Meeting in public first/ charge for that

Hey I'm new to this. I'm just starting as a professional cuddler. I've been doing a bit of research and it seems that a lot of people wisely insist on meeting the client in a public setting the first time just to vibe them out and make sure that they feel safe. I would also like to do that. My question is first of all for other professional cuddlers do you do that and what else to do to make sure that you're safe? Also for these kinds of meetups, do you charge a small fee. I am thinking about time and gas and doing that for free doesn't seemed so good. I was thinking maybe charging like $15 for like a 15 or 20 minute get-to-know-you Meetup and then scheduling a cuddle session if we both feel comfortable with it still.

FWIW, as a client: In seeing something like 30-40 pros I've only had one who wanted to meet in public first. I don't mind doing it (in fact I think it's a little reckless that so many pros don't), but I would not pay for it. I would also strongly prefer to just meet in public immediately prior to the scheduled cuddle, which you could then cancel if you didn't feel comfortable with me. Having to do a completely separate meet might be a deal-breaker for me.

Importance

Absolutely, you are working and your time is valuable. Charge them for any interaction they want such as Voice calls, video calls, and meeting in public for a meet and greet. You are working and they should recognize that and compensate you for it.

@Importance

You are working and they should recognize that and compensate you for it.

It's fine to say what people "should" do. It doesn't mean people will actually do it. I am willing to pay to cuddle. I am not willing to pay to drive to a coffee shop and sit and talk for 20 minutes. Why would I even consider doing that when I could literally message any of 20 other people and have them come over immediately without that hassle or extra expense?

FWIW this isn't specific to cuddling. Therapists, lawyers, many other professions generally offer a free consultation to see if you're a good fit and want to proceed.

Importance

You do you, boo

Sheena123

@wildirisrainbow

hello 👋 welcome to the world of pros. I always suggest meeting at a coffee shop 5 minutes from me if I’m hosting. I hold this directly before the cuddle but I offer it for free. It’s beneficial for both of us. It’s a great ice breaker for those that are nervous and want to get to know me a little bit before we get into an intimate setting. It helps me ask some important questions to make sure they are in this for the right reasons. Im sure this coffee shop thinks I’m a swinger with the amount of men I sit and chat with here every week 😂

I definitely agree that our time is valuable but the cuddlers time is valuable too. Some of my cuddlers are driving 2-3 hours to come see me, so to offer an extra half hour or so to make a better connection is incredibly important and the least I can do. I always try to get there before them so I can buy my own coffee lol I don’t want them to even feel like they’re obligated to buy my drink 😂 it’s totally up to you. I know plenty of pros that charge for every minute they’re on the job and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I consider this free half hour of an ice breaker to help me almost more than it helps them. Win-win on both sides! Good luck!!

Ps your last two pictures are the same picture. Maybe for your third pic, put up something different like your hosting space or a facial picture 😄

Mike403

@CuddleMeLater - Just buy them a cup of coffee and call it good.

@Mike403

After thinking about it for a few minutes I'm actually not sure if I find that more or less offensive than just straight up "pay me $15 to talk with me for a few minutes."

I mean, could you imagine going to do an intake consultation with a therapist, and she says, "OK, before we proceed with therapy we need to meet and see if we're a good fit. So let's meet, and you have to buy me coffee."

How weird would that be?

So I don't know.

Still, generally, the way I see it is: the service pro cuddlers offer is cuddling. If you're not ready to provide that service, I'm not ready to pay you.

Thanks for the input everyone. Yeah I guess a free consolidation sounds ok. Maybe a video chat and then briefly meeting in public before the cuddle.

I also have a question about hosting. Meeting at my house is out of the question. I have children at home. There is no way that I'm bringing strangers into my home. Even if I was single I wouldn't. It just takes once scary man knowing where you live to be dangerous. I am wondering what people's experiences are if they don't host. Do the client's have you meet at their houses or in hotels? Is it safe. I've already had several men contact me and I haven't set anything up yet because 0f not knowing how to navigate these issues. Thanks
Honestly I'm getting pretty nervous about this. I love cuddling and I think most men on here are probably safe but I've sexually assaulted more then once in my life so I'm hyper vigilant about this.

