I like to do things and know stuff
A man walks into the library and asks "Do you have that book about men with small penises"? The librarian looks through the computer. It isn't in yet. The man says, yeah that's the one.
So many damn turtles by the side of the road , all claiming.to be squirrels with overactive pituitary glands and a calcium disorder
I'm a lonely island.
My HTTP status code is 418: I'm a teapot
Sweater vests are an abomination.
The best choice is to find another choice
Blocked? But I just wanted to.tell you something funny. Noooo
Yes and No are not the only two answers.
I think it's always a good idea to carry around two sacks so that way if anybody ever asks you if you can give them a hand you can say "Sorry.. I have these sacks".
In so much relentless and chronic pain.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might if they screamed all the time.
Happiness is a warm gun.
Come on people now, smile on your brother. Everybody get together right now.
How much cuddling could a cuddler cuddle if a cuddler could cuddle cuddlers? 🤔
Some people are like slinkies: They don't serve a purpose, but they sure bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
So many hands and feet and pieces of ankle for Kevin bacon to put his mouth around
A group of lizards is called a "lounge".
SNOW
Yo, quiero Taco Bell!
Got to navigate through vomit covered snow to get to my broken into car today...
Someone smashed out the side window and took the bag I had all my most important to me things in (the one I call my, "running away from home bag") and they took the one with every article of clothing I like (including all my comfy cuddle clothes)!
Every time my sobbing subsides another item I've attached importance to flashes to mind and I'm a mess all over again.
I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.
The fifth dentist caved in and now they are all recommending Trident.
When I found that skull in the woods, first thing I did was call the police. Then I got curious and picked up that skull and started to wonder who this person was and why they had deer horns.
I sometimes think the world is a Tuxedo and I am a pair of brown shoes.
In my younger days, I co-owned a painting company. We did fairly good work at a modest income. One day we were short a bit on material while trying to finish a job, so we mixed a bit of water in with the paint, and managed to stretch it enough to cover. In the end, nobody complained, we got the job done, and came out a little better off financially. A few weeks later we were in a similar situation being a gallon and a half short. Sure enough, we mixed water into ten gallons of paint, and... no problems. Seeing the potential for more profit, we continued this process regularly, until our jobs were half paint/half water mixture. Then one day my partner came to me and told me that what we were doing was wrong, and we needed to go back and redo those paint jobs for free. I told him he was crazy! What could ever put that idea in his mind!? He said God spoke to him at church. Still in shock, I asked what he heard to make him believe this. And he quoted his lisp-addled preacher: "Within the thound if my voithe, there ith thomeone who God ith thpeaking to right now: Repaint! Repaint ye thinners, and thin no more!"
I am often irritated by the fact that, at one point, I was a child.
@creedhands 🤣😂😂
This is as long as it lasted.
Game over, man. Game over.