Where are my fellow WOMEN ENTHUSIASTS 🤔!!!

[Deleted User]lovelyhugs (deleted user)
in General

I cuddle someone not to long ago and he did not initially understand why I cuddle for free. I explained I was an enthusiast. That I would not and really could not accept money. At first he did not believe me so kept trying to give me money but he finally understood. He explained that he never heard of such a thing. My surprised response was, “Well, dude I don’t know what to tell ya. I know I am not alone.” BUT seriously am I? LADIES ENTHUSIAST EVERYWHERE here is your chance to represent. Give yourself a shoutout!!! List your city, state, and any thoughts👍🏽

Comments

  • MaullySterlingMaullySterling
    edited December 2020

    Toronto, Canada.

    You're definitely not alone.
    Everyone craves that contact, even if they don't recognize it, or associate it only with romantic affection.

    This year, I worked with a friend, who is only getting cuddles from her dog and cat, and almost daily, she would find a video she had to show me, with our masks on, so she had an excuse to stand so close, that our hips, and shoulders, were touching.
    [She is straight]
    ❤

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    A Portland, Oregon full-on Female Enthusiast here!

    Not that anyone would pay me, but I could never charge! I'm a high expectation, friend zone cuddler, who doesn't host.

    Details about what that means... re: A local (within 150 miles) cuddle buddy scenario...

    I expect dialog and a connection before meeting. I only like being squishy with people I actually like as people, who I consider to have some friend potential and I have a sense we'll have reoccurring meet-ups.

    When actually cuddling, I expect touch reciprocity and on-going check-ins. I want each of us to share and attend to the other's desires (obviously within each other's boundaries), give directions/feedback, and to keep a pulse on how the other is feeling throughout.

    I also expect quite a bit of their time. For the second meet-up, I'll probably be angling for a 5+ hour cuddle up, and by the third will more than likely be expressing a heavy preference for over night. An ideal to me is Friday for dinner to Saturday before dinner (or after... but if we cuddle up again I may still be there come Sunday ~ lol 😉).

    From what I understand, that isn't the way a paid cuddler is to conduct business here. Plus, if it were with the Pro's rates I've seen, it would end up being a huge chunk of change for the guy. That just wouldn't feel good to me and I think what I'm asking/expecting is already enough. I drive, he provides the place and food and we both get our cuddle needs met. Or, we both drive, split a room, split food and get our cuddle on. Either which way...

    This arrangement gives me a feeling of a shared investment into our time together, puts us each on the same level, helps ensure we're both going to get our needs met, and to feel good about it all too. 🤗

    note: long distance connections are each unique in how things manifest... but all the hugs are still free!!!

    @lovelyhugs ~ I hope this is what you meant & sorry it got so long! 🙇‍♀️

  • [Deleted User]lovelyhugs (deleted user)

    Okay, I understand the new COVID norm that we live in. Are enthusiast that hard to find because most want or maybe need a side hustle?

    Lol ... that would make a total of three female enthusiast. Ladies you are letting me down 😔

  • [Deleted User]lovelyhugs (deleted user)

    @MaullySterling and @quixotic_life THANKYOU🥰🤗

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @lovelyhugs ~ many may be sleeping... oooh... or snuggling... 😉

  • [Deleted User]lovelyhugs (deleted user)

    Lol... patience is a virtue I always struggled with. Snuggle on my peeps and goodnight 😴💤

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited December 2020

    @lovelyhugs I think part of the persons issue you were with could be attributed to women not signed up as pros but then asking for money anyway, so it could be that his experience has been that everyone has asked him for money . And to be honest if he is trying to give you money even after telling him no , even if the intent of other folks is not to ask him for cash, it can be a hard thing to turn down when offered .

