What are red flags?

ChristakcobbChristakcobb
edited December 2020 in General

So i have gotten some request from people claiming to be coming from other countries (men) for business trips and looking to meet asap for a cuddle. Is this red flag territory for this community or am i being to uptight? Tell me your thoughts on red flags for this community cuddlers ❤👀👀🤷🏽‍♀️

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Comments

  • MaullySterlingMaullySterling

    Oh, same!

    Like, 3 hr drive, coming in for a meeting, and tells me, he's coming to see me, but 1 hour from now???

    Dude, no.
    No pic, no conversation, just demands, no WAY!

    I politely declined, his reply was "what address?"

    I adamantly said no way, no how, and he responds with "have a good day" then bogus bad karma (which a lovely moderator removed, thank you)

    I'm new to the site, and would also like to know what to look out for.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @Christakcobb yes it def is something I would consider a red flag. The nature of the site being for cuddling, there are a good number of men who join extremely eager to jump right into things without considering the other person's sense of safety, connection, their feelings and.comfort level etc. It is important for you to set boundaries and only do what you feel comfy with . Also some men may be accustomed to ahd prefer the transactional nature and immediacy of hiring pro cuddlers and carry this over to their interactions with non pros . I am sorry you are having anxiety inducing experiences . There will be that unfortunately, even on a platonic cuddle site . If anybody gives bad vibes , I suggest to report and block them . It may be comoletley benign , however let admin determine that if you aren't sure.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    Good advice from @pmvines there.

    The part that bothers me is the 'asap'. That isn't how cuddling works. It is true that sometimes you can create a connection with somebody quite quickly, but it should never be assumed.

  • xeldaxelda
    edited December 2020

    Feels like red flag to me.
    "I'm in town for a short period of time, no one in my area." is a pretty common catphishing tactic, from what I've heard.

  • TheMidnightOwlTheMidnightOwl
    edited December 2020

    @Christakcobb
    Totally a red flag, and when I experienced such vibes here, like @MaullySterling I declined to meet or have further messages with them. No one has the right to make assumptions and get pushy like that - on this site or anywhere else. Major red flag. Listen to your gut, my dear. It is spot-on here.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited December 2020

    One thing I will say is that if I have exchanged messages and the person seems sane and easy to get along with and I end up in their area I might suggest we meet up , if not to cuddle to perhaps grab coffee or something . I do.see how that can be perceived . The intent and context behind it is not for anything nefarious and I just try to make sure the person realizes that.

  • xeldaxelda
    edited December 2020

    I'd like to add that the red flag might not mean something nefarious is behind the action. But it does likely mean that the individual is inexperienced in boundary-setting, expectations, or be mis-matched in what you want and how to go about getting there. So, even if they don't intend to harm you, you will end up doing the heavy-lifting in emotional labour.

    From what I've read in the forums, there are definitely some people who believe that this site can be (and should be) used exactly as your first message describes. In fact, the site itself says that's how it works (ie: sign up, look who's near you, send a message without worrying about explaining yourself, meet up). In reality, that's not how it works, especially for women who have been conditioned to be very cautious about meeting up with strangers.

  • UCpaaHVg6u0UCpaaHVg6u0

    If you have to ask, then the answer is "Yes".

  • Rocket_ManRocket_Man

    Go with your gut feeling. Certainly no pic is a red flag. Watch out for fake 'pros' as well. 0 karma, refuses cash payments, nothing about their qualifications in profile.

  • bekah_cuddlesbekah_cuddles

    I agree with @Invisible_Touch. Trust your gut. If it feels off, it more than likely is. If it seems to good to be true, there's a good chance it is. Stick with your boundaries and take your time vetting people.

  • [Deleted User]Meshaun (deleted user)

    I usually ask for a picture if there is no profile picture but I tend to get a lot of inquiries from cuddles who ask me to travel or are from out of town. Trusting your gutt is essential. I have a consistent 2 clients that travel for work and so far so good.

  • SashamcgeeSashamcgee

    I definitely have dealt with this myself. I pride myself on answering most messages, even if just with a decline. However messages like this typically get deleted. I don't usually block people cause meh but it's definitely an option.

    As for all around red flag's, I agree with the others saying to trust your gut. At the end of the day, you're the one who's risking their safety to meet a stranger. So whether I find something a red flag may not matter.

    Welcome welcome welcome! I wish you the best of luck!

  • xeldaxelda

    As someone who is highly sensitive, if I put a locked door on every person who set off my spidey senses, I wouldn't talk to anyone. So, I also use a yellow flag system. A yellow flag doesn't mean "NO WAY"... it just means "not yet", tread carefully, wait and see if there are other yellow flags. No one gets a green flag off the hop. Heck, someone giving ME a green flag off the hop sets off my yellow flag!

