Been with my partner for around 5 years now.
I've heard 7 years is around the time we're supposed to start getting tired of each other, I'll let you know. XD
Guess I should ask a question too ~
At what point do you start to consider someone a friend?
I hope you guys don’t get tired of eachother @EarthlyAngel003 : ) ever!!
Going on 34 years. Nope, not tired of her at all. Every day is a new adventure. It's been a joy to see the woman she has become, and to experience the highs and lows of life with her.
That’s pretty awesome @DrCuddleBug congrats to both of you!! 🍻
@introvme Thank you.
I don't quite see the point in making oneself legally-bound to another individual. "Hey, man, I love you so dang much, how about we get lawyers involved?" That line of thought has never occurred to me.
It seems more practical to just be around a person and enjoy their company. Plus, if your partner is open-minded, you can go out and try new things without bad feelings and other nonsense getting in the way. Then, if there's really something substantial between the two of you, you can return to your partner (or vice versa), and share your experiences to strengthen your relationship. Best of both worlds.
Then again, this is all coming from someone who thinks very little of marriage, and has been exclusively in poly relationships for the last decade or so.
I don't quite see the point in making oneself legally-bound to another individual. "Hey, man, I love you so dang much, how about we get lawyers involved?" That line of thought has never occurred to me. @UltimateChungus
Yup I definitely see it like this ... but I see it this way now, took a while to get there.
@UltimateChungus - there is a point if you have children, or if you own significant joint property e.g. a house.
@UKGuy
That makes sense. As an anti-natalist, and as someone who has no interest in buying a house, it still doesn't work for me.
But I do get that those could be compelling reasons for some.
@EarthlyAngel003 "At what point do you start to consider someone a friend?" For me it's when they start responding to you with understanding and empathy.
"Hey, man, I love you so dang much, how about we get lawyers involved?" That line of thought has never occurred to me.
Quite. It never occurred to anybody until recently.
There are many things that make the world scary. For me, that there are millions of people who don't understand marriage is one of them. I don't mean people who don't want to do it - that's fair enough - but not understanding it is wilful ignorance. For the whole of history most people got married. Quite a lot still do, and half of them make it to the the death part.
Marriage has nothing at all to do with children or mortages. It is much more serious than that. Intrinsically, it has nothing much to do with romantic love. It is a promise that people make to each other in front of the law, their god, their friends and family, and society: a marriage service is technically public. Every society has its own version, but they mostly boil down to much the same thing.
The deal is simple: I promise this to you, and you make the same promise to me in return. Read the words. Here is the main bit of one version:
I,_____, take thee,_____, to be my wedded Wife/Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.
With this Ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow
(There is also usually a promise to love, honour and be faithful)
If you don't understand marriage, read that oath again. I suggest you take it one phrase at a time. Over the next few days, think about that promise. Think about what it really means.
For a start means that somebody, chosen by you, has promised to love and cherish you for the rest of your or their life. To share with you everthing that comes into their possession. To care for you if you are sick. If everything goes wrong in your life, they will stand by you.
Conversely, if making that promise to somebody doesn't scare the living shit out of you, you either haven't understood it or don't mean it.
Note that it's not a coincidence that the decline of marriage coincided with the rise of antibiotics.
@UltimateChungus lawyers involved? No, no lawyers involved. Where is that a requirement?
Well, I guess it becomes a legal proceeding and law and government signs off on you picking a life partner for yourself, I guess. Tax status changes, and if you divorce, you're given certain restrictions and/or rights?
@introvme It sounds like you require privacy and independence and you're afraid being married might change that.
Maybe you should try living together before you get married? I know it's usually done in the reverse order. (And maybe this won't be a practical solution for you two for religious or other reasons). But this might be a way to see how well you work together after seeing parts of each other you previously hadn't.
You could both live under the same roof and still have your own space. This may be especially important if one or both of you needs alone time to recharge.
Talk to her about it. ☺️
( @UltimateChungus @UKGuy don't forget medical reasons ~ 😉)
Having been divorced (thank god), I'm going to be very damn careful if/when I ever decide to marry again.
I would only marry if I was planning to really intertwine my life with a partner's again, living together, sharing the same assets, having shared accounts. After dealing with an estate, I can appreciate how much work that legal title can save a grieving person. Also, I hate the fact that if you're unconscious in a hospital, a common-law partner isn't automatically granted access to come in and be with you, and be your advocate while you're out. You have to register with each hospital individually for this, ahead of time. At least, that's how it is in Canada. Common-law kinda sucks here.
Marriage is freakin' serious. It shouldn't be taken lightly, and it's not for every relationship, but I see where it has its place.
... man, just thinking about this reminds me how grateful I am to live in a place where gay marriage is legal.
@EarthlyAngel003 yeah you’re right , that and more
Society and its stupid demands. "Perform this ritual, or we won't let your partner take care of you in hospital!"
Now, look. If I want a specific copy of a book, say, to be in my life permanently—why, I just promise myself I'll never leave it behind in a move, maybe read a bit of it every day (or at least every week), something like that. I get stuck in the hospital and want my book with me? I ask for it and somebody goes and gets it.
If I want a dog or a cat or a fish or something to be part of my life, I promise myself I'll take care of them every day and do my best to keep them safe, healthy, and happy.
Why should adding a human animal to your life be that much different?
Sure, you don't need to hear what promises the book's making itself regarding you—you can be fairly sure your dog has promised itself that it'll be take care of you, its human, to the best of its ability—while a human, well, a human is less predictable. But that's a minor difference, on the whole. You can talk to humans. All you've gotta do is ask what promises they've made themselves regarding you!
Why make promises to a lawyer, or to a bunch of other people, or to a super powerful invisible human in the sky or on Mt. Olympus or whatever?
What you decide to do with your human(s) has nothing to do with these other people! But humans have decided that marriage, specifically, is a big important thing, and it doesn't matter what sort of relationship two people have—unless they've done the ritual, they don't get stuff. (And if they have done the ritual they do get the stuff; no matter what their relationship actually is.)
I think it's dumb.
Just sitting here thinking about how good some Smores would be over that fire
Marriage has nothing at all to do with children or mortages. It is much more serious than that.
Sure, maybe for some. Perhaps even most who venture into it.
But some (self included) only marry because of the "benefits" that would be blocked without it. For me it was for health insurance. 🤷♀️ So romantic! 😒
I think I broke my foot.
@Honeyluv ~ like just now?
How @Honeyluv 😯
I like the fire. Makes me want to be around one for real. I'll have to put my new firepit together and test it out sometime soon. Anyone want to come over for some real storytelling around a fire? I think we can do that and not pass covid around. The fire will burn all the germs up! Anyone who can tell a good ghost story is doubly invited.
@littermate i wanna come over for some real storytelling & possibly put a grip top over the fire 🔥 🙈
@cuddles_ndream cool! what's a grip top?
@littermate i meant grill top smh @ autocorrect 🤦♂️
Oh! I get it. Sure bring it!! Heat, flames, stories and snacks!! @cuddles_ndream