    I will also add that sometimes you might be offered money and the other person then feels like you owe them something more than cuddling in return

  • [Deleted User]verona (deleted user)

    I have been asked this as well am I sure that I don’t want the money and some get offended but I can stand the thought of getting paid for it besides shouldn’t both people get paid and if that happened wouldn’t that cancel each other out lol

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    Female enthusiast here as well! I don't like the idea of somebody booking/buying my time outside of my working hours. If I'm going to spend my spare time face-to-face with other people, I want to spend it with people I like and connect with.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    @lovelyhugs You're not alone, but enthusiast women that cuddle men are few and far between. Most male cuddlers go on here end up only cuddling professionals. Why is this the case? Many reasons have been brought up in previous threads, but here are the main ones

    -Men outnumber women, ranges from 4:1 to 8:1 depending on area
    -Women bore more easily with mundane messages because of the absurd number of messages they get
    -Some men don't understand that women are easily creeped out if they are being too forward or casual
    -Some women leave because they don't like the creepy/harassing messages
    -Many women who can stomach the creepy messages realize that they can make some money while helping people out

    @pmvines is also right - there have been women I reached out to that I thought were enthusiasts, but then asked for money.

    @MaullySterling You are right here too - I think that people crave it more than they realize and many only associate it with romantic affection

  • Grace_AnnaGrace_Anna

    Also an enthusiast though I haven't cuddled with anyone for a while. I can see how some women might want extra money during these times. I work full time and freelance a little so I have never charged anyone money for cuddling.

  • cricket26cricket26

    I’m in California! :)

    I don’t want to go pro because I reserve the right to say “no” to cuddling if there’s no connection. Exactly like @squeakytoy said!

    Also, my time and emotional energy are extremely limited so I can’t be available for people like a pro would.

    There are just different classes of people here on CC. Professional cuddlers fit the needs of men who don’t want to spend time building trust with a woman; they’re paying money to skip that step.

    Enthusiast cuddlers spend more time building a connection before cuddling. Lots of the people i’m in contact with, just want a listening ear. A pro would have to charge for messaging, but i’m here for conversation as much as cuddles, so I listen for free.

    TL;DR pro and enthusiast women have different ideal partners, and there’s room for everyone here :)

  • AlexysDanyelleAlexysDanyelle

    Female enthusiast here in TN 👋🏾
    Runs across mind to try pro but I don't want to subject myself to never being booked 🤣. I'd cry lol.
    But seriously, in my short time of actually cuddling I haven't had anyone try to give me money... I don't know how I'd respond if that happened... But we're here, lurking in the shadows (me anyway) lol.
    But I would have to reconsider some of my real life paid side hustles because getting paid for this may serve as a conflict legally, but would need to investigate that further before committing to pro and/or receiving money at all for a session as an enthusiast.
    Anywho. Hey everyone! 👋🏾

  • fegoniafegonia

    waves I'm from Toronto, Canada. I've had people message me about "booking a session"; I'm not sure if those people didn't know that enthusiasts are a thing, or just misread my profile. But the handful of people I've cuddled all understood it was free.
    In addition to what @sunnysideup said about why there aren't many female enthusiasts, there's also the idea that women are often able to get platonic touch in their life more easily than men (it's more culturally acceptable for female friends to touch than males, women may have kids to cuddle with, etc.). That may lead to fewer women joining the site as enthusiasts.

  • SashamcgeeSashamcgee

    I'm an enthusiast 🙂 I also am not a pro because I want to be able to relax during a cuddle and not feel obligated to be worrying about my other cuddlers needs every second of the cuddle. Which as a pro is what I did. I took it very seriously that I was being paid to provide a service and couldn't fully relax. So I made the switch to be able to have my needs be met as well.

  • Cuddlestogo64Cuddlestogo64

    I am enthusiast. I am from New York. I love to cuddle and get to know people. I need to feel a connection to my cuddler, so that I can relax when I am cuddling.

    Some messages that I received :astonished:

    . are you available right now to cuddle?
    No

    . How much do you charge? Not a
    professional, so I do not charge.

    Sometimes, I do not answer.

