Canceling plans

Charlene1978Charlene1978
in General

Apparently I am a bully because I asked someone why they canceled our cuddle session on me on 2 separate occasions (the cuddle session that they contacted me for and asked me for) before ever meeting me.

I am a very respectful person and do not generally cancel plans with anyone unless it is an emergency so if you cancel on me...
I will ask you why you canceled and I will want to know what I did wrong especially if you keep asking me to spend time with you but then cancel on me. 🤨😠😡
Last time I checked being curious about why a person cancels plans is not being a bully...
Being curious about another persons interests and intentions especially when it comes to this website and violationing its terms is not being a bully.
Asking people to clarify their intentions is not being a bully.

I am honestly so sick of people these days. Nobody seems normal anymore!!

How hard is it to know what you want and clarify what you want to yourself before contacting someone and asking them to make plans with you?

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Comments

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    You not being a bully. This is one of those reversal type situations, when the person committing the bad behaviour accuses the other person of that very behaviour.

    It's a perfectly reasonable question. They are entitled to keep their private life private of course, but reasonable people appreciate the annoyance they have caused and seek to alleviate it.

    I suggest removing this person from your life immediately. I would.

  • ImportanceImportance
    edited January 2021

    It’s because his wife said “no”

    Please accept my stupid joke as just a very silly joke.

  • tiredtired

    @CuddleDuncan Serious question: Do you feel entirely comfortable making a definitive pronouncement on what happened and where the blame lies in this situation based on hearing from only one of the people involved?

  • ImportanceImportance

    Why are you picking on cuddle Duncan in multiple threads?

  • tiredtired

    I'm not picking on anybody, certainly not to the extent that you are picking on me in multiple threads :). As I said, it's a serious question.

  • TheMidnightOwlTheMidnightOwl
    edited January 2021

    Why are you picking on cuddle Duncan in multiple threads?

    Maybe because tired is from Scotland and Duncan is from England? Tired thinks he’s Braveheart. 😂

    In all seriousness though, @Charlene1978 I hear what you say. It seems as technology takes over our entire lives, it has contributed to laziness in communication, anonymity to be a douche, demolishing our manners and sense of humanity. Rudeness and lack of consideration and accountability in relationships is becoming mainstream. Take @Tired as an example. 💁🏽‍♀️ I hope you find some peeps to hangout with who honor their word and if they must cancel, do it considerately. I share your frustrations with these problems in society, including here.

  • tiredtired
    edited January 2021

    Maybe because tired is from Scotland and Duncan is from England? Tired thinks he’s Braveheart. 😂

    Comment flagged/reported. I removed the personal attack. [-Sid]

  • [Deleted User]arghdaddy (deleted user)

    @TheMidnightOwl , Braveheart that is hilarious!!!

    @Charlene1978 , like others have mentioned I don’t consider you to be a bully. I just wouldn’t have bothered & not contacted them or replied to them anymore. Maybe it’s some kind of joke to that person. Not worth the trouble.

  • AngelPendavezAngelPendavez
    edited January 2021

    (edited for typos)

    I had to cancel on someone at least 3 different times when I was going through a really bad health spell and didn't know what was wrong. I would feel fine one minute, then awful the next, so I would think I was fine to meet but then something would come up. All I really had to offer was an "I'm sorry but I'm not feeling well, I don't think I can make it tomorrow."

    I thought my partner would be frustrated, but he was so understanding, so I was all the more eager to meet with him. But it if he had responded with anything I perceived as indignation, it may have gone very differently.

    I definitely think that you should be given at least a day's notice for a cancellation. If this has happened same-day, multiple times, the other party should be more considerate of your time.

    There's a lot of subtle meanings behind the words we choose, and sometimes the tone isn't received the way we meant.

    I'd need to know exactly what was said before I could comment any further, but my point is that there are angles to consider.

  • ImportanceImportance

    It absolutely sucks to be canceled on. I have been plagued with cancellations lately. This one just came in the last five minutes.
    The gentleman and I were going to trade therapeutic massage.

    It sucks to be canceled on. This is a new thing for me, being positive when someone tells me no. Everything in me wants to feel rejection and hurt and pain. But I’m finding that this approach works very well and that when the person actually does have time for me that they come back. It still sucks waiting around, not being held, not being touched, not being nurtured. It sucks it sucks it sucks.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @tired ~ As one who went rounds with you before, I just want to say I'm bummed to see others not letting a reset occur. I don't think it's fair to drag issues from one thread to another, or to assume one is "baiting" off a simple question or joking comment. Nor do I think it's fair for everyone to essentially gang up on another.

    That said, I hope you're able to see the other side of all this and how not everyone is able to just forgive/forget and move on, or to offer you their benefit of the doubt either. That they may be looking for some overt attempts by you to make amends, to apologize so as to ameliorate the situation from the other day, which will then soften their opinions of you. 🤷‍♀️

    @Charlene1978 ~ How odd they didn't give an excuse reason for canceling. Yeah... you're a big ol' bully for wanting some sort of explanation for having your time wasted (cause without one that's what they've done - is waste your time). Smh - How rude. 🤨

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @tired yet again, in a thread where a woman reports harassment from a man, you attempt to derail the thread by attacking me.

    That's important, so I'll say it again.

    In a thread where a woman reports harassment from a man, you attempt to derail the thread by attacking me.

    It's not the first time. It's not even the first time today.

