I am not a Christian.
But even Christ said to gouge out your own eyes and throw them away if you look on a woman lustfully.
Why do we still blame women for men’s disturbing sexual thoughts about them?
@SoulcuddlerZ I directly messaged a pro cuddler a month or so ago about a cdl abbreviation trailing her username . The pro and the website must mavenagreed to an adjustment in username lettering . The username was re- lettered
I would like my comment to be construed as helpful rather that victim blaming .
That’s reasonable.
@cuddlerforu24 That comment certainly walked a fine line. If you’re going to post something like that, you should definitely emphasize that you’re not victim-blaming. It may have been in a much better light then.
Based on the title of your post, @CuddleMeLater , I was wondering if there were an uptick in registrations this time of year, as people may feel lonely over the winter holidays or make New Years resolutions to connect with others. I’ve seen this phenomenon elsewhere; for instance, I joined Bumble (in “BFF mode”) a couple of months ago to find a guy friend, and I’ve noticed a surge of new profiles this week; also, when I used to work out all the time, I would notice a surge of utilization at the gym for about a month in January. Could you or anyone else share data about what time of year the number of registrations peaks?
@nurturingman
I wonder if you or anyone else could share data about when the highest number of registrations happen during the year.
Here is the number of registrations by month among the users whose data I collected:
Men: Jan 78 Feb 88 Mar 69 Apr 59 May 86 Jun 86 Jul 95 Aug 101 Sep 109 Oct 129 Nov 167 Dec 241
Women: Jan 10 Feb 16 Mar 12 Apr 11 May 12 Jun 13 Jul 7 Aug 15 Sep 22 Oct 26 Nov 51 Dec 100
However, be wary of how you interpret this data, since people who quit or haven't logged in for over a month don't appear. So it's very possible that just as many people join in other months as in December, but people just tend to quit or stop logging in after a while.
I could potentially scrape again and this time include all members, not just ones who have logged in in the past month. But that would still leave the problem of people who quit.
Still a highly imperfect approach, but here's number of registrations by month, where I excluded people who joined in 2020. Hypothetically this could somewhat smooth out the effect of the presumably high number of very new users in the last month or two.
Men: Jan 54 Feb 56 Mar 51 Apr 42 May 70 Jun 58 Jul 59 Aug 73 Sep 57 Oct 66 Nov 82 Dec 75
Women: Jan 7 Feb 8 Mar 6 Apr 7 May 6 Jun 5 Jul 4 Aug 9 Sep 9 Oct 11 Nov 9 Dec 6
Again, not sure whether it's reasonable to put any interpretation on this.
@SoulcuddlerZ I’ll keep that in mind . I could have added an “edit to explain” if you had offered me the chance instead of completely removing .
@bekah_cuddles A large majority? I'm so sorry, I mean I knew it happened I just didn't think it was so prominent. I assumed that the majority are respectful, but since the ratio is so rough there were enough harassing messages to get women to leave, even if it were the minority of men. I don't know why so many men act like that, didn't their parents raise them better? And I hate that I'm being punished for stuff these other guys did in the way that women are leaving the site and filtering messages with hyper suspicion. And it's not a pipe dream, they just have to respond to us guys that whine that we get ignored in the forums haha
@CuddleMeLater Wow, thanks for this interesting data. With only a few data sets, we can't concretely say anything, but the data so far doesn't support the idea that women join at a reasonable rate as the only data we have shows otherwise, atleast in your search area. In fact, the data shows that they register less often AND leave more often. This is reflected by the ratio which is consistently 7:1 in many areas.
Interestingly, an inordinate number of women joined this site in December 2020. Let's see if we can keep that trend going in January.
As a woman, I've found that a large majority of the men who message me try to push boundaries, specifically trying to sexualize the cuddling experience. I imagine it's probably even worse for female enthusiasts. If that isn't a good enough reason to leave the site, I don't know what is. I stick around for the very rare respectful client. Many women love the idea of a strictly platonic cuddle session, which is why we join in the first place. When they come to realize it's more or less a pipe dream, they leave.
@bekah_cuddles 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Thankfully, I’ve met a few who have kept it platonic and didn’t push boundaries, but you completely nailed it with the rest. Same with @ChibiShema
@CuddleMeLater I’ve been wanting to ask this for a while... If you’re thoroughly convinced this site is useless and sucks because 1. men outnumber women about 4:1 (or 7:1 or whatever ratio you’ve found through your supposed meta analysis) so the odds as a male are not in your favor, 2. that essentially no enthusiast women reply to men’s messages much less cuddle any men (though I’m obviously an exception to both), and 3. wholeheartedly believe this is never going to change....
Then why are you still here?
That’s a bit rhetorical and meant for silent self-reflection, so no response needed.
