"Hi, Richard. I won't host, so not sure if there's a point to investing my time with you."
There you go! All fixed. It was just missing the period at the end. 😉
@quixotic_life LOL! You rock.
Bravo, ladies!
@quixotic_life, perfect response!
I hope this is in the same type of vein of weird messages that seem to plague of the women of the site. I didn’t want to start a new thread. But I did want to bring to light the creepiness that tends to occur in private messages.
My name is not Nicole. I have no idea who this man is. He lives over 1200 miles away from me. I’ve never been to his location. Yet he insists on pressuring me in private message. I have done my best to protect his identity.
I am posting this to get advice. I want to know if I am being too harsh in my feelings. I want to know if my level of discomfort is unreasonable. I also want to know if other women here get weird messages like this all the time.
I just want to talk about this type of behavior in general and I want to know if there are any solutions.
It’s a weird feeling, but I actually feel like I am in the wrong somehow. I want him to change his behavior, yet I should probably be changing my attitude to the situation. I’m feeling guilt and shame like I am the problem here.
Friends, please talk to me about your thoughts and how you feel about these things.
Thank you.
Yeah, no, that's not the result of anything you did, @Importance. That's the online equivalent of cornering a stranger on the sidewalk or in the grocery store and insisting you know them.
Whoever that is, he's deluded himself. Nothing to do with you—all you've done is exist where he could see you. Hardly a punishable offense.
I'm glad you published that here. My feeling is that there are too many men on this forum who don't appriate the endless low level harassment (like this) that most women here experience.
Too many of them also don't appreciate that it's not this message per se. It is the fact that you are on the receiving end of such abuse year in, year out. It never stops.
You are not the in the wrong. Your feelings of guilt and shame are misplaced. You are in the right. However, I can understand why you feel a bit weird - there is a creepy aspect to this. Sending one pleasant message asking if you are somebody would have been fine: but these three messages amount to harrassment. Probably unintentional, but harassment nonetheless. He should change his behaviour.
It is possible to get such people to recognise the harm they do (I've done it) but it's difficult. You usually have to start by explaining the concept of empathy: some people genuinely do not really understand that other people have feelings too. However, if you can get them to understand what the other person is feeling they can end up being very apologetic. You can't achieve that with a single reply, which is part of the problem: there is no answer you can send which will do any real good. For a start, when you claim to be not Nicole there is a high chance he will not believe you because he has convinced himself that you are.
@Importance You're not in the wrong.
The guilt and shame is from being raised in this society. Reject it.
You can't change the behaviours of others, but you can report harassment. You can block. Unfortunately, this is the tax you pay, for being a woman.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this, @Importance ! In my experience, I've found a short, frosty response takes care of most guys who are getting creepy or persistent with me:
I'm not interested. Good night.
After that, if they still don't take the hint, I block. BUT I also keep the messages and make note of any distinguishing writing mistakes/habits. On my first CuddleComfort account, after I blocked men, some created new accounts and tried to get back in contact a second or third time. Thankfully, they weren't good at pretending to be other people (one even sent me the same picture both times - I guess he expected me to forget it after the first time? lol)
Good luck, keep us posted!
@squeakytoy Yes! They do this. They really don't think we can figure that out.
Thank you @squeakytoy @CuddleDuncan @MaullySterling @DarrenWalker !
🐬
I created other accounts and they still won’t leave me alone. I mean, who the hell do I think I am?
That's not what she said.
Either read the post properly, or don't twist people's words.
@FunCartel You are right, I have had two previous accounts. The first one was deleted because I couldn’t find what I was looking for. I then returned with hopes of expressing my needs more clearly and finding a friend to cuddle. When I did express those needs you called me misanthropic. I really don’t want to be bullied by you anymore. I deleted that account also with extremely hurt feelings. This is my third account. What else do you want to say to me?
I created a new account because they wouldn't leave me alone, yeah. And they haven't bothered me since. Your point?