Other women....is this safe? Has anyone tried to be sexually inappropriate or dangerous?

FWIW, of the 30-40 pros I've seen, almost all of whom I talked to about these issues:

• dealing with men who want things to get sexual is a common occurrence, but in almost all cases not in a way the cuddler finds threatening or scary, more tedious and annoying.
• One of those cuddlers quit cuddling due to a bad sexual experience with a client. The man was undeniably a shithead, but I do think it's a situation that a different cuddler who was more assertive could have avoided.
• And one other cuddler did experience what was undeniably an assault. If I recall correctly he grabbed her hair and slapped her. She just left and he made no attempt to stop her. I thought it sounded like a really scary situation, but remarkably she didn't seem shaken up by it at all and had no problem continuing to meet new clients with no real screening.

Those are the only serious, assaulty things I've been told about. Almost every cuddler came to my apartment with essentially zero screening and minimal discussion before hand - pretty much "Hey are you available for a cuddle on this date at this time for this long? Great, here's my address." It still seems a bit weird to me that women feel safe doing this, but apparently they do. I did have the one I mentioned who wanted to meet in public first, and there was one other who advised me during our first cuddle that she had someone waiting outside in her car for her. Both of these people were new cuddlers. My guess is that some cuddlers start out taking these precautions, but that many of them abandon them after they get some experience and feel safer.

Mike403

@CuddleMeLater - Coffee is a few bucks and if she or you decide that you both are not a good fit, at least she got something out of it rather than wasting time. If I call an electrician or a plumber and after they look at it I decide not to have the work done, I'd still have to pay a trip charge.

@Mike403

if she or you decide that you both are not a good fit, at least she got something out of it rather than wasting time.

Obviously this is her motivation for wanting to charge this fee. So what? What's my motivation for agreeing to pay it? How about I charge you for this comment I'm typing. I want to get something out of my time.

If I call an electrician or a plumber and after they look at it I decide not to have the work done, I'd still have to pay a trip charge.

You're making an analogy to an electrician or a plumber; I'm making an analogy to a lawyer or therapist. I'd argue that my analogy is more apt, but even if we take your analogy as a given: you're saying what if the client decides not to have the work done. That's not really the concern here. What if the plumber arrives, and he decides he doesn't want to do the work (even though it's a straightforward job), and tries to charge me a fee anyway. I would refuse to pay, and I would also write a terrible review online. That's basically an outright scam.

Ultimately this cuddler can decide to charge such a fee if she wants to (although it looks like she has already decided not to). But she would be going against the grain of essentially all other cuddlers, and surely putting off many potential clients. It's probably better for a cuddler to try to make money by establishing regular clients who provide a reliable income rather than trying to nickle and dime potential new clients.

Rezz

I wouldn't charge a meet fee.
I do say I can do a brief 15 minute meet at a location that's close for both of us before a session.

IF you were to charge a meet fee, apply that charge to the session should it occur.

Video calls, it can be done from your home on your pjs and costs nothing.

Bella_Sera

I can’t imagine bothering with a public meet before a cuddle. I’m sort of a natural lollygagger, so with getting dressed and driving even 5 min and meeting for 15 and going back, etc, it’s gonna be an hour minimum. Minimum. Waste of my time and his.

I meet folks in the lobby of my building or at the door at my hotel. If I feel uncomfortable on the elevator ride, I’d call it. If something felt off, I’d ask him to leave. Im a weakling, so If someone had the intention to do me harm, being extra caffeinated wouldn’t help me or stop him. I feel mentally prepared as a woman to talk my way out of most trouble. I think it has a lot to do with the authority you bring into the room.