    And then there are the creepy messages, which I just block and delete.

    I need to get to know you, before I cuddle with you. And of course their is Covid. So I have not cuddle in a while.

    I will see what happens in 2021. Staying hopeful.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    @fegonia Good points. I would also add, that if online dating statistics are any indication, women are also more likely to receive cuddles from the more romantic side of things as well since the online dating pool is also somewhat in their favor (as a generalization of course there are exceptions to all rules I don't mean to downplay anyone's individual horrible experiences)

    @Sashamcgee I've heard of cuddlers who went pro to get the benefits of cuddling and make money. But I guess that doesn't work for everyone

    @whitehurst58 Atleast you respond sometimes haha. And again sorry you gals receive such messages. If I could fix it I would but I can't.

  • TheMidnightOwlTheMidnightOwl
    edited January 2021

    Flagstaff, Arizona, USA.

    Agree with @fegonia on part of why the ratio of men to women is so lopsided. And a major reason that aaaall the threads started by men griping about this have failed to understand or account for.

    On that note - it’s utterly frustrating to have a male pop in here to beat the same old drum mansplaining why women aren’t enthusiasts, how the ratio of men:women is lopsided, why women leave the site, or become pros. Why don’t you let women speak for themselves, @sunnysideup ??? All of your points repeated here have been griped about repeeeeatedly on nearly aaaall other threads. What is the purpose of plopping it here, yet again? In case you missed it @sunnysideup, the purpose of this thread was to bring together enthusiast women to say where we’re from and offer reflections on being an enthusiast. That’s it.

    Back to the original topic. Being an enthusiast has been...interesting. I resonate with so many of your comments and observations, my fellow women enthusiasts.

    I’ve only been here since September and between so much of the boards being dominated by males whining about not finding any enthusiasts who will reply to their messages much less meet up (despite so many of us being here - doing the things we’re supposedly not doing), and fielding everything from poor communication in messages to continuing to get messages after I’ve exited the conversation, to completely inappropriate behavior and sexual propositions, I’m considering leaving. I’ve met up with about a dozen men from CC and have chatted with many more. In three months, I’ve had three very negative experiences. One was during a video chat and being interrogated about my sexual orientation (bi - which I’ve now taken off my profile because it’s really irrelevant to platonic relationships) and which gender I prefer to date and then being blocked because I said I’m here for platonic friends only. (And for which I was blamed for video chatting with him by the same guy who endlessly whines on the boards about women not responding to messages or giving men a chance and here I was doing both 🙄). The other two extremely negative experiences were dealing with things in person that I don’t even want to talk about because they bordered on traumatic.

    So. As an enthusiast who has made it crystal clear I am here to make platonic friends only and still had three gravely negative encounters in only three months, I may not be here much longer. I’ve met a handful of solid people who have been amazing and worth joining to meet, though.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    @EGio The points brought up by Fegonia have been brought up in many of the other men griping threads, they weren't unaccounted for. If I can't comment on why women go pro, why can you comment on what men supposedly fail to take into account? At least I'm maintaining some accuracy because I didn't make anything up, I'm only repeating what other women have said on the forums in the time that I have been here.

    I didn't mean to derail the thread - I brought up the old usual points because lovelyhugs was clearly surprised by the thread starter not even knowing what an enthusiast was - I just wanted to shed some light on that and thought it relevant to the thread topic. Since she was surprised I thought she might not know some of reasons behind it.

    Anyway I am sorry for the negative experiences you've had from here @EGio , sounds like you've had a few good ones but hopefully joining the site was worth it.

  • cricket26cricket26

    Thank you @EGio for speaking up. Seems the threads that specifically ask for WOMEN’S experiences never fail to be overtaken by men.

    Nevertheless, thanks to @lovelyhugs for trying to give us a place to meet and talk :) It’s lovely to meet other enthusiast women!

    I wish you all better cuddling and conversation partners in 2021!

