don't like you noone else will. It's that if you don't like you it won't matter.
Are you loveable? Make yourself matter to you and the answer is, "Yes"!
...and there's always choice... Sometimes, the ones we love, we're merely attached to. One shouldn't force themselves to live uncompensated. If another doesn't love in return, both have work to do and more than likely, they need to do so separately.
@FunCartel ~ What a beautiful composition...
That is truly the loveliest comment I've read in days! 🥰
@sillysassy: Well, value isn't objective either. "One man's trash" and all that. Something of value is only valuable to someone or for something—value isn't a thing that exists on its own. Nothing is intrinsically, objectively valuable. So, for instance, I have great value to myself (I kind of need me to exist)—but objectively speaking it doesn't matter to the universe whether I live or die.
Also, I get on pretty well with my mother these days. We don't love each other, sure, but we don't hate each other either. At least, I'm fairly sure she doesn't want me to drop dead anymore. So that's nice!
@quixotic_life: Surely the world we live in is the one that, objectively, exists. You know, no matter what we believe about it.
I could grow and nurture from within a world in which I can do magic by waving a wand and chanting a spell, but the depth of my delusion isn't gonna help me fly when I jump off the roof on a broom, is it? In the same way, it really really doesn't matter how hard I believe that giving Person A my love will result in me getting love from somebody—there's still no law that says I've earned love, and no guarantee that I'm gonna get it.
No... not even from myself.
Also, living uncompensated isn't a thing you have to force yourself to do. It happens quite naturally; it's very easy. Besides, who would leave someone they love because they feel their loved one isn't paying them properly for their loving? Is a love like that even love?
PS ~ @DarrenWalker & @UltimateChungus
You two collectively are reminding me of my mother, who when getting towards the end, said to me scornfully, "You're drunk."
I laughed, "What? No I'm not." (I don't drink)
She sat up, looked me square in the eyes and sneered semi-under her breath, "Yes. You. Are." then flopped back in the bed, facing the wall.
"Um, no mom. I'm just naturally like this..." SMH
A few minutes later she turned toward me again and slightly hushed said, "The sooner you realize the world isn't all rainbows and butterflies the better off we'll be."
To this day, I don't know what that means.
My personal hot-air balloon is tattered and worn, held together with duct tape, bungee cords, and binder clips. But it's gotten me through all the storms so far and as I cling to the sides of my basket fearing I may fall, I'm reminded, I may be alone but I'm crafty. Winter's been coming, but I've been riding a rough current for many days and I'm still here. When next Spring rounds the bend - I hope to see the world full of rainbows and butterflies. Because I know they're there. Even if I can't see them. Just like love.
@CatCuddler
quote from "Trap Door" (TB Burnett). The funny thing about love the harder you try to be loved the less lovable you are
(great song)
"They" say when you stop trying it (love) hits you in the face. Another thought would be that love is a behavior more than a feeling. I think if you try to find a way to be kind to others like will attract like and it will happen. And if you're coming from a place of feeling rejected by CC members, please don't.