Would like some input.

Andy1996Andy1996
in General

So I was raised to think that touching would be considered inappropriate.
I was even told by a teacher of mine that nobody would apparently scratch my hands, because they deemed it inappropriate.
I can tell you for a fact that most cuddelers have been totally fine with this. And honestly I do not see what is harmful about it. I even had one cuddler tell me herself that she actually enjoys having her hands scratched.
Now that I am an adult and actually think about it, I honestly do not see what is wrong with it.
It’s just unfortunate that I was raised in such a judge mental family.

Comments

  • Mike403Mike403

    It's considered to be proper etiquette to ask for permission before you touch somebody.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @Andy1996 there is nothing wrong with it, it's completely natural and normal. I am sorry to hear you were raised in such judgemental circumstances, but I'm happy that you have moved past that and are able to see it for what it was.

  • Andy1996Andy1996

    @Cuddleduncan, I completely agree with you.

  • Andy1996Andy1996

    @Mike403, are usually always ask before doing this. I have also been told that apparently people have been made uncomfortable because of it. I figured I would post here and because most people would understand.

  • AlexysDanyelleAlexysDanyelle

    I've taken a few classes here and there and one was called "Touch Dynamics". In that class, we talked about our own "touch history" and depending on what experiences we have had with touch, it kind of shapes how we not only respond to people where touching is happening, it also shapes how we project onto others about whether or not touch is good or bad. So I try not to discredit people who have a perception that says touch is bad or otherwise, but I do encourage people to find a person or circle where trust is there so you can help formulate your own ideas of what touch means to you. So it sounds like, especially through cuddling, you have been able to develop your own ideas of what touch means to you and I think that is beautiful. You will encounter people on all ends of the spectrum when it comes to touch and it's important to keep close those who identify with what you are looking for in order to develop a new chapter of your own touch history 💜

  • Andy1996Andy1996

    This site has definitely taught me some lessons when it comes to that. Most people have been excepting about it.

  • [Deleted User]sage_wisdom (deleted user)

    I don’t know if I have the right cord for that.

  • [Deleted User]sage_wisdom (deleted user)
    edited January 2021

    in all seriousness, it’s not inappropriate to ask. as long as all participants are compliant and comfortable there is no harm (short of fingernail lengths). As for judgement, for some people it’s cultural and some people were not raised in a physically affectionate environment. they may not be intentionally snubbing you. Don’t judge others unfairly for something they may not have an understanding or awareness of. Just keep advocating for your wants and needs.

  • littermatelittermate

    You sound cool to me. What's the harm in asking? Those who will, will. Those who won't, won't. Those who have attitude -- run fast in the other direction!! <3

  • [Deleted User]StLJim (deleted user)

    I took a psych class on healthy personality which included a chapter on touch.

    All I can say is that it has stayed with me since. Changed my life.

    I don't think they meant the class to be self analysis or self therapy, but more of an intermediate class in behavioral science. But I internalized it just the same. And yes, I passed.

    @Andy1996 A cuddler could spend some time exploring social touch. Do some role playing with them.

  • MarkBPhxMarkBPhx

    @sage_wisdom thank you for the practical suggestions.
    @littermate always bringing a little humor with your wisdom. I appreciate that.

  • cuddleaddictcuddleaddict

    AlexysDanyelle- outstanding!

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)
    edited January 2021

    As long as there is enthusiastic consent in both participants, and nobody is breaking the rules you've both agreed on, then however you choose to cuddle or be platonically touched is valid and acceptable.

    I'm sorry people have made you feel shame about having your physical and tactile needs met- there is nothing wrong with wanting to have your hands scratched, as long as the other person enthusiastically consents too.

  • littermatelittermate

    @MarkBPhx Thanks man.

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