Male pros

[Deleted User]CuddleMeLater (deleted user)
in General

There's been some back and forth about whether and to what extent male pros get clients, especially female clients. FWIW I just looked at the profile of every male pro who's been on the site in the last week.

There were 66 of them. I looked at their karma. Obviously karma doesn't tell the whole story, but it's the only data available.

The majority of them have no karma. But some of them do. Of those that do, most of the karma is from female pros. Now I can't guarantee this... but I would bet the farm that in every one of those cases, the man was the one paying the woman.

There was some karma from men. A total of 11 individual male clients, spread among 5 different male pros (I think... I counted this part very quickly and by hand, so I may be off here).

And there were 3 karmas left by female non-pro clients. So it's not true that no male pro ever gets a female client. However, I'd maintain that this is pretty strong evidence that most male pros are unlikely to get any female clients.

That doesn't necessarily mean it's a great idea to discourage male pros, as I sometimes do.

Comments

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup
    edited February 2021

    This data is not surprising, as it reflects the forum postings of male professionals, to a large extent. The potential for male pros to make money is definitely significantly lower.

    That said, having looked at the profiles of several male professionals, I believe that there is much more they can do - most of it having to do with better quality photos, travel flexibility since their client base is few and far between, and a profile that shows sensitivity toward the challenges and concerns of women.

    Even if they did all that, however, I still think that most would be unsuccessful, because the demand is simply not there (it does exist but it seems very small indeed), but this is what many of the profiles needed to improve their odds.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    I’m actually impressed with the data work you did! 😅👊🏼

  • [Deleted User]CuddleMeLater (deleted user)

    @cuddles_ndream

    Thanks. This one was easy as there aren't many male pros, so it just took a few minutes to do by hand. For stuff I've done in the past I had to write a script.

  • totally_tylertotally_tyler

    Wow. A good 'ole fashion Nancy Drew over here.

  • UKGuyUKGuy

    The question always remains, why would a female pay a male for cuddling services when she can get all the cuddles she wants for free?

  • GallowglassGallowglass
    edited February 2021

    It all goes to why an individual person chooses cuddling, regardless of a relationship they might, or might not be in.
    Low judgement/high support. Trust issues/Intimacy issues. Knowledge/confidence levels.
    Known outcome, with reasonable expectations of the boundaries and quality/flexibility to work with their needs. Etc.

  • littermatelittermate

    @UKGuy I'll take a stab at answering your question.

    The cuddles a woman can get so vary in quality and in what "comes with them." Honestly if there was an amazing cuddler near me (and everyone has a different definition of "amazing"), I'd consider paying them to know that I wasn't going to get groped, that the person was there for my cuddle needs, and was guaranteed to serve up a totally delightful experience.

    And while potentially we can get all the cuddles we want for free in terms of quantity, some or many of those cuddles aren't that compelling because of the lack of some of the stuff above, or what comes with them. Not all cuddles are created equal, and it's not all roses over here. I realize that some fellows would be happy with ANY type of enthusiast cuddles with women and so what am I whining about, but I'll guarantee you, it's not all roses on this side either.

    So yes, I can totally see a reason why I'd hire a male pro cuddler, but I agree with something someone said in another thread, that the more the person has extra abilities, like massage, energy work, etc., the more valuable a cuddle pro they become.

  • parkwayvisualparkwayvisual

    Statistics can be manipulated to show anything you want them to show. 98% of respondents know this.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @spuds And an overwhelming 2% do not.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    That’s why 95% efficacy rate is b.s. lol jk Lololol

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited February 2021

    @CuddleMeLater thank you for doing that legwork, it makes interesting reading. It confirms my own, less rigorous legwork in the past which brought up the same picture. I would add my farm to your bet.

    @UKGuy

    The question always remains, why would a female pay a male for cuddling services when she can get all the cuddles she wants for free?

    No it doesn't. The question does not remain because it has been answered repeatedly. Actually, it does not even arise except in the head of a particular type of man.

    The simplest answer is, because she damn well feels like it. Men can pay women for cuddles, why shouldn't women have the chance to pay men? It's basic fairness. And @littermate makes excellent points. @Gallowglass too.

    The dynamic between two enthusiast cuddlers and a professional and client as completely different. That's not a matter of opinion or experience, it's a matter of law.

    The second simplest answer is, because your assertion is false. It is simply not true that a female enthusiast can get all the free cuddles she wants.

    I suspect that the potential market for male cuddlers is much bigger than the potential market for female cuddlers. However, I also suspect it will be more difficult to unlock the that market.