  • PolarMtnHuman95PolarMtnHuman95

    Unfortunately, there are some women that are untagged professionals, or possibly non professionals charging to cuddle (possibly while pretending to be a professional), as there are some women listing price on their profile for cuddling while missing the pink or purple that shows the letter p, or saying their price rates in messages once you message a woman without the pro tag, which it's honestly annoying because it wastes time while messaging those who appear to not be a certified professional cuddler, often making me wonder what is the point of this website if people can't follow that rule. It would be nice if that rule was enforced a lot more, and if there was a quote below the messaging box saying that non professionals must not charge, and to report those without the pro tag, as many new members here aren't aware of the fact that users are required to be tagged pro to charge, as well as some new users who are actually professional cuddlers that aren't aware that they need to be tagged pro to charge. There are probably some users here who prefer to only cuddle with professional cuddlers, so I think it would be nice if there was a section in the profile where we can fill in saying whether we prefer to cuddle with professional cuddlers only, enthusiast cuddlers only, or both.

    Another thing here is that there might be some users who prefer cuddling in a hotel/motel while others aren't comfortable with that, so it would also be nice if there was another section where we can say if we prefer or strictly want to be cuddling in a hotel/motel only, if we strictly don't want to or if we prefer not to, or if we don't care, as well as for covering the price if in full, none, or half, as one time, I was going to cuddle with someone, she strictly wanted to cuddle in a motel, but I wasn't comfortable with that at all. Thing is that she told me that the address was a motel in the last minute and wanted me to pay the price in full, which was over $100. I was all like "Oh double hecks no", which there are clearly 2 things I was unwilling to do, pay a lot, in full, and a setting I was uncomfortable in.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @frace95 ~ I think you should move these thoughts over to one of the threads CuddleDuncan started ~ like the "GREEN PAPER" one or the one with the puzzle piece. Because (IMO) this thread isn't the place for all that.

  • [Deleted User]lovelyhugs (deleted user)

    Really love🥰💕how this discussion is evolving. To be clear this was NOT an opportunity to bash the guy I cuddled or others that may not know to appreciate all of us lovely enthusiast due to ignorance. 🤣😉Just wanted to shine a little light on enthusiasts. Then was hoping you ladies would voice your perspective as enthusiast to enlighten others. There is no real publicity for being an enthusiast. Sometimes the best calling card, (in this case our account profile), is yourself!

    By the way, that buddy was respectful, so very comfy, and I felt safe🤗🤗🤗. Yes, I would so cuddle again and he knows as much since I told him so in a karma. I was just surprised that the concept of free cuddles as an enthusiast was a new concept for him.

    🤔I heard at the beginning Cuddle Comfort had only enthusiast? If you wanted a pro you had to go elsewhere.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    Just wanted to add...

    I also like that I'm not being paid because it means I get to work on exploring/evolving and communicating my wishes and boundaries, at a pace I'm comfortable with, while also considering his and how we align.

    It's something that had never been a part of my world until coming here (having someone ask/consider what I might want/like) and it's been incredibly transformative.

    I feel like each person, and each cuddle, bring so many gifts (throughout our exchanges and the encounters too). I think money would tarnish that for me, as my focus would need to be mostly on the buyer/client vs allowing our initial interactions to help set the stage for a free-flow, beneficial to both, get together.

  • ImportanceImportance
    edited January 2021

    Getting paid for legal intimate services is not even worth the cash in hand. And in some cases it is a net loss when figuring in the emotional toll it takes on you.

    Making an honest friend is highly valuable. Making a great friend who will hold you is rarer than a white peacock.

    I pray that all my fellow lady enthusiasts find the cuddles and the friends they are looking for.

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    Getting paid for legal intimate services is not even worth the cash in hand. And in some cases it is a net loss when figuring in the emotional toll it takes on you.

    Agreed 100% on this, @Importance.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @lovelyhugs yes, CC started out as an enthusiast only site, the professionals were added later.

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