I came across this and after I had to change a few works to help it fit this site, I thought I would share it. I have no idea who wrote it, so if you don't like it, don't bash me, it's not my fault, LOL
@waynewv ...Lovely...just lovely!
@MelanieL , thanks, I really liked it, I had someone ask me once, WHY I would want to cuddle, I found it very hard to put into words, I think this kind of explains it.
Why is poetry about platonic intimacy invariably terrible?
Technically, they're trainwrecks. The poems are either in free verse with interesting "stylistic" choices that are wielded as gracefully as a wrecking ball, or they're in something only vaguely resembling rhyming verse.
@waynewv Awesome!!! Thank you for sharing!
@DarkLordChungus: Good question. I think it might be because people don't really get exposed to much poetry anymore. Like, they don't grow up reading it—the last time your average American read poetry for fun it was probably Dr. Seuss—and so they have nothing to work with but a vague memory of e.e. cummings and a bunch of modern song lyrics.
So they're experimenting. Trying to get their feelings out there in a non-prose format without really knowing how it works: they're playing around without knowing the rules.
Which is almost physically painful for people who do know the rules, on the one hand, but also about as creative as it gets (which I suppose is why people say creativity is messy). Not, mind you, that I have any great confidence in my ability to do better....
My incompetent wizard races against yours, Building towers up to the sky; Teetering Tetris blocks tumble and fall, And I've lost yet again, haven't I?
Your shoulder shakes against mine as you laugh, And I shoulder-check you with a grin; When'd you get so good at this game, anyway? Almost every last play's been your win!
-·-·-
Leaning low to my lap, eyes fixed on the screen, I can feel you, intent, beside me. The carrot is yours, but he'll take it away; But I honk, and he turns, and you flee!
The picnic's complete, and your hand's on my back With a fabulous drumbeat of glee; It is a fun game, but it's never the same When I play it alone with just me.
And when we're played out, and we lie on the floor Or curl up together in bed, With you on your phone and me in my book, Quiet warmth makes me glad I'm not dead.
The thing about that poem is that the senitment is great. It's shallow, but it's great, and I can readily understand how it helps people to express their feelings about cuddling. The world is a better place for having that poem in it and I'm happy it was posted. I'm sure it will help a number of people, and give pleasure to many more.
But it's not that it's a bad poem ... it's not even a bad poem, it's bad English. @DarkLordChungus @DarrenWalker
Reading it makes me feel like I'm running blindfold down differently-spaced stairs. The handrail of "It's" - a beautiful word with which to start every line, I'm sure we can all agree - has a gap in it just before you reach the bottom. And theh random rhyming scheme is suggestive of somebody shouting instructions at you as to how to get down the stairs, but sometimes their instructions are wrong.
I teach English to ten year olds for a job. If one of them gave me that I would make some suitable positive comments about the sentiment - which would be excellent work for that age - and then teach them about feet. Then I would invite them to resubmit. I would not attempt to mark or correct the poem as it stands.
The world is not served by misidentifying poor quality as good.
@DarrenWalker I read yours out loud - a pleasure in itself - and it nearly made me cry. I mean in a good way. Thank you.
The original version
It's the touch that gives you comfort It's the touch that makes you feel It's the Cuddle that reminds you that you are real It's something that no one else might ever steal It's the sweetest human contact for the body and the mind It's in the the Cuddle where two bodies link and bind It's what we search for when we feel all alone It can be so meaningful; the emotion is deep to the bone It's what makes us realise that someone else is there & we are NOT alone It's the touch that we all need to have and to share It can say hello; it can say goodbye It can leap out when you're happy or make you want to cry It can say "I need your touch" or "I''m really glad we're friends." It can be the last spark in a story that ends All you need is another soul to make you feel this snug It's the connection in our life. Everyone needs a hug.
Second version
It's the touch that gives you comfort The touch that makes you feel It's the cuddle that reminds you That life, and you, are real.
It's the touch that can't be stolen Sweet contact for body and mind. It's in the soul of a cuddle That two bodies link and bind
It's what we hope and search for When feeling all alone. It's meaning strong and powerful Emotion deep to the bone.
It's the touch makes us realise That we are not alone. It's the touch that we all need To own our comfort zone.
It's the touch that says hallo And the touch that says goodbye. It's quick to make you happy Or can make you want to cry.
It's human for "I need your touch" Or "I''m really glad we're friends". It's lighting for the final scene When the oldest story ends.
All you need is another soul To make you feel this snug The best connection in our life ... Everyone needs a hug.
That took me about 20 minutes. I'm not suggesting that the second version is any good, I just wanted to show how little effort it takes to make a big difference.
@CuddleDuncan: [blushing] Aw, shucks.
Thanks.
Edit: Oh, look, I missed a post. Good rewrite! That does actually make it loads more readable, while still preserving the sentiment. Nice.
I wouldn’t call any of it poetry...more like a grocery list or the cuddle equivalent of daisy murder—picking off the petals and reciting “she cuddles, she cuddles me not, she cuddles...”
You get wonderful hugs From wonderful folk But if they just hug your neck That's more of a choke
I can't write poetry But I like yours, @DarrenWalker ! Thanks for sharing it here.
@squeakytoy:
@DarrenWalker OH NOOOO, LOL! I've seen this picture before and it's a thing of beauty, but when I last saw it...
(spoiler, mildly dirty)
"throat hugs" wasn't being used the same way it is now That adds a uniquely hilarious "tired-of-your-shit, dudes" second dimension, and I'm living for it.
Some of you might be too young to remember Chad Vader, Darth Vader's less successful younger brother.
His nemesis is Clint, the Night Shift Manager.
Awsome
I read this to my cat and he responded... “Meow”
I was floored!!!!
@CuddleDuncan Thanks for the rewrite, it’s much more readable and enjoyable than the original! @DarrenWalker Well done! I’m impressed, and I continue to be impressed by your writing skills here. Thanks for posting your poem, I had fun reading it!