  • littermatelittermate

    If I knew and trusted the guy who wanted to go pro, I'd have some great advice about what to get good at, what to offer, guidelines and what to say. To me there's a market for guys who can hold a cuddling space for a woman to feel safe and heal her mistrust. How to be that guy and then how to get that across so that women would bite is a whole other world.

  • cuddleanursecuddleanurse

    I have been approached by a couple of male
    Pros on here that wanted to do a cuddle with me - so we could both get good karma. I guess the fees would level out if we both set a super low price for that specific cuddle (since we are both pros). I thought about it, but for whatever reason I don’t really remember, I declined. One messaged me numerous times - almost to the point of being downright annoying. Of course- we always can use more good karma - and he has a lot - but I suspect he got at least some of it from other pros he also messaged who agreed. Either way, I have no problem with male or female pros. And there are a few I would love to cuddle just to meet them and hang out from seeing their forum posts and comments.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup
    edited February 2021

    @cuddleanurse

    Most of the male pros profiles I looked at had Karma from other female pros; I suspect these were paid sessions, though I have no data to back this up (just based on the general inefficacy of male pros). I would do the same if I were a male pro; try to get some positive karma just to start off with. I think this is especially important for male pros since there is a much bigger onus on males to appear trustworthy and safe than with female pros (or any male - female interaction in general, it seems). Karma is only one facet, however, and many of the male professional profiles I looked at didn't seem to speak to this part (no emphasized vibe of safety/trustworthiness).

    @littermate

    How to be that guy and then how to get that across so that women would bite is a whole other world.

    Indeed. I've been making changes/adjustments to my profile and messaging style over the past year. The biggest changes I've noticed were due to uploading higher quality photos of myself, and landing on some area of common interest while messaging. Despite this, I haven't had any success, other than a slightly increased message response rate, so consequently I've being ghosted more than before, haha. Though it is an improvement in that metric, which implies that the changes I've made were positive. Still, I feel emotionally spent from the whole process, and am still lonely and without human touch and am kind of ready to throw in the towel in regards to online correspondence. Also, PM'd you!

  • littermatelittermate

    @sunnysideup Gotcha. <3

  • [Deleted User]LoveLikeAnEwok (deleted user)

    So... the big question... what is or isn't in our profiles that is leading females to feel that we aren't trustworthy?
    Also, what would a good appointment set-up look like?
    And of course... on top of following the set guidelines, what else can we as males do to help women feel safe with us?... and actually be safe about it. I had one enthusiast go through a full conversation with me, make me feel like I was on the right track, then when it came down to scheduling an appointment, she basically ghosted me.
    So... there's obviously something I'm missing. And I know honesty isn't it.

  • AmortentiaAmortentia

    @LoveLikeAnEwok I just read your profile and I gotta say it does look good at least in my opinion. I thought of two things that can help you when I was thinking about what else I would like to see if I wanted to book with you. 1. Karma! Seeing good Karma comments on a male profile helps me feel at ease about seeing them in person. So if you had a session or going to have one always encourage them to leave Karma on your profile just so you feel like you made them smile. Only ask as a suggestion casually and don't push. Actually limit pushing as much as possible on anything except maybe to slightly push on confirming an appointment. 2. Try virtual sessions! I didn't see that on your profile. Some can benefit from a good talk if they're still a little skeptical or worried to meet you in person, some might be too far away and would prefer a virtual session, they could be worried of covid to do in person so virtual would help, or whatever reason. And of course suggest Karma after too.
    So...just wanted to mention that since for me personally a virtual session could help if I'm still scared to meet someone. I hope that helps and that others can give you some ideas to try too. Just don't give up, tough times happen.

  • Rick234Rick234

    It's almost laughable, the idea that I could charge someone to cuddle with. Hell, I can't even PAY someone to cuddle with me!

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited February 2021

    @LoveLikeAnEwok

    The Ewok is discerningly open.

    That's the very first line of your profile. If I was thinking about cuddling you, to be brutally honest I wouldn't read any further. Sorry! Talking about yourself in the third person is very off-putting in this context. You are asking me to be emotionally vulnerable to you, and it appears that you can't even handle your own vulnerability as much as a random average person.

    Worse, that sentence is .... confusing. You are claiming to be open, while at the same time being un-open. It's an inconsistent picture, and that is also unhelpful.

    You have a couple of short paragraphs about yourself before you get into the technical stuff, but I'm left with the feeling I don't know you. I have no sense of what led you into cuddling, what your style of cuddling is, or your background. For example, have you worked in a caring profession? Why do you care about this? What evidence can you present that you will care about me?

    Finally, the photo. It's a fine photo, no argument there. But how many people wear a tie for cuddling?