@sunnysideup @EGio Perhaps I was being a bit dramatic with the "pipe dream" bit. I'll admit I have had some good experiences with clients here; they're just extremely rare.
@CuddleMeLater what is the definition of registration in this context? I assumed it was the same as joining.
Also, thanks for generating this data and presenting impartially.
@EGio I can't answer for Cuddlemelater, or what his exact positions on this site are and his reasons for staying. But I am convinced this site will probably not get me an enthusiast cuddle. And it is due to the 2 main facts you mentioned, plus one other: ridiculous ratio (7:1 in my area), and the low level of engagement from the majority of women enthusiasts that I reach out to, and it feels pretty demoralizing to get repeatedly ghosted.
I know you said rhetorical, and you were interested in Cuddlemelater's position, but here are my reasons. Why stay? I've left that 'other' cuddle website. But here at CC, the forums are interesting, and sometimes I learn a thing or two about what women are looking for in an enthusiast profile or opening message. I've also learned more about the problems women face on sites like these. Maybe some women might learn what some guys are going through on sites like this (I get that the world by and large doesn't care about my problems). I can also vent with other guys that are frustrated with the whole situation (people tend to care more about your problems if they've also experienced it), and there are even multiple threads asking ways to improve the site, so it gives me some hope and a small feeling that I'm contributing and part of a community. Additionally, while I'm not currently looking for a pro, I've booked one in the past and I may again in the future.
If people of the same sex would cuddle each other — platonically, of course — it would resolve several of the issues raised here.
What if we all just view types of “ platonic cuddling” differently? For example, I don’t mind if a woman is not wearing her bra, that does not turn me on at all. However I enjoy kissing and it does not give me an erection. And kissing for this website is an absolute no-go, hard and fast boundary/No exceptions!
@bekah_cuddles
I totally hear you. The more men I meet in person to cuddle with or video chat before to see if we jive the more frustrated and disappointed I get with the issues you’ve mentioned. I’ve had three highly negative experiences now and I’ve only been here since September. It’s becoming a pattern now. But there have been more neutral or positive experiences still and the first man I met on here has been absolutely great and zero issues whenever we meet. I’ll probably stick with meeting up with him and chatting with the handful of people too far to meet in person who understand the purpose of this site and don’t put me in the uncomfortable position of fielding their boundary pushing and violations.
I agree @nurturingman I really would prefer meeting women as it minimizes personal risk and thus I can more fully relax and enjoy it, but none seem to be active in my area and many women just want to cuddle with men. But I do live in a fairly small college town. Something I genuinely wish to see in the world, and be a part of creating, is the normalization of same sex platonic cuddling. It’s so good to nurture one another. If we’re here to platonically nurture one another in this way then someone’s sex matching our sexual orientation preferences is really irrelevant.
What if for some of the women in the here, or just some of the humans in general, a slight trace over a hip or a gentle caress on the back of the neck makes them believe that the person touching them is pushing a sexual boundary? What happens if we all just view platonic touch slightly differently? I guess it just all comes down to communication. There have been things that women have done to me that I thought were aggressive and vice versa. What if we are just all human and all slightly different and want various types of touch platonically?
I really do appreciate the women speaking up. I think the problem that we’ve created in society is by not treating everyone like a human. Everyone’s opinions are valid. Everyone’s thoughts are valid. We all disagree sometimes. There are ups and downs and every friendship and with every acquaintance and with every person that seems to oppose us.
Ladies, our culture has been unkind to you. All of the stories, books, TV shows, movies, and the way our parents raised all of us has taught us that women are different than men. It’s taught us that women should behave like a Disney princess or a hallmark leading lady. And it’s just not The mold that every female fits into. I’m so happy to be hearing from women, and I understand that every woman is different just like every human being is different.
Men, the same goes for us. Look at the stories we tell ourselves over and over again. Looked at the movies, look to the television and our books, they all tell us we should be strong and protectors and financial providers. Yet we are all different. We are all just human. We all see the world differently. So how can everybody play by the same rules that society wants us to play by?
@bekah_cuddles, I apologize to you I have not been kind. We just view the world differently and that is OK with me.
@quixotic_life, we have bumped heads before. I am sorry.
I’ve actually had disagreements with a lot of people here. This just lets me know that we are all human and that we are all different. I think this is why communication is key while getting to know someone and during a cuddle session. These ideas of it being healthy to say “yes” and “no” and it all be OK is allowed. I want my needs met in a cuddle session and you want your needs met in a cuddle session. We just have to find the people that match up with what we want the best and continue on in our cuddle buddy friendships with them. I know this can be a lot of trial and error.
I wish things were different. I wish we all had the cuddle buddies we wanted. Ultimately I wish we just all had the relationships we wanted. I understand that this is a platonic site. There would be no need for this platonic site if our boyfriends and girlfriends and marriages had just worked out. We would be receiving the cuddles and forms of platonic touch that we needed at home and we wouldn’t have to go out looking for it.