EDIT: Thanks @CuddleDuncan , I appreciate it.
Also, I think it is something like 30 days after deleting your account that you can’t retrieve it anymore. Both times I was unable to retrieve my previous account. But I’m not exactly sure on this exact time frame for account retrieval.
Removed. Closed thread of a prior account is not relevant to THIS topic. [-Sid]
I’ve seen him do this in other threads too. He decides when he thinks a thread should be closed and he seemingly directs the staff. The moderators don’t necessarily follow his instructions. But he still acts like he feels the need to be in control of what is happening on a thread. I don’t understand.
Wow. My post about accounts was a joke about me making other accounts to bother myself. But carry on with your knee jerk reactions. I think @CuddleDuncan @Importance need to pause and ask what someone means before getting on your soapboxes.
@Importance i will address you this one time. I don’t care what you think of me—i don’t know you. But if i address you, you will know it. Otherwise stop making assumptions and characterizations with little knowledge of me. BTW, the thread was closed.
It was not a joke. Please stop dissembling.
@Importance Before you attack, do your research. Several people have requested threads to be closed in the past. You are being very vindictive now. There is a history of all sorts of people making that request. And i am not a mod. Take it up with them if you have a problem.
@sideon @SoulcuddlerZ please keep this thread open
If you read very closely, @FunCartel said: "I created other accounts and they still won’t leave me alone. I mean, who the hell do I think I am?" @CuddleDuncan and @Importance - he was not addressing you.
Let's make this easier for all. Do not engage with each other on the forums. Do not respond to each other. Thanks.
Thank you @Sideon I am not even looking for an apology from them. Can’t even self-deprecate in the forums now days.
@Sideon, to be fair: I saw two interpretations of it as well, even when read word-by-word. But I'm glad it wasn't the other interpretation.
@squeakytoy (and @CuddleDuncan and @Importance ): I read your comments. I read @FunCartel 's original comment that I quoted three posts above. I read them in sequence, then backwards, and forwards again. I did not see his comment either attacking, minimizing, nor negating your statement. What I did read was his joking and self-deprecation. That was my read on it, hence my response.
I do my best to be fair and even-handed. I realize not everything I do is going to be liked or approved, but I hope overall everyone sees my goals: keeping threads free of personal attacks, nudging threads back on topic, primarily, and stepping in when threads are reported or flagged. That's it.
If I erred and can improve, I want people to let me know.
@Sideon Thank you and hello.
@Sideon , I'm happy to share my interpretations. The context was that a few of us were talking about encountering harassment on here, and I mentioned I had to create a new account to stop harassment. Here's what @FunCartel said, just for reference:
One of my interpretations was the same as yours, where he was making a joke about the topic we were discussing.
The other one I had was that he misinterpreted my comment, thinking I kept creating new accounts and wondering why the same people keep messaging me. If you read the message with sort of a high-inflected "imitation" tone, you might see what I mean.
If I'm honest, I'm struggling with the "self-deprecation" aspect of the joke, though - I CAN see it if I squint, but considering the context, it feels kinda like a rich person coming into a soup kitchen and saying to the lineup of starving people, "Sometimes I forget to eat, too! I'm so absent-minded "
Anyway, that's just my two cents. I do appreciate that you're doing the best you can. So thank you.
EDIT: Clarified some of what I wrote - for some reason I thought @Importance had commented about needing to create new accounts too before @FunCartel made his joke, but that was just in her profile.
Hey, everybody!
I read it as a joke the first time through, but that's because I'm familiar with the guy. Making jokes about him harassing himself is a thing @FunCartel's done before—it's part of his sense of humor. And me, I tend to think it's funny. FunCartel cracks me up.
'Course, I'm not exactly somebody who people ought to come to for advice on appropriate timing.... Still. I'm pretty much 100% sure it was meant as a joke.
That's one of the kinds of joke he tells.
I’m sure it was meant as a joke too.