Des7654

Video calls would probably be more efficient being that they are free for the client, quick, and reliable. You might want to think about doing 3 or 4 calls before the actual session. You might even consider lesser calls and more texting, emailing, etc. I will advise at least 1 video call, though. Always remember that you have the authority to say no and call off whatever arrangement. Further, I'm not going to tell you how to price your time. I understand that time is valuable and I, myself, hate having my time wasted. However, people are generally more inclined to seek out free things. With that being said, you might not get too many offers with the meetup price.

Also, someone mentioned that therapists don't have consultations before therapy or something like that. I'm studying to be a psychologist. I've sat in on therapy sessions and have had a few myself. All licensed and professional therapist offer consultations before the actual consultation/therapy. The first session is usually AlWAYS free. This is where the therapist gives minimal information about themselves, their credibility, etc. The client, here, shares a little about them, what they are looking to get out of therapy, etc. All therapists can't counsel everyone. For example, there could be a therapist that specializes in family practice, group therapy, and adolescence therapy. Their new potential client is a 17 year old girl which would benefit from a therapist that specializes in adolescence therapy, yes. However, said client is seeking therapy for mental trauma of a rape. The therapist may not feel fully capable of counseling this girl due to a past experience in the therapist's own life that would leave her with a bias, too emotional/attached, etc. Or, the therapist does not feel as though they have enough capabilities to counsel a rape victim. They may, then, suggest their new client to seek help from another colleague who specializes in adolescence, PTSD, rape, and trauma.

Here, with Cuddle Comfort most are not licensed therapist. However, I do think that is important to take such factors into mind. We should be professional and take measures to make sure that both ourselves and our clients are safe. It's important to establish trust with your clients, and I think that a first meet and greet is just the thing for that. There are too many factors at play.

Bella_Sera

I’ve got to be honest, if someone wanted to do 3-4 phone calls with me before meeting, I would wish them luck and send them on their way. Not only do I think it would be a waste of time, I think it would sort of kill the mojo of the first meet.

Pros certainly should take precautions such as downloading a location tracking app to their phone and/or leaving the contact info for their cuddle location with a friend, but you’re not going to get very far in this business by assuming every man is a rapist or serial killer until they prove otherwise.

A big part of what professional cuddling requires is the ability to make the client feel safe and calm and comfortable in what amounts to a socially awkward situation. They are often nervous too!

If you are terrified of strangers, this is probably not the best job for you.

So many of these so-called “precautions” seem to be designed to suss out “boundary pushers” in order to banish unwanted behavior during the cuddle session. It seems to me that women who are seeking excessive preliminary meetings fear confrontation as much as assault. In this job, it is inevitable that a client will touch (or more often ask to touch) you in a way that crosses a line. That doesn’t mean that behavior is ok, but it will happen. Accepting that, women would be better served spending their time practicing how to say no and mean it.

@BellaSera I like how you think. I would much rather cuddle with a Pro who is positive and relaxed, than one who is nervous and scared. I only wish you were nearby so we could cuddle!

Bella_Sera

Aww, thanks, @Spock! Just 4.5 hours—nothing is impossible!

Apology in advance for the wall of text, I'm often not good at conveying my thoughts succinctly haha.

As a enthusiast/client of Pro cuddlers, I don't think it's unreasonable at all for the Pro to want to arrange a first meeting, understanding fully that this is for safety reasons. I think it's totally fair, especially as @BellaSera mentioned, a big part of the Pro's 'job' in the session is to help clients feel safe, calm, and comfortable, and I can't imagine a Pro having an easy time doing that if the Pro themselves is on-edge or wary about their own safety. That is 110% valid.

Ideally this would be the same day as the cuddle, just before the time, so the Pro can opt out if they feel they need to and neither the Pro nor client is using a significant amount of time far in advance. Personally, I'm not sure that there's much I would take from a video call that is different than what I would gather just through messaging conversation on the site, which to me sounds like the better option given that it creates a record of the conversation as well should it be needed. Maybe it's just me there, but I think that a video call is more similar to a text conversation than a meeting as far as getting a sense of the other person, I know others may disagree on that point but I'm just not a video-call-kind-of-guy. I don't even FaceTime/Skype people I know well much at all, I'm a phone call or in-person kind of guy.

