Should a cuddler inform their partners they stopped cuddling?

For over a year, my cuddler and I went from being provider/client to close friends. In fact, the last time we were together, we didn't cuddle but I took her to her first baseball game. We had a wonderful time, one that she'll never forget.

The pandemic kept us apart, but I was looking forward to seeing her again once this crisis ends. We kept in contact with each other on Facebook and Instagram and I noticed that she was doing a lot of traveling with family and friends. What I didn't know until this weekend is that my cuddler got married in May. This revelation blindsided me and my emotions came down on me all at once. Mind you, I knew that she was marriage-minded and wanted to start a family. I would never stand in the way of her happiness. But should she have let me know a few months ago to let me mentally prepare for the end of our cuddling relationship?

Comments

  • Ehh this is a tricky one because there’s still a few questions I have about this.
    1. How do you know she’s stopped cuddling? Just because she got married doesn’t necessarily mean she’s ending her cuddling career. Has she told you as much ? Did you reach out to her to set up a cuddle date or are you just assuming ?
    2. In that year and a half if you 2 got that close she never once alerted you to the fact that she was involved with someone and subsequently engaged ? Not that all cuddlers particularly pros disclose all their personal romance business for obvious reasons but some do to establish clear boundaries as to what’s to be expected or in this case if you 2 got as close as you described it would seem this is something that would have come up. Especially if you’re relationship got to the point where you both shared social media with each other.
    It could be that she thought that you’re relationship passed a threshold that would make her now spouse uncomfortable and she had to pull back the reigns a little bit. I would imagine it’s tough being the partner of a pro cuddler and maybe she needs to make sure he’s comfortable with her seeing you as a client again.
    I say all that to say no she doesn’t necessarily “ owe “ you a heads up if she is indeed stopped cuddling.... Because again marriage doesn’t automatically end cuddling career , I wonder if this is just an assumption on your part ? But from a professional sense if she truly has stopped cuddling she should reach out to all her regulars again if she has them including yourself and let them she’s not taking clients for the foreseeable future and let them seek services elsewhere if they’re so inclined. But again this is something that’s not owed by any means and completely up to the discretion of the cuddler.

  • Thank you for your candor.

  • There is another well established pro cuddler in my town with a long term male partner, who knows about and supports her career. He also joins in the local cuddle parties and cuddles everyone, regardless of gender. Maybe it's worth checking if she's still doing the pro cuddling? Not everyone quits when they get into a relationship. They might have stricter boundaries about hanging out or talking outside paid session times though.

  • I'll contact her later today. Thank you for your words of encouragement.

  • Update on events...
    I texted her yesterday morning and asked her if she can answer a question. She said 'sure, if it's not inappropriate'. So to be as vague as possible, I asked if she was going back to CC. Her reply was 'No, I don't'. My response, 'I see, thank you.'

    After I seen her make posts on IG and FB, I quietly unfollowed her.

  • @Fishbone - Find a new cuddler. Don't focus on one person especially if she isn't your significant other because you're just gonna get your heart broken.

  • Well done for asking, @Fishbone - it's better not to assume. That said, I agree with @Mike403 that it sounds like you got quite emotionally attached, and it's probably best to diversify with other cuddlers if possible to avoid heartbreak.

  • edited November 2020

    @TouchSanctuary, the only thing that I mourned was the loss of a good friend. I knew this day would come, this pandemic made things worse. And I'm well aware that we live in a time that women don't owe men anything, the news still blindsided me. Much like your favorite diner that was open one day, then out of the blue went out of business.

    Nevertheless, I wish her all the happiness in the world.

  • Fair enough @Fishbone - it's always hard to lose a close friend. I've lost a few close friends (of both sexes) when they got married, as I find a lot of people drop friendships to focus on a romantic partner. Sometimes it's because they don't want to upset the partner by befriending someone of the opposite sex, but sometimes it's just because they don't prioritise platonic friends in general. Either way, it really sucks and it's hurtful to be on the other side of that.

  • @fishbone ... why didn’t you congratulate her on her marriage ? And Just because she got married doesn’t mean she won’t be pro cuddling ? Am I right ? Are or were you a client ? Ok , she does not want new clients so she quit the website , doesn’t mean she retired . Newlyweds .... probably buying a house together will feel the pinch I’m sure she can use some extra bucks on the side .

  • @cuddlerforu24, in a previous text I did congratulate her, wished her well and told her that he was a lucky man. I unfollowed her on social media to give them distance, but if she returns to cuddling, she knows where to reach me.

  • Yes she should. This is appalling behaviour on her part. She has been deeply unprofessional.

    The paid cuddling reltionship is a therapeutic one. Therefore, the client should always come first. The professional has a duty of care towards the client, and that includes a duty to care for the client's emotions.

    In the first instance it is of course the professional's choice whether to disclose their relationship status to a new-ish client. At that stage, it simply doesn't matter. However, once the relationship between cuddler and professional becomes closer, we enter a grey area. Cuddling is a new profession had has not yet worked out its boundaries. At the moment, most professionals seem either to be single, or to pretend they are single. I don't know why they do this, it seems most unhealthy.

    Professionals are entitled to their privacy. However, that does not give them a right to mislead their clients. Nor do they have the right to inflict emotional trauma. The shock you have felt - and I suspect it was a profound emotional shock - is that somebody you thought you knew well, and who you trusted, has turned out to be somebody entirely and utterly different. And untrustworthy.

    What she should have done is prepare you several months in advance. You have been very badly treated by her, and you should politely and nicely tell her that.

    What she's done, of course, is screw you to protect herself. She didn't want to lose you as a client until the last minute, and she didn't want to face the emotional work of telling you and helping you through the process. We cannot tell what her motivations were, but assuming you tell her how upset you were that might give you a clue. I don't want to be too harsh on her - we all have our difficulties - but she has behaved badly in this instance.

    In any event, I do not regard her husband as a lucky man. On the contrary, I fear for him. And I offer my greatest sympathies to you.

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