I joined a dating website looking for platonic touch. It is so hard to find on here and on there. I’ve been looking for a platonic touch for a year and a half. I’m at the point where I’m extremely frustrated and I’m extremely vocal. I just wish the world fit into what I wanted.
My apologies
"@quixotic_life, we have bumped heads before. I am sorry." ~ @ChibiShema
No worries ~ Really! 🙂
@cualtzin
what is the definition of registration in this context? I assumed it was the same as joining.
Yes, same as join date.
@EGio
That’s a bit rhetorical
Sure it is...
whatever ratio you’ve found through your supposed meta analysis
What exactly is your motivation for calling what I did my "supposed meta analysis"? I never called it a "meta analysis," which it clearly is not. I collected some data and counted a few things. Does your use of the word "supposed" mean you think the data was fake? Or that I miscounted? Or what?...
that essentially no enthusiast women reply to men’s messages much less cuddle any men
I never said this. Please stop lying about me. It's the other way around. Most men on this site will not cuddle any enthusiast women. This seems obviously true. Do you think I'm wrong about this?
I'm here mostly for pros. I've had a number of good experiences with pros and plan to have more in the future.
At the moment I'm not doing any cuddling, but I still find the forum discussions sometimes interesting and worth commenting on. And I receive occasional encouraging comments and messages that people find my contributions worthwhile, so I know there are people who appreciate my contributions.
A few forum users appear to have a serious problem with me, including you and perhaps @pmvines. It's getting old. As far as I can tell you both consistently misinterpret or lie about what I say. I'm sick of it. (See for instance "no enthusiast women reply".)
Another example: in an earlier thread you ranted that I am one of the biggest complainers about the lack of enthusiast women. I found that really weird; I don't think I complain about that very often at all. I actually went back and looked through my comments because I was so surprised by what you said. And... yeah, I didn't find a whole lot that could really be considered a complaint. Maybe a few comments here and there, but I think your statement is nonsense.
My guess is that this comes from some kind of black-and-white thinking. If I point out to someone that "Hey, there are hardly any enthusiast women in your area, so you're probably not going to have a lot of luck meeting them", you mentally lump that comment in with someone who posted an incoherent rant about women on the site or something. When it's clearly nothing of the sort.
Ditto when @pmvines had a big problem with the fact that I wouldn't pursue his advice about looking for enthusiasts. In his mind the fact that I don't want to travel across the country for a cuddle means I must be an idiot or incredibly stubborn. He is somehow unable to acknowledge that it's perfectly reasonable to not want to invest that much time or effort for a cuddle.
Regardless, I'm done with it. You and the one or two other forum users who have a problem with me are clearly either not interested in or not capable of rational discussion about the dynamics of this site. Fine. Then leave me alone, because that's mostly what I'm here for.
@CuddleMeLater I wasn't part of this thread until you tagged me and brought me up . I honestly have no ill will toward you even though I disagree with a good bit of your posts, but try to not get personal about it . I do think that you kinda do that spinning your wheels.thing and get stuck in a certain mindset and want to more or less spend time venting or complaining about the same old things without being open to criticism or change. But I get that about you and dont really have any other insights or opinions to offer . You do you . I am fairly successful with what I do and it works for me . If that doesn't work for you so be it and keep doing you . Just seems repetitive to voice the same complaints over multiple threads. When you do that, especially when nobody really asks for it, just understand you are opening yourself up to a difference of opinion and interpretation. And then you seem to get upset that others dont agree with you . For example you brought up a completely different thread where I supposedly said that you should travel across the country to cuddle ? What I actually said.is.that you would benefit from being more open to trying , which you emphatically state why bother , and that driving a little bit and putting forth some effort on your side could help cus you seem content with not trying at all and furthermore seem to be discouraging others from trying. I would never suggest to go.across the country just to cuddle.an internet stranger lol. But if that's what you got from it my apologies . I dont think you are a bad person at all @CuddleMeLater , but I do disagree with you and think you are part of the problems that you continue to voice .
@pmvines
You do you
OK.
Just seems repetitive to voice the same complaints over multiple threads
Again, I don't think much of what I say here is actually "complaining." When I repeat the same things I've said before in a new thread, it's because new people are in the thread and don't know about the things I'm saying. For instance, when a man who's brand new to the site posts a thread saying how sad it makes him that women on the site won't reply to him, yes I know that you have seen me point out the skewed male:female ratio in someone's area, but presumably he has not. Given that a lot of men find this helpful information, it seems perfectly reasonable to repeat it to someone new.
you are part of the problems that you continue to voice
Uh huh.
Regardless... Yeah I suppose overall you and I haven't actually had that much conflict; as you said, you do you.