I could easily see it going as messaging on site to gauge if there appears to be a fit --> schedule the appointment through CC --> meet up nearby the proposed cuddle location for a short period of time, if requested by the Pro or client, for screening --> moving to cuddle location and having the session. All of that sounds totally reasonable and I'd be happy to do that for any Pro (or enthusiast of course, safety first!) who asked, no problem at all.

My personal opinion is that the best solution for a Pro who does want or feel the need to charge for the screening time would simply to bake the cost of their time or anything else into their regular rate. Pros I've seen discuss rates on the forums have discussed at length the various costs they incur that go into how they set their rates, and the cost of 15-20 minutes of non-cuddle screening feels to me like a cost of doing business for the Pro as much as their supplies or other things. Then it would be up to the Pro to set their rate at whatever works for them in order to include that time as a business expense.

As a client with several Pros in my area to choose from, seeing a rate + additional fees for screening would just feel different to me than a Pro who does screenings but still operates on their flat rate for the cuddle session time.

I completely understand the value of that meeting to the Pro and its potential importance, but I don't think it's unfair to acknowledge that meetup is "centered on/about" the Pro and their needs (i.e. screening, boundaries, etc), which could be discussed in that meetup. At the end of the day the meetup is about whether a Pro is going to take the session or not.

Definitely want to make sure that this doesn't sound like I'd be unwilling to meet the needs of a Pro for screening/safety/etc., I 100% am okay with that and see the Pro's point of view for why that's needed absolutely. Being asked to compensate a Pro separately for it, however, could end up being the deciding factor in who I as a client decide to book a session with, given that there are many Pros in my area.

That said, if the Pro is willing to take that risk regarding how it might impact the number of clients they receive inquiries from and eventually meet, and are up front about it on their profile so the client has no reason to feign ignorance, I don't see why a Pro isn't within their right to charge for that meeting, the same way they can charge whatever rate they like for cuddles or add fees for travel, etc. I want the Pros to feel empowered to make the choices that are best for themselves in how they handle their business, but also with the understanding that those choices may have an impact on demand.

End of the day, the Pros (particularly women, but not leaving out other Pros of any gender either) need to feel safe primarily for their own safety and well-being, but also to effectively provide the service. I am just of the opinion that those steps can be accomplished without adding what feels like extra burden onto the client and running the risk of good clients going elsewhere because of it. Just my thoughts.

Morpheus

I’m a long time patron of professional cuddlers. I’ve lost track of how many I’ve seen but I would say it’s easily over 30. I’ve only had 1 pro ask to meet publicly before the sessions. She did not charge for that time, I did pay for our coffee and snack. We had a nice pre cuddle visit. I’ve had very few pros even insist on seeing a picture or a phone call let alone to meet publicly. If a pro asked to meet publicly, I would oblige but I would not pay for that time. If we went out to coffee or lunch, I would happily pay for it but if she’s insisting on a pre session meeting, the client shouldn’t have to pay for it.

TouchSanctuary

I don't charge for free initial consultations. I've had a number of coaches and therapists offer free initial chats to me and I personally feel it's the right choice for me not to charge for that. Normally I do them over the phone/video chat rather than in public, but I may sometimes do it in person if it seems like a good idea.

KariMeiSnuggles

I used to have it listed that I would meet potential clients for coffee if they wanted to. I only had one person do this and he was great at coffee but when we actually cuddled he was an extreme boundary pusher so I don’t feel like coffee is a very adequate way to assess a persons intentions. To do this job you need to be able to set and enforce you boundaries and trust that more people are in it for the right reasons. I have had way more wonderful interactions than bad ones.