Few to no enthusiasts in my area and not sure about how I felt past cuddles with Pros; what next?

Good morning everyone, hope you all are donig fantastically and wanted to mention this is my first time in the forums.

I just recently rejoined CC after taking some significant time off during which I deleted my initial account, in case anyone is concerned about lack of karma, account age, etc.

All that said, I come with a question or issue that I'm sure a ton of peole have and maybe has been discussed before but I'm not sure how to approach or where to go from there, that being the essential lack of enthusiasts/non-pros in my area.

In my last venture into cuddling, I did meet with a few of the Pros in my area who were all very nice, professional, and genuinely awesome to spend time with. However, I found in those experiences that the "takeaway" from the experience wasn't what I had expected or was seeking from a cuddle buddy. During the session all of the therapeutic and positive benefits of the cuddling experience felt real, but there was this feeling that as soon as it was over, I found myself questioning whether those benefits were actually real or not?

It's hard to express. It might be that it's just me, and that my perception of the "transactional" nature of cuddling with a Pro, even when they're fantastic people, prevents me from letting those benefits last. Or maybe it's just that cuddling as a means to resolve touch deprevation/hunger just isn't for me at the end of the day, it's difficult to figure out.

In trying to answer that, my best solution was to think that trying to establish a cuddle buddy with an Enthusiast would help me really feel like it was more "real". Problem is, there are almost no active enthusiasts in my area (even for being a major city) which is why I left CC initially after trying cuddles with Pros. I came back to CC after some time to see if this had changed or just as an attempt to branch back out to people during the pandemic, but unfortunately it seems to be the same scenario.

I will admit that I tend to be more negative or overanalyze some things more than I should, and that I do suffer from depression and anxiety; perhaps those two go hand-in-hand. It might be something that I have to work on myself, where I have to understand that just because a session with a Pro is a paid session, they're still choosing to participate. I tend to internalize these thoughts that "no one would want to have that cuddle-friendship with me if there wasn't money to be made". Part of me knows how irrational that is but it's hard to overcome.

All that said, I'm coming to the forums just to share my thoughts and experiences, see if there are others who have or currently do feel the same or find themselves in the same spot, and seek advice on just kind of where to go from here.

Hope you all have had excellent weeks and look forward to trying to be more active on the forums in general, been lurking a couple weeks and you all seem like such great people! Thanks for reading!

TouchSanctuary

I don't think the lack of female enthusiasts is in any way a reflection on how appealing or attractive you are. The issue is that women are just less interested in a no strings attached cuddling friendship with a man. Most women I've met will cuddle with their female friends and family, and/or just date to find a boyfriend. Women seem less interested in hookups and FWBs in general, so it stands to reason that they would also be less interested in a no strings attached cuddling arrangement as well. Safety is also a big risk for women cuddling with men, though I don't think that's the only issue at play.

Most casual cuddling arrangements have an expiry date of about 3-6 months, where they usually either turn into a dating relationship or people part ways anyway. Unless people have incompatible orientations and zero attraction present (or they are already partnered and getting those needs met elsewhere), it's hard to keep cuddling regularly after 6+ months without developing a romantic attachment. So it might be worth asking yourself if you are looking to meet a need that realistically may only be met in a serious romantic partnership.

Some people love casual platonic cuddling (either with an enthusiast or a professional) and find it very satisfying, but other people may find options like massage therapy, energy healing or bodywork may be a more helpful alternative for meeting their touch needs while single.

@TouchSanctuary

Thank you for taking the time to give such a thoughtful reply. I do seek other alternatives just to help me out, i.e. member at a Massage Heights franchise in the area, etc.

Honestly, evaluating everything for myself, it starts to feel more like perhaps I am trying to meet a need that would be more aptly met by a relationship. I think the dissonance for me cognitively or otherwise is that I'd like to meet/know/have someone who I can cuddle with, but is also genuinely my friend. That could more easily be defined in a romantic relationship, but I've always been open to having that person be someone I'm just good friends with also.