    @Rick234 there are seven active professionals within 50 miles of you. Why can't you pay somebody to cuddle you?

    As far as we know, no man has ever made a living cuddling women. But one day, somebody will. Why shouldn't it be you?

  • littermatelittermate
    edited February 2021

    I just advised two fellows who PM'ed me about what I've noticed and thus recommend.

    1) Have good pictures. Have them somewhere besides your bathroom or bedroom. IMO, one should be outside, close up, you with a genuine smile. Another should be you being platonically affectionate with anything or anyone else - a pet, a child, a sibling, a friend. I think pictures are important. The less you can look like a desperate, needy, grabby loner the better. (Sure, you can bring your desperation and need, we probably have some of our own in this touch-starved world--it just can't be the only thing going on or what you're leading with.) The more the context of the pictures is wholesome and makes you look like you have a life outside of your bedroom, bathroom, closet, or workplace the better.

    2) Take out any "charged" words that are usually associated with sex - like desire, need, body, good time, etc. even if you're using them platonically. Below our awareness we can decide that means you got trouble on your mind. I'm happy to read your profile for these if you like as I have time.

    I assume peeps who contribute on the forums over time aren't creeps, but guys who are doing their best. There's something about bonding with the community that feels like there is some accountability to the community, so that's why I'm telling you this stuff. I'm sure this is not 100% true but what the heck.

    Because there are so many men and so few women, these are things just to up your chances. It's a pain in the ass that you guys have to try so hard, but I'm telling ya, the two things above contribute to me passing someone by if I've got a bunch to choose from.

    Also, I want to say, don't take it personally, even though sure, it feels that way. Women get scared. You might have done nothing wrong. In fact, you might have done things SO right in your communication that she went further out on a limb to actually cuddle than she expected and then got scared. This is a BIG deal for many of us. I was in conversation with a woman for a while who reached out to me in friendship, and the first cuddle she was about to follow through on scared her silly and the next minute she was off the site. So please don't assume we are the all powerful rejectors and you are the rejected. In any given cuddle scenario there are two humans with their own challenges trying to connect. Though the conditioning puts you guys in a certain position to us, we're not over here all lying on couches eating our bonbons choosing which lucky fellow will meet our standards and get to cuddle us.

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    we're not over here all lying on couches eating our bonbons choosing which lucky fellow will meet our standards and get to cuddle us

    Shpeak for yourshelf

    Just kidding :joy: Good points all around, @littermate, I agree.

  • littermatelittermate
    edited February 2021

    Hahaha @squeakytoy.

    Frick. I can't figure out how to elegantly paste a gif in here. Alas.

  • GallowglassGallowglass
    edited February 2021

    @littermate You have photos on your phone or PC. They are hidden to the world.

    You need to post your photos, to some site that allows sharing. Imgur is one service.
    (Free version with less features and more adds. But, it works)

    When you load a photo to a hosting site like that, they will provide a link that can be shared with other people, to view the photo.

    Once you click on that link and test it, you can use the forum editor, click on the image button, and provide the URL from your hosting service. Before you click OK, sometimes it's good practice to make sure you don't have any extra spaces or quotes, at the front and end of the URL.

  • littermatelittermate
    edited February 2021

    Whoops. Thanks.

    If anyone read my original comment, I apologize. I totally read a comment out of context. Whoops.

    But @Gallowglass the gif I want to post is on the web.

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    @littermate, if you right-click the gif to see it in a separate tab, you can get the URL that way! If it's on a weird site like Giphy where it doesn't give you a direct link that way, it'll give you the option to hit "copy link" or something like that. Then you can click the Image button for your cuddlecomfort comment and paste the url in there. If you did it right, it should appear when you hit "Preview" :)

  • littermatelittermate

    Thanks @squeakytoy. Will try that next time.

  • [Deleted User]SuperSnuggler2 (deleted user)
    edited February 2021

    There have been multiple comments about but I will weigh in with a few new and a few repeats.

    I've cuddled as an enthusiast and am now a pro. When an enthusiast, I paid a pro to cuddle because of my eight different enthusiast cuddle partners, only three did not try to push any boundaries. I felt confident that cuddling with a pro would be a platonic experience focused all on me . . . and it was. I felt much more comfortable and much more relaxed over all because I didn't have to keep wondering where his hands were going.

    Also, from what i understand, pros often pay other pros for a cuddle because they need that time to be the client and "recharge" vs. being the service provider. That shouldn't invalidate any karma given as it is still a paid session.

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    @SuperSnuggler2 I've considered paying in the past for the same reason. I'm glad cuddling with a pro was a good experience for you!

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