    @midnightowl actually I am Scottish, I just happen to live in London.

  • TheMidnightOwlTheMidnightOwl

    @arghdaddy
    Glad to amuse!

    @CuddleDuncan
    Haha good to know.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup
    edited January 2021

    @Importance It does indeed suck hard to be canceled on. Anticipation building up that you're going to have a great day, then a feeling of sudden rejection. I've been canceled on before and the other person didn't even bother to respond or give a reason why, after I had drove an hour to see them. Sometimes things legitimately happen in people's lives that they can't make it, though knowing people I'm sure some lie to save face. Keeping that positive response keeps the channel open for future cuddles. If they flaked a second time in a row, I would probably draw the line there to cut them out. But yes it would be nice to just be held at some point. Hopefully we find what we're looking for.

  • tiredtired

    @CuddleDuncan I'm sorry that you apparently regard any questioning as an attack. At the risk of offending you even further, dare I ask if you consider my question above to be unreasonable?

  • tiredtired
    edited January 2021

    @quixotic_life Thank you, genuinely, for being the voice of reason. I'll own to having perhaps been more abrasive than strictly necessary, but in part that was a reaction to a forum culture which appears extremely hostile to any dissenting voice or questioning of the forum 'bigwigs'. I'd urge people to consider issues and respond with content rather than jumping in and ad hominen attacking anyone who disagrees with one of their pals.

    This is your one and only warning from a forum moderator "bigwig." Lay off the personal attacks, baiting, and forum belligerence. I can and will levy a forum ban-hammer. Consider your future choices wisely, @tired [-Sid]

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    @Sideon , you rock. Thanks.

  • tiredtired
    edited January 2021

    Ironic that the warning follows a post attempting to be conciliatory. Last time I take a suggestion from you @quixotic_life =)

    There is no irony as you admitted to being "more abrasive than strictly necessary," but your hypocrisy in being that "dissenting voice" is apt. The forum rules are clear, but if you want to go over forum principles, let's review some prime directives, which is the promotion of PEACE, and advocating for respect and mutual support. There will be disagreements, I fully and completely expect them, but I'd remind folks that baiting, trolling, and personal attacks will not end well for them. [-Sid]

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life
    edited January 2021

    @tired ~ Yeah... Sometimes easier said than done, but yay for modeling moving on...

    Happy Forum Content Adding!!!

    and I don't think I've ever seen "ad hominen" in print and had to look it up... lol 🤦‍♀️


    Added: Whoops! @Sideon ~ I must have missed something... When I saw "bigwigs" I thought that was in reference to those of us who express ourselves as if we own the place and have the most relevant of opinions (not me of course ~ I'd never) 😉 ~ Sorry!

    @tired ~ I still mean what I said & good luck!
    (and no more poking bears with sticks okay?)
    🚫🐻🍢 ~ 🙂👍

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @tired
    Yeah... sorry 'bout that... I think it's maybe still too soon for some? 🤷‍♀️ IDK ~ But I'm thinking I must have missed some other interactions that were even more intense than ours??? Either way... Still going with the above and am still ready for us to move on...

    That's my plan anyway ~ And I don't intend on canceling it!!! (heh-heh ~ see what I did there?) 😉

  • tiredtired
    edited January 2021

    @Sideon

    you admitted to being "more abrasive than strictly necessary,

    So my sin was not to sin, but rather to confess to a sin? Dunno, seems the very definition of irony to me.

    You intentionally misunderstand and misrepresent what I just said. Your sin is sinning, and you admitted to such. Hypocrite still stands. [-Sid]

  • Cuddle_RNCuddle_RN

    A few weeks ago I had lined up a Friday evening meet up with my first potential cuddle buddy. He messaged me Thursday with "We're going to have to reschedule." I declined to reschedule and contacted the next person I was considering. We met Friday night, watched a movie, cuddled, and it was wonderful.
    Sometimes they're doing us a favor :)

  • BotWithFeelingsBotWithFeelings

    @woodRN I mean emergencies happen,,,

    @CuddleDuncan To be clear, canceling plans isn't harassment. I may be rude and hurtful (sometimes) but not harassment. I say this as someone who very sensitive to rejection.

  • tiredtired
    edited January 2021

    So why wasn't the warning issued following one of my 'offending' posts rather than following an entirely innocuous one? And in a post above why have you allowed the line which I quoted

    Maybe because tired is from Scotland and Duncan is from England? Tired thinks he’s Braveheart.

    While deleting my response

    Duncan is a fine Scottish name. There's only one Braveheart on CC.

    as a 'personal attack'.

    What was that you were saying about hypocrisy?

    Welcome to forum timeout. You earned it. [-Sid]

  • Mike403Mike403

    @tired - Sheesh. Let it go already. You just like to argue, don't you? I'm surprised they didn't edit your profile photo to that of a troll.

  • tiredtired

    @Mike403 Honestly, I rarely argue. It just seems that some of the questions I ask annoy people. People shouldn't be annoyed by questions.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @tired - I've had things removed that the mods didn't like and I don't even remember what I said because it doesn't matter. It doesn't do you any favors to dwell over a topic and others want dropped.

  • tiredtired

    @Mike403 You're absolutely right. I just struggle to accept double standards.

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    @woodRN , I'm glad that worked out! :smile: I'm not against giving people second chances, but life is short, and we're on here to cuddle and connect with people.

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle

    I hate game players/time wasters.

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