I've had a few good friends in the past where our friendship was not based on cuddling at all, and there was never a time we hung out with the 'intent' to cuddle, but we might cuddle a bit every so often just naturally. That feels like the type of friendship that's been missing lately and maybe what I thought I might find here. Don't want to just give up on that idea haha, but perhaps it's just not in the cards via this avenue in my area.

I think maybe I even knew these answers all along but just wanted to talk it out to internalize some of it.

Regardless, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences and I'd love to hear from anyone else as well!

sweetsnugglesaz

I think your experience with pros may be something to consider as well. I have cuddled a variety of personalities through my short time on here so far, but I have not snuggled any cuddler that I would meet with outside of the pro relationship for sure for a session. This is not to say that I don’t think about them and don’t care unless they’re booking—quite the opposite—it’s just that we don’t mutually click like that to graduate into a friendship and there are many reasons why. It has been the other way around for me too, where we had such an equally great session but he (cuddler) hasn’t responded to my check ins or shown any interest in meeting again despite me wanting to. Perhaps cuddling a pro can meet that need you have, it will just take time to meet the near-perfect match.

MarkBPhx

@Allerdale thank you for your thoughtful response and sharing from your own experience. It appears that @hingadingadurg either deleted his account, or it was deleted by a moderator.

sweetsnugglesaz

@MarkBPhx Awww that’s too bad. I hope he comes back soon 😊

sunnysideup

Looks like the OP deleted his account, but -

@TouchSanctuary I used to feel like OP, until I realized the reality that you pointed out - I suppose that I would prefer that reality be different, but there is no use hoping for things to change that will never change, as that is nothing but wasted energy and time I can't get back. You may be right with the alternative solutions too!

@Allerdale Thanks for the perspective of a pro! You're right that finding something with the right chemistry may produce the effect that OP is search for, and finding someone is matching chemistry is part luck based as you mentioned. I think if you become a regular of a pro, you may also develop what OP is looking for even if that chemistry might not be there on the first meeting.

sweetsnugglesaz

@sunnysideup Absolutely can, yes. I don’t know if cuddler expectations are too high for a first session or what but there is very few who feel okay with continuing to pay for subsequent sessions. I haven’t been told this but it’s my impression. Maybe it’s the discomfort of paying for it? I don’t know, but my instinct says people are looking for a dating relationship or an arrangement a lot more than they admit. I’m just trying to find my cuddling soulmate 🤗🥰

quixotic_life

Well dang! I meant to tell @hingadingadurg how much I like their user name, but now it's too late. Boo!

still a great name though ~ especially if said out loud!

littermate

It's so challenging to take a deep-seated belief that probably originates in early life (no one would want to love me unless I paid them) and turn it around with anything but therapy. It's kind of a bottomless well that keeps generating itself no matter the scenario or what we use to try and eradicate or fill it.

I found his open, honest share really sweet and it's a testament to how kind the forum has become that people feel like they can venture out that vulnerably here.

TouchSanctuary

I will add I do have a long-term friend I cuddle with on an unpaid basis, because we met each other as friends in a different context without any expectation of cuddling platonically. We only started cuddling after being friends for over a year. He is also married and has an agreement with his wife that he can cuddle with others from time to time, as long as there's no romantic or sexual activity. So there are some unusual situations where cuddling friendships can last long term and be deeper than just a casual connection, but I do think you need more in common than just liking to cuddle for that to work out. For me to be friends with someone, there needs to be more of a meeting of the mind and heart on a deeper level.

[Edit] That said we only cuddle once every month or so, and it's not like we're cuddling every week or more. I guess if someone wants to cuddle platonically, there needs to be fairly low expectations overall. It's not like a romantic partner where I would expect to see them at least once a week.

Designergirl

This been mentioned in previous threads but in addition to all the theorized lack of demand there is the issue of non-pros not exactly being welcomed with open arms by both a few bad apples on the forums and poor moderation. Also many of my intros read some version of "when is your next availability?" As long as we share one site CC will remain schizophrenic.