I like swords.
If I wear pajamas under my work clothes it feels like I am wearing my pajamas to work because I am
I talk to god as much as I talk to satan cus i wanna hear both sides
There was a pig wondering around the neighborhood so I took him to the police station and asked what to do. The officer said take him to the zoo. It was great. Going to a movie next.
Im starving.
How much is that doggie in the window?
I like ice cream. 🍦
Cattywampus.
You've gone to the finest school all right, Miss Lonely But you know you only used to get juiced in it And nobody has ever taught you how to live on the street And now you find out you're going to have to get used to it You said you would never compromise With the mystery tramp, but now you realize He's not selling any alibis As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes And ask him "Do you want to make a deal?"
My son told me I am gayer than he is, and he sleeps with men
I can't believe how many funny (at least to me) responses I have had to throw out. With that being said, a heart is actually based on the image of two human hearts joined.
We All Live In A Yellow Submarine
Knock knock.
I mire cake lice.
Always go to other people's funerals otherwise they won't come to yours.
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Admit it, you read that in the loud obnoxious voice from car commercials.
Which of the Peanuts gang grew up and stormed the US Capitol building?
The earth is flat according to my daughter.
How many chickens would it take to kill an elephant?
Why is a bird in hand worth two in the bush when you have to invest in so much in soap and sterilizing materials? Birds are nasty!
-5 degrees. Oh how I love global warming!!!
If you could ad one additional body part what w
ould it be
Misprints that were avoided in history:
I bet when cheetahs race and one of them cheats, one of them will say "Man, you're such a cheetah!" then they will all laugh and sit around and eat a zebra or something.
Have you ever laughed out loud and looked around to see if anyone heard you, knowing you are home alone?
Is a hot dog a sandwich?
I guess we were kinda poor growing up but we never knew it since dad never let us look at his financial records.
I can remember when things only cost an arm.
Bad weather is relative. But, bad relatives may appear in good weather, whether or not you like the weather.