    I need a flow chart. :)

  • coffeelovacoffeelova

    Last night I had someone I've sent a few messages back and forth with about availability. Our schedules finally worked out and he wanted some pictures that weren't on the site to verify who I was, I obliged. As I plugged the address in my GPS, he asked for a picture as I was. He crossed the line asking me to take a picture of myself as I'm driving. I went right back home and advised him that I wold not be coming.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited December 2020

    @coffeelova Did you tell him why? I mean yes, report him but some guys don’t get it. I know guys like that and you tell them how that comes across and some are dirtbags and some, well, they are surprised and say, “I never thought about it that way.” In other words, some guys need a kick to get their empathy to start up again. But you don’t need to tell him.

  • Mike403Mike403

    Why are people so weird?

    "Can you take a picture of yourself driving to my place?"

    Dude.. really?

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @coffeelova quite right too. I hope you reported him.

  • Mike403Mike403

    imo, on a site like this, you only need one picture of your face. Anybody asking for more is a red flag. Some guys like to collect photos of women for less than honable intentions.

  • littermatelittermate

    I don't go any further with anyone who is demanding, bossy, has or will not supply a picture, jabs or insults or condescends to me in any way, isn't responsive to my needs when I express them, hasn't read my profile, can't carry on an intelligent conversation, is treating me like a commodity, or that I get weird questionable vibes from. When in doubt, no. It's that gut sense that will help you screen on here. Trust it!! Err on the side of being unfair to them and totally care-full with yourself. You owe no one the benefit of the doubt or a cuddle.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @Mike403 Maybe he wanted a pic of the rich Corinthian leather in her car. (Please have your Ricardo Montalban interior voice reading that).

  • ChristakcobbChristakcobb

    Thanks for feedback and i dont think its anything weird about people communicating that live in different states or even traveling for each other. Whats weird is like when your coming from another country or i even got a guy who literally was rushing me , wanted to meet the same day he messaged me, than i did try and still talk to him and he started texting me from different numbers so of course out my mind went to some weird extreme like sex trafficking 🤷🏽‍♀️ and im single mom so i really got to be careful with myself being a sole support you know? Anyway. Hopefully they werent sex traffickers, probably not but i figured my gut was right. Trying to learn how to trust myself and im learning stuff about myself already just joining in on the discussion boards ect but thats mabye a diff topic lol🤗

  • ChristakcobbChristakcobb

    Asking for a picture while driving is a extreme way to verify identification, we have video chats ! 😂 i always have to video anyone i meet online

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    There's something dodgy about same day meets. I don't know what it is, but it's nothing to do with cuddling. I've seen therapists in, for example, the massage world write 'no same day appointments'.

  • Grace_AnnaGrace_Anna

    I wonder if some of these people expect they're talking to pros. Some massage therapists do take same day appointments if they have an availability. That being said, many massage therapists do have to approve appointments first.

  • waynewvwaynewv

    Yes, on the same day meet ups I think. I have to admit I have been guilty of that !!!!. I really never thought of it that way, but after being here awhile and reading some of the posts I have learned how it appears to a woman. I still work part time as a boat transporter, kind of on call all the time so it's really tough to schedule way ahead, the minute I do that, I get a call and have to travel. I have had several great cuddles and have been turned down or just ghosted or even blocked when asked for a cuddle the same day. I do travel from Fl. to my home state of WV. several times a yr. and have met several really nice people and cuddled on the trip. But I have leaned to reach out way ahead of time and do some chatting about how we are staying safe during this mess that we are ALL in. I have went several miles and even hours out of my way to meet up. I have found another RED flag is wanting to meet in a RV-??. Not sure why, but as a male, I think it's fine, but I'm sure as a female I know they would see it different. I do offer to get a motel room, which as worked very well.

  • Rocket_ManRocket_Man

    Yes it is a red flag

  • Cuddlestogo64Cuddlestogo64

    I was chatting with a guy and all was going well. We were going to meet up,and then he asked me to wear a short skirt. My intuition kick in, and I replied never mind. It turn me off completely.

  • valkyrievixenvalkyrievixen

    @whitehurst58 Yessss!! Or requests to wear high heels to the cuddle session because he likes the way women look in high heels... 😂🤦‍♀️

  • HUGGGGGGHUGGGGGG
    edited December 2020

    Perhaps you could lookup their karma and contact any pro cuddler they have cuddled in the past for a recommendation ... also see their join date, it may indirectly tell you their level of interest in platonic cuddling coupled with a few chat questions of course...

  • [Deleted User]Duryea (deleted user)

    I would consider it a red flag.
    Honestly anything that just doesn't feel right to me is a red flag. Meeting up with someone you don't know is nerve wracking enough. I think, as some others have mentioned, that a lot of talking through messages and on the phone and also through video chat are great ways to both get to know each other and also weed out the bad apples.

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